Tiffany

I froze when she yelled at me. I have never heard her yell at me that way before. What shocked me even more were the unshed tears in her eyes, and the deep pain in her eyes. At that moment, I felt guilty. She had given me shelter, food and a place to call home and asked for nothing in return. And now I had hurt her. Her voice cracked at the last moment and she looked at one last time before running to her room and closing the door with a soft thud. It took me a while to move. It felt as if I couldn’t control my legs at all. My feet moved subconsciously, walking towards Jessica’s door as if I was in a trance. I slipped down onto the floor and pressed my ear against the door. It was quiet on the other side, until I heard whimpers and sniffles just on the other side of the door. I had made her cry…I hate myself for hurting her.

“Yuri-ah.”

I heard that name from her lips. And she had called on that name with such love, such tenderness that my frozen heart began to beat again. Yuri? I pressed my ear harder against the door, alerted by the name. What else were you hiding from me, Jessica? I heard nothing else but Jessica crying.

“You can’t leave me alone here. You can’t just go like that! You aren’t supposed to just leave! You were supposed to stay here with me…and love me forever. But why did you go before forever? Was it because I loved you too little? Was it because God punished me to be undeserving of your love? You can’t just go like that. You can’t just…take everything, and leave me alone here with nothing. You have to come back, because you took all my love and you haven’t given it back yet!”

I heard her scream in a hoarse voice, but eventually, her screaming died down and faded into a soft, broken whisper. My heart ached just by hearing the raw emotion in her voice.

“They told me to let go. They told me that I’m being selfish by holding you back and refusing to move on. They told me that things would be easier if I let you go. But I can’t do all of those things. Because I loved you too much, because if there isn’t a Yuri for me to love, I will fall apart.”

This time, her voice became even weaker than before. There was a pounding on the floor where Jessica had pounded her fists onto it. I winced at the sound of her flesh hitting the tiling. Jessica inhaled sharply, letting out a small cry of pain as the small wounds on her hands split open even wider. But the pain couldn’t compare with the pain she felt in her heart.

“I don’t see the point anymore, Yuri-ah. I can’t seem to find anything to live for. I don’t have anyone but Dad. And now, even Dad has lost his regard for me. I…don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know how I’m going to live life alone.”

My head snapped up when she talked. Please don’t…Jessica can’t commit suicide. The Jessica I knew was hard, cold and protective. She was strong. But only now did I realise that she was only strong on the outside, but was unbelievably soft and easily hurt inside. And all this time, I had been hurting her and she still let me stay here. I got to my feet immediately, banging and pounding on the door when there was silence on the other side.

“Jessica!” I yelled, trying for the doorknob, but letting out a grunt of frustration when I found it locked. “Jessica, open the door! Jessica? Open the goddamned door! Damn it, Jessica!”

With the newly-found strength I had, I kicked open the door, busting the door off its hinges so that it lay hanging against the wall. Jessica’s form was on the bed, under the sheets. In her still form, I couldn’t tell if she was breathing or not. What attracted my attention was the small pool of blood that collected behind the door. Frantically scrambling on the bed, I found her breathing, but her hands were bloody.

“Jessica, thank god,” I sighed, immensely relieved that she didn’t do anything stupid.

While Jessica was still asleep, I changed her bandages, wincing at the sight of exposed flesh. After applying some ointment, I let her hands rest on a pillow nearby. I bit my lips, looking at her sleeping form with guilt.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered and leaned down to give her a kiss on the cheek.

I cleaned up the blood on the floor and went back out to the living room to dispose of the soiled bandages and to wash the bloodied cloth. I pressed a hand to my temples, sighing. The guilt had found its way into me again, eating me from the inside out. I kept on thinking of my time with Taeyeon earlier, and she had kissed me. And in that kiss, I felt the love, the passion and the sincerity in her. It changed things for me, things that Jessica wanted to change in me. Taeyeon had done it. I wasn’t afraid anymore, not after Taeyeon had shown me the real meaning of love. I smiled at the thought of the kiss, her scent still lingering on my lips. Gently, I touched my lips where she had kissed me. It wasn’t my first, but it was something I wished I had for my first. And somehow, some part of me wanted Taeyeon to be my first as well.

Readers’ Note:

Finally, some TaeNySic conflict! I’ve been dying to write this. Sorry I couldn’t update sooner. Been occupied by life. Finally! Orientation’s over!

Thank you for reading!

Yours Faithfully
Jazzign