20.

I was clutching onto my mothers clothes begging for this not to be true. He is not dead, he can't be. Just a minute ago I was on the rooftop yelling for him to wake up, I was starting to feel good. To feel hopeful. How could this happen. And where is Jay? He promised me! He promised me he will keep watch and tell me if something is wrong. I should have been there. With him. His last breath, oh my god his last breath. I can't bear the fact that he will never breathe again. Ignoring the enormous pain I'm feeling, I stood up. I wiped my tears with my sleeve. I limped toward the door.

''Where are you going?''-my mom asked.

''To see if it's true. Because I don't feel it. I feel he's not gone.''-I say. I open the door and nurses eyes went wide.

''You're not supposed to walk yet.''-she said.

''Can you check something for me?''-I ask. She hesitates but nods. ''The floor above.''-I don't know if I am supposed to tell information about him. ''A guy in the room 203, check on him for me please.''-she nods and types in the computer. After a minute or so she frowned.

''Are you sure it's 203?''-she asked.

''Yes I am sure.''-I say. She looked at me.

''I am sorry. He passed away.''-she says. I nod. So this is what it has come to. My ed up life. Might as well say I killed him. Because that is just my luck. To fall in love and he dies. He ing dies. I was numb. I didn't even cry anymore. I stared into a spot at the wall. After a while I sigh and nod to myself. I heard the nurse whisper something to my mother, probably that I lost it or something, but I didn't care, it was true probably. I limped toward the elevator. ''Miss. They umm... cleared.. his room fifteen minutes ago.''-I just kept going. I pressed the last floor. This time I passed his floor with ease. I didn't even realize I was barefoot until I stood on cold concrete of the hospital rooftop. Step by step I came closer to the edge. The wind was messing with my hair and it was cold. I looked at the buildings at the distance. They were lit up beautifully. I loved a good view. If only I could smoke for one last time. Share my cigarette with him. I closed my eyes and remembered his lips on mine. Every time he kissed me and touched me in any way. There weren't many of those moments but they worth much more to me than any touch or kiss I ever had. I lift my leg and step on the edge. I lift my other leg and finally stand firmly. I smile a little, now I can join him.

''Stop!''-somebody yelled behind me. I open my eyes and turn a little. ''Stop! What are you doing?''-Jay yells. ''Have you lost your mind?''-he asked.

''Yes. I have lost my mind. Along everything else that I lost. Don't you think it's only fair that I loose my life too?''-I ask.

''No. I don't. To whom would that be fair?''-he asked.

''To me for starters! Don't you think I have had it enough? Don't be selfish Jay. Be in my place. No, better not. I don't wish that for nobody.''-I say.

''I know. I can't imagine what you must be feeling...''-he said and I interupted.

''I feel nothing.''-I say.

''It's not true. You feel everything in the same time. It's too much for you to handle. But I will help you. We will break trough this. Together. Come down please.''-he said calmly. As a matter of fact he was too calm apart from being scared from me.

''How come you are like this? What the hell is wrong with you?''-I glare at him. He looked confused.

''Why? Aki I thought you would feel a bit better now. I don't understand you at all.''-he said.

''What the Jay? How in the world would I feel better?''-I was screaming internally. ''He's gone and you think I would feel better? I don't understand YOU Jay! He was your best friend.''-I say. His hands fall to his sides.

''Who's gone?''-he asked.

''You have got to be kidding me! You told me you're gonna keep him safe and watch over him but you weren't even here were you? Where were you Jay?!''-I ask.

''I have been with him the whole time what are you talking about?''-he asked. I sighed in frustration and my leg almost slipped. ''Aki come down!''-Jay yelled. I come down but stay in my spot.

''You're lying Jay. Don't you know? Simon's gone.''-I say barely. The first time with my own voice.

''He is not gone. Aki he is alive. Who told you he was gone?''-Jay said and something sparked in me. I knew it. I felt it. But how? I fell on my knees when strength finally left me. He ran to my side.

''Mom told me he died, that they tried to keep him alive but couldn't. I asked the nurse and she told me he died. She ing told me Jay!''-I say crying again. He hugged me.

''No, he is alive. Aki he made progress. You were right, he moved his fingers and his eyes responded. They moved him to the ICU. Somebody else came to his room and that poor guy died. But it wasn't Simon.''-he said. I felt life pouring in me again. And I started to feel everything bit by bit. He was alive. He had heard me calling. And he is going to return to me.

''I need to see him. Now.''-I say.

''The doctors now have high hope you know. But that doesn't mean he will make it. I don't want you to be overly happy right now.''-he said but that wasn't nearly enough to lower my hope even my one percent.

''Okay. I know. Take me to him.''-I say. He sighs and lifts me up.

He put me on the wheelchair when we exited on Simon's floor. I kept my eyes closed. I did not search like last time. I felt him getting closer. I heard the door slide. Jay pushed me inside. I opened my eyes. He looked... better. He didn't have any tubes in him anymore. His color was back. He was sleeping peacefully. I smile a little.

''You heard me right?''-I ask. ''Well I'm not sorry for waking you. You have slept long enough. It's time to work and have fun Simon. You love your work. Come on, your fans are waiting. I am your number one fan Simon.''-I say. Jay left us alone and I was grateful. I wanted to get up and lie next to Simon but all the strength I had abandoned me on the rooftop. His hand was warm. I kept looking at his hand, forcing it to move but it just made my brain hurt.

''Do you want some tea?''-Jay said from the door.

''I think so. Yes.''-I say. He smiled a little and then left. I turn back to Simon and sigh in frustration. ''Hey Jung Kiseok. You better wake up. You better wake up and ask me to marry you. I expect nothing less you know. After all of this. I might as well belong to you forever. So wake up. I will wear a white dress, a long one. With full make up, only for you. Wake up so I can marry you. Wake up so you can marry me.''-I say squeezing his hand.

''Deal.''-a raspy voice came from nowhere. I looked around to see where was the doctor or someone but I was alone in the room. With Simon...

''Simon?''-I ask. He squeezed my hand and I jumped out of my wheelchair re-braking my ribs. His eyes were still closed but he was frowning. He groaned and moved his head to the side so he could face me. I put my hand on his cheek and kiss him. I kissed his whole face and he smiled a little.

''I feel like . And I probably smell like one. How can you kiss me?''-he asked.

''How can you make whole ing sentences?!''-I ask. Suddenly there was a noise of glass breaking behind me. I turn and see Jay standing at the door with a shocked expression and broken cup of tea was at his feet. He mumbled something than turned.

''Doctor! Nurse!''-he yelled. Everybody came rushing in. I was pushed aside and I would probably fall if Jay didn't catch me.

''He's awake.''-I whisper.

''He is.''-Jay whispers.

''Aki, there is no turning back now. And remember, you asked me.''-Simon said roughly from the bed and Jay looked at me.

''No turning back.''-I say.