| R A I L R O A D E D |

 

"Wait?! Jiyong, aren't you rushing things? Think about it first. Marriage won't be the solution for this," Sandara said as panic surge through her. She cannot afford to marry Jiyong and ruin her plan.

 

She had all planned out. Everything is settled. She only has to wait for the right timing. But the engagement and Hades' retirement was uncalled for. She has made up her mind. She made a choice already.

 

Jiyong furrowed at her. "Why do you always say that?" he asked inaudibly. Sandara looked at his impassive expression. "Why do you against it so much? Does marrying me is bad thing for you? Do you hate me, Sandara?"

 

Sandara parted and looks away. She squirmed on her bed awkwardly. There's a slight pinch on her heart with his words and the look he gave her made her feel guilty.

 

She didn't answer nor reacted. Jiyong must took that as a hint and he stood up with a resigned sigh.

 

"Rest for now. Let's discuss this once you are well enough," he quietly said and was about to leave when she finally spoke up.

 

"I don't hate you, Jiyong-ah. I will never be," she said and slowly turns to him. She scooted forward and reached for his arm so she can touch him. "Believe me," she whispered.

 

Jiyong stiffen at the feel of her warm hand on him. He glanced back and the shock still registered on his face.

 

She looked at him as sincerely as possible. Her orbs glistens with mixed emotions. She felt torn. She felt guilty. Somehow she feels bad for doing her plan. For betraying her family, for letting them down and for breaking someone's heart.

 

"Then why? Tell me the reason why you seemed reluctant with this engagement? Why don't you want to marry me and asked me to quit?" His quiries came inaudible. He is confuse as hell when he stared at her.

 

"It's just... So fast. Everything seemed surreal. I just returned here. Then appa's retirement came as a surprise to me. Then we... We suddenly got enggaged. I... I felt railroaded," she shuts her eyes and inwardly castrate herself for the lie she invented.

 

She heard him gasped that made her open her eyes to look at him. She saw Jiyong's pained expression. And she immediately regret lying to him.

 

"R-Railroaded?" Even his voice sounded the same.

 

"I-I..." she tried to say something but she doesn't seemed to make out any coherent or something to pacify him.

 

Jiyong steps back, feeling lost for a moment. He looks away as he nervously fidgetted from where he stands.

 

"Ji..."

 

He raised his hand up, cutting her off. "I... I understand. I'm sorry if you feel...that way. I should have ask you." He took a deep breath and exhales as he gave her an apologetic smile but his eyes showed an obvious hurt. "What do you want me to do? Do you want to...cancel our engagement? Is that what you want? Don't worry. I will take responsibility and tell uncle."

 

Sandara felt the stinging around her eyes while staring at him. Somehow hearing him say those words felt wrong. She frantically shook her head.

 

"No. I mean," she said unsurely. She's now feeling confuse all of a sudden. "I... I just need time. Just give me time to think this through, Ji."

 

Jiyong look at her and nodded. "Al-Alright," he smiled faintly. "I'll give you time. Just...just tell me if you have decided yet. Um, you should rest so you can heal faster. I'll leave you for now and do some errands. I'll be back later and send you back to the Red Mansion."

 

"Ani. You don't have to. I'll ask someone else to drive me. I'm sure you have a lot of things to do. I'll be fine. I already bothered you so much."

 

He just nodded and turns around to leave. Sandara watched him walk out the door silently until he left her line of vision. That's the only time she let herself breathe.

 

She leans in the headrest and stared blankly at the ceiling, pondering over everything that's happening right now. Her plan to leave the gang, the attacks, Jiyong... Everything is just complicated.

 

There's no way out...

 

Jiyong's own words resonated around her mind. She shut her eyes and fisted her knuckles. She refused to believe that she'll be forever tied to the gang. She wanted out and leave all the madness involving Ssang Yong Pa. She dreams to live simple. She's tired from living everyday with bullets chasing after her.

 

Sandara wants to live a life she wanted, not this life she was born with.

 

She wants to believe and hope to achieve that dream comes true. Even if it will cause someone's heart break.

 

***

 

Jiyong's feet led him back to his unit after that talk he had with Sandara. He shut his door hard and slums on the couch exhaustedly. Their talk is still ringing inside his head bringing pain on his heart.

 

No matter what reason Sandara had, it still hurt the same. It still goes down the fact that she doesn't want to marry him.

