Chapter 2.

I stared at the framed photograph, wondering why my parents had chosen that photo in particular for my remembrance. The past five days had been a complete blur, with following my family back to Cheongju for the funeral preparations and the overwhelming appearances of family and friends that seemed like a past memory. The hardest thing had been seeing myself lying in the coffin, my morbid curiosity getting the best of me. Although I looked serene, it was still surreal to be looking back at myself in anything but a mirror. One touch to my cold skin was more than enough to send me into a shaking mess. I had therefore avoided being in the funeral home, opting to sit outside and watching the mourners come and go. Finally the process was over and everything had been shifted back to the family home, along with the ridiculous amount of containers of food gifted in my honour. I never did understand the need for so much food to be offered, it’s not as if my Mother had forgotten how to cook. In fact, she seemed to spend so much time in the kitchen making things over the past few days just to keep herself from falling apart.

 With everything settling down, I was able to spend more time becoming accustomed to my new existence. As the days went by, I felt a sensation growing within me, a new sense of vitality despite being dead. Strength returned to me, in fact I felt stronger than I once was. The first sign of some normalcy was when I had brushed passed one of the boxes of belongings in my room, toppling it over and the contents spilling to the floor. My Father had rushed into the room and proclaimed I was within the house, which had given me instant comfort from the recognition. Since that event, I had been testing my abilities, learning that I could now grasp items within my hand though it felt as if the item weighed a tonne. Saying paper was as light as a feather was now a statement I could not relate to.

 The other thing I had discovered was just how much time I had to a day now. I tried to do all the things I had when alive, and surprised myself with being able to eat and drink. But even with busying myself with living activities, having no real interaction with people had made me incredibly lonely. It opened huge gaps of time for simple observation, but I craved a conversation where I would feel wanted. It was because of that reason I decided to return back to Seoul. My family home was becoming a depressing place to be, with my heart still stuck back in the capital city. Although I had no idea what I would find, I knew where I had to go next.

 Before leaving, I went to the great lengths of trying to write a note to my parents, though my Hangeul looked like a toddler learning how to write for the first time. I left it by the phone all the same and then took off to the bus station, waiting for the first bus to Seoul. The one thing I had noticed was that the belongings within my bag were incredibly easy to use and I had even wondered if the bag was actually there or not. All the same, I pulled out my iPod and listened to music on the trip, and made a list of things to discover in the capital. After my first stop, I knew I would have to find answers for my state. All the stories of the afterlife I had so far read made little sense to what was happening to me. There had been no Angel or a corridor of white light to tell me where to go next. And there was no instant knowledge of my place in this realm. I half hoped a big manual would fall from the sky into my lap explaining my current state. The only thing I could look forward to was the vast amount of bookstores and spiritual shops that could possibly help me.

 After all, Seoul was my city of opportunities.

 Once through the terminal two hours later, I immediately set on my way to my first stop. I was feeling incredibly unsettled, and knew there would be only one cure. I took the downtown bus to Kangnam and then followed the all too familiar route to the place I had been finding solace in recently. I became more anxious the closer I got, and started to jog the final gap between the destination, sitting down on the bench and then staring up into the face I loved so much.

 “Oppa, I’m back finally.” I tried to hold back my tears, unaware of how much I had missed talking to Changsun. “I had something terrible happen to me, but I’m so glad to see you now.”

 He smiled as he always did and I finally felt at rest. I wondered if my crossing over chance would come soon. Glancing around myself, I looked for a sign of a rainbow or bright light. It was a moot thought, tall buildings surrounding the area making it near impossible for either to make a true appearance. My eyes fell upon a van that pulled up in front of the bus stop, watching as two men got out from it and opened the back door. Turning my attention back to the man in front of me, I smiled.

 “Today I’m going to find answers to what I do next. But I had to come see you first, to gain strength. I know even if I can’t find what I’m after, I always know where to see you.”

 “Alright, lets get on with it,” one of the men said a moment later, and I realised they were coming towards me. Lifting my legs up and scooting out of their way, I watched in horror as they unlocked the casing and slid the large poster out.

 “Wait!” I cried, standing up and trying to get their attention. “What are you doing?!”

 “Reckon I could take this one home with me?” the taller one asked with a chuckle. “My daughter would become the most well behaved teenager around if I let her hang this up on her wall.”

 “And fill her mind with unrealistic hopes of marrying an idol?”

 “She’ll grow out of it.” They both laughed and rolled the poster up, replacing it with an advertisement for some facial cream. I merely stood staring after their departure, my knees soon giving way.

 It seemed that having any kind of hope was disappearing fast. I sat there, not caring how many people brushed passed me, for the remainder of the morning. Eventually I seemed to snap out of my state and climbed to my feet. I became alert again and remembered what I aimed to find next.

 Following the directions I had written down on the bus to several bookstores, I went ahead and checked them out. The first three were no help at all, and I made my final stop at Kyobo Book Store, hoping with it being the biggest chain in South Korea it would have some kind of solution.

