That night, Sarah just stayed in her room the whole time ever since she got home. She locked herself up, squeezing herself on one corner of her room while crying. She might have known that she was nothing to Baekhyun right now but hearing it right from his mouth - even in a worse way, she just couldn't help but to feel dejected right now. Taking her phone out, she dialed her mother's number. She badly needs her right now - she didn't care anymore if her mother wasn't still aware of her involvement with Baekhyun at all, she just need to pour it all out to her. "Hello? Dear, isn't it late there already? Why are you're sleeping yet?” her mom, Mrs. Jacobs asked. "Eomma... c-can you comfort me? J-just a bit and then I sleep?" She asked while sobbing hard. "Honey, are you alright? What happened?" Mrs. Jacobs asked in so much worry. "Eomma, can I not say for now? I just really.... N-need you right now..." Sarah murmured and gasped for air as she cried even harder hearing her mother's concerned voice. "Sarah... whatever it is that you're going through in there... I know you're alone but I also know that you're a strong girl. Right? I don't have a weak baby right?" Mrs. Jacobs asked. Sarah closed her eyes tightly as she sobbed barely with a sound right now, she couldn't breathe well but she was nodding as if her mom would see it. "Yes... I'm strong.... " She murmured while nodding eagerly but her face tells otherwise. "If it's about job... always know that you're a very talented girl so don't let anyone put you down, alright? And if it's with friends or... about love... you always know you can always run to the persons who loves you the most... and that's I and your Dad alright?" Mrs. Jacobs continued and Sarah would just nod constantly. 

"E-eomma... i-it's about a boy..."

"Okay, dear. Just relax and tell me if you're ready and if not, I can always wait for the right time until you are." Her Mom said. "Eomma... it's very complicated... h-he's complicated... w-we are—I don't know what we are but... I l-love him..." Sarah cried out and was hugging her knees together. "Honey, everything really gets complicated at all times, don't I always tell you that?" Mrs. Jacobs asked. "I know, Eomma... but it's so hard to deal with what he wants and how he sees things that I don't thi—“Sarah... listen to Eomma..." Mrs. Jacobs cut her off and so Sarah stopped from speaking right away. "Two persons... involved in a relationship can't always be the same, think the same and do the same things... Eomma is a hundred percent sure that this boy is different from you. He might say things that you can't say... and think about things that you have never thought of but... that's what builds the relationship itself. Love is acceptance... If you really love him, you should accept what is and what's not about him." Sarah listened very well that made her cry even more. The whole time, Baekhyun's face was flashing in her mind. "It's time to avoid depending on signs and fate dear... make your own... cause it's your life. Not because he doesn't reach your ideas of a good man... think about how you've come to love him... as him alone. Without anything leading you ahead." Mrs. Jacobs added. "I will give you time to think about what I said and then when you've thought of it, put it into actions... then tell Eomma about everything okay? You go ahead and rest first... I love you honey... I'll hung up now." Mrs. Jacobs lastly said before ending the call to give Sarah her space.

Once the conversation ended, the dark room was filled with silence again but Sarah wasn't crying anymore. "W-why do I love him..." She murmured to herself. "Is it still really about Dream Boy checklist? Cause I loved him before I could even complete the list..." She self-talked while wiping her tears. It still hurts her to remember the words Baekhyun told her earlier but before all of that, he also showed her something else that she hasn't seen from him before. The way he made out with her earlier, the way he pleasured her so much like it's his own pleasure as well – she felt love. The way he looked at her while doing such - she saw his eyes glistening with joy, not the usual lust... and the way he let out his obvious jealousy about boys surrounding her - showed her his fear to lose her. She bit her bottom lip while in deep thought, now she was starting to feel sorry for him. He's a very sad person. He's always scared. He's very sensitive as to why he's moody. Sarah couldn't even imagine how much worries he has inside his head every single day. Add the fact of how complicated and exhausting his job is - it's very sad. He wasn't a good man, he wasn't the greatest of all, he's insecure, he's indecisive, he's a coward - everything that a girl would never look for in a man. But nevertheless, she loves him and she knows deep within him that he feels the same way.