 

The rejection didn't hurt but the obvious lie pains him more than anything. He doesn't know but he can feel that she was hiding something. Her words told him that there is more than meaning into it.

 

Her reluctance to the marriage from the beginning, the night they were engaged and asking or rather begging him to quit the plan—Jiyong is not stupid to notice it.

 

Sandara may change in the past years she stayed in the states but Jiyong knew when she was keeping something to him. He knew her more than she knows. His gut feeling told him something is definitely wrong.

 

He is missing something in all this ordeal. Sandara is surely hiding something.

 

But what is it?

 

His gaze landed to Tamtam. And once again he felt that familiar throb in his heart. He reached for it and smiled faintly.

 

"Mommy is back, Tamtam. You want to see her?" Anyone would think he's crazy seeing that he was talking to an object but Tamtam isn't just a toy for him. It was the only thing that reminds him of the old Sandara. "I'm sorry but it's not the right time yet. Daddy is not yet ready. I hope you understand, neh? Besides, Mommy seems not well in the mean time. I don't even know if she still remembers you. Or if she still remembers that she wanted to marry me." He chuckled lifelessly.

 

He wants to laugh at the irony. Sandara is the one who wanted to marry him before. She even declared it shamelessly. But now, it's as if the table has turned and she is now refusing the marriage with him. Damn ironic!

 

"She rejected me. And it's hurts like hell. But I love her so much that even it hurts me, I still want to love her. I will do anything for her," he promised.

 

How he hopes that Tamtam would answer and tells him what to do?

 

His ringing phone interrupted his moment. He fished it out from his pocket and rolls his eyes seeing Seungri's name registered in the screen. The maknae really has an impeccable timing.

 

"Yes?" he said upon answering his call.

 

"Hyung! Thank God you answered. Are you free?" The maknae exclaimed to the other line.

 

Jiyong winced and put away his phone a bit. "Yah! You're so loud. My ear almost fell off. What do you need?"

 

"You seemed off, hyung? Are you alright?" Seungri asked instead.

 

He clears his throat and sighed. "I'm okay. Just tell me what do you want. Why did you call?"

 

"Are you sure?"

 

"Seungri..." He warned him as he nursed his aching temple.

 

"Chill, hyung! I'm just asking since I'm sure that you're still shaken up with Sandara noona's ambush incident. I just thought you need some company or a breather. I'm here in Venus Lair with the other hyungs in case you want to join us. You know we're at the usual spot."

 

He stilled for a while. Venus Lair is one of their affiliated establishment in Gwangju. It's a night club that offers women for pleasure to it's patrons and well for costumers who just wants to hang out.

 

"Not now, Ri. I want to be alone. Just have fun without me," he said.

 

"But hyung—" There's a quite commotion in the other line and he even heard the maknae's protests and groans. The next thing he knew, Youngbae is already in the other line.

 

"Don't mind the maknae, Ji. I know you need some time alone. Just give us a call if you need someone to talk with. We're just one call away, brother," Youngbae said knowingly.

 

And he smiled for that. His best friend sure knew him well. "Neh. Thanks!"

 

Then they hung up. Jiyong drop his body rest in the couch while hugging Tamtam. His mind is wandering until he felt his lids got heavy and fluttered close.

 

His exhausted body and mind surrendered in the comfort of the soft couch and Tam-Tam. He fell asleep, dreaming of the young Sandara and his young self. They were smiling at each other while getting married.

 

Only that it was a dream. A fantasy that will remain unreal. Because in the reality, the bride doesn't want to marry the groom anymore.

 

If only he can live in his dream because it's a lot better than the reality.

 

***

 

"Careful," Bom said as she guides Sandara on her room in the Red Mansion. She helps her seat on her bed.

 

"Thanks, Bom-ah!" Sandara smiled at her friend.

 

"Aish. It's nothing. This is my job. Anyway, just do everything that I told you, okay? Maybe a week or two, you'll be fully recovered. Don't be stubborn," Bom gave her a playful glare while smiling cheekily.

 

"Yes, doc!" She smiled back and they shared a laughter at their silliness.

 

After a while, her laughter faded as she sighs inwardly. Sandara played her bed sheet awkwardly while Bom smiled when she caught the sight of the picture frame on the bedside table. And then she heard her speak up.

