Seungcheol was silent. 

Now, this wasn't exactly unusual for him, but his silence was thundering off him in dark waves that Jeonghan could almost see. He wondered what he had done to set Seungcheol off, but he was honestly too afraid to speak. The cab driver noticed it too, not saying a word to the couple in the back. 

The driver let them off in front of Seungcheol's apartment building, and the elder paid as Jeonghan climbed out and stood awkwardly by Seungcheol's door on the sidewalk. When the elder climbed out, the driver popped the trunk and Jeonghan moved to take one of Seungcheol's bags, feeling that right now was a decent time to be even remotely helpful. 

"Hand it over." 

Jeonghan started as he slung the bag over his shoulder. "What?"

"The bag," Seungcheol said. "Hand it over." 

Something sparked in Jeonghan, a certain rebelliousness that usually only came out when he was flirting or straight up annoyed. "No." 

Seungcheol looked shocked. "Excuse me?" 

Glaring defiantly at the elder, Jeonghan cocked a hip. "I said no. I'm carrying it." 

Seungcheol just stared at him. Taking his silence as defeat, Jeonghan turned, tugging out his ponytail and flipping his hair over his shoulder. He stalked into the building, confidently stepping into the glass elevator. Seungcheol followed, his silence darker now. For a brief moment, Jeonghan considered apologizing, but then he figured Why the hell should I? Just because he's kinda scary right now doesn't mean I should let him dominate me. I can be strong too. 

The elevator dinged pleasantly as the door opened into Seungcheol's penthouse. Jeonghan stepped inside, carelessly leaving his sneakers strewn across the threshold, some thing he knew would piss Seungcheol off. But he didn't care. He liked being a sometimes, especially if the other party was someone he didn't want to forfeit to. He tossed Seungcheol's bag in his room before stalking in and flopping on the elder's bed, ignoring the dirty clothes scattered across the room. Seungcheol followed him in a moment after, his coffee eyes immediately scouring Jeonghan's figure on his bed before he tossed his bags down. 

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Seungcheol burst out. "You can't just do that! Society has rules, you know!" 

The words out of Seungcheol's mouth were not the ones Jeonghan was expecting. He had been expecting gruff ridicule and scolding, saying that he should let the real men do the work. What he got was very unexpected. 

"What?" He asked, dumbfounded. 

"When you walk into someone's house, you can't just leave your shoes wherever! You have to neatly and carefully place them next to the door, not kick them off and leave them!" 

The situation was so unexpected that Jeonghan couldn't help but laugh, completely forgetting about the previous tension in the air. "What the hell Seungcheol?" He choked out between laughs. "I had no idea you cared about that!" 

Seungcheol stared at him laughing for a moment, before smiling back. "Well, now you know." 

Jeonghan just laughed more and shook his head before patting the messy bed next to him. "Come on you big doofus." 

The elder have him a lopsided grin and settled on the bed next to him, staring up at the ceiling. They lay peacefully, their shoulders brushing, but the silence brought Jeonghan's mind back to that morning, with whatever had happened. Choosing to ignore it for the time being, he cleared his throat.

"Why is your room such a mess? It was like this last time too. Don't you have maids around here?"

Seungcheol shrugged next to him. "I paid them not to clean my room. I'm a man, I can do it myself."

Coughing at the statement, Jeonghan gestured at the mess. "Are you sure?"

Seungcheol sighed. "I've been busy. With the trip, and school and the company, I haven't found time." 

Jeonghan frowned. "I thought your assistant took care of the company while you were at school?" 

"Well, he would, but he's is injured, remember? Jisung should be resting, I told him to take time off." 

Jeonghan didn't fail to notice how Seungcheol's tone softened as he spoke about his assistant. It was a tone he only ever heard when the male was brought up, or when Seungcheol was talking about his past. It was like whenever either of those subjects were brought up, he became less sure, less like the cocky, arrogant, thick-headed Seungcheol that Jeonghan knew, and more like a shell, an insecure shell that didn't know exactly how to talk about his issues. Not that shells had feelings, but you know. 

"That's right," Jeonghan replied quietly. Seungcheol noticed.

The bed shifted as the elder propped himself up on one elbow, leaning over Jeonghan and obscuring his rather determined sight of the ceiling. 

