(Kyuhyun's POV)

I looked out through the window, the city's street lights illuminating the pitch dark of the night.

My eyes suddenly focussed in my reflection on the glass, and there was only one thing that went through my mind:

I'm the biggest idiot on earth.

Full stop. End of story.

There's no one to blame on the turn of events but me.

It can't get any simpler than that.

I watched the reflection of the door behind me open, and a full-grown woman appeared, giving me a small, cheeky smile.

I smile back as she made her way towards me.

I turned away from the window and faced heras she slumped on the bed in front of me.

I pretended to examine her face closely.

"If you enter a man's room at night without thinking twice, then I'm worried," I said.

"Psh, who'd ever think of Oppa as a man?" she flicked her long hair behind her back as she she hit me on my arm and I playfully wince in response.

"90% of women population," I replied with a grin and a flick on her forehead.

Ara winced before rolling her eyes and laughing, and then all my doubts that it really was our little Ara was erased.

She's really grown up.

"How are you feeling?" I asked her.

"Over the moon.

I'm going to look so breath-taking in that monkey suit mum's forcing me to wear and I get to spend my 21st with hundreds of complete strangers.

Those who can't come will have the luxury to watch the whole thing on CNN.

Everything's just perfect," she said sarcastically behind her gritted teeth before rolling her eyes.

I couldn't help laughing, and then I tried to shield her from the truth that it was actually possible for it to get worse than that.

For mother to fuss over things much more important than birthdays.

Things we would just kill for her to stay out of.

"Then what are you here for?

You need your beauty sleep so your monkey face matches the monkey suit you're wearing tomorrow," I raised my eyebrows up and down continuously, forcing her to laugh.

"Well that was the plan originally, until I realized that someone important has declined one of the handful of invitations I actually got the chance to give out and decide for myself at the last minute," she checked for my reaction.

I looked away, laughing under my breath as I leaned back on my seat.

I knew well where the conversation was going.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" she asked softly.

I sighed heavily.

"Word of advice from your loving Oppa: Do yourself a favour and never fall in love.

It'll keep you sane, trust me," I laughed under my breath, but Ara's expression stayed solemn.

"What did you do to Seohyun-eonni?" she demanded, immediately taking her side.

I blinked at her spontaneously.

"You told me you'd get her back no matter what, even if it was mum.

Are you giving up, Oppa?" she went on.

I stayed speechless for a while.

Well, she always has liked Seohyun better than me...

I ended up laughing on the spot.

Then it was Ara's turn to look confused.

"That's the thing, see," I begand, leaning forward as I tangled my fingers together, letting my elbows rest on my knees.

"She doesn't want me to.

She doesn't want me to bring her back."

Ara's eyebrows furrowed before rolling her eyes.

"You don't seriously think that she doesn't love you anymore, right?

Because that's, like, impossible," she said.

I looked into my little sister's eyes and I realised that she really was concerbed about us, so I stopped contemplating on whether to tell her or not.

"I've known Seohyun almost all my life, Ara.

I can read her like the back of a book.

I know there's a reason why she's doing this."

I fiddled my thumbs as I spoke, trying to find simple words for her to understand.

"It's just that, it's hard.

I'm having a really hard time trying to reach out to her.

When I finally think that I've tapped into her a bit, she starts pulling away again."

"So what?

Are you just going to give up?

Are you just going to let her go?" Ara asked, but this time, her expression was softer.

"Let her go?" I echoed.

"That's something I don't want to do again." I muttered.

I clenched my jaw as I breathed out.

"Almost every part of me is saying that I should just give up.

I should just give up.

Maybe it's not meant to be. Maybe this is as far as it'll get.

Maybe we're never really going to be happy when we're together," I admitted.

I watched as Ara listens to me very carefully.

I felt the need to go on.

"But among all the other thousand reasons saying I should just give her up and let her go, there's two reasons that outweighs them."

I paused as Ara's stare becomes fixated, her eyes turning teary-eyed.

"One; it was my fault, the way everything turned out.

It was my fault that she got hurt, and so I should be the one to fix it," I swallowed hard and took a deep breath.

"Two; I'm such a selfish jerk.

I know for a fact that I want to be dragged out of this hell I'm in.

The hell I've been in for the last two years.

I just can't keep living like this. Without her.

To be honest, sometimes I feel as if I've reached some breaking point, and I get this strong rush, a longing to see her.

It drives one crazy, I tell you."

Ara sighed heavily and I began to wonder if it was right of me to tell her about how complicated life can get.

"Ugh, fine!" she tried to sound fierceful and like her normal self, but the shakiness of her voice completely defied her.

She was trying to hold her tears in, but that wasn't really working out for her.

"I guess she doesn't have to come to my 21st."

Ara got up and put her arms around my neck.

When she let go, she put on a brave smile on her red, teary face.

"After all, it's your 10th Wedding Anniversary tomorrow," she sniffed.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

(A/N) Updated twice today!