 

"Time surely flies so quickly, right? Look us in that picture," she commented and pouted at the frame.

 

Sandara followed her gaze and smiled as well. True. They were still young and innocent during those times. When all they think about is to spend their whole day playing. They followed a simple routine every day. Wake up in the morning, have breakfast together, then hours of studying in the training room, play and goof around, and as the night came, they would have dinner together too. In their bed rooms, they gathered first to listen to bed time stories until they fell asleep.

 

It so different right now.

 

Now, they would wake up in the morning with their one foot buried in the ground. They eat bullets for breakfast, spending their time doing business and trying to make their work done. In the night, they will still eat bullet in the supper, and as they lay on their beds to asleep, it's still the nighmare which haunts them down. They lived every day in a routine except their day seems never ending.

 

Indeed, change is the always constant. World keeps revolving. Time ticks without stopping. And people continued growing.

 

As for them, they had come so far. They were at the peak of their career. And they are in the point of their lives where they can stand alone, make decisions on their own and having their own dreams to fulfill.

 

"I've been meaning to ask, Sandara." Bom turns to her with a serious expression this time. She gazed at her expectantly. "Do you still have feelings for Jiyong like you claimed when we were still kids?"

 

She is surprised by her question and blinks up to her. She tilts her head to the side as she regards her friend. "Why did you ask?"

 

Bom shrugs and stands up to get the framed photo. She stares at it for a moment before answering her without tearing her gaze at the old group photo of them. "I just want to know where your feelings stand right now? I figured it out that no one ask you that and you're engaged to Jiyong so sudden. How do you feel right now, Sandara?" she asked with her gaze turning to her.

 

Their eyes met. All of a sudden, Sandara is unable to respond to her inquiries. She feels trapped in a hot seat whereas a lie detector apparatus is attached to her. Bom has that cunning ability to tell if someone is lying. One of her courses during her medical studies is psychology. That subject help her a lot in observing people's behavior and personality. So determining someone's motif is easy for her even by just one look. Unless the person is a good actor or actress. But she doubt if it can decieve Bom since the latter has a very sharp instinct.

 

"Even if I don't speak, you know from one look," she said and chose a much safer answer. She cannot afford to give Bom a hint about her plan.

 

Bom smiled a little. "I knew it that you're still in love with him like your young self. But..."

 

As she trails off, Sandara watched as her expresssion changes to a blank one. And she suddenly felt nervous. Bom wouldn't know right? Has she hinted her pretense?

 

"But?" she nervously asked.

 

"You're not the same young Sandara as before. You've got mature. You are not the same kid that clings to Jiyong every time. You've grown into fine lady. And I can feel the distance your putting in between you and Jiyong. Those awkward tension around the both of you when you're in one place, the shy gazes, and small talk—all those simple things brought me to conclusion that you're somehow, I don't know? Perhaps, trying to keep the boundary and not to get too close?" she said as confusion marred her lovely face. Then she let out a deep breath. "Tell me honestly, Sandara. Why are you doing that? For Pete's sake, your about to marry him and you loved him too. So what the hell is happening to you?!" she frankly asked and returned the frame on it's original place.

 

Sandara looked away. She felt the mattress dip as Bom seats at the edge of her bed.

 

"I'm your friend, Sandara. We've known each other since we were kids. You may be gone for more than a decade but I still believe that you were still the same Sandara I know. I still have my friend in you, right?" she asked and touched her hand.

 

She looked her friend as a visible frown drawn on her forehead.

 

"Why are you asking me that question, Bom? Of course, I'm still you're friend. And it won't change even if I leave again. Why are you thinking otherwise?"

 

Bom sighs as she looked blankly ahead. Then she shrugs, standing up. Her gaze fell down at her. "I don't know why I'm asking these questions either. Maybe, I'm just afraid? I don't know. I'm just getting overly dramatic."

 

"Why are you afraid? Is it about what happened to me? I'm okay. You already checked on me and assured that I'm fine already. Don't worry, alright? I will do as you say and follow your prescription if that really worries you," she cooed her.

 

"I'm not scared of that but the thought of losing you frightens me the most. You are now being targeted by our enemies. I know you can take care of yourself. And Jiyong is there to protect you too. That thought keep my sanity intact. You're my friends and family. I don't want any of you to get harm."

 

"Just like what I told you, I'm here. I'm your friend no matter what."