"Hey, can we talk?" Seungcheol asked. 

"We already are." 

The elder sighed. "Jesus, you're being difficult today. Come on. You know what I mean. This morning. What was that about?" 

Feeling his mouth go dry, Jeonghan tried to play dumb. Again. Half the time, it wasn't actually an act, but he had his moments. "What are you talking about?" 

Seungcheol growled. "Yoon Jeonghan don't pull this with me. I'm serious, what was that about? Believing it was real?"

Feeling his heart finally just snap with impatience, Jeonghan glared up at the older male. "What do you want to hear, Seungcheol? Do want me to proclaim my love for you? I thought you hated the girls who did that, I thought that the reason we're even doing this right now is because you didn't like that! Or maybe you want me to tell you some sob story about a past love that broke my heart because I was just a game to then, a way for them to relieve some stress, huh? Is that it?" 

Seungcheol opened his mouth to speak, probably to say some about Jeonghan himself, but he was too quick. 

"Because I don't know what answer in the world would make you happy, I dont know how to respond to anything you say. I feel like I'm walking on a minefield, not knowing where to step, not knowing what could set you off, not knowing what's going to cause me to get torn apart!"

"Shut up!"

"No, Seungcheol," Jeonghan spat, sitting up. "You need to listen. I feel like anything and everything I say could get me back in that position two weeks ago. And when you get like this, when I can't read your eyes, and your voice get soft and low, I get scared. When I can sense your mood radiating off of you, I clam up, because I can't ing trust my own stupid mouth around you sometimes!" 

"I said shut up!" Seungcheol shouted. "Will you ing shut up for one minute and listen to me?" 

Jeonghan opened his mouth, ready to fight back, but Sengcheol was up and pacing his room, words tumbling out of his mouth. 

"You don't get it, you don't ing get it! You think I don't understand this, you think I don't know what it feels like to be on the recieving end of my ? Well I do! When I was a kid, my father was exactly like I am, and probably the reason I'm like this today! But we have one difference, and it's that he was so much worse. I never opened my mouth unless I was sure of what to say, always wondering when he would lash out again. You have no clue how many times I was beaten, how many times I had to watch as my father reduced my mother to a heaving, crying, begging lump on the floor, her face bloodied and her will to fight being gradually torn away. And whenever I saw that, I was trained to keep my mouth shut, unless I wanted a beating too, unless I wanted to be locked in my room with nothing to eat except a piece of bread to last me a week. 

"The day my father died, I was there. I was twelve, and he had just picked me up from basketball practice, with my dog in the backseat. He was talking, training me, saying about how we men are powerful, and everyone should respect us, and if we didn't get that respect, then it was our job to make sure we did. He was talking about how women need to know their place in the family, and when they tried to fight, then you need to--" Seungcheol broke off with a choke. He took a deep breath then continued. "The point is, I got mad. So ing mad, and it was icy on the road, because it was winter. Basketball season. I couldn't hold back that time. We just got progressively more violent, until he jerked the steering wheel." 

Jeonghan's breath caught in his throat. 

"I was the only one alive. Both my dad and my dog were killed. My mother blamed it all on me. Kept going on and on about how I should be grateful that she took all the blows all these years, and that that was how I repaid her. By killing her beloved husband. I don't know how she still loved him after all of it. After all the times she would beg him to stop, all the times I would lay awake listening to her cry in the bathroom, all the times I would clean her face in secret, she believed that he was getting better. She truly believed that when he would kiss her in the mornings he meant it. That when he smiled, it was genuine, that he didn't view her as just a childbearer. I couldn't take it. I left at the age of twelve, took care of myself until I received the news from Jisung that she had killed herself, the suicide note saying she missed my dad too much and she needed to see him again, thinking that leaving me the company would make up for what she said to me." Seungcheol shook his head, his coffee eyes shadowed by his hair. "I know, exactly, what you're feeling. And I'm sorry." His voice cracked, cracking Jeonghan's heart along with it. "I'm sorry that I didn't fight it early enough, that I let myself be trained like a dog until I became the man my father wanted me to be. I knew, that day of the crash. I knew that it was too late, that I was going to grow up to be exactly like him, the man I was always too afraid to fight. I'm sorry that I can't protect you from myself." 

Jeonghan's heart broke. "Seungcheol..." 

