Chapter 18

His sudden confession surprised me so much that I lost my balance and banged into the side of his dresser. The sound of something smashing filled the room and we both stared at the broken pot plant for a moment, and then at each other.

“Y-Yoomi!” he cried and leapt out of the bed, coming over to my side. I blinked a few times, wondering if I was hallucinating.

“You can finally see me?” I asked and he nodded happily. “Really?”

“I’m so glad you’re back.” He hugged me tightly and I enjoyed the feeling of his warmth.

“I never left, I was here the whole time,” I explained and Changsun frowned as he pulled back. “I’m not sure how but after getting really upset, I guess I turned invisible to you.”

He thought for a moment. “Perhaps your emotions dictate how visible you are?”

It seemed logical, and I cursed at myself for not thinking like that in the beginning. I then stared at him, making Changsun smile weakly. “Did you really mean what you said?”

“Huh?” He feigned ignorance. Running a hand awkwardly through his hair, he avoided my question and turned his attention to the mess beside us. “I think I better clean this up before we get hurt by it.”

I let him run away from his confession, feeling relieved that my overreaction of the past twenty-four hours hadn’t ended badly. Even if he didn’t really mean it, I was happy. As I watched him clean, I started to grin, and relaxed completely.

“Why are you smiling like that?” he asked as he picked up the plant. “It’s kind of scary.”

“I don’t have to leave after all!”

He dropped the plant. “Were you going to?”

“I thought my time here was up,” I told him and then grinned again. “I guess it’s not!”

“You’re not allowed to leave until I tell you so,” he announced sternly, going back to picking up the dirt and placed it in the bag he had been putting everything else in. He then closed it and thumped downstairs. I frowned, wondering why he wasn’t as happy as I was. Only five minutes earlier he had been so excited to see me. Guess that had worn off quickly.

“Oppa?” I called softly as I shifted down to him and he visibly jumped. “Sorry.”

“Go get changed,” he instructed and I shook my head. “Yah, I’m already tired, don’t make me late for work too.”

“Why are you moody now? I thought you were happy that the plague on your existence was back.” I pouted, feeling annoyed with his cold shoulder. He gave me an indescribable look and then walked passed me. I followed him. “Well?”

“I’m not sure why I missed you now; I forgot how frustrating you can be.”

“Har, har.” I rolled my eyes. “Why do I need to change?”

“Because you’re coming to work with me.”

I lit up. “Scared you’ll lose sight of me again?”

“No.” He avoided my gaze. “The others are worried about you too. I have to prove to them that you’re back.”

“Oh right, I forgot about that.” I nodded and headed upstairs to get my clothes together. As I went to return to use the bathroom, I looked down over the rail to see Changsun leaning against the kitchen bench, his hand over his chest. He had his eyes closed and a small smile was playing on his lips. He then must have sensed my staring and his eyes snapped opened, connecting with mine for a moment. He stalked off to the bathroom and shut the door.

I giggled, feeling a little optimistic about the way he was acting.

We met the others at their training studio at the company and Changsun mentioned to everyone briefly what had happened. They seemed relieved, especially Cheolyong after I spoke to him. Then I was teased for being overdramatic, and all of them concluded it was typical of me to have such an extreme reaction. Normally I would have scolded them all for their comments, but I was just so excited that I hadn’t lost my new family. And I could tell they were happy too.

Their practice was run a little differently than usual, the boys not dancing together, but all sitting around going over new songs for a repackage album they would be releasing. The songs chosen were quite powerful and matched the previous mini album. I was excited to be apart of the process, never understanding exactly how much work was put into creating what was released to the masses.

For most of the morning there was quite a lot of debate over the style and personal changes to the tracklist, but they finally decided on the order and started dividing up lines. I had assumed their management would choose the parts, and apart from differentiating the raps from the vocal parts, the five idols had the most say in how it was constructed. The demo music had already been decided for each song and I was amazed at the entire process, trying to keep up with how they all practiced their parts. By lunch time they seemed quite excited by the new songs, and their motivation was strong. I liked that there had been barely any arguments, and they were all focussed on the deliverance of the songs, and not on who had more lines.

