Kyuhyun

 

My eyes slowly opened. A new day has come, and with it, a beautiful angel was lying beside me. Park Kyesin was still fast asleep. I looked at the clock. It was quarter to seven. I don’t normally wake up this early, and I usually throw a fit if I do, but not today. Because today, I woke up with my first love beside me.

 

I brushed her hair carefully as I watched her sleep. She was snuggled up in a thick blanket, breathing slowly. Her pretty lashes, her thin red lips and pointy nose... She is beautiful.

 

It’s been years since I stared at her this close and for this long, and it’s been years since I brushed her hair like this. I miss it. I miss it all.

 

Where did all the hate go? I don’t know. It’s as if all the ice in my heart has melted the very moment I embraced her again last night.

 

“Why did you leave me?” I muttered softly as I lightly brushed her cheek with my finger. She wabbled and faced the other way.

 

I sighed. What do I want now? Why can’t I let go of her? Why didn’t we work out?

 

I stood up carefully from the bed and took the pillow and blanket outside to make it seem like I slept on the sofa. It was still snowing outside. It was snowing hard. Guess we’ll have to stay longer than planned.

 

I walked to the cabinets and looked for breakfast. There was still good bread, and peanut butter in the ref. Alright, I can make a sandwich.

 

I took a bread knife and spread the peanut butter on the bread. I then heated water. I went back to the cabinets and look for what I need.

 

. There’s no chocolate milk?

 

I quickly took my coat, borrowed one of Donghae’s scarfs and wore my shoes. I stepped outside. It was freezing. It was snowing hard. The roads are slowly being cleared by trucks. I ran to the nearest convenience store but it was closed. I ran further and looked for an open one. Fifteen minutes since I left when I found a small store. I went inside, shivering in the cold. I ran through the store and bought one packet of Swiss Miss. I paid, then ran back to Donghae hyung’s condominium.

 

“Where have you been?” Kyesin was standing in the living room, surprised. “Did you go out?”

 

I quickly went to the cupboards, took one mug and poured the sachet in. I added the hot water and stirred. I handed her the hot chocolate.

 

“H-h-here,” I shivered.

 

She looked down at the mug. “Thanks,” she mumbled and took it.

 

I took off my coat and the scarf. My teeth were clattering.

 

“Are you alright?” she asked. I faced her. Her eyes widened in surprise. “Holy , Kyuhyun. Your lips are so blue!” she said. She put the mug down on the table and pulled me to the sofa. I was too cold to even react.

 

She went to the bathroom and got a heat pack. She then put it on my head. She patted down my arms and on my chest. “Your shirt is wet. Take it off,” she instructed. My shivering fingers fumbled through the buttons. She sighed and helped me. It was a good thing I was wearing a wife beater that day. She grabbed the blanket and wrapped it around my body. She then went to the bedroom to get more blankets to place on me.

 

She removed my shoes and socks. She then took my hands and rubbed on them, keeping them warm. She blowed into them. It was nice....the way she held them. I tried to smile at her with my shivering lips.

 

She pouted at me. Her eyes suddenly turned watery and she was obviously trying to control her tears. “What the hell were you thinking, Kyu?!” she said. “You could’ve died! Do you know that it’s snowing really hard outside?”

 

I chuckled. “Y-y-yeah...I-i-it’sss f-freeee-ziiing c-c-cold-d-d out-out-s-side!”

 

She lightly punched my arm. “Then why the hell did you go out?!” she sobbed.

 

“Ch-cho-choco-l-l-late…”

 

“You went out just for that?!” tears were now leaving her eyes.

 

I nodded my head and wiped her tear with my finger. “Wh-why a-are y-you-u c-cr-ying?”

 

“Because you’re so stupid!” she sobbed. She brought her feet up and placed her head on her knees. “Why would you even go out just to buy that?”

 

“Y-y-you  a-al-waaays-s-s d-driink-k-k every m-mooor-niiing… Y-youu b-b-becooome j-j-jitteer-r-ry-y iiiiifffffff y-youu d-dooon’t,” I said.

 

Her eyes widened in surprise. “I never told you that,” she whispered.