The elder hung his head, his shoulders heaving with silent sobs. 

Jeonghan stood up and softly approached him. "Seungcheol, please look at me." He reached out and gently held the elder's face, lifting his head so their eyes met. Tentatively, he reached down and took one of Seungcheol's hands in both his own. The elder's eyes widened, and he stared at thier hands before lifting his eyes to Jeonghan's again. 

"Seungcheol," He started softly. "You know what I see when I look in your eyes?" 

He didn't reply. 

A deep breath. A small gulp. Then he spoke. "I see a demon." 

Seungcheol's eyes flashed with fear. 

"But you know what else I see? I see you. I see the man who came to me for a deal, I see a man that let me into his apartment, when no one else has ever seen it. I see a man who knows how to reach my dark spots, I see Choi Seungcheol, the man who runs a company while going to college. I see a man, different from his father." 

Seungcheol's eyes were dark. "You're wrong. I am my father." 

"No, you're not," Jeonghan said strongly, squeezing the elder's hand. "You are yourself. You fought." 

"Then why did I hurt you? Why have I made you feel that way about me, when all I want is for you to be comfortable with this whole thing?" 

Jeonghan took a deep breath and took Seungcheol's face. "Because. You're afraid. You were afraid when I came here the first time, you were afraid when I came in this room for the first time, you were afraid when I came to your ski resort, and now you're afraid. Again. But you don't need to be afraid. I'm here for you. I'm here for when you feel afraid, when you need someone to lean on. And I'll be there for the rest of these six weeks." 

Panic flashed across Seungcheol's face. "Uh, Jeonghan, about the six weeks--" 

"No." He held up a hand to stop the elder. "Let's not talk about the six weeks untill after the six weeks, okay? Let's just take this slow." 

Seungcheol gazed at him for a moment before lowering his head to Jeonghan's shoulder. "How can someone like you exist? After everything, after all the I put you through, you're still here, standing in front of me, telling me that you don't care about my past, you don't care about what I've done." 

Softly carding his fingers through Seungcheol's hair, he replied, "I know you aren't your father. I believe that you are you, Choi Seungcheol." 

The elder pulled away and reached up, softly intertwining thier fingers. His eyes rested on his wrist, so Jeonghan glanced down too, his face heating up when he saw the bracelet Seungcheol had gotten him that Friday of the party. 

"You're wearing the bracelet," he whispered, brushing his thumb over the Angel. 

Jeonghan blushed. "Yeah." 

Seungcheol looked at him through his eyelashes as he brought his wrist up to his mouth, kissing the soft skin on the inside of his wrist. "It's beautiful on you." 

"It's just a bracelet," Jeonghan mumbled, embarrassed at Seungcheol's sudden display of affection. 

"No," he elder hummed, reaching up and tracing his free hand across Jeonghan's jaw. "It's more." 

Jeonghan felt like his heart was shivering to death. It pounded wildly against his ribcage as Seungcheol leaned down, their lips meeting softly. It took his breath away immediately, making him feel light headed. If it weren't for Seungcheol's arms sliding around his waist, he would've collapsed. He kissed him back gently, but passionately, feeling like right now, Seungcheol needed him more than ever. The kiss quickly escalated, Jeonghan's fingers tangled tightly into the elder's hair as they stumbled back and fell on Seungcheol's disaster of a bed. Seungcheol wasted no time, quickly sliding Jeonghan's denim jacket off his shoulders and throwing it into the pile of clothes on the floor.  He gasped when the elder slid his hand under his shirt, his cold fingers ghosting over his sensitive skin. 

But he was scared. 

Jeonghan was nowhere near a , but it certainly had been a while since he'd had any kind of ual activity. Also, this was Seungcheol. This was someone that made Jeonghan fall in love in three weeks. This was someone who feared himself, who feared his past. This was someone who could break your heart over an over, but you wouldn't let yourself let go. Seungcheol was someone who Jeonghan didn't want to trust, with anything. But despite the doubts, despite the pain, he felt his heart give in, knowing that in this exact moment, Seungcheol needed him. Needed him as more than a way to get a girl off his back, as more than someone to play pretend with. Needed him as the exact thing they had both sternly agreed they definitely were not. Needed him as an equal, a partner. A boyfriend. A lover. 

