I kept myself updated with how SHINee was doing because the Fall semester was already more than halfway its end. I messaged him on his birthday and he didn’t even reply...I knew something was wrong since after that night I went to party with my friends. We haven’t talked since then, three months! I considered contacting any one of the members, but what if they were all just really busy…

            “You should probably stop staring at that, it’s gonna melt with you looking at it everyday,” Kris muttered while she drove. I came to my senses and hurriedly put the polaroid picture of me and Kibum in the back of my phone.

            “What do you mean? I don’t look at it everyday!” I defended myself, but it didn’t come off convincing so she scoffed and didn’t bother saying anything else. My phone’s music was on shuffle, then ‘An Ode To You’ played by SHINee. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjW4wVzTwjE ) I considered pushing next and I saw Kris almost reach for it, but she watched me look out the window instead and left it. We were in for a long drive to spend a weekend by the mountains to go bungee jumping. She suggested it because she probably wanted to get my mind off what has been happening, I agreed to go even though heights terrified me. Not even exaggerating, even riding a really long escalator scares the bleep out of me. We let the song continue and I started crying. Not because of how confused I was or how abandoned I felt, or how much I missed talking to Kibum at the end of every tiring day, or how it felt like I had lost a friend, or missed hearing him hum every time he did something, or how we would make sure we were okay and happy...but because of more than all of these…

Kris didn’t say anything, but she rubbed my arm to comfort me. I wiped my tears as the song was about to finish and exhaled.

            “Aigoo! I’m such a crybaby!” I yelled out. I looked through my song playlist and chose a super energetic song so the mood would change.

            “Yah yah yah!!! I can’t do it, I can’t do it, seriously go away,” Kris was trying to drag me to the bridge where people were bungee jumping. Seeing them jump with ease frightened me more.

            “Come on,” she said, struggling to pull me away from the tree I was hugging.

            “No, no, no,” I kept shaking my head, trying to change reality.

            “Is this the reality you wanted?!” I yelled out Jonghyun’s famous line from Hello Baby in hopes that it would calm me down, but Kris ended up laughing, which did not, AT ALL, calm me down.

            “Are you laughing at me? Right now? Seriously?” I said with panic in my voice.

            “It’s not that hard, you go there and jump,” she gestured towards the middle of the bridge.

            “That’s the hard part woman!” I yelled and flailed my arms around.

            “We’re doing this, you said we’d do this when we turned 21, boom, you’re 21 and i’m 21, it’s time!” she said excitedly.

            “I swear i’m about to punch your face,” I said seriously.

            “Okay, we’ve been best friends for like, what, half our lifetime, I know those are empty threats, now come on,” she put her hands on her waist. She was right, but still, I’d punch her if she became more annoying than this. I slowly took my hold off the tree trunk and walked towards her.

            “Theeere we go,” she said and clapped her hands once. I stopped and looked at her.

            “I’m not a toddler,” I glared at her and her clapping hands.

            “Oh, I beeeeg to differ,” she said and told me to hurry up.

It was finally our turn to jump...We decided to jump individually, some jumped together but we both wanted to experience it separately.

            “Okay, you go first,” I mumbled.

            “Nu-uh, you, are definitely going first, how can I be assured you won’t back down when I jump?” she explained and I shivered at the thought of seeing her jump.

            “If you don’t frickin jump first, i’m gonna push you,” I said, glaring at her.

            “Alright, alriiiight chill,” she said and backed off.

            “You ready?!” the guy working the ropes asked. Why is he smiling so hugely? This isn’t a happy occasion man! I’m gonna punch that smile off your face.

            “Yeah i’m ready!” Kris yelled out, prepping to jump.

            “Okay! 3….2..!” the guy started saying.

            “Wait- wait!” she said and clutched her chest. I started laughing at her.

            “HAHAHHAA! Who’s a toddler now!” I kept laughing because she looked quite nervous to me.

            “Alright alright, calm down, I can do this,” she muttered to herself. “Okay! I’m ready!” she said and punched the air with her right hand.

            “Alright, haha, 3...2...1!” Aaaaaand down she went.

            “Waaaaaaaaaah!” I yelled out excitedly. I was proud of her for jumping. Heck, I felt proud of me for just standing there.

            “Wooooooooooooooh!” I could hear her voice echoing through the woods and this made me smile. What a moment…

            “Okay, your turn! You ready?!” the guy asked me now. I nodded because I was ready. I was less nervous now for some reason. “Alright! 3…..2….1!” then I jumped with no hesitation

            “Aiyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!” I yelled out the loudest I could to get the fear off my chest and it did.

