I leaned over to the table and grabbed the contract. “Will you allow me to look over the contract?” I still come from a law background and will probably understand the contract. So, using this tool, I wanted to make sure nothing was wrong with any of the terms or clauses. SM has had many issues with contracts among idols and trainees, so to save myself from future trouble, I wanted to oversee it personally. Granted, it was in Korean and legal terms would be hard to understand, but I’ve got Kibum and Google Translate.

            “Sure, I will let you take that copy home, in a week you’ll come back and sign and if there are any problems with the contract, give us a call,” he walked over to his desk and handed me his business card. The card gave an email and a number for their Legal Department. See? Why couldn’t he have offered me a job in the Legal Department? At least, I was confident there and wouldn’t have to face my fears and open wounds.

            “Wah, you’re gonna read over a contract? You’re so cool, really, wuaaaah,” Kibum applauded and bowed to me.

            “We’ll get going then, Director,” Kibum bowed to him and I grabbed the dogs. We walked out of there and sighed a big sigh of relief inside the elevator. “Are you really gonna do it?” Kibum asked.

            “Yeah, we just talked about this,” I said back.

            “I know, but I wanted to make sure… this is a big decision,” his voice quieted down.

            “Isn’t this unfair?” I scratched the back of my head. The elevator door opened.

            “We’ll talk in the car,” he held my hand and walked to the car. Once we got inside, I suddenly yelled in frustration. Kibum screamed in surprise from hearing me scream.

            “Yah! We’re not watching a horror movie, why did you yell too!” I said, frustrated.

            “You scared me! Aigoo yah!” he hit my arm and looked behind our seats. “She scared you guys too, right?” he scratched the dogs’ heads.

            “Why is that Director doing this?? Wuaaaaaah, I’m so baffled! What he’s doing to me is unfair. Did he not think about what could happen after I debuted? I’d get bashed! For being given the chance to debut just because I’m your girlfriend! It’s unfair to the trainees working hard to debut! And that man just gives me a choice??? Not just trainees at SM but trainees all over the entertainment industry! How could he just do that!” Kibum let me scream out my worries and frustration without interrupting me.

            “I know… You’re really suited to be that fair and just judge you want to be… I admire you for having that dream honestly,” Kibum put his feet up on his seat and hugged his legs.

            “Wae? I admire you for having achieved your dream and staying true to yourself while on that path,” I said, patting his legs.

            “I just… I somewhat feel proud of you, proud to be your friend and proud to be your man,” he cleared his throat. What he said gave me the butterflies, but I wanted to keep myself composed.

            “Aigooooooooooo, okay okay, let me take you home, I have to figure out how to quit this job I have that I worked hard for,” I started the engine and drove out of the parking lot. On the way back to the dorm, Kibum was fast asleep. He mentioned that since Onew Oppa was leaving for the army, the members planned to stay at the dorm most of the time until then. Onew has spent a month with his family and planned to spend the rest of the time he had left with the members and at the gym. Thinking about this just makes me feel so sad... Aish, why does this mandatory enlisting thing exist.

            “Get up, Kim Kibuuuuuum,” I said, poking up Key’s nose. He shook his head and slapped my hand away.  

            “Eeeey!” he opened his eyes and stretched. “Wait, drive to your apartment,” he suddenly said after looking around and finding us outside of their dorms. 

            “Do I look like your driver?” I said with a blank expression. He raised his hands, denying my statement.

            “Aniyaaaa, I want to spend more time with you, I spent all day yesterday and all night filming. I never got to be with you on your days oooooooff,” Kibum said cutely. Ok, how do you resist that?

            “Aaaaaraso, okay but you need to sleep! So, while I work on lesson plans for this week, you can just sleep,” I started to drive away from the dorm towards my apartment. While we were in the car, I called for food delivery so that we wouldn’t have to wait for a long time when we got home. When we arrived, I got out of the car first and brought the dogs inside my place. I went back downstairs for Key to see him already getting out of the car, putting a scarf around his head. I waited by the door and locked the car from where I was standing, then Kibum ran towards me. I hugged him and we just stood there.

            “What’s going on?” he asked, but didn’t pull away.

            “Nothing, I’m just happy right now, let me hug you,” I said and inhaled heavily. “Oh my gosh, you smell weird,” I coughed and let go of him.

            “What??? What do I smell like?” he started to smell himself. “I’ve been out all day and filming all night!” he wouldn’t stop smelling every bit of him. I started laughing and clapped like a seal.

            “It’s okay, you just smell like uh… mix of perfume and sweat? Smoke?” I narrowed my gaze. “Have you been smoking, Key-ssi????” I raised my voice.

            “Aniya! Aniya! Really, I don’t smoke! The smell is so bad and the habit is so bad! Wuah! It was the other actors!” he chuckled out of disbelief.

            “Mmm, araso,” I said. “Go inside first, I’m waiting for our food,” I pushed him inside the door to the building.

            “Why can’t you just wait inside?” he asked.

            “Because you’re an idol? And I’m not known? And it’ll be strange to see us together in an empty apartment,” I said with a ‘duh’ expression.

