Don't lie to my face

I am cold like ice, but she is like the sun that melts me down.

Well, that’s cringe.

Sandara Park.

I still remember the first time I heard her scream so loud in the hallway because someone splashed a hot coffee at her. I did not know why. I was not someone to interfere with other people’s business, I used to enjoy watching people suffer but back then, I did not think I could let it be. She was hurt, and I didn’t have the guts in me to let people keep doing that to her. And plus, that was my coffee. I was the one that told her to get it. How dare that crazy girl touch what’s mine?

That’s how Sandara Park affects me. She had no idea how she wrapped me around her little fingers since from the start, and I have no idea why I let her do that.

I almost shiver when she plants her face into my shoulder. No one ever did that to me, but Sandara is the first. Sandara has always been my first. Sometimes I almost hit her because she could be so clueless in whatever she does. But you know, her cluelessness makes me happy, because I can step in to give her the clue. She is naïve, but it is her charm.

A charm that people take for granted.

God knows how much I hated my own feelings toward her. It was like I have no control of myself which is funny because how come Kwon Jiyong has no control of his feelings when he despises people who try to control whatever he would do.

Kwon Jiyong was uncontrollable until Sandara Park appeared.

“Jiyong,” her voice called my name softly. “I don’t want your family to pay for the treatment.” I stared at her reflection on my laptop screen as she sat down on my bed, pouting and fidgeting with her fingers.

“It just for half, not the entire bill,” I replied, not interested. She should voice it out to my father and Dami, not me.

She sighed, pouting even more. I knew she knew that it was not going to change anything especially when my father was pretty enthused about it, and I barely gave my attention to this matter. I only want Sandara to get the treatment of course, and I respected her decision to want to pay it by herself, but when my father suddenly said he’s going to pay for half, I didn’t think I could interfere.

The flashback makes me smile at myself, feeling comfortable at her warmth. I never thought that my family would like her that much, even willing to pay for her upcoming treatment which is a few weeks ahead. If mom is still alive, she must have loved Sandara.

I know that she was still hesitant about it, that is why I popped up in front of her house this morning to drag her out of her room. She tends to keep herself alone in that boring four walls in her house when she is confused, and I don’t want that to make her think it’s better to let the birthmark there than to treat it. I don’t want if she suddenly decides to cancel the treatment.

Port-wine stains. I don’t have any problem with the birthmark on her cheek, it’s lovely to me but that doesn’t mean I am going to be okay if people keep treating her like she’s not worth it. And I am not going to be with her 24/7 if anything happens. She will go to the university or wherever she wants, meeting new people again and again and I don’t want her to get the same sh*t forever. Not when there is a solution.

And I don’t freaking want her to shut herself ever again. I remember when she back down from everyone after the bast*rd Brian harassed her in front of so many students. People might not see it, but I was restless for the whole week. I came to her house, but she was silent the whole time, not even going out to greet me. If I was stupid enough, I might have thrown pebbles to her window to break in.

At that time, silence, I discover, is something you can actually hear.

I knew she was having a self-battle with herself. I was afraid if Sandara cry all by herself again and worst if she shut her own world with her grief. That thought alone made me angry. She was clueless like what I stated. She thought that she was all alone when her friends were looking at me for the answer, worried and confused if she was really okay or not. She was wrong when she thought being quiet would not make others worry. For a whole week, Park Bom had been chasing over me to ask about her. TOP staring at me as if I had killed her. Taeyang, Seungri, and Daesung silently mocked me to give them clues. Minzy and Chaerin kept asking until I almost throw them a chair.

Biting my lips, I let her do whatever she wants and keep sipping the bubble tea I bought for her. It's so sweet, just like her lips,

Wait. That sounds so wrong.

“Did you even think that I’m a burden to you?”

Of course not. I found it annoys me when she let everyone see her like trash, but never did once I thought she’s a burden. I might sound like tsundere, but it feels good when she needs me to stand for her. It's not like I like seeing her being bullied.

It feels good to know I am needed.

“You were annoying when you let people step on you. Feel like I want to shout at your face, but you’re never a burden to me, Sandara.”

My voice is soft, which cringes me, but I know Sandara appreciates it. She always brings out the other side of me which I don’t even know exists.

“I love you, Ji.”

Sincere. That’s what I hear through that sweet voice. Knowing that she is not looking, my smile widens, but then I scoff.

“Whatever.”

…

Coward.

Sandara Park was everything but a coward. She just needs someone to push her to keep moving, a drive, guidance. There are times when we know what we want or what we are supposed to do, but we need other people to say it to us.

Motivation.

That’s what she needs.

There is no way she would not want to fight the prejudice from people around her. No one wants to be treated like trash. Not even the ‘ugly’ Sandara. But she didn’t have anyone to encourage her which made her even drown in her own despair.

Lucky her to have me.

But port-wine stains often get darker and can sometimes become disfiguring and embarrassing for children. Port-wine stains (especially on the face) can make kids feel self-conscious, particularly during the already challenging preteen and teen years when kids are often more interested in blending in than standing out.

She always hates the fact that she stood out just because of the birthmark on her cheek. Instead of making friends, Sandara attracted people to make fun of her although she did not want that.

I rub my eyes. I was tired from spending so much time in front of the laptop. I have no idea how many times I have been looking up information about Sandara’s treatment. Since I know her, I don’t really spend my time playing games until morning anymore. Want to know why? Because I started to look forward to coming to school for the next day, there would be Sandara around.

Recalling how she stuttered so much when she tried to stop Seungri from keeping ordering her around and calling her names was amusing but made me aware of how determined she was. Sandara always wanted to change, but what she got was people continuing to pull her down and shoving her aside. They didn’t realize the worth of this girl.

I close the lid of the laptop, push the chair into under the desk and turn around. A few months ago, this room was as good as the store at our school. But looking around the room now, it’s too neat for me but I am not going to complain.

Taeyang and Seungri’s comics and CDs are neatly arranged on the shelf where they used to just toss them in. My clothes are now hung neatly in the closet instead of just randomly sitting