KYUHYUN

I stood by the door, heart frantically beating. Was this wine I am holding good enough? Were the clothes I am wearing decent enough? Was this time free enough? A lot of thoughts were going through my head. I was nervous. Nervous, because today was the day I wanted to start anew with Kyesin.

And so… with a deep breath, I rang the doorbell to Kyesin’s apartment. That moment I wanted to turn around. I didn’t want to upset her anymore.

But no! What was I thinking? Apologizing would make her feel better, right? It’ll make her happy, right?

All I want right now is for her to be happy.

The door opened after a couple of seconds. “Hun, you’re too ear--” Kyesin’s hazel eyes grew wide as soon as she saw me standing outside her place. “Kyuhyun?! What are you doing here? Someone might see you!” she whispered.

Even until now she cares about my image.... My career… She was the one, after all, who made me realize I should go down this road.

I took a deep breath before speaking. “I want to apologize,” I said, looking into her beautiful eyes.

She smiled at me. “Kyuhyun, you could’ve called and we could’ve met somewhere else. You have my number, right? Besides, I kinda understand now why you said what you said at the charity event.”

She’s so nice and forgiving as ever. How could I hate her?

I shook my head at Kyesin. “It’s not just that,” I said. “It’s about everything.”

Her face fell, surprised by my words. “Oh…”

“Are you free?” I asked. “It would be nice if we could finally talk about the things that happened between us… Please…”

She sighed. “Alright. Come in… But I have a dinner with Dean tonight and he’s picking me up at six so I have only until then…”

I nodded, silently calming myself down after hearing that guy’s name. “Okay…”

“Would you…like something to drink?” she asked. “Water, tea…?”

“Water would be nice,” I replied.

She nodded and got a glass of water from the kitchen. He handed the glass to me and sat down on her recliner, cutely putting her feet up as she sipped on her glass.

I took a deep breath. Here it goes. “Kye… I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’ve been really selfish. I’m sorry I didn’t know what you were going through…”

“Did Heechul…?”

I nodded. “He scolded me… And he was right. I was a jerk. I am a jerk. I’m so sorry, Kyesin… I didn’t know I was hurting you…”

“I’m not mad at you. I can never be. You don’t have to apologize, Kyuhyun…”

“But I hurt you, didn’t I? You cried your eyes out because of me, didn’t you? Even now, I bet, you’re hurting when you see me,” I said. I could feel my heart ache.

The corners went down into a pout and her eyes became watery. She hugged her knees tighter and closer to her, hesitating to talk. “I… I… I loved you, Kyuhyun… I endured everything for you.”

I knelt in front of her and took her hand in mine. “Tell me, Kye. Tell me why you left. So that I can finally correct what I’ve done. So that I can finally set things right. Heechul hyung… he told me that you were sick and I… I didn’t notice it... ”

She looked at me as tears streamed down her face. I reached over to wipe them but she looked away, wiping them herself. “Kyuhyun…” she sighed. “I didn’t leave because I was sick… I didn’t leave because Heechul told me to…”

“Then why?” I asked.

She bit her lip and shook her head, crying. “I left… I left because I felt like you didn’t love me anymore…” she said in a bleak voice.

I felt like my heart fell out of my chest. How… How could she think that? I don’t understand. What made her think like that… Was it all because I didn’t spend time with her? “What…”

“I thought you didn’t love me anymore… and that you were too scared to tell me the truth… but I loved you… so much… that I didn’t want you to think that it was your fault that we broke up. I didn’t want you to blame yourself. I was afraid that if you do, you’ll get depressed and then your dreams and your career might be gone…” she cried.

I couldn’t help myself. I stood up and took her into my arms, letting her sit on my lap on the couch. She cried on my chest, and I hugged her as tight as I could. My heart ached seeing her like this, and it ached more after hearing her reason of leaving… No… she misunderstood it. How could I be so blind? How could I be so stupid? This shouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t acted that way.

“Kye…” I crooned, brushing her hair. “I’m sorry… But I really loved you. It’s not true...what you think… When you left, I was so lost… well, because, I lost you. I became mad… at first, I thought I was mad at you for taking the scholarship and leaving me behind. But now I realize that I was also mad at myself… That if I had just done things right, you wouldn’t even consider taking it. Isn’t that right?”

“Yeah,” she sobbed. “Can I ask you something?”

“What is it?”

“Did you… did you ever cheat on me?”

I cupped her face between my hands. “Never!” I said.

She nodded her head and placed it back on me. “Okay…”

“Tell me, what made you think that?”