 

“Y-y-yeesss y-you d-didd,” my teeth kept clattering. “Once… r-r-reem-m-meeem-b-beeer wh-wh--”

 

“I just told you that one time and you remembered?” she said.

 

I blinked twice and swallowed the lump in my throat. I nodded.

 

She furrowed her brows at me, very confused and deep in thought. She breathed deeply and stood up. She went to the kitchen. She came back after a few minutes with a cup.

 

“Here,” she said, handing it to me.

 

I took the cup between my hands. Even without seeing it, I already knew what it was. I took a sniff. It smelled the same as before. I smiled. This was the first tea she offered me.

 

I took a sip, and it brought me back to seven years ago. It was as good as I remembered. And I haven’t had this tea for years. She never told me how to make it so that I have something to hold on to, she once said. Sly little girl.

 

“It’s honey and lemon tea with a touch of ginger,” she whispered, sitting beside me with her mug of hot choco. “Honey since you’re voice is like honey, lemon for good circulation and a lot more health benefits, and of course, ginger for soothing your throat,” she said. It was the very same thing she told me when she handed me this tea the first time years ago. She was still so shy with me then.

 

“I remember,” I said clearer now. “You were the cutest little thing then. You were really shy,” I chuckled. I breathed deeply. “Will you tell me something?”

 

“What is it?” she said.

 

“Why did you choose Stanford over me?” I asked.

 

She looked at me. “Kyuhyun, you need to understand something. I didn’t leave you because of Stanford. Yes, I left and went to Stanford, but that school isn’t the reason.”

 

“Then what is?”

 

“That’s left for you to find out yourself. I won’t tell you the reason,” she said.

 

“Then how should I find out?”

 

“Why are you even doing this, Kyuhyun? Why are you even asking all these questions?”

 

“Because I want to understand what happened between us,” I said.

 

She sighed. “Kyuhyun, honestly, I’m so confused right now. You’ve changed...a lot.” She looked away.

 

I looked at her. She was sad, I know. I know that face.

 

“Will you tell me how I changed?” I asked.

 

She wiped a tear falling from her eye. “A lot… You’re not the man I knew seven years ago. I know you really hate me. You didn’t fail to show that outside the restaurant with Siwon and the New Year’s Eve party. For ’s sake you hired me as your statistician, Kyu! I was fine with that...I understand. I hated myself for what I did for quite some time too. But making me meet your mom, Kyu? That was too much. You know that I grew up more than half of my life without a mother. And you know well that I love your mother and felt like she was mine as well because she took care of me like her own. I...I...I never thought you would do that to me, Kyu. Do you know how hurt i was after meeting her? How I felt that I do not deserve her hospitality and love?”

 

“I’m sorry,” i whispered. I felt her pain… I knew I hurted her by doing so...but I never thought it would affect her this much. “But I loved you, Kye… I really did. I loved you so much it broke me when you left.”

 

“Do you think I didn’t? Do you think leaving you didn’t affect me at all? Leaving you was the hardest thing I have ever done, Kyuhyun,” she cried.

 

She wiped the tears falling down her face. I wanted to hug her and apologize over and over. I know that my plan had worked, but I’m not at all happy about it. Seeing her like this makes my heart ache. After all these years apart, I still can’t stand the sight of Park Kyesin crying.

She’s right. I have changed. My heart was ice cold, but I know for a fact now that it’s melting - fast. On the other hand, she hasn’t changed. She’s still as innocent as before. Still as protective and caring and loving.

 

What have I turned into? I quite don’t know myself. How could I even hurt her?

 

She sniffed and stood up. “Are you done with that?” she asked, avoiding my gaze.

 

“Yes, thank you,” I answered and gave her my now empty cup.

 

Kyesin went to the kitchen and washed the cups and left them out to dry. She slowly retreated back to the couch where I sat. She put her knees up and pouted.

 

“Are you still cold?” she asked.

 

“Just a little,” I said. “Can I ask you something? And whatever it is, will you promise to tell me the truth?”

 

She looked at me with her innocent watery hazel eyes. “I’ll try.”

 

I pursed my lips, took one deep breath and looked at her beautiful eyes. “Do you still love me?”

 

She paused for a minute or two. And we just sat there, staring right at each other. She then sighed with her eyes getting even watery by the second.