After going to the cafeteria to get food the group split up for an hour, taking the time to practice their parts. I followed Seungho and Byunghee to where they discussed the songs in more detail, working together to construct their second title track Run. Deciding to see how Changsun was getting on after awhile, I returned to their dance studio and found him lying in the middle of the floor, staring at the ceiling.

“I thought this was a constructive hour, not a break,” I teased and he looked up, smiling lightly before closing his eyes. “The others are working hard.”

“I’ve barely slept all night; give me a chance to recover. It’s your fault that I’m tired, remember.” I sat down beside him and pinched his leg. “Ow!”

“You have a bad habit of blaming things on me, you know.”

“And you have a bad habit of causing trouble wherever you go,” he countered and I pouted. He reached out to ruffle my hair and I shifted aside, pushing his hands away.

“I’m not a puppy!”

“You’re pouting like one.” He grinned and then reached for his pile of lyrics. “Want to help me learn my lines?”

This excited me and I nodded vigorously. “Sure!”

Changsun went over the stereo where the demo music was and clicked on a song. The sweet piano melody began and I smiled to myself, having liked this song the most on the album. At first he hummed along to Love is Coming, nodding his head to the beat for a bit. I waited for him to sing, but the song soon came to a close and he repeated the music, letting the piano start up again. This time through, his humming was louder and when it reached his second highlighted part on the page, he finally began to sing.

“Compared to the many guys in this world, I might be comparable and lacking but.” He took a deep breath and continued on. “You tell me that I’m the greatest guy in the world.

Oh love is coming, my heart knows. The wind is blowing and it sings with me. Oh love is coming, my heart knows.

Oh! You’re so beautiful, you’re so beautiful, you’re so beautiful.”

By the time he finished the chorus, his eyes had found mine, and he hadn’t let me out of his gaze. The lyrics felt as if they had been written for us and I couldn’t help but think that this was his proper confession to what he had said earlier in the day. I was frozen, though an overwhelming emotion was surging up in my chest, making it difficult to breathe. That and because I had unconsciously held my breath. Even though I no longer needed air to live, it was still uncomfortable and I shakily exhaled.

Changsun seemed to forget what he was singing, and dropped the pieces of paper to the ground beside him. They scattered on the wooden surface and I took it as an opportunity to escape falling any further into his chocolate depths. It had been the most intense moment of my life, and I realised with my diversion, the static in the air changed to an awkward tension.

He cleared his throat loudly. “Well, what do you think of this song?”

“It’s uh, nice.” I mentally cringed, wishing I had been more eloquent. Changsun nodded a couple of times and then got to his feet.

“I need to use the bathroom, I’ll be back.”

“Okay.” I watched him leave and then picked up the lyric sheet to the song. Reading over them, I smiled to myself and tried to remember the feeling of Changsun singing it, the raw emotions that had been thick within his voice. It was an odd sensation; to know that he hadn’t been joking when he said this wasn’t one sided. I looked over the signs he had given, and laughed a little at my own stupidity. Clarity had arrived and I knew I didn’t need him to finish the note in my book, because he had just sung it to me.

And then my smile faltered. The idea of Changsun and I being romantically involved had been my wish ever since I had laid my eyes on him. But it would be impossible for us to have a relationship. For one, I lacked a pulse. And even though he could physically touch me, there was no solid evidence that we could be that way with one another. The fleeting hope within me crashed. I could easily be taken away from his side. I had already watched him suffer at the idea of my disappearance, and that was only at a friendship level. If things were to get more complicated, well, I didn’t want to imagine how he’d react when my time was up. And I didn’t want to believe that I could stay at his side for the rest of his days. I would be robbing him the chance of a normal relationship and children too. Even if I wanted it badly, and could make him happy, the novelty of dating me would wear off pretty quickly. It would be selfish of me to let something happen between us.

The rational thoughts within me made me fall back into despair. I had to force myself to look up when Changsun returned to my side after walking back into the studio.