 I went into the spiritual section after finding it on the map, my eyes searching the shelves for anything about my condition. I couldn’t see much, and started to realise that my entire idea had been stupid. How many people from the underworld would be able to write a bestseller about being dead? I rapped my knuckles over my head for even dreaming of something like a Dummy’s Guide to The Afterlife.

 “Can I help you with anything?” a voice soon offered and I shook my head sadly. “I’m sure if you can give me the topic you’re looking for I could help you.”

 “Not unless you know anything about being dead.” I let out a dejected sigh. Realising that I had just had my first conversation with someone in the past eight days, I snapped my eyes to the woman beside me. She smiled politely, though there was a hint of amusement within her dark orbs.

 “What is it that you wish to know?”

 “You’re dead?!” I exclaimed, reaching out to touch her. I made a solid contact with her wrist, though she pulled away respectively. “I’m sorry, it’s just I haven’t-”

 “How long have you been on this side for?”

 “Just over a week.” I smiled brightly. “Are you an angel? Or a mentor?”

 “I’m simply another being in this world,” she answered and directed me toward a couple of seats. “I guess I enjoy helping those who look lost.”

 “Ah.” I nodded with enthusiasm. “Then, could you help me?”

 “Depends on what you’re after.”

 I thought for a moment. “What am I meant to do next? We’re normally taught that we move on once we die. Is this what moving on is?”

 “Not really.” She clasped her hands together and crossed a slender leg over the other. She reminded me of a classy corporate type. “You have to accept that everything in your life has been answered first, or let things go. Obviously you have something or someone still holding you here.”

 “Hmm,” I murmured, my mind instantly showing the person deep within my heart. But even if I spent a lot of my time living for my love of Lee Changsun, I doubted the instant thought. It was my first falter over the idol and I was surprised. Shaking my head I looked back at the woman. “Whilst I’m stuck here, will I experience things in a weird manner? Do I forever have to wear these clothes?”

 She shook her head. “You’ll learn as you grow accustomed, that this world we live in is connected but also separate. The living can’t step into our realm, but we can into theirs. However, everything around you right now, if you concentrate you can hold easily.”

 “That’s impossible; it took me an hour to write I love you to my parents this morning.”

 “Really?” She leant out to grab a thick book off the end of a shelf and tossed in my direction. I reacted instinctively, catching the astronomy novel and realising she had been right. It felt like it had when I was alive. She smirked. “You will learn how to control it with time. Especially if you’re stuck here for awhile.”

 “Will I be?”

 The woman got up and shrugged. “That’s up to you. But I suggest you find your answers by discovering what you’re holding onto and seeking your place within this world. Until you’re done, you’ll be stuck here. Goodbye.”

 “Wait!” I called but she disappeared into thin air. I gaped at the area where she had just been, and blinked several times. I wondered if I could do the same, and tried to think of a way that would trigger it. Curious, I closed my eyes and thought of my university room. When I opened my eyes, I stumbled over on the floor of what once was mine. Although it was now empty, I could still see the traces of what once had been my posters all over the walls. Going to the mirror still hanging on the wall, I took a deep breath and reached behind it, hoping it was still there. My finger ran along the edge of the hidden treasure and I pulled out the photograph, tracing my hand over the face I adored so much. I had spent my past two and a half years living and breathing for this man.

 Going over to the bed, I took a seat, still admiring the photo I had taken at my first live performance viewing. Even though I was no longer living, I knew I would still do anything for him.

 “Obviously you have something or someone still holding you here.” Her words echoed through my mind again and I nodded softly. Closing my eyes, I thought of Changsun. I envisioned his home with the other members of MBLAQ, and finally his bedroom. When I opened my eyes again, I found myself in the hallway of an unfamiliar apartment building, standing in front of a door. Tentatively, I reached forward for the handle, hoping it wouldn’t be locked to me. It opened and I stepped inside, taking off my shoes and walking into the hallway. Stunned, I slowly headed towards the doors leading to the bedrooms, opening the first one and stopping in the doorway. Everything I had seen before was there. My haste grew as my mind began to race, and I rushed through the rest of the dorm, finally stopping in the room I had thought of earlier. It had worked; I was standing within the very bedroom belonging to Lee Joon and Thunder of MBLAQ. Dropping to my knees, I let out a small cry.

 I had found the reason why I was still around. I was meant to be by his side.

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Words Used...

* Kangnam: a district within Seoul.

* Kyobo Book Store: one of the biggest chains in South Korea.

Author's Notes...

I'm so terribly sorry that this chapter is three days late! Our internet at home was cut unexpectedly and so I've been at war attempting to get it back on!! Wah I'm feeling so bad about that! It's still not back on, I'm currently at university surrounded by people using computers for actual study needs whilst I'm doing fiction work haha! It should be back on today, but if it's not then I'll come and use the computer again tomorrow for chapter 3! I hope you're all enjoying this story so far and I'm sorry that I don't have time to reply to you all!!

See you all again tomorrow!!