KYESIN

“You seem excited,” Dean told me as he briefly glanced away from the road to give me a smile. We were now following a black van where Kyuhyun and his friends rode.

 

“I am! It’s been awhile since I last skied,” I replied.

 

“Oh really? Did you ever ski in California?” he asked.

 

“Yeah, but just once. I usually ski when I go home to London for the Christmas break,” I said.

 

“Ah… with your brother?”

 

“Hmm not really… he comes with me when he’s not busy. How about you? How long til you’ve last skied?”

 

“Never,” he answered with a giant grin.

 

My eyes popped wide open. “NEVER?!”

 

“Yeah,” he chuckled sheepishly.

 

“Then why did you come with me?!” I asked.

 

“I wanna try it,” he said.

 

“So all those ski stuff you brought… it’s all brand new?”

 

“Yep,” he laughed louder. “So don’t you dare laugh at me if I fall.”

 

I rolled my eyes in disbelief. “You are unbelievable.”

 

“Besides, I need to keep an eye on someone…” he whispered.

 

“Don’t you trust me?” I asked, taken aback by what he said.

 

“It’s not you I don’t trust,” he said, looking straight at the road.

 

I sighed. “He’s trying his best, you know? He’s doing a lot better than when you last met him.”

 

“Maybe that’s because I’m not around,” he argued.

 

He might be right. But I had no intentions of telling him that. “He promised me he’ll behave this time.”

 

“Well, I hope he does… Anyway, do you have any idea where exactly will we skiing?” he asked.

 

“No,” I shook my head. “Probably somewhere right outside Seoul? Kyuhyun said he has a schedule tomorrow afternoon so he should be back by then.”

 

“Maybe somewhere in Gyeonggi-do then,” he nodded.

 

“Yeah, maybe,” I agreed.

 

After driving for a couple of minutes, the black van slowly exited the highway and parked in a small restaurant. We followed right after. Dean and I went out of the car and a beaming Moonyoung welcomed me with a hug.

 

“Kyesin!!! We missed you!” he greeted. “It’s been so long since I last saw you.”

 

Jaehyun came running towards us as well. “Kye!!! Long time no see!”

 

Ueno silently followed behind, holding his wife’s hand. Kyuhyun stood a few feet away.

 

“I missed you guys as well,” I smiled.

 

“Oh, I’d like you to meet my girlfriend,” Moonyoung said, putting his around a petite woman.

 

“Hello, I’m Ryu Kyunglim. Nice to meet you,” she bowed.

 

“Kye, this is my girlfriend, Kim Minhye,” Jaehyun introduced the tall slender woman standing beside him.

 

“And this is my wife, Min Jihyun,“ Ueno said. The woman smiled at me.

 

“Nice to meet you! You all look very lovely. I’m Park Kyesin,” I said. Dean walked to my side. “By the way, this is my boyfriend, Dean Smith.”

 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you all,” Dean said, bowing nice and low.

 

“WOAAHHH!” Moonyoung exclaimed. “You speak Korean?!”

 

“He speaks well,” I laughed.

 

“I learned quickly for her,” Dean replied, glancing at me.

 

“Isn’t that sweet?” Jaehyun beamed.

 

Ueno cleared his throat. “Guys, are we all just going to stand here and talk, or are we eating lunch? Mister grumpy over there is getting grumpier every second if we don’t feed him fast,” he said, eyes pointing to where Kyuhyun stood.

 

“Right, right,” Moonyoung laughed.

 

We all walked and went inside the small restaurant. It serves authentic and homemade Korean dishes. As we sat down around a long table and waited for our food to come, I glanced worriedly at Dean. I have never seen him eat at a place like this before. I’m pretty sure he has eaten a number of Korean food already but he usually goes to pricey restaurants. I know he has a sensitive stomach because of that.

 

“Will you be okay?” I whispered.

 

He smiled at me. “Yes, of course. I’ll be fine but thank you for worrying.”

 

“Are you sure? I could get you some other food if it’s too risky for you,” I asked.

 

He shook his head. “That will be too embarrassing, Kye. I’m just a tag-along. Besides, didn’t Moonyoung say that they often eat here? Means it’s safe.”