“You alright?” he enquired and I heaved a breath, attempting to nod. I examined his expression and felt my emotions begin to outweigh my logic. He smiled brightly at me and picked up the sheet to 100%, humming along to the music he put on.

“Do you want me to leave Changsun?” I blurted out and he stopped singing, his eyes widening for a moment. “I mean, if I had to leave right now, would you accept that?”

“Stop going on about leaving, you’re not allowed to, remember?” He gave me a serious glance and then turned back to the song. I noticed his hands shook a little.

“If I stayed by your side, would that make you happy?”

Changsun placed the lyrics down and sighed. “What are you trying to decipher?”

“I’m feeling selfish.”

“You are selfishly toying with my emotions right now,” he admitted with an annoyed tone. “What are you getting at Yoomi? Do you want to leave?”

“No of course not, I just-”

“Well then accept that you don’t have to and be happy. What do I need to do to make you feel safe enough to stop worrying?” He stared at me for a moment, his cheeks turning a darker shade. “Aish, you’re bothering me when I’m trying to work.”

“Do I really bother you?” I continued and he groaned loudly, throwing the paper at me.

“What are you after?!” he cried and I shrugged meekly. “You’re so infuriating!”

“Should I leave then?”

“No!” He let out a pant. “You are to remain here until we go home, do you understand? Now no more cryptic questions, before I lose it!”

“Fine,” I said grumpily, knowing I would have to try and ask him again later. 

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Author's Notes...

Firstly, I want to thank everyone who left such kind messages for me to return to. My spirits have risen reading them :) It's been the worst experience of my life, and each day has been a mission so far. Most people deal with lots of stress when shifting house, but we had to deal with my Father being killed after spending all afternoon with us too. Thanks Kate for leaving the message for me also... I felt the need to let everyone know why there had been no update. Good news through the bad though - today I got my results for last semester: A- on both papers, so I didn't have to worry so much heh!! Back on the story - yay Changsun has given Yoomi an answer to how he feels. A shame that after all this time, she had to grow a conscience about her existence next to him. I know it has been bothering her in previous chapters, but it looks like she's going to struggle with her thoughts for awhile! 

Replies...

@E_magine; haha I love glorious times also! And thanks for your condolence message.

@Kate; I didn't have the heart to delete your message, so I kept it at the bottom of this post :P Vomit indeed. And hmm... least things have kind of worked out?

@FlyingHigh; with the incident with Jihyun and Yoomi's feelings towards it all & Changsun, she lost her visibility due to weakness :)

@AeroRyuu; hahah! I love your reaction... I'm no monster though, it's all fixed... kinda... is it? Lol. 

@Maggie; Heheh I love your reaction... yus he loves her! And now he can see her, so that's good! I love this story too... so much for writing these holidays... I haven't had the time for anything, with packing, moving & Dad's death. Sigh. I start uni again on Tuesday. And tomorrow I'm going out to see how my Dad used to live so... Monday maybe I'll get some writing done? Haha! I never got the email D: I have looked every day for it wahh! 

@Rirakuma, vanaja, bigblue & Hafsa15; thank you for your condolences. They were lovely. And Rirakuma, I'm so glad you love the story so much ^_^

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Hello to all of Chelle's loyal readers,

Most of you probably don't know me, but I'm Kate (Reddragon) and one of Chelle's best friends.  She asked me to log in to leave a message for you, letting you know of a couple of things.  The first is that she will get her internet back on the 4th July, though she won't be able to post then, which brings me to the second part of the news, and the saddest part.

Unfortunately on Thursday evening Chelle's father was in a car accident and was killed instantly; his funeral is also on the 4th.  Her and her family are doing as well as anyone could in the situation, though it's tough going.  However, like the amazing girl she is she told me to tell you all that she will hopefully be back with an update by the end of the week.

She loves you all and if you're anything like me you love her back twice as much, I'm sure all our thoughts and love are with her in this tough time.
R.I.P Neil, you were an amazing man.

Chelle, if you read this, hang in there.  We all love you and will support you when you're too weak to do so yourself.  I miss you so much babe, wish I was there. <3

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