She pressed her face on my chest harder and gripped on my shirt. “I… I… I don’t know… You always went out without me… And you never introduced me to those friends…”

I sighed. She misunderstood all of it. “Changmin was one of them,” I whispered. “But you already knew him then. I’m sure I’ve introduced you to him… Minho was another… he was still a trainee then but we’re already close friends. The rest were all trainees whom I met when I was one… They weren’t given a chance to debut… But Kye, it has never crossed my mind to cheat on you. Never.”

“I’m sorry for thinking that way,” she whispered.

“What I told you at the dinner… That I want you back… I mean it.”

She looked at me. “Kyuhyun… I don’t think we can be what we were before again…”

“We don’t have to be what we were… We can always start over,” I told her. “Like we’ve never been together.”

“And do you think that that will work?”

“I guess we’ll never know unless we try, right? Besides, I think there’s a high probability that it will, since I know where I went wrong now.”

“You’re wrong,” she muttered. “The probability remains 50-50. It’s still either it will work, or it will not.”

I chuckled. “I haven’t told you how much I missed you…”

“I missed you too… a lot,” she whispered, pressing her cheek closer to my chest as she hid her face.

“Henry told me you supported me and the other members even after you left… Is that right?”

She nodded. “And I’m so proud of how much you’ve changed, vocally. You’re so amazing now…”

“Kyesin…”

“Yeah?”

“I’m really sorry for hurting you and driving you to the point where you can’t take it anymore…”

She started crying again. “Kyuhyun, you were everything to me then… It was so hard… I can’t go through that again. That’s why we can’t be together.”

“How do you know that? How that you know we’ll be just the same as before if we don’t try?”

She sighed. “Kyuhyun, I’m with--” I didn’t want to hear it.

“I know, Kye… but…”

“But what?”

“But I love you.”

She raised her head to look at me. “What?”

I could feel water falling down my face. “I love you,” I say it one more time, crying. “I never stopped, Kye. I’ve always waited for you to come back. I thought if I get a relationship with someone else, I could forget about you and move on… But all I did was to look for things that she doesn’t have but you do. It never worked. And when I’m single, I silently hope that you’d one day show up at my doorstep or at least contact me… Acting up in front of everyone that I hated you only proves how much I am still affected over our relationship. I knew I was denying that I didn’t want you back nor simply hear your name in front of everyone else… I knew I was only lying to myself when I said I didn’t want to see you… But all those time I silently wished I did. There’s this part of me that is missing when you left me. And I will never be whole again unless you come back… When I learned you kept in touch with Henry, I was so mad at the both of you. Same with when I learned that the hyungs were seeing you behind my back. Because deep inside, I’ve always wanted you for myself. I’m a selfish person. I’m a bad person… But I never stopped loving you, Kyesin. I really never stopped. I love you so much.”

She cupped my face, looking into my eyes. “Kyuhyun…”

I wanted to kiss her so bad, but I couldn’t. “I love you, Kye,” I whispered.

She pursed her lips and breathed deeply.

She pulled my head and pressed her lips on mine. My heart raced and my body heated up. My arms immediately wrapped themselves around her tight and deepened the kiss. I miss this. I miss her lips on mine. I miss the heat between our lips. I miss my heart racing like this. I miss the taste of . I miss the way she touches me. I miss the way she pulls me close. I miss the way she drives me crazy.

I hate the fact that she’s unbelievably kind. That after all I’ve done, she still chose to love me. I hate how easily she forgave me. I do not deserve it.

But at the same time, I love it. I love how kind she is. How considerate.

Kissing her like this again after years and years of waiting… It makes me want more.

 

Kyesin

“I love you.” Kyuhyun’s words echoed in my mind.

My head snapped up and looked at him. “What?” Did he really say that?

Kyuhyun’s eyes were red and tears were falling down his face. My heart is breaking to see my precious angel cry. “I love you,” he said it again. Oh my heart leaped for joy. I’ve been waiting for him to say this… for seven years… I miss this voice. “I never stopped, Kye. I’ve always waited for you to come back. I thought if I get a relationship with someone else, I could forget about you and move on… But all I did was to look for things that she doesn’t have but you do. It never worked. And when I’m single, I silently hope that you’d one day show up at my doorstep or at least contact me… Acting up in front of everyone that I hated you only proves how much I am still affected over our relationship. I knew I was denying that I didn’t want you back nor simply hear your name in front of everyone else… I knew I was only lying to myself when I said I didn’t want to see you… But all those time I silently wished I did. There’s this part of me that is missing when you left me. And I will never be whole again unless you come back… When I learned you kept in touch with Henry, I was so mad at the both of you. Same with when I learned that the hyungs were seeing you behind my back. Because deep inside, I’ve always wanted you for myself. I’m a selfish person. I’m a bad person… But I never stopped loving you, Kyesin. I really never stopped. I love you so much.”