Her deep thoughts were interrupted when she heard the doorbell ringing. At this kind of hour, she could only think of one person and of course it was him. No one would make such effort to go to her at these times. Getting off the bed, she stood there for a second as she made her own conclusion to her thoughts. "He loves me back." She murmured and wiped her tears. Walking out of her room, she made it very gently to go to the front door. Once she had opened it, she saw what she was just expecting. A Byun Baekhyun with his very apologetic expression. She maintained a blank face as she looked back at him, not caring anymore if her nose was very red and her eyes were all swollen. "You're sorry. I know." She said and turned around to walk again but left the door open to let him in. Baekhyun stepped in and closed the door behind him. "Sarah, we're leaving for MAMA tomorrow, let's not be like this..." He said with his concerned voice. "We're fine." Sarah answered and she arrived at the couch and flopped down. She turned the TV on and just stared at the screen the whole time. Baekhyun walked to the TV set and blocked it. "Let's talk. Please. About earlier, I really didn—“You say I should know to the start right? I know, Oppa. So no problem." She said and tried to flip the channel but Baekhyun reached for the button at the side of the TV and turned it off completely. "No, you need to know that I didn't mean it. I swear it's not what I think of you and I—“Then what? What you think of me... whatever is... will never be like what I think of you... so no need talk." Sarah answered back. Baekhyun walked towards her and slowly knelt down just to level with her face. He held onto her kneecaps and looked at her with his pleading eyes. "Please...” He murmured and Sarah's eyes glittered again as she saw the love in his eyes that he never let out through words.

"W-why..."

"Please... forgive me of what I said. I c-can't... I can't work well if you're like t—“Why." Sarah asked again but still, the man couldn’t answer the question. "Sarah, please..." He looked down almost burying his face on her lap and his voice has gone shaky. "Y-you tell me why first..." Sarah murmured with a firm tone. Baekhyun kept on shaking his head but she could already hear him breathing heavily and could feel his hot breathe against the skin of her thigh. "Please... Sarah, I'm sorry. I swear I won't ever say that again... Just forgive me cause I don't know how to perform well if—“If I don't relief Oppa stress?" Sarah asked. Baekhyun looked up and eagerly shook his head. "N-no, I said it isn't like that... Sarah please listen to me... I just don't want you inv—“No I want to know why!" Sarah shouted - for the first time - that left Baekhyun speechless. "Tell me!" She added and pushed him on the chest. He landed on his but stayed there. Bending his legs up, Baekhyun slowly placed his elbows on his knees and covered his face. "W-why not tell me..." Sarah's voice came out murmured this time and she began crying. Watching him covering his face with his trembling hands, Sarah felt sorry at the same time frustrated for him. "W-what's very scaring for... you... to love me?" She hushed in between sobs. "I'm not make you happy?" She asked. Baekhyun put his hands down and quickly shook his head. He was already crying. He pulled himself up again and hugged Sarah on the waist. "N-no it isn't like that—please... D-don't get mad, please..." He cries and Sarah's shirt is already getting drenched with his tears. It pains her to see him having a hard time on showing his real feelings, she could see how much phobia he got from it. "Please.. d-don't force me to say it... B-but I can't stay still knowing you're mad. I'm so sorry... Sarah, please... I beg you, you need to underst—“ Without letting him finish, Sarah got off the couch going down the carpeted floor as well and hugged him. Baekhyun began sobbing harder and his whole body trembled along. He hugged her much tighter and Sarah never expected he would act like this. He looked like a lost kid who was abandoned by his whole family.

"H-how much they hurt you to make you like this, Oppa..."

She closed her eyes tight while rubbing the crying man's back. "J-just don't leave me, please.... " He cried out while burying his face on the crook of his neck. Not in a joking way but Sarah actually feels like Baekhyun need to go take a real break from everything, even thinking that it's best if he's counseled sometimes 'cause he seems to need some, if only she can but the struggle to counsel in the language is what worries her. He needs time for himself, he needs time to freshen up for real, he needs time to relax his mind out, he needs time to be out of everyone's attention. Being an idol might have made it worse for him to handle everything and it was all coming out now, Sarah's the witness of the real Byun Baekhyun. "Oppa... you need rest." She murmured and tried to pull away from the hug but Baekhyun wouldn’t let go. "N-no... I'm fine. " He answered back while sniffing. "Talk to EXO... your problems and I give you space for a while, okay? You take everything res—“No... You can't do that. Don't give me space, please..." Baekhyun pleaded while eagerly shaking his head. "Oppa... is it not right to talk to your company? C-could tell them to give you rest because all the bad thing this year happened... ask for re—“No, can't do. Please... Just stay, please understand me..." Baekhyun insisted.

