Genre: Angst

Pairings: Jaebum (JB) X Reader

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 It had been a year and half since you and JB started dating and 3 months since the two of you came out in public about the relationship. Since then, your relationship had become a little rocky. There were many fans who outright hurled hate towards you while there were others who were a bit too curious about the whole affair.     

It reached a point where you were forced to delete all your SNS accounts, unable handle the vile remarks thrown at you. JB on many occasions used to return to the apartment to find you curled up, eyes swollen from crying. The girl he had fallen in love was stronger than this girl who seemed to be just dragging herself through life. He couldn’t help but feel responsible about everything and began to request his fans to leave you alone. Some listened; some paid no heed and continued on with their activites.   

  Slowly, fights about the smallest of things began to creep into your life. You would get cranky about almost anything and he would listen to you rage on and on, mentally beating himself up because he fully thought he was responsible for this depression you had fallen into. You tried to fight all this for him, but it was all just so overwhelming that you couldn’t handle anything anymore, no matter how hard you tried. You began to actually wonder if all those fans were right, if JB actually was just staying with you out of pity. Thoughts like this began to poison your relationship to the point that JB began to falter in his stage performances because worry about you was all that consumed his mind.     

“Jaebum-hyung,” Jackson sat next to his leader one day, nudging him to get his attention. He had been far too engrossed in the message you just sent to listen. Jackson huffed, sharing a look with Junior before he snatched the phone from him, throwing it to Mark who crossed his arms after catching it, giving JB a look that clearly said that he was going to stay where he is.    

“What!” JB yelled, glaring at them all. Due to the problems you both had been facing, JB also became cranky with s, forgetting all about anger management because all he did with you was control himself.  

  “We wanted to talk to you,” Junior sat down on the other side just as Producer JYP entered the room with their manager. Both gave JB sympathetic looks as they all settled down. It seemed like a prisoner was finally going to receive his sentence.   

“JB, we have been noticing quite a few things,” JYP began as he crossed his hands on his lap, “You have began lacking in all performances and at times it seems that you aren’t mentally present with us either. Is everything alright?”     JB sighed, shaking his head. He was not very expressive but he had to tell them, he had no choice.    

“It’s just… ever since (Y/N) and I became public, she’s been receiving a lot of hate from fans and I just… I don’t know what to do, sir,” JB closed his eyes. Jackson lightly patted the leaders back, not sure how to make him feel better.     

“We warned you about this,” Manager-hyung shook his head, “You said you both could handle the pressure… you were pretty confident too.”     

Another wave of guilt washed through JB. He hadn’t asked you when he made that decison. He was regretting it like he had never regretted anything before.     

“JB, listen, we should not be the ones to tell you this but… you need to end this,” Junior whispered, “It’s better for both (Y/N) and you.” JB hissed, quickly getting to his feet.    

“I know that,” he was shaking with anger, “You don’t think I know that if I want to see her happy again I should end all this? I’m just too selfish! I thought if I fought hard enough everything would be okay, but no it’s not and she just keeps slipping away!”    

“Jaebum,” JYP stood up, placing a gentle hand on the leader’s shoulder, “If it’s meant to be, everything will be ok but for now you both need to let go. This relationship has become too toxic for both of you. Do it for her sake.”     

JB sighed, defeated. He knew JYP was right. He just wished there was some way to heal this relationship without breaking up, of all things.

You were laying on the couch, trying to get some work done when you heard the front door close. JB walked in, head down and shoulders sagged like he was carrying something heavy. The smile you had forced instantly fell as you hurried up to him, gently placing your hand on his shoulder. He refused to look up you as he grabbed your hand, clasping tightly as he lead you over to the couch.    

“Jagiya,” he murmured, softly kissing the back of your hand, “We need to talk.”    

You immediately knew what those words meant, loud and clear. You had, for some time been thinking about or but never had the courage to go through. You loved JB and he had been your rock for a year. It was hard to cut off such ties.    

“I know,” you replied, gently running your hand through his hair. He closed his eyes, this simple gesture making it harder for him. To him it was pure torture; to you, it was a good-bye gesture. You were going to miss all the times you had run your hand through his hair, all those random compliments, the sudden kisses, everything about him.     

“Let’s… let’s break up, Jagi,” his voice cracked as he forced the words out, looking up at you through misty eyes, “I’m so sorry, but we can’t continue on like this.”    

“I know,” was all you could say, feeling warm tears spill down your face, not even trying to stop them. It felt like someone had stabbed through JB’s heart when he saw those tears. He grasped both your hands tightly, forcing you to look up at him.     

“I love you, (Y/N) and I always will,” both his hands moved to your cheeks, a tear rolling down his own cheek, “But I can’t stand to see you break like this and live with knowing that I am resonsible yet can’t help it. I should have listened to you when you said you weren’t ready to be public yet, I should have stepped in to stop all the fans before it went out of hand!”     

“I’m aware that this is for the best but you need to know all this is not your fault. I should have tried to fight for us like you did but intead I raged and cried… I love you too,” you placed your hand on his, closing your eyes to relish his touch one last time before you lost it forever.    

“Go,” you finally let go of his hand, nudging him, “before we change our minds.”     He nodded, pecking your forehead for the last time, lips lingering for longer than necessary.     

“If this is meant to be, we will find our way back,” he whispered, before he hurried out of the apartment. You closed your eyes, finally letting out all the cries you had been holding in, sobs racking you as you called your mother to let her know you’ll be moving back.    

JB stood outside the door, leaning against it as he listened to your constant sobbing and cried that the breakup was all you and not him. He closed his eyes, trying to convince himself that this is how it will be from now on. He didn’t know how long– just sat there, recalling every happy memory you two shared when Mark came to get him. Without a word, the elder boy helped JB to the car and gave him the space he needed. They both knew he was healing and it was going to require time before their leader was back.