Tiffany

It was warm where I was, comfortably warm. I nestled deeper into the warmth, a distant heartbeat dully thudding against my ears. It was the loveliest thing I have ever heard. Unconsciously, my arms clutched at her, desperately clinging on. A small whimper escaped my lips and I muttered incomprehensible words. My head found its place at her neck, where I could hear her steady breathing, and my hands came up against our chests, balled into fists.

“Shh…it’s okay, it’s okay. I’m here,” I heard her say as she my hair reassuringly.

It was easier to fall asleep in her arms than it was on my own. When I woke, though, she was gone; the bed was empty and the bare space next to me sparked something in my heart, like a fire from a flint. I knew she had been here last night. It couldn’t be just a dream, could it? It felt so real, so warm last night. It couldn’t be a dream. Tears streamed down my face. What if it really was a dream?

“Tiff?” there was a knock on the door and I heard Jessica’s voice on the other side.

I turned over to my side, choosing to ignore the frantic knocking and Jessica’s pleading.

“Come on, please open the door. I’m sorry if I did anything wrong. Please, Tiff.”

It was just a dream. It was nothing more than a dream, a lucid, surreal figment of my imagination. I yearned for the comfort and warmth I had felt yesterday; even when I knew that I would never experience the same thing again. There was a sigh on the other side of the door and I shut my eyes tight, trying to sleep. Maybe sleep would cure me of my pain.

Jessica

I waited for a while longer for her to open the door. I had slipped out of her bed when I saw that she was soundly asleep, muttering both Taeyeon’s and my name. It hurt me to know that even in her sleep, she was still thinking of that kid, but it comforted me that I was, at least, still in her thoughts. I had watched her sleep last night in my arms and kissed her forehead. Maybe I really was hurting her, maybe I was the one who had been standing in her way all this while. I couldn’t stand it, and so I left her room.

“Please open the door, Tiff,” I tried again.

When I received no response, I decided to barge in. My steps faltered at the doorframe, watching the fragile girl who had been curled up to her side, shaking slightly. Why must I always be the one to hold her when she needed it? Why shouldn’t Taeyeon do that? I went over to her side, but found her face to be buried against the pillow. I touched her shoulder lightly.

“Tiff,” I called softly.

I had promised to stay, I knew I did. I had promised to be there for her. I had promised to take care of her. But all these promises came up empty in the end, because I couldn’t fulfil my promise that was meant for someone else instead.

Tiffany, I hope you live well with Taeyeon by your side. But I can’t go yet. There are still some things I need to fix before I leave your side.

“Tiffany…I’ll help you. I’ll help you,” I whispered, leaning my forehead lightly against hers.

I closed my eyes at the touch, a single tear escaping and slipping down my face.

“I promised to, didn’t I?” I let out a soft, bitter laugh. “I’ll do anything for you.”

She stirred, but didn’t wake. Finally satisfied, I pulled back, gazing at that face, hoping to somehow imprint it into memory. The tear had fallen past my face and onto her lips, welling on those red lips like a drop of blood. No, I shouldn’t be the one to stare longingly at her like this. I didn’t want to do this anymore; I was the only one who would gladly walk away. I didn’t want to hurt her anymore, and so this was what I chose.

I grabbed my phone, and dialled a few numbers. By afternoon, I had to meet someone who would secure her part of the deal forever and seal that part of my heart for life. I walked slowly, staggeringly, towards the small café located near Taeyeon’s apartment. I wanted time to stop so that I could run back and take Tiffany in my arms, but I went on. Time will not stop for me. I saw her at the back of the café, sipping on some coffee in the cold weather. Strangely, I didn’t feel the cold, only the frozen tears from my heart. Taeyeon looked, if was in any way possible, older. She had some maturity about her now that was absent before. Her eyes were gaunt now, less lively than before. They seemed to be opaque instead of the flowing liquid eyes then. She stood in greeting as I approached the table.

“What is that you wanted to talk about?” she asked cautiously.

I gave her a small, tired smile. “You’ll take good care of her, right?”

She frowned in confusion, but nodded slowly. “Yes. Why are you asking?”

“And when there’s a thunderstorm at night, you’ll hold her, right? You’ll sing her to sleep when she can’t sleep, right? You’ll comfort her when she has a nightmare, won’t you?”

Taeyeon stared into my eyes and I flinched. I had never really stared into her eyes. It scared me to know that the lively spark in them was almost extinguished.

“I’ll do anything she wants me to do,” Taeyeon stated with finality.

I nodded. “Good. Please take care of her. Oh, and Taeyeon, I forgive you,” I said as I stood up.

Taeyeon arched her eyebrows, puzzled. “What for?”

“For convincing Tiffany to give up on me.”

Before I could walk away, she called out for me. “Wait! How did you know that?”

“Well, I was there, wasn’t I?” I answered, walking away before tears clouded my vision.

I had lost everything just like that. But it was okay. I’m happy. So why does my heart says differently?