Author's note: TRIGGER WARNING! This chapter contains topics such as depression, suicide & abuse which some readers might find disturbing.

XX--------------------XX

Jeongyeon's just 17 and in someone else's house at 7:00 pm.

"will you parents come home soon?" Jeongyeon asked looking around the house.

"No," The woman shook her head.

Jeongyeon didn't ask anymore. Maybe because she is in the same situation. Her mother left them, and whenever people ask more, she felt even more painful to answer.

She looked at the woman she saw in the rain, Nayeon. Wet from the rain and eyes bloodshot. She was always bright and lovely-Jeongyeon just assumed that she had a perfect life to be able to smile like that.

"are you okay?" She asked.

Nayeon nodded, "I-I'm fine.. Just had a phobia of the rain.."

"oh." Jeongyeon says.

"Thanks for Taking care of me and taking me home," Nayeon starts, "even though we're not even that close."

This is around the time that Her and Nayeon had only common friends and never that close. They exchange a few greetings and was introduced to each other recently but never had a personal conversation.

Yet, she had already been seeing her for a long time. She knew her locker area, passing by every morning, she got to see her and hear her cheerful voice and in every school occasion, she would look for her.

"It's okay, Just had a spare time that's all,"Jeongyeon says. "You shouldn't let anyone you're not even close come in to your house you know, Take care more."

"I don't." Nayeon says, "But.. you just feel really safe."

"me?" Jeongyeon asked. They're not even that close but she wonders why Nayeon would say that.

"I saw you stop a man dragging your drunk hoobae in the party," Nayeon says remembering her amusement, "at the end of the day, you always make sure that everyone is safe."

Jeongyeon stopped and looked at Nayeon. Aparently, the fact that this beautiful unattainable woman is paying attention to the things she does made her stomach flipped and her cheeks to burn red.

"Well, I'm not being nice to you just because I am," Jeongyeon bit her lip, "Maybe I had a bit of selfish inentions."

At that moment, she realized she had been crushing on this person for a year now. Nayeon gave her a questioning look but Jeongyeon just chuckled and said, "never mind."

Jeongyeon woke up in the memory back when they're both 17 and young. When they didn't know what love was and how it felt. She saw Nayeon sitting up already in the bed, staring blankly.

"Nayeon?" She scooted over to the latter.

She bit her lip as she rubs her temple, "What have we done Jeongyeon?"

Jeongyeon looked down. The memories of last night flashed in her head. Yes. What have they done? They'll be friends now, right? That's what they decide to do and they messed it up again.

She look at Nayeon, eyes bloodshot.. looking like the Nayeon she saw in her dreams. Her heart ached.

"Nayeon, I'm sorry." Jeongyeon says. "I.. should've.. left last night."

"No," Nayeon's answered, "I- I kissed you. I'm the one who ed it up. When I'm still in a relationship and we should still fix it.. we didn't even talk it out.."

"I.. kissed you back," Jeongyeon looked down. Ashamed of what she did, what she allowed to happen. She wasn't even that drunk, not as much as Nayeon.

"I meant what I said last night," Nayeon says, "It would've been better if you are such a jerk.. It would've been better. Then it would be easier to forget this lingering feeling..."

Jeongyeon's tears welling up. She reached for Nayeon's hands and squeezed them.

"are you going back to her?" Jeongyeon asked. As if her heart being hold hostage with that question. It was nervous and pained.

Nayeon looked at her, "I don't know..."

XX-----------------------XX

"Dahyun?" Nayeon blinked seeing Dahyun in front of her apartment. The latter smiled faintly. It's 3:00 in the afternoon.

"hey, I'm here, You probably didn't want to see me, but I want to explain Momo's side." Dahyun said sincerely.

"Do you want to come in?" Nayeon asked.

"No, I'll make it quick." Dahyun answered.

"I.. wanted to apologize for causing a misunderstanding last night."The younger started, "The reason that momo is hanging out with me is not like that."

Nayeon nods. Urging her to continue.

"I was almost molested and she had already saved me twice.. which is why we became close," Dahyun says, "She saved my life and been a really good person by tolerating me. Honestly, I'm not good at this whole explaining thing but I hope you don't take what we have the wrong way. "

Nayeon's breathe deepen, realizing what she misunderstood. She looked at Dahyun, guilty.

"Momo is kind," Dahyun says, "you probably knew that already. She just couldn't leave me alone. She's not the type to turn a blind eye when she sees someone getting hurt."

Nayeon bit her lip, and remembered how many times momo did that for her too, "I know."