 

Park Kyesin nodded. “Yes,” she said.

 

I want to leap for joy. But I didn’t. I kept my composure.

 

“Will you answer one more question, then?”

 

“What is it?”

 

“Are my lips still blue?”

 

Her eyes flickered, confused with my unusual question. “Uhm… no, not really. It hasn’t gone back to the original color yet, but it’s on its way there.”

 

“So will you warm them up for me?” I said.

 

I wasn’t thinking then. My brain was all fuzzy. I leaned in and placed my lips on hers. Waves and waves of current pulsated throughout my body. It was incredible. Her beautiful soft lips on mine felt amazing.

 

It’s as if I had my very first kiss for the second time.

 

Kyesin

 

I opened my eyes and found myself in an unfamiliar room. It took me a minute or two to get a grip of what was going on. Yesterday was bucketloads of crazy that I had wished it was all just a dream. But it wasn’t.

 

I stood up and fixed the bed. Donghae’s bed. To be quite honest, it was the best sleep I’ve had in years. Must be the mattress or the pillows or maybe the cold atmosphere… But weirdly, I don’t like sleeping in a cold room, unless wrapped by something warm. I didn’t think the white blanket would be good enough for me…

 

I first went to the bathroom to freshen up. It’s 7:30 in the morning. I usually wake up earlier, but it seems that the night’s sleep I had was better than I imagined.

 

I straightened up my hair, washed my face and brushed my teeth (with which I conveniently always carry a toothbrush with me). I didn’t want Kyuhyun to see me hideous, do I? I looked at myself in the mirror and sighed.

 

What do I do now with Kyuhyun?

 

I love him, yes. I still do. But he’s hurting me... he hates me… I want to move on. Why can’t I move on?

 

I sighed once more and stepped out of the bathroom. My phone rang.

 

“Hello?” I said.

 

“Hey, sunshine,” Dean was talking at the other end. “I miss you. Should I come pick you up at your place? It’s your car’s coding today.”

 

Crap. I forgot about that. “Uhm, I’m actually still at my client’s place…” I mumbled, sitting on the edge of the bed.

 

“The one from yesterday?” he asked.

 

“Yeah,” I grumbled. “He’s very demanding so it took us all afternoon and night… Then it snowed in so I couldn’t leave. But don’t worry, he...uhm...took care of me well.”

 

“Mhm, I see. Do you want me to just come and pick you up there?” he said.

 

“Can you? I think it’s still snowing,” I replied.

 

“Yeah… some roads are cleared now. Just text me the address and I’ll be right there,” Dean said.

 

“Are you sure it’s okay with you?” I asked.

 

“Absolutely!” he chuckled.

 

“Okay. I’ll see you in a few,” I said and hang up. I texted him the address.

 

I fixed my things and stepped out of the bedroom. I couldn’t see anyone in the kitchen or in the living room. The blanket and the pillow I gave Kyuhyun last night was neatly placed on the sofa.

 

“Kyuhyun?” I called out. I tried looking at the other bathroom but it was empty.

 

I went back to the kitchen. There was a sandwich on the counter - it was peanut butter. Then, the water heater went off… So he was just here. Where is he now?

 

I looked out the window, worried. It’s still snowing outside. Where is he? Is he out in the cold?

 

I was getting jittery now… Partly because I haven’t had chocolate milk yet - another thing my mom used to give me every morning. And probably mostly because I was worried sick for Kyuhyun.

 

The door suddenly opened. In came Kyuhyun with his coat covered with snow. He had a bag in his hands.

 

“Where have you been? Did you go out?” I asked, surprised. He ignored me.

 

Kyuhyun went to the kitchen and went through the cupboard. He then took the water heater and poured some on a mug. He took a spoon and stirred.

 

I went towards him. My heart was pounding.

 

“H-h-here,” Kyuhyun said in a shivering voice.

 

In his hands was a mug with a brown liquid. “Thanks,” I said, taking it.

 

I took one sip… I smiled to myself… One hot mug of Swiss Miss.

 

I spun around, looking at Kyuhyun. I could hear his teeth clattering.