 

I sighed. Moonyoung and the others can eat anywhere. Dean cannot. “Alright, but if you don’t feel fine, please tell me immediately.”

 

“Yes, I will,” he nodded.

 

The food arrived in a couple of minutes and we all dug in. It was, without a doubt, so delicious. This was the food I’ve been missing. Dean definitely found it delicious as well and he was eating good. Kyuhyun, on the other hand, ate very well. After all, as long as there’s food in front of him, Kyuhyun will eat.

 

“So, how did you guys meet?” Moonyoung asked me.

 

“Oh we met at Stanford,” I said simply.

 

“Would you like to expound on that?” Jaehyun asked.

 

“Oh, he stalked me,” I laughed.

 

Everyone else laughed as well. Everyone but Kyuhyun who tried to ignore us and kept eating.

 

“Did you really?” Moonyoung asked Dean.

 

“It’s not really ‘stalking’ per se,” he answered.

 

“You followed me around for weeks!” I argued.

 

Jaehyun and Moonyoung laughed. “Oh don’t worry about it. Kyuhyun here stalked her too,” Jaehyun said as he stuffed his mouth with food.

 

Kyuhyun froze upon hearing his name. He glared at Jaehyun. But Dean composed his self well and tried to ignore it.

 

Dean cleared his throat and started talking again. “Well, I’m two years ahead of her. When she entered college, I was already in my junior year. The juniors were assigned to take care of the freshmen for a couple of weeks just to help them adjust.”

 

“And you were assigned to Kye?” Ueno asked.

 

“No,” I shook my head. “He just ditched his frosh to assist me instead.”

 

“In my defense I wasn’t the only one to do so,” he answered.

 

“So what happened to all the others?” Moonyoung asked.

 

“Well, since Dean is super rich, he bribed my buddy with a large sum of money to trade places with him. Therefore, the others couldn’t compete,” I said. I thought I heard Kyuhyun scoff to himself. “My buddy told me later on.”

 

“So you see, it wasn’t really stalking. I was just being a good buddy,” Dean laughed. “I showed her around, sent her off and fetched her from classes, ate with her… I walked her home…. Those stuff.”

 

Moonyoung laughed loud.

 

“What’s funny?” I asked.

 

“Ahh nothing… it just sounds like someone I know,” Moonyoung grinned slyly and eyed the man whose head was deeply buried on his plate as he gobbled up a kimbap.

 

Ueno chuckled uneasily. “In any case it was all for the better, right, Kyesin? You wouldn’t be where you’re at now if he hasn’t done so.”

 

“I guess I could say that,” I nodded. “He helped me adjust in America.”

 

Dean held my hand and smiled at me. “She was very lonely when she came. She was always homesick. She had a hard time making friends too… I helped her get through all of that. Even though it took some time.”

 

“Thank you…” Kyuhyun whispered. It was the first time we heard his voice since we came to the restaurant. He was looking at Dean sincerely with soft eyes.

 

Dean smiled at him. “I just did what I should.”

 

Jaehyun cleared his throat to break the silence. “So, Dean, when did you start dating?”

 

“Oh, just this year, actually,” he answered.

 

“Really?!” Jaehyun’s eyes popped wide out. Everyone in the table was eager to listen.

 

“Yeah,” Dean nodded.

 

“But how long have you known each other?” Moonyoung asked.

 

“Seven, eight years,” Dean replied.

 

“Ah so you’re good friends,” Ueno’s wife spoke for the first time.

 

“Yes. Very. We hung out in school. When he graduated, we went out with other friends on the weekends. Have fun and other stuff. We worked together for a few years too,” I said.

 

“Oh that’s amazing,” Jaehyun’s girlfriend said.

 

“It is,” Dean nodded with a chuckle.

 

We drove for another hour or so before arriving at the resort. But as soon as I went out of the car, a gush of cold air washed through me - not because we were at a ski resort but because we were at the ski resort where Kyuhyun and I first met. Did he pick this place on purpose?

 

“Are you alright?” Dean asked me as he took the ski gear out of the car.

 

“Y-yeah…” I nodded. “Shall we check in?”