"Seungcheol," Jeonghan breathed, pushing gently on the elder's shoulders. 

He leaned back, looking down at Jeonghan through eyes hooded with something less feral than lust, but more intense. "Is something wrong?"

Jeonghan chewed his lip. "Are you sure?" 

Seungcheol blinked in surprise, then took in thier position. They place they were in right now was a place that had not been discussed in their agreement. But Seungcheol just lowered his head down to Jeonghan's jaw, nosing along the bone. "Make me feel like I'm not him. Make me remember who I am, like only you can do." 

So this was it. Jeonghan's heart quivered with anxiety of what would come after, but Seungcheol needed this. Needed him. Jeonghan doubted that this would ever happen again, that this would ever happen again in these six weeks, but the elder was practically begging him to help, to make him remember.

He closed his eyes, knowing that if they were going to stop, then this would be the time to speak up. Seungcheol had started to leave lingering kisses agaist his face and jaw, his lips softly moving from one place to the next, barely leaving his skin as they moved, his breath ghosting over his face. His heart hammering, Jeonghan knew that this was it. This was when he could finally let himself fully believe that they weren't just fake, they weren't just an act. This was when he could let himself really love the elder in the way he wanted. 

And so he surrendered. 

I love you. But I can't.

/      /      /

"Junnie-Hyung!" 

Jun turned to see Chan waving energetically at him from a few meters away, (surprise surpise!) Minghao at his side. The elder of the two looked uncomfortable, the way he had when Jun first approached him in the free dance club. It brought back a few memories that stabbed at his heart like little demons with pitchforks laughing evilly in high-pitched voices. 

Shaking himself out, Jun shoved a smile into his mouth and headed over to them. Chan was practically vibrating with excitement, and as soon as Jun was within touching distance, the freshman flung himself at him, his arms wrapped tight around his neck as he screamed into his ear. 

"Woah, Chan, calm down," Jun commanded, instictively turning his face away from Chan's mouth. "What happened?"

Chan pulled away, bouncing excitedly. Minghao placed a hand on the freshman's shoulder and cast an amused glance at Jun, making his heart race. "The kid aced his biology test." 

Jun blinked, his attention swerving to the freshman in a second. "You did? That's great!" 

Chan trembled with happiness. "And it's all because of you, Hyung!" 

Jun scratched his neck. "Nah."

"Are you serious?" Chan's mouth was open wider than a hippo's when it yawned. "You helped me so much!"

Minghao's little discreet nod was what made Jun shut up. "Then, thanks, I guess."

Chan giggled and latched onto Jun's arm. "Will you buy lunch to celerate?" 

"Chan," Minghao scolded. "That's rude."

But Chan's pouty lips melted Jun's heart. "No, it's alright, I can buy lunch." 

Minghao coughed. Jun immediately felt guilty. Minghao probably hadn't wanted to go out for lunch with him. 

"Yay!" Chan started to drag him off campus, Minghao trailing behind. "There's this really good burger place in the city, and all we have to do is catch a cab! They have this really good elk burger that HaoHao-hyung always gets, and everytime he does, he complains that he can't eat it all, and he eats it all every time!" Chan continued to blabber on, but Jun's attention had shifted from the freshman to his ex. Minghao's face was bright red as Chan talked about his eating habits, and Jun smiled, finding it cute. Minghao glanced at him, and Jun's smile widened. The petite male flushed an even brighter shade. 

"Chan~" He whined, awkwardly looking at Jun out of the corner of his eye. "Don't say that!" 

The freshman giggle, but it was abrubtly cut off. "Is that Hannie-hyung? Getting out of a Porsche??" 

Jun looked away from Minghao to see his roommate climbing out of a familiar blue Porsche, the owner of the car holding the door for him. "It is," He hummed. "And that's Seungcheol." 

Jun suddenly knew why his roommate hadn't come home last night. 

And Minghao suddenly knew something he had hoped would never happen again. 

Hey, what's up guys, is chapter came really quick cuz my sister proofread it really fast, so that's good. I hipe you guys gathered what happened wihSeungcheol and Jeonghan, and I hope your questions have been answered!

also, I found someone to make my video, so look forward to that, I'll let you guys know when it's ready!!

until next time my lovely nerds!!