In the end, Sarah didn't win. He was too scared of the company; he was too scared of himself. Right now, she could see him only finding strength through her although he wouldn't say it aloud. She wasn't being a martyr because she knew she wasn't the only one suffering, he is too. Pushing him off a bit harder this time, she held onto his face and wiped his tears. "Can you tell me all bad things that happened? All?" She asked. Although he has mentioned a little about his ex-girlfriend, he hasn’t told her everything. Baekhyun faintly nodded and was pulled up by her to sit on the couch. "Don't cry anymore, okay?" She asked and finished off wiping his face dry again. "Don't like you crying..." She murmured before leaning her head on his shoulder and hugged his arm. Baekhyun looked down and bit his lower lip. He couldn't open his mouth to say it but he knew it himself. He loves her. "Oppa, tell me now... I listen well..." Sarah said softly. "Starting when?" He hesitantly asked still with his cracked, hoarse voice. "Whatever when..." She answered and simply his arm like he's a puppy. Baekhyun cleared his throat and readied himself to speak but then, "I-I can't..." He murmured making Sarah look with a frown. "Oppa... don't trust me?" She asked. "N-not like that. I just..." Baekhyun looked down but Sarah grabbed him by the chin making him look up again.  "Just look my eyes while you say." She said with her reassuring tone. And so he decided to speak up to her - beyond what everyone knew.

"My first love was... my cousin."

Sarah's eyes widen as she stared back at him. He was looking back and his eyes showed full of insecurities and fear. "S-she never knew of course...  and s-she's... she's a noona..." He looked away but Sarah still grabbed his chin to maintain their eye-contact. She then nodded signaling him to go on. "I-it's very wrong, I knew... B-but I couldn't help it. I was... just sixteen and I just... I don't know." He was tempted to look away out of humiliation but Sarah makes him feel at ease because her eyes didn't how judgment. "And so... I tried erasing my feelings out when... she had a boyfriend. I tried liking someone else... but I only managed to move on when I was around nineteen... I learned to like a girl who... l-liked me since middle school. She's very lively and makes me smile always so it wasn't hard to adore her back." He said and smiled a bit. Sarah nodded again and smiled as well. "So I... I confessed to her and then... of course she accepted... we became together but only in a very short period of time... c-cause I was casted by SM and they told us to break up with our girlfriends if we have..." He said and bit his lower lip. "I... I think it was easier for me to do that because I didn't like her as much as she did but... it still hurt me to see her b-begging and I can't choose her because... I w-want to be a singer and I was such a jerk that time. When I got casted I admit... I got some big issues on my ego since I was accepted into such company without so much effort... It wasn't hard for me to leave the girl but... realizing it now, it felt horrible to imagine what I did and said back then." He explained. "Okay... then Taeyeon Unni after?" Sarah asked.

"No... "

"Eh?" Sarah asked in shock. Now this is the tough part for him cause Nabi and Sarah are good friends. "When I became a trainee, in just a short period of time I got into the debut team... in between those times, I met a girl. Whom I fell in love with at first sight." He began with his hesitant expression. "It's... Lee Nabi." He finally said it and tried to look away but Sarah maintained her calm expression while looking back, but it was obvious that she was a bit stunned by it because of how her eyes dilated. "That time... she was already together with Kyungsoo and that time as well, Kyungsoo and I are like... serious rivals and enemies if you could put it that way..." He said and this time, Sarah let him look down since he has calmed down already. "Cause I remember him saying if I didn't come, his trainee friend who's also at the debut team before I came would have been EXO... I knew he said it out of anger when that friend was kicked out because of me but... I started pulling grudges on him even more because at the same time, I felt insecure of him." He explained first. "So you steal Nabi?" Sarah asked and Baekhyun eagerly shook his head right away. "It wasn't like that... When I met Nabi, I didn't know she was related to Kyungsoo in any way. And... that time, the couple was already in a complicated situation and... Nabi and I became friends. Until one time, she accepted my invitation for a date." He explained. "Ha? W-with... her have boyfriend?" Sarah asked in shock. "She had a reason... she wanted Kyungsoo to break up with her because of SM but Kyungsoo wouldn't... He wanted to choose her instead of debuting... and Nabi didn't like that. She thought of cheating to make him leave but... she chose the wrong man to cheat with. She didn't know I was a trainee and Kyungsoo's future group mate." Baekhyun answered. "That day when we had a date, I thought... I met the one, you know that feeling? I thought she's going to be the one who will let me go against what SM wants... I didn't care about SM that time but then, I realized she actually used me to hurt Kyungsoo... he caught us kissing and of course... things happened and such." Baekhyun let out a bitter chuckle. Sarah pouted as she listened to it but she didn't get angry at Nabi anymore, it's in the past anyway.

