Chapter 11: 

I don't want to see you crying

I’m not really a playboy. 

I just want to clear things: I. Am. Not. A. Playboy. 

How can you say that I am a playboy? Is it because I have too many exes? Let me just clear things, we both agreed to end things. And once and for all, the moment I got into a relationship, I am loyal to them. I don’t look for another girl. It’s just that, what my exes and I had didn’t work. That’s it. 

I sighed. Yesterday was a mess. I didn’t got to clear things with Sandara. And for the ninth time, I sighed. 

“What should I do now…” I mumbled. 

I didn’t use my bicycle today. I parked my car at the parking area. Damn. I don’t have a clue on how to made-up with her. Sandara is…rebellious. She’s not answering to my messages and calls since yesterday. Is it really a big deal, huh? I didn’t punch Mino. I just held his arm, tightly. That’s it. 

“Sunbae!” 

I look around the hallway and saw the second year. What is her name again? I forgot. 

“Oh, hi.” 

“S-Sunbae, the final design is done. I-If you have time, y-you can try it later after practice and—“

“Ah, sorry. I’ll be busy.” I said with a smile. I need to talk to Sandara later. Oh, not later. Now. I want to talk to her now. Right. Now. 

“A-Ah… O-Ok.” She said with a reluctant smile. “T-Then, see you later.”

“Why don’t you bring the dress during lunch time? Ah, are you free at that time?” 

She look at me with a beaming face. If I haven’t realise my feelings for Sandara, I might like her. She’s really my type: model-figure and a pretty face. 

“F-For real, sunbae?” 

I nod. “So, it’s settled? I don’t think I can meet you after practice so—“

“Okay!” She exclaimed, totally excited, making me laugh. “I-I mean, yes sunbae. I can show you the dress by lunch time.” 

“Okay. See you around…?” I scratch the back of my head. “I’m sorry, I’m really forgetful. What is your name again?”

She smiled. “Nana. My name is Nana Komatsu, second year.” 

“Okay. See you later, Nana.” 

I saw her waving her hands so I waved back. She’s a cheerful second year, I see. Well, second year doesn’t have terror professors. 

I started walking towards the Student Council Room. Since I am participating in the Mr. School Fest, I am exempted in some College Activities. Maybe it’s a good thing I don’t need to help the Architecture Booth. I heard it’s an RPG. Damn, that’s a bit burdensome. Well, they’re getting all the helping from the College of Engineering so, it’ll be easier. 

I look at the Iced Coffee I am holding and some drinks. I even woke-up very early just to go to the Starbucks and buy her favourite drink: Twix Frappuccino and Strawberry Cheesecake. For the past few years being with her, I mean being friends with her, I even memorise the ‘chant’ making those drinks. It do sound like a Harry Potter spell for me though. I smiled at the thought. I still don’t understand her. Sandara. 

I know she’s not dating anyone yet she won’t accept my feelings for her. I know, my reputation is really stinky but I already changed! The moment I realise what’s my true feelings for her, I promised to myself that I will never hurt Sandara. My last relationship was with Kiko and we are both cool. She’s now dating someone from another University.

For the past few years, I am certain that she is not a man-hater. She’s even dated 2 guys since I’ve known her. So the possible excuse of ‘I can’t focus to studying if I’ll start dating you…’ is impossible. 

“Or maybe, she just doesn’t like me…?” 

I stopped in front of the Student Council Room. That idea tasted so bitter for my tongue. I knocked and entered. I know she’s already here, I saw her bicycle being parked. 

“Sandara…”

I saw her sitting at her table with both of her elbow at the top of the table. She’s silent, seriously thinking, as she started to scratch her eyebrows. 

“Good morning…” I said, making her look up. 

“Good morning, Jiyong.” 

I sighed. I am glad she’s not mad at me anymore. Maybe just a little… 

“You’re early.” I commented. “I bought your favourite drink.” I said while raising the paperbag from the Starbucks. 

Her face brightened. My heart skipped a beat. Good Lord, if Sandara is my karma for having so many exes, I am more than willing to take this risk. I will do my best… I silently said. 

“You’re always showing up whenever I am down…” she murmured. I can see from here her dark circles. 

“Is there a problem?” I asked. I pulled-out the drinks. First, the Iced Coffee. 

She sighed. “Family issues…” 

I didn’t say anything. It’s a silent rule that I shouldn’t ask for more. Chaerin is the only person who can touch that topic. Now Chaerin is not around, I don’t know what to say. Honestly, I only know the Sandara that I can see at school. I haven’t met her parents. Nor we talk about them. She’s a bit sensitive when it comes to family. And I respect her for that. I don’t want to be nosy. 

“Well, I am your saviour, right?” I said while smiling. “Hurry up and drink this so your mood will be brighten.” 

“Uhm. Thanks, Jiji.” She said while flashing her genuine smile. Right there, I know she’s not really mad at me anymore. 

Again, my heart skipped a beat. One of the many reasons why I love her is her smile, this might be an over-statement but heck, her smile can cause world peace. Anyone who can see her smile will really fall for her. I am the living proof to that. Her smile is giving me a warm feeling. Like my heart is at peace. 

“Drink this, Sandara.” I said. I remained silent as I look at her. 

“My parents had a fight…” she mumbled. I was taken aback for a moment, but didn’t said anything. She pressed her lips and started talking. “My father wanted me to quit Architecture. Actually, it’s just my father.” 

My eyes widened. “Q-Quit? At this time?” 

She smiled, a bit. I can how her lips trembled, suppressing the sob. I’ve…I’ve never seen her like this before. She look so…vulnerable. 

“Both of my parents are Lawyers.” I remained silent. I don’t want to interrupt her. “My father is a Criminal Lawyer while my mother is Corporate Lawyer. They are really against to my decision: me taking up Architecture instead of pre-law course. Well, maybe because I am the only daughter, they wanted me to be like them. B-But, things happened. And I am here.” 

Both of us remained silent. I don’t really have a clue that this is her problem for the long time. I thought that it’s just a simple family issues. Misunderstanding.

“Well, my father wanted me to enrol to a pre-law course. While my mom said that it’s okay if I will continue since I’m almost done. And also, I can take some units so I can become an Architect-Lawyer. It’s just that they wanted me to be like them.”

“Do you want to become a Lawyer?” I asked. 

She smiled. “Since I was a kid, I always look-up to my parents. Saying ‘I want to become the best lawyer in this country…’ but things changed. Maybe it’s also my fault because I made them think that I will become like them.” 

“Do you love Architecture?” 

She laughed. “Would you believe that from the start, I don’t like this course?” 

I look at her, confused. “With grades like that? You’ve got to be kidding me.” 

She shook her head. “Taking this course has two reasons. One, it’s a form of a rebellion to my parents by not taking the course they want for me. For once, I wanted to make a decision on my own. ” 

I sighed. The words she’s saying is making me sad. My parents were both supportive of my dreams be it doing music (my elementary dream) or just work after high school (middle school). They didn’t say anything that will shatter my dreams. They don’t control me or demand something I can’t do. They will just say that they are glad that I am doing well at school. That having good grades is a bonus. 

“My second reason is a bit funny because—“

I didn’t let her finish her sentence. Damn, I don’t care if she’ll get at me after this but I don’t want what I am seeing. 

“You know you can always talk to me, right?” I mumbled as I envelope her in my arms. 

Damn. Damn. Damn. 

I don’t like seeing her cry like this.