She remembered that time when she is so broken and momo will always be there. Not forcing her to move on, not invalidating her feelings, just being there until she heals. Momo's love is sincere, like a bed of dandelions to lay and sleep.

"I hope you take care of her more," Dahyun says, "She seems lonelier than how she looks.. and she loves you more than she says."

With that, Dahyun left the apartment. Nayeon closed her door and enterd her apartment. She sat by her couch in the living room, as she rubbed her face with both of her hands in distress.

'Momo didn't deserve what I did,' Nayeon thought.

She looked at her phone, bombarded of text Momo sent since last night.

To: Momo

We need to talk, let's meet.

She sent the text, shifting glances around the room, she took a deep breath. She decided to rest for awhile. After an hour, her thoughts were stopped when she heard her doorbell rang.

She hastily opened the door to see Momo standing outside her door. There was a faint smile on the latter's face. Nayeon gestured her to come in. Both of them sat by the couch in the living room.

"Nayeon," Momo looks a bit worried about her, "I want to explain everything to you.I-"

"Dahyun came by earlier, " Nayeon interrupted as she smiled at Momo, "she explained everything. You did nothing wrong."

The woman sighs in relief, "Thank god, I didn't want.. to lose you."

It is evident in Momo's eyes how much she love her. She wondered why she even has to doubt her. Guilt is eating her up. She swallowed.

"I just helped Dahyun and we became friends after that," Momo said, "Won't you forgive me now?"

Momo desperately tried to explain herself but Nayeon already know. Momo's love for her is real, she just didn't trust her, didn't choose to trust her instead.

"I'm.. despicable." Nayeon murmured.

Momo just looked at her worried, She tried to hold her hand. There was silence but thoughts are running inside Nayeon's head.

"I'm the one who cheated on you." Nayeon dropped.

"what?" Momo asked again. Pleading that she must've misheard that. Nayeon couldn't look at her in the eye. She breathes deeply again.

"I cheated on you. With Jeongyeon.Last night. " She answered. She knows it will hurt momo but she doesn't want to deceive a person who had been true to her from the start.

"Tell me you're lying," Momo says in a soft voice, "that can't be true."

Nayeon looked away, "The moment I got to know that Dahyun's been frequent in your apartment, my anxiety rose. I left before I got another panic attack. Then.. I met Jeongyeon with Taeyeon and Jessica, that's how it happened. We ended up sleeping with each other. I thought you were cheating on me. I know it's not reason enough, but it happened. And I- I couldn't stop it."

Momo's face turned pale. She starts to sweat. There was a moment of silence.For Momo it seemed like the whole room just darkened. Momo tried to think but nothing came to her mind but a painful dagger stuck on her chest. It's as if she's having a hard time accepting the words Nayeon threw at her.

Nayeon bit her lip and looked down. She would accept if Momo would just shout at her or slap her or say things that hurt. Nayeon couldn't look at her. She is feeling angry, jealous but above all pained.

'I did everything.'Momo thought. What will you do? When you have given your whole heart already and It still wasn't enough?

"Do you still love her?" Momo asked, voice almost inaudible.

"I.. don't know." Wavering, she still answered, "Maybe.. I do."

Momo looked down. She sighs deeply. She felt pained, sad but most of all-tired. Tired of giving it all. Jeongyeon didn't even do anything but she had Nayeon's heart already. No matter what Momo do, there is nothing she could do to top that. She wasn't what Nayeon wants.

Maybe deep in her heart she knew.

When Momo saw an old sketch of a house plan inside a box in Nayeon's apartment, She knows it came from Jeongyeon. When Nayeon used to tell her how she hates Chinese food but someone made her love it, she knows it's jeongyeon. When Nayeon refused to throw away that old leather shoes already broken in her shoe rack, she knows it's a gift from her.

There are too much of Jeongyeon's pieces left inside Nayeon. She has become a part of Nayeon she couldn't let go.

"I wonder why, you couldn't let her go?" Momo's voice breaks as she held back her tears, "and Why I couldn't have just let you go?"

Nayeon's heartbreak seeing Momo that way. She didn't want to hurt her. She didn't want to see her like this.

Nayeon says, "You don't deserve this."

Momo looked at Nayeon, "I love you. When I wake up in the morning next to you I would often pinch myself asking myself if it's true. Because It's too good to be true. When I look at you and you smile, I thought God must've finally taken pity on me and given me my reward. It's just painful that-all those times, I am the happiest---you weren't."

