Jessica

I can see how this is killing her. She seemed much more distant these days. I don’t know what made me think that way; probably the blank look in her eyes when she stared at her phone, the way she avoids any topic related to Taeyeon, how she would touch her lips unconsciously as if she had been thinking of someone else’s lips on them. I made it clear; I gave her up when I met Taeyeon, but some part of me said otherwise. Some part of me was screaming at me to fight back, to do something, anything. I just couldn’t. I didn’t want to hurt Tiffany. She walked into the room, stared at something for a little while, then left. I watched her from outside, not able to comprehend what she had been doing.

“Tiffany,” I called.

She turned to me, staring nonchalantly at me before a small smile graced her features. It didn’t exactly comfort me.

“Yes, Jessie?” she said evenly.

“What are you doing?”

She looked back over her shoulder, phone held closely to her chest, and then faced me with hollow eyes. “Nothing. Just thought I forgot something in there.”

 I frowned slightly. It was days after my discharge from the hospital and she had stopped conversing with me about all those things that hurt me, but now I found myself strangely missing them. Taeyeon was too easy; there was no competition. My competition was Tiffany’s unyielding heart.

“Well, did you find it?”

She nodded slowly and bounded to her room. I could see it, the bare pain that she had not bothered to hide in her eyes, the slight quiver in her lips whenever someone mentioned Taeyeon. I hated it, but tried to be understanding. I realise I was a flawed human being, but so was Taeyeon and Tiffany. I leaned back onto the couch, my heart yanked out of my chest, trailing closely behind Tiffany just in case she needed one.

Tiffany

I was still pretty upset over the entire thing; Taeyeon especially. How could she just tell me to give up on Jessica? How could she just have said it as easily as that? How dare she say that to me? I slept the entire time, comforting myself in the depths of my blanket. Sleep came easily to me, as tired and drained as I was. Somehow, a small part of me felt guilty for neglecting Jessica who had been patient with me all this while, but I had sort out my conflicting emotions before I could face her.

I was cold. The entire place was cold. The hard, seemingly concrete floor was cold under my bare feet. I flinched with every step I took, not that I knew where I was going. Instead, it was instinct that called out to me. Ahead, I saw two figures standing. Their faces were blurred and I couldn’t make out who they were, though they seemed very familiar. Something in me sparked as I cautiously made my way towards them. They were standing so still, clad in white, and I thought that I was staring at statues instead of what they seem to be; human. As I got closer, their faces snapped into focus, and I found myself breathless again.

“Tiffany,” Jessica smiled to my left.

“Pani-ah,” Taeyeon outstretched a hand towards me to my right.

What kind of joke is this? I couldn’t move, my eyes darting from Taeyeon to Jessica. Both of them seemed to be waiting for something, for an ultimatum that would push one away and pull the other closer. I simply stood there, gaping at the two girls that held a significant value to me. Before I could do anything, something caught my attention. There was something sparkling on Jessica’s face and I reached my hand out in curiosity, frowning as I felt wetness at my fingertips.

“Jessi, why are you crying?” I asked softly.

She turned away from me, walking away into nothingness. I called out to her, but she didn’t turn around no matter what I did. I couldn’t run after her; something held me back. Finally, before she faded away, she turned, her eyes wet with a sad, melancholy smile that graced her gentle features.

“You don’t need me, Tiff. You never did. I was always there, but you never seemed to realise it. You don’t see me, you only see Taeyeon. You don’t need me, and so I should go away,” she said, smiling through those tears.

I could tell that she was trying hard to keep her voice from breaking, and it did. Towards the end, Jessica couldn’t keep her control and it slipped, revealing the hurt I had never seen before. Every hurtful thing I’ve said, I’ve done, could be seen in those tearful eyes. And I could, in turn, see the hurt in those tears that rolled down her face. She walked away with heavy steps until I could no longer see her retreating form. I felt warm tears run down my face as well, knowing that I had just lost someone very dear to me. Suddenly I felt warm arms around me and looked into lively, onyx eyes.

“You chose me, Pani-ah,” Taeyeon said, but it was not the voice I had wanted to hear.

“No, Taeyeon, no, I don’t—please stop,” I begged, fighting against Taeyeon’s surprisingly strong arms to try to catch up to Jessica, even if I had no idea where she was.

“Jessica! Jessica, wait! Come back!” I screamed repeatedly, thrashing wildly against the bonds that bound me against my will. But was it really against my will?

When that didn’t work, I fell to my knees, my feet finally able to work, but my mind was numb. Jessica was long gone. She was gone the moment I chose Taeyeon over her. The worst part was that I didn’t even try to stop her. I barely felt Taeyeon’s arms around me as I wept for the person that I needed most, the person who could comfort me, the person who cared all this while but was ignored and left to fade away.

“No, please don’t go. You can’t. You were supposed to stay.”

Jessica

I went to check up on her as I usually did, knocking on her door to see if she needed anything, to see if she was okay. When she didn’t open the door after a few knocks, I simply stepped in, assuming that she was probably sleep. And she was, as I slid in the door and stood over her blanketed form. There were sniffles and whimpers coming from the shaking form underneath her pink blanket. Immediately, I stripped her of her blanket and kneeled over her, the bed creaking slightly at the additional weight.

“Don’t go…supposed to stay,” she mumbled, tears running down her face.

Panicked, I shook her by the shoulders, not knowing what else I was supposed to do but to wake her up. She stirred, turning over and snuggling into my shoulder, still crying as she clutched my clothes tightly.

“Tiffany, wake up!” I shook her one last time.

Her eyes snapped open. Instead of tenderness and simplicity, they were desperate and hopeless. She sat upright, bolted from her dream and inhaled sharply, as if she was in pain. I sat by her side, rubbing her back.

“Tiff, what’s wrong?”

She stared at me, her face blank and nonchalant. It became so that I was going to call for help. My hand reached up to tidy the mess of her hair, but before I could, she grabbed my hand. Slowly, her face changed, the smooth blank mask of before twisting into something helpless and frightened. I recognised it instantly; it had been the same when I had lost Yuri. She launched herself at me, her body now racked with uncontrollable sobs. I rubbed her back in an attempt to comfort her, but she didn’t stop. Instead, her arms tightened around me.

“Don’t ever leave me, Jessi,” she sobbed into my neck.

“I won’t,” I promised, though I couldn’t be sure that I could keep it.

I felt somewhat relieved to be embraced by her, but it wasn’t the one I had expected. Nonetheless, I held her for the entire night, something I wasn’t sure Taeyeon would have done.

Readers’s Note:

Okay, to sum it all up, Tiffany had a dream. That dream symbolises Tiffany’s choice, and Jessica’s withdrawal even before Tiffany could choose for sure. Tiffany finally realises that she needs Jessica, and that she wants Jessica. For those who had been desperately waiting for JeTi, you’ll see it pretty soon. The thing is, it won’t be nice, where they’re heading.

Thank you for reading!

Yours Faithfully
Jazzign