Hearing these words warms my heart. I missed him so much. This… This is my Kyuhyun. This is the Kyuhyun I fell in love with. My Kyuhyun. No matter what happened between us before, it didn’t matter for now… just for now. I didn’t know what was going through my mind. I didn’t know why logic has left me again. All I know is that I want him now.

I cupped his face. “Kyuhyun…” I miss him.

“I love you, Kye,” he whispered.

I pressed my lips against his. OH my heart could just melt in this kiss. I put my hands on his chest and pulled him close to me. Oh how I miss this. I miss everything about this. I miss the way he holds me close, like he’s never letting go. I miss the way his soft lips caress mine. His kisses now seemed like his kisses when we were just dating for a few weeks - careful but sweet. I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t snap out of it. Once again, I’m falling for Cho Kyuhyun’s charms.

At times like this, there’s something wrong going on with my body as if my brain disconnects itself with the rest of the parts. My hands gripped on his shirt tight and started tugging it up. I want him. So bad.

Kyuhyun gently pushed me away, keeping his forehead connected with mine. “Kyesin, we can’t…” he whispered.

I looked at him. His eyes are apologetic. I could see it in him that he wants me too… But why would he stop me?

“I’m sorry…” I apologize, thinking that it’s the only thing I can do now.

He brushed my hair away from my face, tucking a lock behind my ear as he smiled. “I just don’t want you to regret it. I know you’re going to beat yourself up if anything happens to us, now that you have someone else in your life,” he said.

Right. He’s right. “Thank you,” I whispered.

“There’s nothing to thank me for. If only you didn’t have a boyfriend, and if he didn’t warn me, then I wouldn’t stop you at all,” he said.

“Warn you?”

Kyuhyun grimaced. “It’s nothing. Please, just ignore it.”

I nodded. “Kyuhyun… I know it’ll be hard… but I can’t just leave Dean… I really can’t. And I don’t know I can ever be with you again. Even after all this.”

“I know that. But I won’t give up. As long as you still love me,” he smiled sweetly at me.

“Please don’t get your hopes too high, Kyuhyun. I don’t plan to leave Dean anytime soon.”

He nodded his head. “I can wait.”

I sighed. Kyuhyun’s arms found their way to my waist. “I miss hugging you… Honestly….” This is wrong. I know. But I just couldn’t control myself. I didn’t say anything and just closed my eyes. “Kye?”

“Yeah?”

“Right now I can’t help but think of the things I regret, one of which was about the last time I saw you… For so long I wondered why you were acting weird… I thought then you just weren’t feeling well… I should’ve told you i love you that night. I should’ve told you…” He said.

I look at him. My heart was beating so fast. My head was spinning. I couldn’t control my hands as they found their way to his chest, pulling him by his shirt closer to me. Why… Why is he saying all this now? Why is he making me so confused?

“If you had done so… Then I wouldn’t have left…” My voice broke. “That was all I was waiting for from you that day, Kyuhyun. Just waiting for you to tell me that you still love me.”

I could see in his eyes the regret he felt hearing these words from me. “I’m sorry… This is all my fault.”

My tears betrayed me again. They kept falling and falling as thoughts of alternate pasts went through my mind. If only he had told me he loves me. If only he said those three words.

Kyuhyun took me in his embrace but said no words. He knew exactly how to calm me down. He knew how I find solace in his sweet and warm kisses. He knew how to soothe me by lacing our fingers together. He knew that I find peace when I bury my head on his chest. He did those things without hesitation, taking care of me just like before as if we never broke up. He was becoming the Kyuhyun I fell in love with. This warmth… This is what is missing between Dean and Me. I am lost in Kyuhyun’s embrace once again.

 

“Hun? Hun~” i hear someone whisper.

I stirred and slowly opened my eyes. Dean was sitting on my bed. “Huh?”

“You’re so damn cute,” he laughed.

I sat up. “How did you get in?”

He pursed his lips and turned a bit serious. “Your friend...let me in…”

“Oh…” I said. “Dean…”

He chuckled. “You don’t need to explain. I’m sure you had your reasons.”

I pouted at him. “Why are you so nice?”

“Because I love you, and I understand what you’re going through. And I really do want to eat out with you tonight. I’m starving,,” he chuckled.

