Chapter 22

Angel In Disguise 

 

 

I woke up when I felt my arm got numb. Damn it. What the heck! 

 

I was about to lift my arm when I noticed the weight and that I am not alone in my bed. And lo and behold, Sandara is sleeping soundly beside me. Her head is on my arm and her small arm is placed on my chest. While my other hand is hugging her tightly. 

 

This… is so intimate! 

 

She’s snoring a little bit. And is a bit open. I smile at the scene. Who would’ve thought I’ll wake up with her on my side? 

 

I smiled and gently caressing her hair. I just want to imprint this image in my head. I was silently doing that when I felt Sandara stirred. She let out a soft moan and opened her eyes. 

 

“Hi, babe…” I mumbled. 

 

She gave me a sweet smile and went back to sleep- he buried her face on my chest. I chuckled softly as I kiss her hair. This is the version of Sandara that I want. The sweet angel Sandara. 

 

“I don’t know what time is it now but I think we should eat, babe.” 

 

“5 minutes…” she mumbled. She looks so cute whenever she says that. 

 

“Okay. 5 minutes it is.” 

 

I tried to go back to sleep but I just can’t. Being this close to her, it made all of my cells alive. Indeed, Sandara is the rest that I need. The air that I need. The home that I long. 

 

“Ji…” In awhile I heard Sandara said softly. Her eyes were still closed. 

 

“Hmmm?” 

 

“Will you hate me if I say something stupid? Or do something stupid?” 

 

I laughed. “No way. Why would I hate you?” 

 

She remained silent. I just kept on brushing her hair using my hand. God knows how much I wanted to stay like this for a long time. 

 

But, good things don’t last when I felt Sandara pull away from my hug. And then, I felt my energy depleted. Damn it. 

 

“We should eat first so I can go home.” She said while combing her hair using her fingers. 

 

I bitterly smile. Yeah, this is the girl that I love. She’s way too innocent. If it’s with another girl, they would invite themselves to sleep here with me. But this is my Sandara- the innocent girl who only thinks about academics. 

 

I got up and we both went to the living room. I wanted to ask how we ended up sleeping on my bed together but I don’t want to make things awkward. For sure, she’ll go ballistic. I smile at the thought. 

 

“Why are you smiling?” She asked as she got a bottle of water. 

 

I just pouted, maybe I should lie? My sweet angel, babe, you don’t know how much I wanted to be with you tonight. And how curious I am with happen while I was asleep. 

 

“I just remembered something.” 

 

I grab the bottled water she used and drank. 

 

“I drank that already.” She said while pouting. 

 

“It’s fine. And oh, don’t pout at me, babe. You know what happens after that…” 

 

She looked away and saw her cheeks flushed. I smile. I grab my phone and look for food to eat. We both settled with pizza, chicken wings and pasta. Plus her favorite salad and Iced Coffee. 

 

“Let’s study while waiting.” I said and motioned her to the living room. “I’m sorry. A bit messy.” 

 

In my table were my and her books and review materials. It’s really messy. So much for studying. 

 

“Did you study while I was asleep?” I asked, while looking at my iPad. Oh, it’s already 6PM. 

 

She nod. “Yeah. But I got sleepy so…” 

 

I grinned at her. “You felt sleepy and you’ve decided to sleep in my bed.” 

 

She blushed and looked away. “I don’t have a c-choice. The living room is too messy and—“

 

“I know, I know. Chill, babe.” I grab her hand and gently kisses them. “I really can’t wait to be your boyfriend.” 

 

She remained silent as she stares at me. “Do you really like me that much?” 

 

I rolled my eyes because we are keep on going back to this conversation. For how many times should I say that I really, and truly, love her? But, I understand her. With my dating history? I wouldn’t date me either. 

 

“Yeah. And no, I don’t like you that much.” 

 

She bit her lower lip. I saw the pained expression on her face. I let out a soft chuckle. I cupped her face using both of my hands. “I love you, babe…” 

 

She didn’t reply, instead she just nod at me. Well, I’m fine with that. I know she likes me too though. I’m just waiting… waiting for her to be ready. Waiting for things to be settled. And when that day comes, , I’ll be the happiest man alive. 

 

“Ji…”

 

“Hmmm?” I asked without looking. I’m reading my notes in Constructions Management 2. Damn it. How could I fake writing the wrong answers if I know the answer? 

 

“I…I lo—“

 

“Oh, the delivery is here!” I said as I got up and went to the door. 

 

I placed the food on the dining table. Sandara got up and went to prepare the utensils we will use. Wow. We look like a married couple huh. 

 

“I’ll do the dishes later.” She said. “And don’t compromise.” 

 

I just nod and smile. “Fine, fine.” 

 

We were enjoying our food. Sandaras in her usual self— shy and bubbly Sandara. The exams got into her, that’s why she’s moody and cold. 

 

“What time do you want to go home?” I asked as I placed a slice of pizza on her plate. 

