Changmin’s P.O.V- Don’t Break My Broken Heart

I was already trying to get some rest for our concert tomorrow. I closed my eyes and began to slowly drift away in my dreams when I heard a soft knock.

*knockknockknock*

I opened my eyes and saw Jaejoong hyung peeked through the room and searched my room, “Um...Changmin-ie?” he said as I looked at his face and saw his sad looking eyes.

I slowly got up and sat at the edge of my bed. I patted the space next to me as I saw Jaejoong hyung walked towards my bed and lay down beside me with his head on my lap.

“What’s wrong hyung? Is everything alright? Don’t be sad, de? Everything will be alright,” I said as I his hair trying to comfort him.

We just stayed like that. I was sitting at the edge of the bed and he was lying on his side with his head on my lap. I continued to his hair and said soothing words to comfort him. Seeing hyung in pain hurts and it hurts me to see him in pain because of him; the guy he loves.

I continued to his hair trying to comfort him and said, “What’s wrong hyung? You can tell me.”

Please hyung; please don’t tell me you’re hurting because of him again. Can’t you see I’m in pain because I always see you hurt because of him? Can you please look at what’s in front of you and see my love for you?

He was still crying soft muffled sobs and said, “I really hate my life. Just one time; one time I want him to see that I love him but he still can’t see what I’m feeling. How come we never get the thing that we always desire, the thing that our heart is searching for? How come we never get them and receive what we don’t want to get instead?”

Hyung, do you know how ironic your words sound right now? How come you don’t see what I’m feeling? How come you don’t see that I’m always hurting whenever you talk about him? How can you be so oblivious to the fact that I was always here. I always loved you ...watching from a far.

My heart began to clench as his words buried into my soul. My heart was beginning to hurt like it never did before. My heart is always hurting but this time I could no longer take it; I couldn’t pretend I was okay in front of him anymore. I felt warm tears fall from my eyes and just cried. I don’t know how to comfort him when I’m hurting myself when helping him.

I continued to cry as hyung lifted his head and looked at me with his innocent looking face. He never saw me cry before since I always hid my tears from him. I looked away from him as I felt his finger touch my chin forcing me to look at him.

“Changmin-ah... I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for you to cry. Hmm... Don’t cry. Please Minnie don’t cry,” Jaejoong hyung said as he slowly wiped the tears off my face. His own tears were slowing down when he saw more tears were falling to my cheeks. “I’m here for you Minnie, don’t cry,” he said comforting me with his gentle voice as his tears slowed down and he continued to comfort me.

I’m really sorry hyung I can’t say anything right now. My heart is hurting and it reached its maximum. It can no longer be kept inside.

I lifted my head to see his face again. He was looking at me with those sad looking eyes. Why can’t I ever see your eyes shine like they used to; now only sadness surrounds them.

I hugged his body closer and felt him shift his position and was now sitting beside me; hugging me. He hugged me back and was now comforting me patting my back. I continued to hug his waist as we just stayed there awhile.

Hyung, can’t you feel this? Can you hear it? My heart is slowly breaking and there’s no one to fix the broken pieces. Seeing you everyday only makes it worse. Seeing you every day, crying for him breaks it even more; more broken pieces to my already breaking heart.

I forced myself to stop crying slowly thinking about our happier times. Whenever we hit, punch, slap, or insult each other was never because I hated you but because I always loved you and that was the only way to show how I love you.

My tears stopped falling from my eyes and felt Jaejoong hyung take his finger and wiped the tears away from my cheeks. If only you could fix my broken heart as easily as you wiped away my tears.

“Don’t cry Minnie, it hurts me to see you cry,” he said softly giving me a warm embrace. “Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?” he asked.

I shook my head no and said, “I’m okay hyung. I’m just... tired.  I think all I need is to rest for tomorrow.”

No hyung. I’m not okay. My heart will never stop breaking into millions of pieces as long as my heart always looks for you.

“Araso... I’ll let you rest. We still have a long day tomorrow. Don’t over work yourself Minnie,” Jaejoong said getting up.

He gave me one last hug as he head towards the door. He stopped by the door and said, “Good night Minnie. Saranghe.”

He closed the door as I felt more tears beginning to fall again. Saranghe? I know you love me hyung but not in a way that I want you to love me; you only see me as your friend. The love of a friend from the one you really love is the worst kind of love you can receive.