Sunggyu looked up to his ceiling. He just wanted to fall asleep and be sure this was all a dream, or a nightmare, anything would be fine, he just wanted everything to be over soon before morning, before he went to work. It was all he wanted. He knew that he was probably mean and that he hurt Nam Woohyun's feelings, but he also knew he said the truth, that he didn't lie about a single thing. He believed his own words and it wasn't going to be those eyes that would tell him otherwise. And besides, he could see Nam Woohyun knew what he was saying was true. He did the best thing he could possibly say, he knew it, he said what the younger had to ear. “Don't feel bad for it Sunggyu, don't feel bad.” He told himself. He couldn't help but feel a little remorse. Maybe he shouldn't have been so mean, so cold, but what was done was done and he wasn't going to apologize to anyone, on the contrary. He was just going to stand there, waiting for morning to come, waiting for everything to go back to normal. He would wake up and he would go back to his classes where he would teach his students about how cruel life could be and that they shouldn't ever complain because there was always someone worst than them.

“But maybe, just maybe I was a little too cruel?” He asked himself. He couldn't sleep, he didn't know why but he couldn't sleep. He seat on his bed and massaged his head. He was tired of thinking, he was exhausted of thinking why the younger man was being like that. Why couldn't he chose the god damn surgery? He had to chose it if he wanted to live, but instead he was more worried about his looks, he was more worried about having a shaved head than actually being able to breath for many years. How could someone be like that? How could someone be so self centered? Didn't he had friends, didn't he had family who cared about him? Didn't he had people who loved him for who he was? People who actually cared if he died or not? “It seems he doesn't...” Sunggyu could be a cold man but even he knew that if his life was between the line, he would chose life because he didn't want his best friends to worry. He didn't Dongwoo or Hoya to be worried to death because of him.

Hoya...he had no idea why he compared the two of them, but when he did, it was too late. He felt horrible for doing such a thing, he really did, but he knew that Nam Woohyun needed to hear something like that. He needed to hear a thing like that because if he didn't, he would always believe in things that didn't existed. He had his hopes so high that Sunggyu had no other choice but to crush them. He couldn't be like that, he just couldn't. And one thing he said, one thing that wasn't a lie at all. He could fall for Nam Woohyun. He really could. He was everything he always wished on a person. He always wished to find someone who was as intelligent, as creative as Nam Woohyun. But he wished that with all of that, the man could be humble, a thing that the younger one wasn't. Why? Why couldn't he be a little humble? Why couldn't he care less about his physical appearance? If he did...Sunggyu would be forced to admit he was the perfect person. He would be forced to admit he was exactly what he wanted, what he...what he needed. He didn't even knew he needed someone until that exact moment, but if that someone was so self centered, so worried about looks, he would rather be alone forever.

“Which one of us is the pathetic one?” He asked himself while passing a hand through his hair. He was pretty sure he wasn't going to sleep that night. He looked down to his hands for no reason and at that moment he heard a knock at his bedroom door. Biting his lower lip, he tried to ignore, but then he heard it again, this time a little louder. “Come in.” He said with more effort than he thought it was possible, but didn't even bothered to look up to the man. He heard the door close and didn't said a thing. Instead he continued looking down to the sheets and he could feel a shadow next to him. There was an awkward silence between the two of them, but Sunggyu wasn't going to talk. He was going to stay quiet and wasn't going to say a single word, not unless he was forced to. “Can we...talk?” He asked and he looked up, to the man. It was dark, they could hardly see each others faces, but even so, Sunggyu knew Nam Woohyun had been crying. His voice was weak and cracking a little. “Be fast.”

Sunggyu said and Nam Woohyun just nodded. He looked down to his hands and took a long, deep breath, not knowing how to start this conversation. It wasn't going to be easy at all, but he just wanted to make things better, at least just a little. “....I...I thought about what you said...” He started and the older just rolled his eyes. He looked at him and waited for what he was going to say. “And you're right. I'm self centered and I'll never be like Hoya. Not even if I try.” This was hard for him, it was hard for Nam Woohyun to speak but Sunggyu was glad that he actually found the courage to speak, even if it was being the most difficult thing for him to do at that exact moment. “I don't even know why I thought I could be like him.” Sunggyu kept quiet and continued listening to everything, event thought he didn't had to. He could perfectly kick Nam Woohyun out of his room, out of his house and out of his life forever, but for some reason he wasn't doing it.

“God this is hard...I mean, I can't be as generous as he can, I can't be perfect as he can...” Sunggyu wanted to roll his eyes again, but instead, he kept serious. It was the only thing he could had should do. If he said something he could probably hurt him even more, and Sunggyu wasn't on the mood to make someone cry, he really wasn't. “But I know I can be perfect for you.” This caught Sunggyu's attention to the fullest. He looked straight into the man's eyes, or at least he thought it was his eyes. “I'm smart, I can challenge you and I know we could be perfect...” Sunggyu didn't know how to react to something like that. Instead he felt the younger man sit next to him and he kept looking at him. What could he say. This weren't the words he was expecting from Nam Woohyun, that was for sure. He was expecting a whole speech about how sorry he was and that he would do everything to apologize, that he would do everything to make all of it better.

But instead, the speech was something different, something that deep down, pleased Sunggyu a lot more. “All I want is a chance. Can you give me that?” No, he couldn't and he wasn't to. Just because he had the guts to speak, it didn't meant everything changed, because it didn't. Everything was exactly the same. Nam Woohyun was still a coward for choosing looks, and that was something Sunggyu wouldn't ignore. “No.” he said dryly and he could see how Nam Woohyun was disappointed with that, but instead of leaving, he just moved closer. If he tried to kiss Sunggyu again, they would be in a big problem. “What if...” Nam Woohyun was now ready to negotiate and that was something Sunggyu didn't do. These kind of things or happened right away or didn't. They couldn't be controlled, not at all. “What if nothing!”

Sunggyu said, his voice raising more than he wished. “You're still the same person, no matter what you say. People don't change. People are always the same and you can't change just because you want to.” Sunggyu was getting annoyed and he didn’t' even knew why. He just felt like exploding for some reason. Just knowing that Nam Woohyun was there made him want to strangle him. “I can change!” Nam Woohyun said at the same voice level surprising Sunggyu. “You always say your books teach you how human nature is, and in your books people are always changing, even if it's for the best or for the worst! They always get a chance! So why can't I? Why can't have I a chance?” Now this speech was making Sunggyu look and Nam Woohyun with other eyes, he just didn't know if it was for better or worst. “I love you...please, all I need is a chance...” The older man started pressing his lips together.

He didn't know Nam Woohyun could be this impulsive, he didn't know that he could say such words. “....you know what you have to do...” he didn't even realized what he was saying until the words were out. Nam Woohyun looked down to his hands and didn't said a thing at first. Sunggyu was sure the younger was going to get up and leave, but instead he felt the younger grab his hand and take a deep breath. “Fine...” he said and Sunggyu raised a brow not understanding a thing. What did he meant by that. “I'll...I'll have the surgery...”

my trolling is coming....heheh, but when???