            “Okay okay,” he backed up and walked inside.

            “You know my password?” I called out to him before he disappeared through the doors that led to the stairs.

            “How could I forget that password,” he muttered, chuckling.

It took about ten more minutes for the food to arrive. I walked up to my apartment and when I got inside, Key was nowhere to be found.

            “Kim Kibum?” I called out. I walked over to my bedroom to see if he was sleeping then I heard the shower running when I passed the bathroom. I knocked on the door. “Are you taking a shower?! In my home?” I said.

            “You said I smelled! I took sweatpants from your dresser and a t-shirt!” he yelled out. From my dresser??? So he saw…my other…pieces of… clothing??? My uh…intimates??? My sweatpants would definitely fit him and my baggy t-shirts definitely would, but they were placed in a drawer where… my personal clothing was…

            “Yah! Who said you could go into my drawers!” I banged on the door.

            “Yah! Don’t scare me while I’m in the shower!” he said.

            “Who told you to use my shower?!” I yelled at the door. “How bold of him,” I mumbled and walked away. I gathered the food and prepared utensils. I ordered Jjampong for Kibum and Jjajangmyeon for myself. He needed soup and strength and I was just hungry, so I also got some fried dumplings.

            “Wah, what’s that smell?” Kibum walked out of the bathroom, drying his hair with a towel. Well, he looked comfortable.

            “Do you think this is your house or something???” I asked, raising my eyebrows at him. Why does he have to have his hair wet when I want to show my annoyance at him. I mean, like…how do you resist that???

            “No, but it’s your fault,” he said in English, in the most annoying voice possible. He was obviously doing it to get on my nerves. But, again! How do you get mad at Key, drying his wet hair?

            “Wah, you’re really annoying you know that? I now understand the members,” I said, throwing an orange at him which I quickly grabbed from the counter. “Sit down and eat,” I ignored his swift catch of the thing.

            “How are you gonna quit your job? Will your parents be angry?” he said, gulping down the last bit of his soup.

            “Probably, but all they want is for me to graduate school, the rest is up to me,” I said, chewing on pickled radish.

            “I see… I’m curious though, how’s your dancing?” he asked, putting his chopsticks down.

            “Huh?” was all I could say.

            “Well, CEO saw that video of you singing, I haven’t seen it yet because you seemed kind of uncomfortable with it and I respected that… But we haven’t seen your dancing and they’ll probably want to see that,” Kibum said awkwardly.

            “I’m actually very confident in my dancing, Kim Kibum,” I said smugly.

            “Oh reaaaaaally?” he replied in English.

            “Yeah, I’ve performed with my school and competed with my team for competitions, took first place many many many many times,” I kept my expression confident.

            “oh okaaay, what about your singing?” he hesitated.

            “Uh, it’s okay, I just uh… don’t sing anymore,” I started, my confidence disappearing. “That video that was leaked was from my private account… I don’t know how anyone accessed that,” I said, getting up from my seat.

            “Well, you must be good if the CEO wants you to train…” he made a hissing sound and put his dishes in the sink.

            “I… haven’t sang in public for years now,” I said, standing still. Kibum turned to me and waited for me to say something else. “When my…aunt died, I kind of…just lost confidence. I only sing at home, when nobody’s home and post it on my private account that only I follow…kind of like…posting it for my aunt, I guess… That’s weird, isn’t it,” I chuckled lightly at what I was saying. Why did I have to make the atmosphere so serious?

            “No, it’s not weird at all,” Kibum grabbed my arm and pulled me closer.

            “She was kind of my only supporter. She would always encourage me to sing, would come see me perform when I was young… She was at every event,” I looked up at the ceiling, trying to prevent my tears from falling. Kibum stayed in his spot, running his fingers up and down my forearm, comforting me.

            “You tell me right away if you don’t want to do this. We could just be together in secret… and if that’s too much to ask, I can… try to take a step back,” he said.

            “What? No, I’m gonna do this for her, for me, for you, for us… This was my dream from the start anyways, maybe this is an opportunity to… well, heal, I guess, is the right word,” I dabbed my eyes and looked at Kibum. I offered a smile to let him know I was okay. He then hugged me out of nowhere.

            “Aigoo… if you’re having a hard time… You let me know right away, I’ll be there,” he let his fingers run through my hair. “I still have to see that audition tape though,” he said, letting me go.

            “Yah! No!” I stepped back and glared at him.

            “Okay… but Director will probably end up showing me anyways, also it’ll get released somehow,” Key said, in a ‘as-a-matter-of-fact’ way. I rolled my eyes and pushed the subject away.

            “Go sleep, you can take my bed, I have to work here in the living room,” I waved him off.

            “Can’t I just sleep on the couch? So that I’m at least near you? Like we’re hanging out? I’m making up for our lost time here,” he whined. I nodded and pretended I was tired of him, but I was not AT ALL. So, we spent the afternoon until the evening just by each other. He was sleeping on my couch, I was on the floor with my laptop, and the dogs were asleep like their Appa, on the other side of the room. I finished writing my lesson plans for the whole week and I also finished writing my resignation letter, that I would have to hand in tomorrow.