"And that actually woke me up from being egoistic, being a bully and all... I straightened up my acts after encountering a broken hearted Kyungsoo... c-cause I saw myself in him... I remember myself being broken because of my first love whom I knew could never be mine..."

"That's why you very close..." Sarah said and Baekhyun responded with a nod. "And then there's Taeyeon Noona..." He now moved on to the only relationship the people knew of. "I'm not going to lie... I initially liked her for the face." He said and Sarah pouted while giving him a glare. "No, wait let me explain..." He said. The gloomy atmosphere from earlier slowly changed into a very comfortable one. "Sarah, of course... when you say Girls' Generation, you know they're the bomb. Even before I became I trainee, she's been there... I've seen her and I really adored her voice and stuffs..." He tried defending himself. "And I remember how it started. " He chuckled and scratched his head. "She took part as special mentor and you know like every fan—“Why are you blushing..." Sarah murmured and hit him on the chest. "Wait~ Let me explain, like every fan bo—“I'm jealous... you look happy..." Sarah frowned. "No, I said let me explain—Yah~" Baekhyun flinched when Sarah pinched his side. "Listen to me first, I'm a fan alright. I just can't help it. I just—“You like it so much... Not want to listen anymore." Sarah covered her ears while pouting hard. Baekhyun's jaw dropped but he had an amused smile on. "I made a move on her that day too..." He tried saying on her covered ears but she was moving away. "And since she was lonely that time too, she ace—“Eehhhkkk~, Not want to, make me jealous..." Sarah pulled away when Baekhyun tried to whisper his explanation out. "Yah~ What's to be jealous abo—yah, you said you will listen well!~" He said and they were already trying to fight over it. "She's so pretty so I’m very jealous..." Sarah murmured and had her eyes closed shut. Baekhyun calmed down from his playful state and looked down to her. "There's nothing to be jealous about... cause it's not an admirable relationship to start with." He continued which finally made Sarah look hesitantly. Baekhyun heaved a sigh as he smiled bitterly. "I didn't know she was that... occupied with her job, I mean it isn't bad but... it's like spotlight, the fame meant a lot to her more than anything... and like I told you before, she changed and then we only argued... we were on and off... Until it officially ended." He said. The atmosphere went back to seriousness and Sarah’s already listening intently. "Then..." He looked down to her. "Nabi came back..." He said and Sarah's eyes show worry. "Not want to hear it... T-they're together now... means you got hurt again. No... I understand well now... Okay okay now..." She hugged him on the waist while pouting hard. Baekhyun put an arm over her back and placed his chin on the crown of her hair.

"Oppa... I'm not force you anymore... Not force you to like me ba—“

"Sarah, I just don't want to enter another one of this... the status... the trouble that it will cause us, or will cause you..." He said. "Oppa, not gonna hurt you like the other girls... I'm no—“But what if I hurt you instead?" Baekhyun cut her off. "It's okay, Op—“No, not okay. Very very not okay. Whatever we do right now, I want to give you the freedom unlike taking y—“But you no want me to friends with boys..." Sarah cut him off. Baekhyun gulped and closed his mouth in a firm line - okay, that just caught him off guard like hell. "B-because... because freedom doesn't mean... e-entertaining other boys... Right? Y-you only like Oppa, right?” He asked. "Aniya, no commitment mean I can date bo—“No no no no..." Baekhyun put an index finger over her lips. "No commitment means one won't revolve his or her world to the other person be—“Aniya, Oppa you no understand it well, no commi—“But that's how I commit... so that why I don't want to... My world will... revolve around you." He said and Sarah was taken aback. "Then Oppa is committing right now." She said and Baekhyun gulped and looked away. "Aniya..." He murmured and slapped his own cheek for an unknown reason. "Oh really? Then if I say I want Oppa black hair you don't care?" Sarah asked with a smile.

"O-of course I don't... T-this is my hair, alright... you don't interfere..."

