Chapter 30

Breathless

I can’t help but grit my teeth upon remembering my conversation with Sandara yesterday. I want to protest and punch someone when she blatantly said a big, ing “NO”. 

“The …” I mumbled as I shook my head and drank my cup of coffee. 

The bitterness of the coffee I am currently drinking can’t surpass the bitterness that I am feeling right now. 

I want to know her reasons but I don’t think I can ask her while maintaining my composure. It’s a good effort that I was able to finish work and still said my goodbye to her after hearing her answer. Damn it. 

Maybe she’s moved-on. Maybe she’s currently dating someone. Heck. She told me she liked someone else but that er is getting married! Does she has a side boy? What? 

So she came back here and just want to be… friends again. , friends. I don’t want that. I’ve never wanted to be her friend. 

But how about her tears? When she first saw me? What does it mean? Was it tears of joy? For what? For seeing me again? Was it just a nostalgic feeling? 

“ing …” I cussed. “. ing .” 

I felt a pain on my shoulder as Nana punched me. “I said no cussing while I’m here. I don’t want honeybee to hear her favorite Uncle say bad words!” 

Masaki was laughing as she kissed her fiancée. “Right, right.” 

I rolled my eyes at them. “And why are you two here so early in the morning?”

“Well, we ran out of sugar so…” Masaki said. 

“The f—“ I was about to curse when I saw Nana’s hand about to punch me again. “— f-fish! Masaki! You’re one of the highest paid actor in Japan and you ran out of sugar?!” 

“Nana and I will go grocery shopping later so as a temporary solution, we went here. And don’t be so stingy. It’s just sugar.” 

“Exactly my point! It’s just sugar! Buy your own!” I ranted. 

Nana looked at me. Like I’m sort of like a specimen under her microscope. With her squinting eyes she said, “Someone’s grumpy. Something happened. Now tell me, what happened?” She asked. She sound so sure. Which I hated. 

I shook my head as a form of dismissal. I felt like she knows me too well. Nana and I have been friends for 8 long years. She’s with me at my lowest, I must say, and she’s with me when I start to pick up the pieces of me. 

“Nothing happened.” I stood up and went to the kitchen counter and made another cup of coffee. “I just woke up at the wrong side of my—“

“Stop lying, Ji. I know you. Was it Sandara sunbae?” 

I stiffened. “N-No.”

“What happened? Did the two of you had a fight? I though you’ve talked?” 

I shook my head. “We talked, yes.” 

“And?”

My eyebrows furrowed. I don’t want to go into details because , I felt like . “And what?” 

“What happened?” 

“We talked.” 

“So? What happened after?” 

“Nothing.” I said while sighing. “Even if I wish something will happen, nothing happened. We are now… friends. Just friends.” 

And I ing hate. 

“Bull!” Nana blurted out making me and Masaki looked at her. “The heck with the two of you!” 

“Love…” Masaki massages Nana’s shoulder. “Relax. No bad words right?” 

“But!” Nana protested. 

I laughed. “Honeybee…” 

“The two of you frustrates the hell out me!” 

“Love…”

“Obviously, the two of you still have feelings for each other! Have you seen her the way she looks at you when I was there? That’s the look of the person who’s still inlove! The longing, the… the emotion is overflowing I almost vomit by the mere sight! Jiyong, I know you’re a boy before—“

“Nana!” I shouted at her choice of words! 

“— and you can’t deny that because remember, I had a crush on you back in the days.” 

“Love…” Masaki pouted. “Stop making me jealous.” 

This motherer. I want to kick his balls. 

Nana rolled her eyes at Masaki. “Love, it’s just a crush, okay?” Nana said. She then looked at me. “As what I am saying, you should know if she has feelings for you. You’ve… played a lot back in the days! I bet you started at the age of… what, maybe ten! I know you know that she still likes you so why the heck prolong this setup and—“

“She doesn’t.” I cute her off. I sighed. “She’s ing inlove with someone else.” 

“Who? Who’s that guy so we could kidnap him and throw him on Bermuda Triangle!” 

I chuckled. “I don’t know. And I don’t ing care.” 

“So you’re gonna stay salty and be a just because she’s inlove with someone else? You’ve waited for 8 ing long years, Ji! And now that she’s here, you’ll just give-up just because she’s inlove with someone else? Are you ing kidding me?!” Nana said. She’s gasping for air while Masaki handed her a glass of water which she gladly took. “My god! I’m ing pregnant and I felt like I will have a miscarriage because of too much stress right now!” 

“Nana!” 

“Love!” 

Both me and Masaki said. Concerned. 

