Underling

Written in the Wind of Whimsy

Prompt 14: Underling (min. 150 words)
Kim Jaejoong, Lee Taemin, Kim Jong In (Kai), Kwon Ji Yong (GDragon), Choi Seung Hyun (TOP) Park Sandara, Lee Chae Rin (CL)
375 words


The red orange sun was close in touching the horizon with the sky painted with yellow, orange and red,  and fighting to color the world with its last strength. Soon the sun would be sleeping, and another world will awaken, wherein the face of the mystic moon  can show its shadow.

The different layers of shades of black and gray that hide many mysteries will cast its mist to the unknowing. When the moon awakens, the forgotten creatures that lives under its shadow will also be awakened to quench the hunger and thirst.

A beautifully handsome charming master named Jaejoong with his underlings will soon feel the awakening of the moon. They were thought to live in the castles in the olden days, but no longer, for they had adapted well to the modern world.

Some of his underlings were charmed and seduced to become like him, but others were forced against their will. He charmed his favorites Taemin, Kai and Dara, while his second favorites Seung Hyun, Ji Yong, and  Chae Rin were forced to obey him. They were strong willed, and he liked that about them, that’s why he had chosen them. Some others were chosen for his protection. Millenniums had passed, and he still kept his reign on them.

For centuries, among the humans he also had befriended a few and made them his human underlings for generations, and kept them under his wings. He had amassed a great fortune as time passed and through the humans he and his other underlings could be kept safe.

The sun finally sets, and the moon can be seen shining luminously in the dark gray sky.

The forgotten slowly breathe more deeply, awakening their asleep bodies with tiny movements of limps as hunger and thirst forced them to awaken. Eyes slowly opening to the familiar darkness. Their senses ingrained to be always in high alert. And soon, they will go out to enjoy the moon’s shadow and roam around stealthily.

Awakening with wanting a new thrill, Jaejoong smirked with a glint in his eyes and thought that maybe it was time to find a new underling. Hunt, he will have to find a new hunt and start a new amusing recreation.


 

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Buffalohighschool18 #1
Chapter 3: I miss them all
dream_keeper88
#2
Chapter 24: Aya! This plot could be expanded into a trilogy! ^-^ This could serve as the outline. Nyahaha! I'll beta for you, if you decide to work on this :3
dream_keeper88
#3
Chapter 20: I like that you were consistent with the mood/tone. It's melancholic. Even her thinking what to eat had a wistful note to it. I actually liked that part between them the most.

Just a few things to re-consider. The first line is a set of phrases and it didn't go well with the rest of the sentences. Perhaps you can do without that line and keep us guessing what's going on than dropping the bomb of leaving the military from the beginning. Try reading it without it and the flow is much better plus his thoughts alone give us a hint on what is going on. Why wouldn't a South Korean male artist not be able to stage right? I am not comfortable writing in present tense, although I have fics using this tense but I can say it worked here. You forgot "full" next to "chock". Chock alone gives a different meaning. And "long blink" was repeated more than twice within a few words in between but I have no synonyms for it.

Keep writing :D
SoshiSaranghae
#4
Chapter 20: That...That was so touching. *wipes tear*
kpopartory
#5
Thanks for the advice, I do appreciate it.
kpopartory
#6
lolol
found my own story in the random story
May 8, 2012
kpopartory
#7
Thank you, for the comment.
I've been thinking about it, and don't know how I'd approach it.
So, I will have to leave it as is for the meantime.