When I approached Kris after jumping, she was laughing at me.

            “Aiyah?” she said and bent down laughing.

            “What? I don’t plan what I yell out when i’m scared for my life!” I threw my hands up in the air.

            “Okaaaaay, how did it feel?!” she asked. I jumped at her and put my arm around her shoulder.

            “Let’s come back here again!!! Thank you for making me do that!” I said and jumped up and down with her.

            Our day continued just walking around the village. We bought groceries to cook for dinner tonight and rested back in our cabin.

The next day, I woke up at 7 in the morning so I grabbed some cinnamon buns and coffee from the bakery in the village to bring back to the cabin for breakfast.

            “Okay, thank you thank you, I will talk to you more sometime,” I heard Kris on the phone. She was being so polite, even smiling from ear-to-ear and twirling her hair.

            “Aigooooo, who is thaaaaaat?” I said and surprised her from behind.

            “What? Huh?!” she jumped and ended the call. “Nobody, just work,” she explained and tried to walk past me. “Ooooooo cinnamon buns! Thanks!” she acted happy nervously, but I wasn’t going to let it go.

            “Why are you being so secretive?” I nudged her and took a big bite of my cinnamon bun. She kept avoiding my gaze and sat on the bar stool.

            “What? I’m not, I have no secrets, what are you talking about,” she scoffed about 5 times.

            “Hmm...interesting. But okaaaay I give up, I know you’ll tell me soon anyways,” I shrugged.

            “Let’s take a walk,” she suggested and I agreed.

We walked outside the cabin and looped our arms around each other’s.

            “So you’re leaving soon, huh?” she said awkwardly.

            “Mmm, yeah..” I nodded slowly.

            “For how long?”

            “Mmm.. I don’t have an exact date, but probably not even a year,” I explained.

            “That’s a long time, are you ready for that?” she asked.

            “This has been my dream opportunity for the longest time, you know that,” I said and watched our feet walk at the same pace.

            “I asked if you were ready,” she said worriedly.

            “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be,” It just hit me when I answered, that Korea was a stranger to me. I’ve never been there, I didn’t know anybody there...well, didn’t know anybody that I still talked to. I wasn’t fluent in Korean either, but it didn’t seem that scary. “Honestly, it just feels like i’m going somewhere familiar you know?” I mumbled.

            “You call when you have problems okay?” she said sternly.

            “Mm-hmm! I’d be a bad friend if I didn’t bother you,” I said jokingly. She nudged me, but I knew it was coming so I pushed her to her side. I’ll miss this...Easy days, hakuna matata days...In less than 2 months, i’ll be in Korea.

            “Are you sure you should be spending Christmas there? All alone? New Year’s too?” she asked while I drove back home from the mountains.

            “Yeah! I want to experience it! I probably won’t be there for any other Christmases, I wanna feel the atmosphere, you know?” I replied.

            “I see, well okay, don’t come cryin’ to me when you get all lonely,” she said and shook her head. I laughed because I probably will get lonely.

            “Who are you texting right now??” I asked because ever since she got the car and told her I would drive, she has been on her phone the whole time.

            “What? Nobody!” she looked at me and shut off her phone.

            “You’re smiling like your face is about to break, like really, come on,” I looked at her and eyed her.

            “Worry about your own face,” she said her comeback after thinking for 2 minutes. She turned her phone back on and started texting again.

            “Aigoo! Whoever that boy is, is in for real trouble,” I shook my head and chuckled.

            “It’s not a boy! I never said it was a boy! It’s a maaaaan,” she said and raised her eyebrows repeatedly.

            “Bahahahahaha!” I said and accidentally swerved the car.

            “Yah! Are you trying to kill me?!” She said and steadied the wheel, I slapped her hand away.

            “Alrrriiiiiight there, enjoy your secret man,” I mumbled. I honestly didn’t care that she wouldn’t tell me, I knew she would anyways when she wanted to talk about it.

            “I will,” she said in a flirty voice. I slapped her face playfully so she’d turn away, that was a habit. Our day ended like that, with no feelings of sadness and longing, but instead laughter and more laughter. I was grateful for having a friend like Kris. She was a 3 in 1. There was a worried type, a sister type, then a crazy lady type. I’ll cherish these days forever.