“As long as she’s not married, make her fall inlove with you again! Make her fall inlove, so hard she can’t and won’t dare look at another man aside from you! My god! I hate people who keeps on running and hiding their feelings like a teenager! And for the record, she’s ing inlove with you! And you too! So what’s the prolonged agony? You two love each other just… just get married or what!” 

I sighed. Nana is ing right. So what if she’s inlove with someone else? She’s still single! And the guy she likes is getting married! As long as that guys wedding will go through, it will be a win-win for me. 

Now the ing question is, who’s that guy? 

I bet he’s not from Stanford because if he’s from there, she should have been in the U.S. by now. But, how can I be so sure about that? 

“She told me that she’s inlove with someone who’s getting married.” I said out of nowhere. 

I saw Nana rolled her eyes at me while Masaki put fresh strawberries on . “Who cares! Just make her fall inlove with you. Like what you did before.” 

“So what’s your plan now, Ji?” Masaki asked. “We can help you, you know.” 

“I don’t have a concrete plan. Maybe pray to the Gods that that motherers wedding will be a success.” I chuckled. 

“Why don’t you kidnap sunbae and her brains out?” Nana suggested making me and Masaki shocked. 

“Nana!”

“Love! Stop with the vulgar words!” 

“Sorry. Pregnancy brains.” She then laughed. She even did a peace sign. 

Nana gets weirder and weirder each day. Not just her food choice. 

“Anyways, what are other information about that ‘mystery guy’?” Nana inquired while munching the strawberries Masaki gave. 

“That his girlfriend is pregnant. And they’re about to get married.” I sighed. “That’s the only info I know. Damn it. No name, nothing. Just that.” 

Nana nod as she continues eating. Masaki on the other hand went to the fridge and look for more food. And he said he’s only here for the sugar huh! 

I was sipping my next cup of tea when Nana suddenly hit the table so hard. I looked at her and she looks like she discovered something. 

“Ah!” She shouted making me and Masaki frantic. 

“Love, what’s wrong? Does your tummy hurts? Is honeybee okay? Are you hungry? Do you want to go to the hospital right—“

“Kwon ing Jiyong you ing lunatic!” Nana shouted. This time, she looks so pissed. 

At me. At me? Huh? Why? 

“W-What? What did I do?” I asked her, nervously. Obviously I don’t know what’s going on. 

“It was you!” She said while pointing her finger at me. “It’s you! Damn it!” 

“Huh?” 

“It’s you! All this time it’s you!” Now she’s squealing and was about to jump but Masaki stopped her by holding both of her shoulders. 

“Love…”

“What do you—“

“Sandara sunbae thought you’re marrying me! And—“

“W-What?!” 

“— she thought you are the father of my child because the last time she saw us, I was waiting at the lobby and she asked me about my pregnancy and—“

“!” I blurted out. “! ! !” 

Nana laughed while clapping her hands. She looks so happy. She looks like she solved an unsolved decade worth mystery. “Gosh! I can’t believe she’ll think that way!” 

“That’s why… ing !” 

That’s why she kept on asking about Nana. That’s why she looks bothered every time we go out eating dinner. That’s why she seems happy yet sad every time I give her her daily Iced Coffee like I used to do. 

All this time she thinks… ! 

A ghost of smile is forming on my face. I can’t contain it. I feel like the happiness that I am feeling right now will suddenly burst out. Like a wildfire. 

“Damn! Go to her house and her hard! Makeup ! Makeup !”  Nana blurted out enthusiastically. “That’s 8 years worth of—“

“Love! Please shut up.” Masaki said while covering his fiancée mouth. “Hyung… sorry.” 

I went to Nana to hug her and kiss her forehead a lot of times. I even kissed Masaki’s hair. I just can’t contain this! 

“! Nana! Your pregnancy brain is ing awesome!” I bursted a laugh. I was even jumping and did some little crazy dance! 

“I know right! Maybe honeybee is such a genius! Tensai!” She giggled. “Now call her and tell her much you love her even after all this year! This is long overdue! I want you to attend my wedding with a girlfriend, okay, oppa?” 

I gave her a sweet smile. Nana rarely calls me ‘oppa’. She only called me that twice— once when she told me about her engagement and second when she told me that Masaki and her were pregnant. 

“Yeah. I will.” 

I GOT MY phone and texted Sandara. . I hope she’s not doing anything. I want to see her and talk to her and make things clear. 

Am I stupid enough not to realize it before? Of course she will assume things! We haven’t seen and talk for the last 8 years! She has no idea about my life here and seeing me and Nana… damn it. 

Nana is always in the lawfirm. She even bought me lunch before! I used to go to her check-up. We are always together before so people who don’t know will really assume things. 

I sighed. 

Me: 

Good morning. Are you busy? 

