Jessica

After reading and listening to some music, I was finally ready to leave my room again. It was quiet outside and some part of me had hoped that Tiffany would not have gone with Taeyeon. I hoped to see her in her room, or at the couch, watching the television. I did a whole lot of thinking in the confinement of my room and decided that I shouldn’t hurt Tiffany anymore than I could. But my heart broke when I saw my empty apartment.

“I can’t believe she left,” I muttered sadly.

The apartment felt really empty without her, emptier than it originally had been, and it was really quiet without her usual laughter or yelling to answer the phone. Without her around, the phone didn’t ring anyway. Maybe it was best that I left her the way she was. That would save me a lot of pain and trouble. But then, the pain and trouble was worth it. I chided myself for thinking that way when she is happy now, and in that sense, I feel happy for providing her with food and shelter. Maybe that’s all I was meant for. Maybe I wasn’t meant to be a sister to Tiffany. Maybe Taeyeon is meant for her instead. But why does my heart say different?

“She really did leave,” I whispered and let my head fall onto the cushions of the couch.

I had nothing else to do, so I left as well. I took a walk around the park to clear my mind and breathe some fresh air. I saw couples on the bench, being sickeningly adorable and loving. I missed those days when love was as simple as confessing and holding hands. I missed those days when all we had to say was ‘I like you’ and blush and that would win you a kiss on the cheek or the lips. Then, the boys would say, ‘I like you too’, and we will go out and have lots of fun and endure all odds because we were a couple. That didn’t exist now.

 Back then, there wasn’t any ‘I’m going to leave you all alone in this world because I have an incurable disease’, or ‘I hope you’ll live well and happy without me’. Even worse, ‘You have to move-on’. There wasn’t any, ‘I don’t feel the spark anymore,’ or ‘I have someone else’. When love was an innocent word, wait, no. Love is never innocent. Only the way people perceive it is. Love is two different things to two different people. Love could be holding hands and kissing under a cherry blossom tree, or love could be a night in bed with no cares and no worries. To me, love is letting go. I have let go of so many loved ones in my life. My mother, my best friend, Yuri…and now Tiffany. I didn’t hate love, but thought of it as an essential part of life. Some people think life is all about love. Those people still perceive love innocently in a typical framework; fall in love as teenagers, get married, have babies and grow old together as they watch their children grow. But life is different…very different.

Tiffany

Taeyeon took me to the amusement park and we rode all kinds of rides. For some time, I had been worried for and thought excessively of Jessica, but after a while, just by being with Taeyeon, I completely forgot about her. Taeyeon was so different compared to Jessica. Taeyeon was carefree and wild, but Jessica was very realistic. They took a roller-coaster that made my hair fly all over the place and Taeyeon had to drag me to the restroom to tidy it up for me. Taeyeon was so endearing and sweet that I couldn’t help but to fall in those deep, pitch black eyes that were windows to her soul. Somehow, it reminded me of Jessica.

“Hey, the sun’s almost setting. Should we take one last ride on the Ferris Wheel?” Taeyeon smiled and grabbed my hand, tugging me towards the huge Ferris wheel.

I hadn’t been in an amusement park in ages, and I missed riding the rides. Taeyeon fulfilled my wants by allowing me to go on all of them, and even went on various rides herself. As we boarded the Ferris wheel, the small carriages started to rotate around in a slow circle. As we mounted towards the top, Taeyeon took my hands and smiled warmly and sincerely at me. But I winced and looked away, suddenly reminded of my painful past.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” she asked worriedly and her hands went up to the sides of my face immediately.

I pushed her hands away and found myself staring into deep, onyx eyes that were endless. Before I knew it, I was jumping into something I had always doubted.

Jessica

It was dark when she got back and I was ready to call Krystal to ask for that danshin’s number to call her and demand her to bring Tiffany back. Tiffany stumbled through the doorway, waving to the danshin, I presume. She looked…anything but normal. It was as if she was drunk. Enraged, I crossed my arms and watched her, seething quietly on the couch. She shut the door behind her and walked past me. And the look that she gave to me while she walked past me…it was fear.

“So…what? You aren’t talking to me now?” she said, but I could hear her slightly wavering voice.

I didn’t say anything in reply, but merely ducked my head, the muscles in my jaw and neck jumping. I played with my fingers nervously.

“Figures,” she muttered and rolled her eyes, sauntering into the kitchen.

“You’re not drunk, aren’t you?”

She came out of the kitchen, looking flustered. “No.”

“Good. That’s one thing you’re not,” I flinched when I said it. I didn’t mean to; it just rolled off my tongue before I could stop it.

At this, she became angry. She stormed out of the kitchen and in front of me, blocking my entire view of anything else. I tried hard not to flinch as she glared at me. Then I remembered my promise not to hurt her and became silent, mute to her advances. She crossed her arms.

“Who do you think I am? Do I look like some random e you can just pick up from a sidewalk? Do you really think that lowly of me?” she demanded. “Look at me!”

Slowly, I looked up at her. My face was blank and I gave away nothing. I remained impassive throughout her outburst.

“Maybe, you should just leave me back at the bench! Maybe things would be easier that way!” she screamed, tears in her eyes.

I couldn’t take it anymore. I snapped. How could she doubt the reason I brought her in? By doubting that, she was questioning my feelings for her and calling my feelings for her fake. But to wish that we never have met…I felt my heart shatter again.

“Stop!” I bellowed, rising to my feet.

She stopped shouting. Instead, she stared at me with wide eyes as if she couldn’t believe that I had just yelled at her. And I never had yelled at her like this before.

“Stop talking! Just stop!” my eyes were sparkling with tears now, tears that I disallowed to fall. “Please, just stop.”

At the sight of my vulnerability, her glare disappeared into a puzzled and remorseful expression and her features softened. My hand raised, palm facing her before falling to my side. My voice shook as I spoke and my breath caught in my throat. My head tilted to one side and let my fringe cover one of my eyes, casting a shadow over my face.

“Just…leave me alone,” I managed to hold my tears in until I had the door shut behind my back.

I slid down onto the floor, the door rubbing behind my back as I leaned my head against the door. Tears streamed down my face silently. I made no sound as I cried, except for the occasional whimper or the sniffle. Only a single name escaped my lips.

“Yuri-ah…”

Readers’ Note:

Hey guys. I’m just going to upload this for now. Good thing I’ve prepared the chapters way before hand. Life’s a pain with the homework, the CCAs, tough teachers. At least I’ve got some friends to make the day worthwhile. Well, enjoy!

Thank you for reading!

Yours Faithfully
Jazzign