Sunggyu's words got stuck on Nam Woohyun's head. They wouldn't leave and no matter how much he was trying to ignore it. He couldn't believe Sunggyu was actually asking him for such a thing. How could he? Wasn't he listening? He said he would never leave his studies, he said he would never stop doing what he loved the most, and that was going to classes and learn. See how much passion Sunggyu had for his books. He couldn't give that up. He just couldn't. He would rather have no hope with the older man. “I can't....I just can't...” Nam Woohyun said as he looked down to his feet. He knew he was throwing away his only chance with the older man, but if it that was the price to pay....he would do it. He just didn't want to be without the thing he adored the most. “Why not? Is college that important to you?” Nam Woohyun nodded and then Sunggyu was lost. He didn't know what to do. He didn't want this man to die. He didn't want anyone to die. Dying at such a young age, was just wrong. Nam Woohyun had so many things to see, so many things to learn, it couldn't just end like that.

Then an idea crossed his head. It didn't pleased him, one bit to be honest, but he thought that if it was what it took him to make Nam Woohyun give up about his crazy idea of staying in college, he would do it. “I'll give you private lessons.” He hated the word 'private'. He hated to imagine himself giving classes to just one person, he hated to imagine himself teaching someone else on his personal space. It was wrong and uncomfortable but when he saw how the younger man reacted when he said, he realized he probably said the right words, even thought they were incredibly painful to say. “Can I live here?” Nam Woohyun asked right away. No! He couldn't! That wasn't a part of the deal. Sunggyu would give him private lessons, but he wouldn't allow the younger man to live there. Why would he? It wasn't like he had to. “I sleep in a dorm. If I stop going to college, I've to leave.” The younger made it clear to Sunggyu and the older didn't know how to answer that. That wasn't something he was expecting, on the contrary. He just stood there, still holding Nam Woohyun's arm, and thinking. Should he allow it or should he just throw a sick, needy person to the streets and to his dead?

He had to admit he was starting to feel ashamed about his priorities, but he still didn't stopped with the inner fight. “I promise I won't make a mess. I promise I won't touch your books. I promise I won't listen to my music! I promise I won't talk about my feelings. And I promise I won't talk about Hoya or compare myself to him..and I promise you won't even see me unless you're teaching me...” Nam Woohyun was looking to hopeful eyes to the older man.

And Sunggyu was trying his best to think properly, but those needy eyes weren't helping him at all. Instead, he just stopped holding the younger man's arm and took a deep breath. He couldn't believe he was actually saying or thinking something like that, but now it was too late to back. He was a man that was true to his own words, and just because he wasn't liking this situation, he couldn't just say he didn't want it anymore. He never wanted it to begin with. “You'll live with me.” He paused but he could see in the other man's eyes how happy he was. He was pretty sure Nam Woohyun looked like a little kid at that moment. His eyes sparkling with hope and happiness. Yeah, this man was surely something Sunggyu wasn't used to see, and he was friends with Dongwoo and Hoya. “But for that, you'll need to get surgery. And you'll have it in a month, tops.”

Nam Woohyun's smile disappeared as soon he heard that. He looked to the older man and saw he was serious, that in order for him to move with him, he had to do the surgery. But he didn't want. He didn't want to have that surgery at all. He didn't want to go to the hospital, he didn't want to shave his head, he didn't want to have a hole in his head. “I...I don't want to have the surgery.” He admitted and the older man looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “Is the problem the money?” He asked and Nam Woohyun shook his head. “No, if I quit college I can pay for it.” then what was the problem? Sunggyu wasn't understanding a thing and honestly he was starting to get tired of trying. The younger wasn't explaining things properly and that was irritating him to no end. Why couldn't the other just say what was really going on before he lost his control and killed him with his bare hands. “Then what's the problem? You can always go back to college! You can always go back to your studies after.” The younger nodded, already knowing all of this. “I'm just scared okay?”

Finally they were going somewhere. Sunggyu crossed his arms and waited for the younger to keep talking. “I'm scared that my appearance will change!” It wasn't all but Sunggyu couldn't but think it was a little vein of the younger man. A whole lot actually. “I'm scared to have a big hole in my head and I don't want to be in a hospital bed for 2weeks recovering!” Sunggyu fought the urge to start a fight about something so stupid. Who cared about having his head shaven and stay in bed for two weeks when it meant to be alive for many years, maybe more that he thought it was possible? It wasn't that hard to chose, or was it? Because if it was, he couldn't see where. “Who cares? So you don't have for a couple of months? The bandages won't allow anyone to see and you can always wear a wig.” Sunggyu started, not even allowing the younger man to keep going. He hated when people got so vain. He hated when people started caring his their looks before anything else. Yes, he was a man who liked to dress well and be perfect from head to toe, but if he had to chose between life and his personal style, he would chose life in a heart beat.

“If people don't look at you the same way, too bad for them. Their problem!” Nam Woohyun started biting his lips and wasn't capable of looking to the older in the eyes after such speech. He just started playing with the end of his shirt and started thinking of what he should say, but before he could, words had came out, words that he promise he would never say as long he stood with Sunggyu. “Will you care if I have hair? Will you look at me if I'm in a hospital bed?” before he could stop himself, the words were out and he could see by Sunggyu's expression he didn't liked those questions one bit. He was pretty sure he had screwed up by then but he also knew how Sunggyu was going to answer. No one liked to see people in a hospital bed, not even pregnant women. It was depressing and made everyone around sad and sure the person wouldn't live. It wasn't the best place to be. He made a promise, not even five minutes ago and now he was failing his own word. What the hell was wrong with him? He was positive he just allowed his only chance to fly away from the window.

Sunggyu had the urge to force the younger to look at him but he didn't. Instead, he took a couple of breaths and counted to ten to calm himself down. “If I saw you in that hospital bed I would look at you differently, for sure.” Nam Woohyun knew it. He just knew it. He was expecting that answer, but he had no idea it would be so painful to hear it from Sunggyu's lips. “I would look at you and admire your courage for doing such a big thing. I would look at you with respect for choosing life above everything else.” He paused and the younger man could say, with every single letter, he was beyond shocked with that answer. It wasn't what he expected. At that exact moment, he was feeling something he wasn't sure of what was it. He was feeling familiar butterflies on his stomach but at the same time, there was a new thing, something that he couldn't describe. His heart was beating so fast, like something was going to happen.

But he was pretty sure it would something bad for him, something he wouldn't like one bit, something that would break him. “You know...” Sunggyu started and Nam Woohyun looked at him with very curious eyes. “I honestly thought that you and me....who knew, I thought that I could fall for you. You're so smart, so brilliant. I never met someone with such a vision of the world. A person who loved books the same way I did. A person I could actually fall for.” Sunggyu couldn't believe he was admitting something like that, but now he wasn't going to stop, even if Nam Woohyun's happy expression told him other wise.

His eyes were sparkling and it seemed he was waiting for more, but Sunggyu was ready to crush his hopes, not because he wanted, but because of his honesty. “I thought that and even if you're sick I thought it wouldn't matter but now...I can see you're a coward who's more worried about his appearance than about his own life.” Sunggyu turned his face away and gave a couple of steps backwards. He didn't had to look to the younger to know how he was feeling at that moment. “You can stop comparing yourself to Hoya, because he is better than you in every way. Unlike you, he thinks about his health and how it will affect the people who love him.” He started walking towards his room and Nam Woohyun started feeling tears in his eyes. It hurt, and it hurt even more because he knew Sunggyu was right, like always. “You can stay here, but I don't want to hear or see your sorry face. Ever.”