 

“Are you alright?” I asked. He then looked at me. His face was pale. And his lips…. “Holy , Kyuhyun! Your lips are so blue!” I said. I quickly put my mug down and ran to his side. I pulled him down to the couch. He was so cold.

 

I ran to the bathroom and got a heat pack. I put it on his head. I checked his clothes. They’re wet.

 

“Your shirt is wet. Take it off,” I said.

 

He was ing his shirt but he was shivering for it was too cold. I sighed and helped him. His body…. His body has changed a lot. He was unbelievably muscular now. He was so skinny then, and yet I thought he was chubby now but I was wrong. His arms were popping with muscles. His chest was huge. If I wasn’t panicking right now, I’d be just standing over him and staring over his body.

 

I grabbed the blanket he used earlier, the one I used and a bunch more blankets, and wrapped all of them around his body to keep him warm. I then removed his socks and shoes and dried his feet with a rag. I sat down beside him, still shivering and took his hands between mine. I blew into them to keep them warm.

 

My eyes started stinging with water as I slowly calm down, now sure he’s safe. Why would he go outside? is he stupid?

 

“What the hell were you thinking, Kyu?!” I said, couldn’t fight the urge to just keep quiet anymore. “You could’ve died! Do you know that it’s snowing really hard outside?!”

 

He looked at me with those puppy eyes and chucked. “Y-y-yeah...I-i-it’sss f-freeee-ziiing c-c-cold-d-d out-out-s-side!”

 

I punched his arm out of frustration. If I wasn’t upset right now, I’d be complaining on how hard his biceps actually are. “Then why the hell did you go out?!” I broke down, sobbing.

 

“Ch-cho-choco-l-l-late…” he stuttered in cold.

 

"You went out just for that?!" I was crying now.

 

He nodded and wiped my tears. "Wh-why a-are y-you-u c-cr-ying?" He asked.

 

I wanted to say: Because I love you and you almost died, you idiot! But I just stuck with the last part.

 

"Because you're so stupid! Why would you even go out just to buy that?!" I plopped my feet up and placed my head on my knees.

 

“Y-y-you  a-al-waaays-s-s d-driink-k-k every m-mooor-niiing… Y-youu b-b-becooome j-j-jitteer-r-ry-y iiiiifffffff y-youu d-dooon’t,” His teeth clattered.

 

I looked at him, very surprised. How did he know? “I never told you that.”

 

“Y-y-yeesss y-you d-didd. Once… r-r-reem-m-meeem-b-beeer wh-wh--”

 

“I just told you that one time and you remembered?” I asked and he nodded. Why is he like this? Yesterday he was mean but now… Is this his new way to get to me? To soften me up? Or perhaps… perhaps he still feels something. No… It can’t be. I looked at him. It makes me remember a memory before. I stood up and went to the kitchen. I took what I need: ginger, honey and lemon and put in some hot water. “Here,” i handed the hot cup to him.

 

He took it in his hands and he smiled. He remembered. He took a sip.

 

I sat down beside him. “It’s honey and lemon tea with a touch of ginger…” I whispered. And then I told him the same thing I said when I first served him this tea seven years ago. “Honey since your voice is like honey, lemon for good circulation and a lot more health benefits, and of course, ginger for soothing your throat.”

 

“I remember. You were the cutest little thing then. You were really shy,” he chuckled. Even now he has the capability to make my heart leap. “Will you tell me something?”

 

“What is it?” I asked.

 

“Why did you choose Stanford over me?”

 

I looked at him. Until now he believes that lame excuse. Until now he thinks I would leave him over a scholarship. Until now it’s not clear to him how much he means to me. “Kyuhyun, you need to understand something. I didn’t leave you because of Stanford. Yes, I left and went to Stanford. But that school isn’t the reason.”

 

“Then what is?”

 

I sighed. “That’s left for you to find out yourself. I won’t tell you the reason.” Since even if I do… He still wouldn’t believe me.

 

“Then how should I?”

 

Why… Why now? “Why are you even doing this, Kyuhyun? Why are you even asking all these questions?”

 

He looked at me and his eyes spoke the truth. “Because I want to understand what happened between us.”