"Chincha?" Sarah asked while trying to peek at his face but he kept on turning away. "But Oppa you're committed to me so you need change your hair to black cause I want to." She said. "Andwae, not committed you." Baekhyun answered in broken language. “I mean I'm not committed to you. Yah, Sarah, you're a virus." He said and slapped his own mouth. Sarah only giggled before grabbing his face down. "I'm happy virus~" She said. "Aniya, that's Chanyeol." Baekhyun didn't agree making her pout. "You're aegyo virus." He hushed softly before capturing her lips for a sweet but passionate kiss. They were both smiling through the kiss until Sarah cut it short. "If Oppa... not ready to say love word yet... if Oppa is still not ready to call me a girlfriend... I'm gonna be fine and wait... But if Oppa have sadness and need love, I'm gonna give you happiness and love... I have very many inside." She said. "Really? Let me see." Baekhyun asked while chuckling and suddenly drabbed the neckline of Sarah's shirt and peeked inside. "Yah!~" She pulled away and hugged her body with her own arms. But then, he only pinned her down the couch with him on top. He stared down at her lovingly and Sarah could see it clearly - it felt better even if she couldn't hear it. His fingers ran gently on her hair putting a strand away from her face. "Marking someone officially mine, you know what scares me about it the most?" he asked. "What is it?" Sarah asked. "I always thought ever since I've decided not to commit... the scariest part is not being able to revolve my world around her... " He answered. "Oppa, you already said it and I want you to know that no need do that be—“But I want to... if I were to take her all mine only... I want... to r-revolve my world around this girl and I can only do that... when people won't be around to judge us anymore... to judge her... to scare her... to degrade her... until she wants to give up on me in the end... If I take her all mine... I want to do it at the right time... when I can give full responsibility of her an—“So I can date right now?" Sarah asked just for fun.

Right now, Baekhyun was indirectly confessing and she openly accepts this kind of confession better. He keeps explaining it like he was just giving an example but she knew by the looks of his eyes that he was really referring to her. Baekhyun frowned at what she said making her chuckle. "But Oppa not referring to me anyway... just example and right now can't give response—“So you really like that guy don't you?" he asked and pouted. Sarah gave him a teasing looking while pinching his nose. "He's very smart and kind." Sarah explained. "Very gentleman and always helps me and compliments me." She continued and she could see Baekhyun's growing frown. "He is like perfect man... but Sarah don't go for perfect man... I go for stubborn puppy who can't admit he loves me back." She said and Baekhyun had his lips closed in a firm line and was gulping. "Who's that?" He asked and tried to look around innocently but Sarah already grabbed him by the face and pressed their lips together making them both smile through the kiss. "But Oppa..." Sarah cut the kiss off, their faces still a few inches. "Is Taeyeon in MAMA too?" She asked "Uhm... I think—ahh Well... I—ahh... I... I think—“There, not there?" Sarah asked and Baekhyun gulped before speaking in one go out of nervousness. "N-not my decision, Sarah you see it's not under my control I swear of course she might have an award and so maybe she needs to be there and also perform but I swear I promise I will not interact with her nor smile at her nor look at her I swear I'm not gonna talk to her even just a bit, I promise I wo—“I am asking because I want her sign... I buy her album yesterday cause very like it. Songs are really good... Very very sure she wins award there~ Oppa, if she win clap clap for me arrachi? Is she singing 'I' because really really like the song and so she need to win." Sarah cut him off with a smile. "Y-you're just very jealous of her earlier... Y-you're not jealous right now?" He asked with a slightly disappointed face. "Not anymore... Cause I remember her songs very good especially the song, 'Gemini' I really like it, Oppa. So I should not jealous because of your past. It's different from her talent as singer." Sarah explained.

"I know but... aren't you really jealous? Even just a bit? Like... a tiny bit of insecurity because we're like... maybe only a meter away from each other and our eyes can meet anytime and she's gonna breathe the same air as I do. Right? You're jealous right?"

"Nope."

"Even if I clap when she wins?"

"Nope."

"E-even if... I smile at her when she wins?"

"Nope..."

"Even if I talk to her backstage after the awards night and ask her for dinner since we both won an award if ever?"

"OPPA."

"Bull's eye, I know you still have limita—“

"Just make sure your treat. Don't make girl pay food. Not good not good."

"Geez. You're annoying the hell out of me, I'm going home."

A/N: I think The plagiarized one in Wattpad is already gone. The author never replied to me but I think he just deleted it straight. HAHAHA