I bit my lower lip. It’s sounds demanding. Like a boss. I erased it and typed a new one. 

Me: 

Hello. How are you? 

I shook my head. It’s too formal! 

“!” I mutter under my breath. 

Me:  

Hi. Want to eat lunch?☺️

I closed my eyes, still thinking if I should delete the emoji, as I accidentally hit the ‘send’ button. I was frantically walking in my room. Nervous to what she’ll say. And nervous as to how our conversation flow later. I hope she will listen to me. 

More importantly, I really hope that it’s me. That she’s still inlove with me. But heck, if not, just what Nana have said, I will make her fall inlove with me. Even if I court her or flirt my way to her heart all over again. Damn it. I will gladly do it. 

I heard a buzzing sound. I hurriedly grab my phone and was disappointed to see that it was a notification from the telecommunications company.

“Crap.” I almost throw away my phone when I felt another buzzing sound. And this time it’s from Sandara. 

Sandara: 

Sure.

I didn’t hesitate, I dialled her number and fortunately after one ring she answered. 

“Hey…” 

I heard her laugh. Damn it. “Hey…”

“So. Uhm, I’ll fetch you in an hour and a half?” 

“S-Sure.” 

“By the way, I missed you…” I mumbled. 

I laughed softly, hiding the nervousness I felt when she didn’t respond. I mean, she still think that I am in a relationship with Nana. 

“Anyways, see you later.” 

“Later.” 

I ended the call and sighed. I took of my clothes and took a shower. I’ve been thinking about things full of uncertainty. About the possibility of me and Sandara. The outcome of our talk. But one thing is certain— I love her and I want to be in a relationship with her. 

8 years and I still love her. 

It’s still a mystery why I am so whipped and drowned. I just can’t forget about her. And I gave up and just accepted the fact that no matter what or how long I wait for her, it will always be Sandara. 

I picked a black dress shirt and folded the sleeves up to my elbows to look semi-formal. I also paired it with a casual pants. I sprayed my perfume and look at myself on the mirror. I am confident with myself before but right now, with the possibility of her rejection, my confidence suddenly goes down. 

The drive towards her condo is unusually fast. Heck, for the first time, there is no traffic jam on a Saturday afternoon! 

I parked my car on my parking space. Just beside her car. I sigh. I even took out the flowers I brought. Red tulips. 

I felt nervous. Damn it. I’m too old for this but it felt like I am courting her. I never courted Sandara before. I just… barged in to her life and insisted that I don’t need label just to be with her. Like what playboy usually do. Looking back, I was really a jerk huh. I told her I don’t need labels but changed my mind midway and wanted to be in a relationship with her. 

I was so sure at first I don’t need the label but as I get to know her more deeply and saw the potential rival from other men, I got greedy. And everything just ed up. Like how karma usually works. 

I entered the building and pressed the button to her floor. 

“Relax, Ji. Everything’s gonna be alright.” I encouraged myself. 

I pressed her doorbells, nervously. I checked myself through the elevator mirror earlier and I felt like I look good. Damn it. Where the heck is my confidence? Did I lost it midway? 

“Hi!” Sandara greeted me with a warm smile. She opened the doors of her unit. “Come in.” 

“For you.” I gave her the flowers and kissed her cheeks. 

Sandara looked surprised but smiled at me. “T-Thank you. But… you don’t have to.” 

I chuckle as I enter her unit. “But I want to.” 

She sighed. She motioned me to sit on her couch. Sandara went to the kitchen counter and placed the flowers there. She was staring at it for so long, I cleared my throat. 

“Good thing you’re available.” I started. 

“Y-Yeah.” Still, her back is on me. 

I stood up and walk towards her. I was on her back when I held both of her elbows. I slowly turned her to face me. And damn it, I saw her watering eyes. 

My heart… hurts. I don’t want to see her cry. The tears on her face are not appropriate. Her beautiful face should always have a smile. And not tears. 

“Babe…” I whispered. I cupped her face and brush the tears that is falling on her cheeks. I gave her a short kiss. Enough to make my being tremble. “I’m sorry…” 

“Jiyong… this is wrong…” Sandara whispered. “I can’t… you are…”

“I am not in a relationship with Nana. I am not marrying her. Heck, I am not the father of her child! It was my cousin, Masaki. Nana and I are just friends, and soon to be a new member of our family.” 

Sandara looked at me confused. Her lips trembled in disbelief. “H-How…”

“I love you. I still do, babe. 8 ing long years and it’s still you. My heart has been and will always sing for you… Not anyone else. Just you… and only you.” 

This time, I kissed her thoroughly enough to make us breathless. I kissed her thoroughly enough to make all of our inhibitions go away. Enough to make the longing to consume us.