 

“Thanks.” She mumbled. “Uhm, before 10. I need to study… err, cram.” 

 

“Aren’t you going to sleep here?” I asked, jokingly. Okay, okay. I want to be with her longer. I know she won’t agree to—

 

“I didn’t bring any clothes though.” I heard her say making me drop my pizza. 

 

I looked at her and saw her seriously eating her pizza. Did I heard it right? Or am I too sleepy that I am hearing things? I’m too shocked it felt like it was a hallucination. 

 

“H-huh?” I mutter, confused. 

 

“Huh?” She looked at me, confused too. 

 

“I-I mean… huh?” My brain got haywire. 

 

She laugh at my confused expression. Of course, we are both confused by now. I mean, what the heck! Her answer made me shocked. It’s so out of character. Like it’s not Sandara who said those words. 

 

“I know what I said but nope, I will go home tonight. I need to study.” 

 

I bit my lower lip. Such a tease! Never knew she can tease me like that. Oh, crap! 

 

“I thought it will slip.” I awkwardly laugh. 

 

Damn it. A part of me wanted to preserve the innocence of Sandara but a part of me also wanted her to be a liiiiitle bit aggressive. Just a little bit. But, a man can only dream. 

 

After finishing the food, we did a little bit of review. She told me to do Q and A about the lesson. It was fun- heck, Sandara is really a monster. She really memorized everything that needs to me learned. I also enjoyed it. 

By the time we finished reviewing, it’s already past 10PM. 

 

I saw her yawning. She’s wiping a tear on her eyes. Sandara looks so sleepy. 

 

“Sleepy?” I asked. We’re gathering the notes and books on the table. She put her notes on her bag. 

 

She nod. “I’m so tired.” 

 

I patted her head. “Do you want to take a nap?” 

 

She pouted and shook her head. Cute. “I have to leave.” 

 

I bit my lower lip. I’m so pathetic. I wanted her to stay here, rest and sleep. I can still drive but I want her to rest immediately. 

 

“We can wake up early tomorrow. Then, go grab some breakfast, then to your dorm so you can change and then we will go to school together. How’s that?” 

 

Sandara remained silent. Maybe thinking about my suggestion. I looked at her, trying to know what she’s thinking. 

 

“Uhm… S-So where should I sleep?” 

 

Holy . I blinked my eyes. Once, twice, fast. I bit my inner cheeks to prevent myself from smiling but heck! I can’t help but smile! She saw how my eyes flickered and how my lips started to twitch. She blushed. Babe…

 

“In… uhm, my bed?” 

 

“How about you?” Sandara innocently asked me. 

 

I bit my lower lip to stop myself from cupping her face and kiss her. My innocent angel. I don’t think I deserve you, babe. 

 

“Uhm… b-beside you?” 

 

She didn’t utter a word. Instead, she just nod. 

 

I froze after realising it. She didn’t complain or push the thought of going home. My eyes widened— she’s sleeping here! In my house. With me! 

 

I let out a soft chuckle. “Oh, babe…” 

 

 

 

 

 

AFTER TAKING a bath, we both lay down on my bed. Sandara’s using my shirt and boxers shorts. I can smell her scent— it is my scent. My shampoo, my body wash. 

 

I closed my eyes tightly as another crazy thought starts to cloud my clear head. Damn it. No! I shouldn’t do things I know I will regret in the end. 

 

“A-Aren’t you cold?” I nervously asked her. 

 

She shook her head. She lay down in a side-way position facing me. I did the same- we are now facing each other. 

 

“Are you nervous for tomorrow?” I asked, trying to erase those thoughts. Trying myself to calm down. 

 

She nod. “Yeah.” 

 

I close my eyes as I listen to her words. Damn it. She do sound y earlier. 

 

“Tell me, babe. I do have a chance right?”

 

She bit her lower lip as she nod. I smile. I held her cheeks and slowly brushing it with my thumb. I don’t know who’s heartbeat am I hearing— but damn it! I think my hearts about to explode. 

 

I don’t have any experience with courting. I don’t even have an experience in confessing. I don’t have any experience with chasing the woman I like. 

 

Everything… everything is new to me. The courting, the chase, the confession. I’m new to innocent and simple dates, to unlabeled relationship and to love. 

 

And what should I do? I’m starting to get impatient. Yet, I wanted to take things slow with her. 

 

“Do… do you want to be my girlfriend?” I whispered. 

 

Oh God. If she will say yes, I will kiss her! 

 

Sandara remained silent. I sighed. 

 

See? She will always choose her studies. And I understand. I will try to understand. But, heck. I’m starting to feel pathetic. 

 

“But you like me right?” I asked again. 

 

She nodded. “But why didn’t you said yes?” 

 

“Because I… I need to finish my studies first.” She simply replied. “I told you, this will not work. You… you don’t deserve this, Ji. You deserve someone who can proudly say that she is your girlfriend. Someone who will cherish you and love you with all her heart. Someone who will treat you right. And right now, it’s not me.” 