 

“Kyuhyun. Honestly. I’m so confused right now. You’ve changed… a lot.” The old Kyuhyun I knew may be gone now…

 

“Will you tell me how I changed?” He asked.

 

I couldn’t fight the tears anymore.

 

“A lot… You’re not the man I knew seven years ago. I know you really hate me. You didn’t fail to show that outside the restaurant with Siwon and the New Year’s Eve party. For ’s sake you hired me as your statistician, Kyu! I was fine with that...I understand. I hated myself for what I did for quite some time too. But making me meet your mom, Kyu? That was too much. You know that I grew up more than half of my life without a mother. And you know well that I love your mother and felt like she was mine as well because she took care of me like her own. I...I...I never thought you would do that to me, Kyu. Do you know how hurt i was after meeting her? How I felt that I do not deserve her hospitality and love?”

 

“I’m sorry “ he whispered. I couldn’t look at him now. “But I loved you, Kye… I really did. I loved you so much it broke me when you left.”

 

“Do you think I didn’t? Do you think it leaving you didn’t affect me at all? Leaving you was the hardest thing I have ever done, Kyuhyun.”  I could talk for a while… “Are you done with that?” I asked, pointing to his cup.

 

“Yes, thank you,” he answered.

 

I took it and washed our cups in the sink. I needed to get away for a while… To have space so that I could breathe and compose myself again. When I was ready I went back to the couch, put my feet up again.

 

“Are you still cold?” I asked. Why can’t I stop caring for him?

 

“Just a little,” he said. “Can I ask you something? Whatever it is, will you promise to tell me the truth.”

 

I finally looked at him. His gorgeous face was just inches away from mine. “I’ll try.”

 

He took a deep breath before speaking. “Do you still love me?”

 

His words rang in my ear and I couldn’t comprehend it for seconds. Do I still love him? That’s a stupid question. But the real question is here is whether I would tell him the truth or not. My heart ached. Of course. Of course I should tell him the truth.

 

I nodded “Yes.”

 

“Will you answer one more question, then?”

 

“What is it?” I asked, sniffing.

 

“Are my lips still blue?”

 

The question took me by surprise. It was so sudden. “Uhm… No, not really. It hasn’t gone back to the original color yet, but it’s on its way there.” I answered.

 

Cho kyuhyun smiled a little. “So will you warm them up for me?”

 

My heart skipped a beat hearing those words. I froze, not knowing what to do. He slowly leaned in. What… What is happening… I unconsciously closed my eyes.

 

And his lips were on top of mine in a second. I could feel the heat coming from our lips. I could feel my heart going haywire again. I could feel my fingers tingling to get a hold of him. I’ve been longing for this kiss for years, and it was even better than I remember. The tears keep spilling out of my eyes. I could feel how much I longed for him… How I miss him… How I love him…

 

What is he doing? Why is he doing this? Is this his new way to break me? He knows how much I love him still… Is he luring me to fall for him again yet break it like the same way I broke him? I don’t understand anymore.

 

“Kyuhyun…” I shook my head crying as our lips parted. “Why are you doing this? Why are you hurting me? I know you hate me. And I’m sorry for leaving you, and I get that I deserve this all… But not like this … I don’t want to fall for you again…”

 

“Kye…” He whispered.

 

The doorbell suddenly rang through the apartment. Kyuhyun looked at the door, confused.

 

“That’s Dean…” I whispered. I stood up and got my bag as I wiped my tears. I don’t want Dean to see me like this...broken and apart again..

 

“He’s fetching you?” He asked.

 

I sighed. “Yes.”

 

He grabbed my hand. “Who said he could?”

 

“I did,” i said. I wiped the tears that fell. “Kyuhyun, just let me go.”

 

I headed for the door and opened it. Dean’s expression immediately change to worry. “Hey, what happened?” He whispered.

 

“It’s nothing. Let’s just leave,” i told him.

 

“Kye. No,” Kyuhyun said in an authoritative voice.

 

I glanced back at him and shook my head. I held Dean’s hand and looked up at the American man. “let’s go,” I whispered.

 

Dean wrapped an arm around me tight. His eyes shifted from Kyuhyun to me. He smiled at me and pulled me out of the apartment.

 

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Hey everyone! Here's the new update :)

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