Impervious

Written in the Wind of Whimsy

Prompt 10: Impervious (max 950 words)
Kim Jae Joong, Jung U-know Yunho
504 words

An expressionless man wearing all black was accustomed to being in the background. He looks impervious of his surroundings, but he sees everything and hears everything, and does not move unless he was told or it was necessary. He is so handsome that he can be a model or an actor. People are drawn to his face, but once they see his eyes, they turn their glances away. He has those uninviting cold gaze that sent chills down the spine.

He was named Hero Jae Joong by his owner U-know Yunho, who would often just call him Hero. Yunho belongs to one of the richest family that can own anything and anyone in the whole planet.

In one occasion that Yunho and his family came to an orphanage, he saw Hero there and wanted him for his own. He asked his father if he can have him and since he seldom asked for anything, his father was happy to oblige him.

Hero became his playmate and friend but Hero knew his place, Yunho was his owner. While Yunho was in school, he was also in school, but very different from each other. Yunho was learning to become a corporate president and Hero was learning to become a personal bodyguard.

Yunho, who is now an executive manager in one of their family’s businesses, just came out from his office followed by his secretary and Hero after taking the briefcase from him followed him to the elevator and pressed the down button. Yunho is scheduled to attend a business meeting with other businessmen from another country. The driver was already ready and waiting for them at the front of the building.

Hero came out first looking left and right at the surrounding and at the people there before letting Yunho come out from the elevator. He led the way to the car followed by Yunho and his secretary.

As they leave the front of the building going to the car, at the corner of his eyes he saw a man with a gun aiming at them, in split seconds he went forward and grabbed Yunho and pushed him down to the ground and covered him with his body. As they were going down he heard a bang, and he tried to grab his gun but could not move his arm. Several shots rang, he tried his other hand to get the gun and tried to think on how to keep Yunho safe.

At the same time, the driver, who’s also a bodyguard, heard the gun and pulled his own gun out, looked around and aimed it to the shooter. He fired several times and shot the shooter spot on, who fell on the ground motionless, and then silence reigned. . The driver ran to the side of Hero and Yunho to check on their situation and condition.

Hero tried to keep Yunho down, but he moved from under him and tried to get up. It was only then he felt the pain. He was shot.

 

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Buffalohighschool18 #1
Chapter 3: I miss them all
dream_keeper88
#2
Chapter 24: Aya! This plot could be expanded into a trilogy! ^-^ This could serve as the outline. Nyahaha! I'll beta for you, if you decide to work on this :3
dream_keeper88
#3
Chapter 20: I like that you were consistent with the mood/tone. It's melancholic. Even her thinking what to eat had a wistful note to it. I actually liked that part between them the most.

Just a few things to re-consider. The first line is a set of phrases and it didn't go well with the rest of the sentences. Perhaps you can do without that line and keep us guessing what's going on than dropping the bomb of leaving the military from the beginning. Try reading it without it and the flow is much better plus his thoughts alone give us a hint on what is going on. Why wouldn't a South Korean male artist not be able to stage right? I am not comfortable writing in present tense, although I have fics using this tense but I can say it worked here. You forgot "full" next to "chock". Chock alone gives a different meaning. And "long blink" was repeated more than twice within a few words in between but I have no synonyms for it.

Keep writing :D
SoshiSaranghae
#4
Chapter 20: That...That was so touching. *wipes tear*
kpopartory
#5
Thanks for the advice, I do appreciate it.
kpopartory
#6
lolol
found my own story in the random story
May 8, 2012
kpopartory
#7
Thank you, for the comment.
I've been thinking about it, and don't know how I'd approach it.
So, I will have to leave it as is for the meantime.