Those words hurt Nayeon more. She couldn't really understand how she felt towards Jeongyeon. Why can't she just forget about Jeongyeon when someone like momo exists? When all the love momo had given her is nothing but understanding, love, and forgiveness. The heart is such a complex thing.

"I will never be the one for you," Momo says.

Exhaustion.

That's what she felt.

"Nayeon let's face the truth," Momo says, "You will never love me the way I want you to. Let's end this."

XX-----------------------XX

"Father! I'm sorry! I'm sorry please get me out of here!" 9-year old Nayeon cries.

"stay there!! You ugly child," Her father hissed, with eyes full of anger, she pushed her inside. The door slowly closes until the light disappeared, leaving alone sitting on the darkness.

Only she can hear is the sound of rain and thunder and the feeling of cold air making her cry even more.

Nayeon woke up sweating, her pulse pumping. It was another nightmare-a memory from her childhood. It's been years since her father died, but these nightmares still show up in her sleep.

She looked at her cellphone and saw a miscall from Sana. But she didn't bother to text her back. She just sighs as she looks at her surroundings.

'I'm not in the basement anymore.' Nayeon tells herself, 'It's been years Nayeon'

Nayeon sat down and remembered Momo and Jeongyeon. It's 3 days that Momo and her broke up. She didn't hear anything from Momo and she knows she shouldn't be selfish enough to still want her by her side to support her.

She didn't eat anything for 3 days, only laying on her bed, she let time passes by quickly. She feels like everything she does is worthless-

Like being stuck in that basement, imprisoned.

One minute she feels everything-loneliness, desperation, self-hatred and the next minute she feels nothing.

Only like an unending lifeless abyss in her chest. She feels empty.

"and Why I couldn't have just let you go?" she remembered Momo's words- and her face. She hurt momo in such horrible ways.

She love Momo but she wonder why she couldn't just let go of Jeongyeon.

"I'm doing what my mother did," Nayeon says. She remember her mom having an affair with another man and running off with him. She remember how pained her father was and she remembered the same expression on Momo.

Once again,

She hates herself.

Hours passes by, her vision became blurry with tears

And nothing did ever stop the pain,

She got the knife and slowly traced it in her wrist just like she does before. She used to do this, so the pain inside her wouldn't hurt as much-so that the overwhelming emotions will disappear

But now,

She lost all hope,

She just want to disappear.

Jeongyeon rushed to the hospital room, her head is pumping. Her vision blurry of tears. Sana and Tzuyu are both talking to the doctors. Their eyebags and their both looked lack in sleep and stress.

"She's alright now, she's awake." The doctor said, "Visitors can be allowed now. I suggest you let her rest for now and let her get to therapy. She needs help. This things should not be taken lightly."

"Sana!"Jeongyeon called.

The taller girl rushed and gave her brief hug, rubbing her back.

"What happened to Nayeon?" Jeongyeon held back her tears. She never felt this way before. How it felt when you're really about to lose nayeon.

"She.. tried to commit suicide, "Sana said choking on her own words, "we found her in her apartment almost loosing blood, her wrist wounded."

Tzuyu rubbed Sana's back.

Sana's tears just fell down. "I don't know-don't know why she did this.. what happened to Nayeon? Does she have a problem? She didn't tell me."

Jeongyeon bit her lip. Nayeon did not tell her of course, she did not want to bother them because it involves Sana's ex-girlfriend. In the first place, Nayeon was never really the type to talk about her problems. She masked it with her bright smile and happy façade.

"she's alright now, calm down," Tzuyu reassured her. She then looked at Jeongyeon,"You can now go check in her unnie.."

Jeongyeon nodded and rushed to the room. She opened the door of room 1224 with her heart thumping. She saw the woman she loves laying down on the hospital bed. She looks thin and worn on. She was awake and looked at her.

"Jeong, "The woman murmured. Jeongyeon sat down on the chair beside her.

"Nayeon.. What happened?" Jeongyeon asked her. She was scared because she was about to lose the person she loves the most. Seeing how silent the woman is, she asked again, "Nayeon, Tell me."

Nayeon's face showed no emotion at all, like drowning into a dark abyss. "I just don't know what to do."

"then tell me! Tell me Nayeon-ah," Jeongyeon asked again tremblings hands she put over hers, "Why do you always do this?!"

"do what?" Nayeon asked, playing oblivious.

"you think I didn't know? Those cuts way back when we were in High school. And even before that even though you are laughing, you would zone out. And When we were together before, There are times you would just suddenly lock yourself in. without saying anything why you're sad or what's troubling you-I wanted you to o