 

"I hold on to that." Bom kept tight lip and gnawed her lower lip. "Please do me a favor Dara," she said.

 

Sandara frowned. "Favor?"

 

Bom nodded. "Yes."

 

"What is it? Tell me."

 

"Don't drift away to us."

 

Her eyes widen as she parted . A gasped came in out from her. She can't possibly...

 

"Don't be a stranger to us Sandara, especially to Jiyong. Don't distance yourself from him. That guy has sacrificed enough, works a lot and waited for a long time. You don't know what he had to go through during those times you were gone. All his hardships, pain, patience...don't let it put in vain, Sandara. Jiyong is as in love with you as the first time he saw you. You will be surprised how much he loves you. I can only say so much and speak from what I witnessed. But I'm sure it was more than anyone knows."

 

She looked away as her heart throbs to the rhythm. She put a hand across her chest where her heart is located. Her eyes fluttered close slowly as she felt the beatings of her heart.

 

A tear fell from her for unknown reason.

 

She isn't sure what the tears resembles? Maybe from the pain of breaking his heart? Or maybe from joy of hearing that Jiyong loves her. She honestly doesn't have any concrete conclusion as of the moment.

 

"Don't you remember your promise to each other?" Bom asked once again. She looked at her, bewildered. "The day you left, you don't know how much he cried. That was the only time he cried bucket of tears after that he busied himself in training, day and night. He studied everything he needed and exceeded everyone at anything. And there was a time when we really got scared for him. He wouldn't let himself rest and have fun anymore. He was always serious. Youngbae and Top had to drag him out of the training ground one time because if they didn't he might collapsed due to fatigue. Uncle had to interfere and talk to him as well. Fortunately, after their talk he lay lowed from his tremendous activities and managed to control himself to his limits. We watched him strive and do his best at everything he did. We watched him grow and surpassed every struggles as he became the G-Dragon."

 

Bom smiled faintly. She doesn't know why is she telling her all of this?

 

"Why are you telling me this, Bom?" she asked.

 

"I don't know either, Dara. Maybe for you? Or perhaps, for Jiyong?" She sighs exasperatedly. "I just felt something is not right. For enlightenment? For who? I don't know. It's confusing really."

 

'I feel the same way, Bom. You have no idea.' she thought and didn't voice out.

 

"We are not dumb and blind not to see or notice it, Dara. You don't approve of this marriage, do you?"

 

She widens her eyes stunned. "H-How..."

 

Bom sighs once more. She doesn't remember how many times she did the entire time they were talking. She must be really frustrated.

 

"I told you. We witnessed Jiyong grow. We grew up with him. We know him too well. He may not express it clearly but we know he was hurting. If there is one thing that he's not good at, it was hiding his feelings. For us, he's a transparent piece of glass bottle. Even he tries to bottled everything, we can still see what's inside. He is an open book for us."

 

Even they made fun of him at first when Sandara had returned and he cannot seemed to face her because of unknown reason, they truly worried for him. He waited for that day but he ratted himself. He put so much effort and prepared everything but in the end, he chose to stay away.

 

"As your friend and as well as his, I want for the two of you to be happy. So whatever it is that seems troubling you, you can always seek for us and we'll try to help you. Don't hesitate, Sandara. We are still here for you just like the old times." Bom gave her a thoughtful smile as she taps her uninjured shoulder. "I better leave so you could rest. Get well soon, Darong."

 

Then she left her alone, contemplating of everything she said. She was a little relieved that she didn't mention anything about knowing her plan. But a huge part of her eats her conscience alive.

 

When she came back from a long stay in the other part of the world, she only had one thing in mind. That is to commence her long time plan of leaving the gang. However, it proves to be uneasy task despite what she thought it would be. She came back with a clear mind but now, the whole thing seems in tangled together.

 

Her head is throbbing with confusion. She suddenly felt bad about herself.

 

She needs to get out and breathe. It seems she needs some rethinking to do. She needs to leave for a while.

 

 

 

STAY HAPPY.

xxx,

bonapaix

 

disclaimer:

This is a work of fiction. I do not wish to offend any culture or flount any norm in writing this story. Please reminded that it was made out of the author's imagination. Do not repost on other site. Do Not plagiarize any work you do not own. Similar work is not meant to be copied.

|info source:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kkangpae|