19.

I was alone in my room. I asked the nurses to turn off all the lights. Light hurts my eyes. People would think there is a limit to how much one person can cry in a day, but there really isn't. Every time I forced myself to stop, all I had to do is blink and tears came out again. I think I am compensating for all the years I haven't been crying. Jay told me he will tell me everything if Simon get's better or worse but I haven't heard from him since. And I don't know if it's a bad thing or a good thing. I heard a female voice outside my door. The door opened silently.

''My baby.''-my mother cried. Silent footsteps rushed to my side and I turned to look at her. She looked horrible. ''My baby, I'm sorry. Oh my god. I'm so sorry.''-she cried while my face and hair. I grabbed her hand and held it firmly.

''Mom I'm okay. I'm okay.''-I say calming her. ''Mom, you gotta find someone for me. Please.''-I say. She shook her head.

''I am not leaving your side again. Never.''-she says sniffling.

''Mom please listen to me. He is in a coma. A guy who.... a guy who did this to me drugged him. He is the man I love. I need to know. Please see him and tell me his condition. Please.''-I pleaded. She sighed and nodded. I explained to her where she should go and she went hesitatingly. My palms started sweating in expectation. I tapped my fingers against the bed. After a while door slid again but it was Hoody.

''Hey. I thought you were sleeping. The lights are off.''-she said.

''No, it's just bothering me.''-I say and she nods. She knew I was crying the whole time so I would be very sensitive to light.

''Are you hungry?''-she asked and I shook my head. ''You have got to eat. I know you don't feel anything right now and you're still in shock but your body feels it. And your body went trough a lot.''-she said.

''I know. Thank you for worrying. If I want to eat I will tell you.''-we both knew that was a lie since the food was the last thing on my mind, not even on my mind at all, but she nods.

''I heard you went to see him.''-she said. She was looking at the floor not at me.

''Yes.''-I answer shortly.

''Even if he is in that state, I am just thankful we found him on time, and you.''-she said.

''How did you even know?''-I ask her.

''When you called Simon, I guess you dropped your phone without hanging up and when Jay went inside the bathroom Simon was unconscious on the floor and he picked up the phone to call an ambulance when he heard your scream. We listened to the whole thing on the way and connected the police to it.''-she said turning away when mentioning what happened.

''Was Simon in the bathroom alone?''-I ask. It hurts to know Lady Jane was with him, but I had to ask.

''Yes.''-Hoody said.

''Wait wasn't Jane with him?''-I ask.

''Oh right. She was.''-Hoody looked at me. ''He was drugged. He didn't know what he was doing. Look, they kissed but it was all from her side. He didn't initiate anything. They went in the bathroom and soon after she walked out pissed off. Apparently he didn't even want to touch her. She was questioned by the police because she was a prime suspect. But she has an alibi so don't worry. He didn't turn from you, he didn't cheat. He loves you.''-Hoody said and held my hand.

''How do they know it was Gray?''-I ask wincing at his name.

''Well, I guess, he completely lost it at the station and he told them everything. You know, three more women confessed to being by him. Three more women Aki. I thought I knew him. This hurts me. This is a huge blow on everybody. Nobody had a clue. I cannot believe this is happening at all.''-she said. ''And the thing is, Simon acted this way before.''-Hoody said. ''When he cheated on Lady Jane. He was just like that. And he almost ended up in the hospital but we all thought he was drunk beyond repair. He was drugged by Gray. I am sure now.''-she said. I bit my lip. He was crazy. There must be something wrong with him. To do this to people... Why?

''Hoody, can we get some air?''-I asked. If I spend a minute longer confined to my bed like this I will explode.

''We can go to the roof if you want?''-she asked.

''Sure. I need to be out.''-I say. She stood up and the light.

''It's evening though. No sun.''-she said. I completely lost my sense of time. My curtains were drawn and I felt nothing.

''Even better.''-I say. She rolled the wheelchair to my bed but then she stood there. ''I think I will need some help.''-she said and left the room. She got back in a minute with a doctor.

''I will help you but I recommend for you to be back in an hour. Lack of sleep is not good for you right now.''-he said and I nod. He lifted me and put me in the wheelchair.

It took all my willpower not to press stop on Simon's floor when we passed him. But they wouldn't let me see him. I heard them. It was bad for me and not helpful to him. It pained my heart to keep still but I did it and in a minute we were on the roof. I was staring at the stars. In the distance there were people in the park celebrating something. Their laugh echoed. How many times did I have fun like that, laughed like that while someone was hurting so bad somewhere near me. I was jealous of their laugh, I wasn't even sure if I will be able to laugh any time soon. I didn't even notice I glued my eyes on them until Hoody said something.

''What? Sorry I spaced out.''-I say.

''Do you want coffee?''-she asked.

''I don't think that's a good idea. My nerves are on the edge anyway.''-I say.

''I feel useless.''-she said.

''Don't. You are a great help just as it is. Being with me now.''-I say. ''Thank you.''-I add.

''I hate not being able to do anything for anybody right now. I hate not knowing how am I supposed to feel and what to hope for.''-she said.

''I know. But all you have to do now is wish for the best as hard as you can. I sometimes think yelling Simon's name in my head will wake him up. That he will hear me.''-I say.

''Maybe that will really work.''-she said and stood up. She went by the edge of the building. ''Simon!! Wake up!''-she yelled suddenly. His name made my heart pound. She took air again. ''Simon!''-she yelled. I rolled over to her side.

''Simon! Wake up I need you!''-I yell. My throat was still burning and it was painful to scream but I did it anyway. ''Simon!''-I yell again. Someone from the rooms bellow told us to be quiet. But for the first time in two days, I felt a little bit of hope while shouting his name. I smiled a little. ''Let's go back.''-I said.

We were quiet on the way to my room. I guess we were both embarrassed about shouting from the rooftop. We came to my room and Hoody opened the door. My mother was pacing from corner to corner until she looked at me.

''Where have you been?''-she almost yelled. She was pale and messy.

''On the roof.''-I say. ''With Hoody.''

''I looked everywhere for you. You should have left a note. Don't you dare ever leave my sight again. But Aki...''-she stopped.

''Mom?''-I ask not daring to breathe.

''Aki that boy... I'm sorry. They were trying to save him for an hour. They really were.''-she said.

''Mom no. What are you talking about? Mom no!''-I started to freak out and yell and toss until I fell out of my wheelchair. I crawled on the floor to my mothers feet and grabbed her clothes. ''Mom...''

''The boy died. I am so sorry.''-she knelt in front of me.