“I’m sorry… I’ll just go change real quick,” I said, standing up and heading straight for the bathroom.

“Alright, I’ll go wait in the living room.”

I put on a nice teal dress, some make up and my silver stilettos. I walked out of my bedroom with my purse. Dean was sitting on the couch, waiting. He looked up as I walked towards him. His lips turned immediately up into a smile as he saw me.

He stood up and put his arm around my waist. “You look beautiful,” he said.

“Thanks,” I replied. “Shall we?”

He took my hand and nodded.

We went to an expensive restaurant but very delicious restaurant. I believe it was Wolfgang Puck’s. The single slab of Wagyu I ate was worth 200 dollars and the bottle of wine Dean ordered was of the same price. It was a fun and relaxing dinner.

But I do kinda miss eating street food. I miss eating at hole-in-the-wall restaurants. I miss eating homemade kimbaps. Dean… he would never eat such food. He was raised with a silver spoon and he ate food that was either cooked for him with accordance to his nutritionist or expensive kind of food like these. Even though I force him to eat something like tteokbokki, he couldn’t since he has a sensitive stomach. I’m not complaining, though. I do love steak and wine. But I really do miss other food as well.

We walked a bit at the park after eating to digest the food we just ate. I know I was full as hell but there was this amazing appetizing smell coming from somewhere. I unconsciously followed it, leading Dean by the hand. At the other side of the park was a small stand where people have gathered. I took a look closer at what is it.

The man was selling freshly cooked fish shaped bread, otherwise known as bung o pang. Bittersweet memories flashed through me as I saw the delicious little things.

“Would you like some?” Dean asked me.

“Oh… no… Im full,” I replied.

“Are you sure?” he smiled.

I nodded. “Let’s go…” We continued walking around for a couple of minutes before I spoke again. I just couldn’t keep it in anymore. “Hey Dean…”

“Yeah?”

“He… he stopped by today… to apologize…” I said.

“Apologize?”

I nodded. “For the mess at the charity dinner… and for what happened in the past,” I said slowly.

“Oh… that’s great. Honestly,” he smiled.

“Yeah I thought it was…” I replied. “Also… We kissed… I thought you should know… ” I whispered.

“Did he kiss you or…?”

“I initiated it… I’m sorry… ”

He breathed deeply. “Now that you’re confessing me something… I have something to tell you too,” he said. “During the dinner… after you left, I took some time to talk to him.”

Is this what Kyuhyun was talking about? “You warned him, didn’t you?” I asked.

“Yes...and no. I didn’t ask him to stay away from you, if that was what you’re thinking. I just told him that he shouldn’t make you upset anymore… and if he kiss you again forcefully, I would have no choice but to protect you from him. And that would mean that he can’t see you anymore.”

“Ah… I see,” I said.

“I’m sorry, Kye. I… I just didn’t like seeing you that upset. I didn’t mean to control you or intrude in your personal matters,” he said with an apologetic face. “If you disagree with me, please tell me now.”

“No, I understand, Dean,” I said, smiling at him. “Tell me something. And you have to be honest about it…”

“What?”

“Are you really just fine if Kyuhyun and I meet or talk to each other?” I asked.

“Honestly?”

“Yes, please. Honestly.”

“Hmm… No,” he said. “I mean, who would? As your boyfriend, I do feel jealous seeing you two together, even if it isn’t what you intend it to be. But I’m trying very hard to understand. You’ve been in love with him for years. Watching you, I know it must be hard for you to move on, especially now that you’re in the same country.”

I sighed. “I’m sorry… I promise I’ll avoid him as much as possible.”

Dean laughed. “I’m not asking you to, hun, but if that’s what you want then I’m not stopping you. I just want you to be less affected of him, okay?”

I nodded. He is really kind. “Okay.”

He held my hand and squeezed it. “He said he’s going to wait… but so can I. I just got you to be mine, Kyesin. I’m not going to let him take you away from me easily.”

“I know,” I chuckled. “But you better.”

He laughed and put his arm around my shoulders. “I hope things will be better for you from now on,” he said before kissing the top of head.

“I hope it does too. I really hope it does.”

It was then that I’ve made my decision. And I’m choosing Dean.

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Soooooooooooooo

I'm back. I guess.

I haven't finished the fic. I still have a lot more chapters to write. I'm sorry for being out for a long time. But I really miss posting updates and everyone here so I decided to update again even if I am not yet done ^^ 

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Thank you for waiting patiently. I'll try to update soon! :)