Chapter 3: 

You Don't Hate Me 

“How was your final project? Doing great?” I asked while munching the fries that I ordered. 

“Doing great.” 

“Well, that’s what you expect from the President.”

Sandara rolled her eyes. “Whatever.” 

I chuckled. “Aren’t you happy that we are not on the same field? Dude, you will miss my handsome face after graduations.” 

Sandara pouted. Damn, she’s really cute. “It’s saddening that we are not o—“

“Hold up, hold up!” I stopped her, putting my index finger in mid-air. “Do you have feelings for me?”

“What?!” She asked, with eyes wide open. “Are you taking drugs?”

“Only Ibuprofen.” She threw some fries of my face. 

“Don’t say bad words. Eww!” She shrieked. 

“Hey! My derma will really get mad at me if my handsome face will have pimples.” I ranted while wiping my face. It felt like the oil from the fries remained on my face. 

“I’m sorry but I don’t have feelings for you.” 

“Even…slight feelings? Really? You don’t have?” I asked, just teasing her for a bit. Of course, I know she doesn’t have romantic feelings towards me. Oh, she has. ‘Annoyance’, perhaps. 

“Oh, I do have. I hate you.” She said. I pouted, making her laugh. “What’s with that reaction?” 

“Do you seriously hate me?” 

“Do you seriously hate me? Huh, Sandara?” 

I asked her. We are on our second-term and yes, we are still classmates. I guess, we will be classmates for the rest of our University years. 

I can clearly see how her facial expression change. From a blank face to a very serious one. Sandara’s face is really amazing. I am discovering so many facial expressions from her which I thought doesn’t exist.  

“Huh?!” She said. Her tone of voice a bit modulated. 

“I mean, I notice that I am the only person whom you don’t talk in our class.” 

“I don’t talk to our classmates.” She stated- in a matter-of-fact tone. Which is by the way, true. 

“You don’t even look at me.” 

“Look, I don’t have time for this. I need to study and meet-up with Chaerin.” 

“Chaerin went home already.” 

“Then, I need to go to the library and study.” 

I stopped her by holding her arm. “I think we need to make things clear.”

“Let go of me.” She said while looking at my hand with full of disgust. Wait, am I even worth of that kind of look? 

“No.”

“What the fck?” She said, a bit hysterical. 

I blinked. Twice, thrice. Fast. Sht! 

“D-Did you just…” Holy cows! The calm and collected Sandara Park just said the F word. 

“Look, I am a busy person. I need to go to the library and study in advance. For example, the possibility of having impromptu recitation from Prof. Yoon or I need to think about what should I major in my fifth year in Architecture. Also, I don’t want to waste the schools money. I am a University scholar.” She said, hurriedly. It felt like she’s not even breathing. 

“I don’t care.” I commented. “Look, do you still hate me for being the number 1 in Creative Design last term?” 

She step forward and look at me intensely. “Yes. I hate you.” 

I chuckled. It’s really amazing how her eyes speaks. I can see honesty in her eyes and yes, I believe that she really hates me this time. “That was just the first term.” 

“Look, I hate you, okay? Would you mind minding your own studies and stop pestering me by asking me ‘Hey, do you really hate me?’ like, so what if I hate you? Because yes, I really hate you. I hate you because you are getting things so easily. I hate you because no matter how hard I study, no matter how brilliant I am in the class, no matter how high my test results are, at the end of the day you still have better grades than me. I hate you because a lot of people surrounds you and they feel so at ease. I hate that you…you easily get along with so many people and make them comfortable with your presence.”

For a moment, I stopped breathing. Then, I started laughing so hard. I saw how her nose were flaring with so much anger. Yep, I can really confirm  now that she hates me. But I still can’t believe that she hates me because of that. Those reasons were so trivial! You can’t hate someone because of those reasons. But I feel sad because she’s feeling things like that towards me. She is a brilliant person and yet she has the most trivial insecurities. 

“Ok. Let’s make it clear. You don’t hate me.” I started. 

“Woah, woah. Who are you to say that I don’t hate you? Are you me? Are you kamisama?” She said, with full of sarcasm. 

“What you are feeling right now is ‘envy’ and not ‘hatred’.” 

“Huh?!”

“First of all, hatred is an intense dislike while what you feel towards me is envy. You are envious of my natural intelligence and socials skills and those two are the things that you lack.” I said, in a matter-of-fact tone. “And, hatred is such a strong emotion, Sandara. You shouldn’t feel like that to someone else.”

She look at me and for a moment I saw how vulnerable she is. I forgot, she is still a woman. I momentarily forgot that she is Sandara Park. That’s the reason why I can’t dislike her even if she’s showing and saying how much she hates me. She look so fragile that I can’t even treat her like a trash. She’s so cute that I can’t even utter a negative word towards her. While she’s busy hating me, I am busy saying good things about her towards our classmates. Given how serious she is in our class, a lot of our classmates dislikes her. 

For me, I also hate serious people. They are killing the fun. But, she is different. Sandara Park is different. Even if she’s a very serious person...uptight, I can’t hate her. I can’t hate her after seeing how innocent and vulnerable she is. I just can’t hate her at all…

“I hate you…” she kept on murmuring while her tears were falling. I can see frustration, anger and so many…emotions that she shouldn’t feel. A woman shouldn’t feel like that. A heart of a woman should be at peace and full of bliss. 

I…unconsciously wrapped my arms on her, enveloping her. I…unconsciously hummed comforting words while her hair. 

“I’m sorry…if you hate me.”

I looked at her seriously. It’s really confusing why she’s having that kind of feelings towards me. I mean, I didn’t do anything to her. For a record, we both know that I am just minding my studies so as she. And I am not affecting her studies. She shouldn’t feel any ‘hatred’ towards me at all. It's been years and it's still a mystery to me. 

The moment she looked back, I was, for a moment, taken aback. Suddenly, it felt like I can hear my heart beating so slow and so hard. I gasped. 

“W-Woah.” 

She chuckled. “What?”

“Your stare…”

“What’s wrong with the way I stare at you?” 

I looked away. “I don’t know. Weird.”