 

I remained silent as I look at her. Her lips were trembling when she said those words. Her eyes were filled with tears. She’s crying while saying those words and it hurts me. 

 

“Then, why don’t you be that girl?” I whispered. “I told you I will wait but, I also need assurance, babe. An assurance that you will treat me right, that you will cherish me and that you love me with all your heart. 

 

At first I am fine with this, special no label relationship that we have but, . I’m also human. I get greedy sometimes. I want… I want you for myself but, you… do you want me too, Sandara? Do you want to be with me too?”

 

Once again, she silently sob infront of me. I pull her closer to me and kissed her forehead. 

 

Babe, I fell so hard, I don’t know if I can still continue without you. You… you really an angel in disguise— a sinful angel who slowly wrapped me in her hands. 

 

“I’m sorry…” I whispered. “It’s not good to cry and be stressed before exams.” 

 

She just silently sob. I just kept on brushing her hair and from time to time, kiss her hair and forehead that made her fall asleep. 

 

 

 

 

“OKAY. Finished or unfinished, pass your papers now.” 

 

I stretched my arm as I passed my papers. The first subject is over! I look at Sandara who’s now looking at her iPad. I know she’s looking for the test questions and is checking her answers. 

 

I giggled. She’s so ing adorable. 

 

Yesterday, our conversation ended because she fell asleep but I still have so many questions to ask. 

 

We woke up today early and as promised, got our take-out breakfast and she went to her dorms to change clothes before going to school. Although it was a busy morning, I’m glad I got to wake-up seeing her by my side. 

 

Everyone were screaming with so much glee. Even the silent ones were screaming too. I’m actually relieved that we’re done with the exam. Although it’s still the first subject, everyone is screaming as if all of our exams were over. Well, since the last exam will be in the afternoon and then, everything is clear. 

 

I shook my head as I approach Sandara who’s still seriously looking at her iPad. Her eyebrows were furrowed. 

 

I was standing from the back and lowered my body. I placed my chin on her head and got a quick sniff of her hair. Damn it. I look like a weird-obsessed boyfriend. 

 

“Hey, babe…” I whispered. 

 

Sandara looked up and I saw her eyes moistened. Oh, damn it. What’s wrong this time? Huh, babe?

 

“I got 5 mistakes.” She said while trying her best not to cry. 

 

“Oh, baby…” I kissed her hair and pouted. 

 

Maybe for some, knowing someone like Sandara who’s so academically inclined and an overachiever is troublesome. But for me? I respect her a lot. Sandara knows what’s good for her and she prioritizes it. I’m just so proud of her achievements and her hardwork. It makes me so happy. 

 

“I’m not confident with my exams.” She mumbled. Her lips were quivering, most probably she’ll cry any minute from now. 

 

I sighed. I gathered her things and pull her away from our classmates who are screaming. 

 

“Oh, Jiyong! Where are you two going?” One of our classmates asked. “Tonight, we’ll have a celebratory party! I hope you and Sandara will come.” 

 

I laughed at them as I placed my hand on Sandaras shoulder. “I don’t know. Today’s baby time.” 

 

I heard our classmates cheered and shrieked. They knew that we are a couple- they assumed. I shook my head as I walked towards the door and head to the car park. I don’t want people to see Sandara in the state. Everyone knew that Sandara is strong. 

 

When we got to my car I heard her silent sobs. My heart aches upon hearing it. I pulled her closer and gave her a hug. 

 

“Oh, baby…” I whispered. 

 

“I’m a failure…” she sobbed. 

 

“No, you’re not!” I said. “You’re amazing! I know you did your best, babe.” 

 

She shook her head and looked at me. Her eye-make up were smudged yet she still manage to look so beautiful in my eyes. 

 

“But it’s not enough.” She trembled. “I… I’m scared I will fail. Oh, God!” She covered her face with her hands and sobbed. 

 

I understand the pressure she’s feeling right now but isn’t it too much? She’s like torturing herself! I’m thinking that this isn’t just a simple ‘I want to graduate first in our class’ thing anymore. I think there is something deeper about this conversation. 

 

I didn’t utter a word and just let her cry silently. I wanted to hug her and kiss her but I guess she needs a time for herself. 

 

When she composed herself, she look at me in the eyes. She’s seriously looking at me, as if she’s trying herself not to say something. Then she bit her lower lip and look at me with a sad, regretful and afraid expression. 

 

My heart is beating so fast. I can feel that this… will not be a good conversation. I don’t know, I felt weird. 

 

With trembling voice, I whispered, “B-babe…?” 

 

She shook her head and smile. The smile didn’t reach to her eyes. I am hoping that what I heard is not true- that I am just hearing things due to exhaustion from too much studying. 

 

“Let’s… let’s stop this, Jiyong. I… I realize I don’t like you at all…”