 

“Yeap. Hey, I was thinking maybe I should pay for their accommodations… I mean I’m just a tag-along…”

 

“Are you crazy?” I laughed and narrowed my eyes. “Are you trying to impress them?”

 

“Maybe…” he chuckled.

 

“Look, I know you’re trying to be nice but if you actually do that, they’re not going to like you,” I said.

 

“Why not?” he asked, taking my hand as we walked to the hotel lobby.

 

“For men, it’s all about the ego. If you pay for their rooms, it might send off a message that you think that they couldn’t afford these stuff,” I explained.

 

“Ohh..” he nodded.

 

“It’s different back in America, Dean. All our friends come from wealthy families and we’ve already grown close to them.”

 

“Right…”

 

“If you really want to treat them something, I think you should start with a meal. Maybe buy the dinner later,” I suggested.

 

“Alright. I’ll do that. I should’ve paid for lunch a while ago,” he said. “Wait. Who paid? I didn’t take out my wallet… Did you?”

 

“Kyuhyun did,” I whispered. “While we were talking amongst each other, he stood up and paid at the counter.”

 

“Oh… I thought he went to the bathroom then,” he said.

 

“I’m planning to pay him back,” I said.

 

“I know for sure he’s not going to accept that,” Dean chuckled.

 

“You’re probably right… Still... I’ll find a way to pay him back,” I laughed.

 

“Alright. Go wait there in the couches. I’ll check us in,” he said.

 

“And pay for my room? No way, mister,” I said, marching up to the front desk.

 

Dean grabbed my hand. “Don’t make me get into this argument again,” he laughed. “Are we dating or not?”

 

“We are... “ I whispered.

 

“Then let me do this, please,” he chuckled. He then kissed my cheek and then spun around to walk to the front desk.

 

I sighed in defeat and sat on one of the couches. It was then that I realized that Kyuhyun was right behind us, watching each move we made. He slowly walked towards the front desk, looking down at his feet. His hand was clenched hard in a fist, holding the strap of his duffel bag.

 

Moonyoung was suddenly sitting beside me. “Hi,” he smiled wide at me.

 

“Hi, Young. Where’s Kyunglim-ssi?” I asked.

 

“Still upstairs preparing her things, I think,” he replied.

 

“Oh I see...”

 

“Your boyfriend’s checking you in?” he asked.

 

“Yup. He insists,” I chuckled.

 

“Ah… Right… Kyu…” he hesitated for a while but after a deep breath he spoke again. “I haven’t seen Kyuhyun smile at all this day. He told us that you’re in better terms now but I guess being around your current boyfriend is a bit strange for him. He really loved you then, and he really missed you. He may not admit it and he also pretended that he hated you… Like every time one of us would mention your name, he’d shot as a death glare… but then, every time we go out for a drink and he gets drunk… really really drunk… it’s you he calls out… We all need to watch over him when he’s drunk. He goes up to your old apartment, looking for you… asking why you left… Or when you’ll be back… Then he’d cry… over and over til he falls asleep. He never remembers anything the next day… and I don’t know why but I never told him that...”

 

“Then why are you telling me all this?”

 

He grimaced. “I love you both, okay. But please understand him. He may not show it, but I know he’s in pain. Take it easy on him.”

 

“Kye, let’s go,” Dean called me with a smile.

 

I stood up from the couches and glanced at Moonyoung. I gave him a small nod before following Dean to my room.

 

He booked us in two separate rooms, but they were in front of each other. I settled in, and changed into my ski clothes. However, Moonyoung’s words still rang in my mind. Was he telling the truth? Was Kyuhyun really like that? It’s hard to believe it, honestly. He was nowhere near what Moonyoung described when we met for the first time when I came back.

 

A knock on the door suddenly made me jump and lose my train of thought. I opened it and on the other side was a beaming Dean Smith wearing what seems to be every single item in a ski apparel catalog.

 

I laughed at how ridiculously overdressed he look. “What the hell are you wearing?” I asked.

 

“What?! This is what the guy is wearing in the shop!” he argued.

 

“Okay, fine. Whatever. I’ll let you wear it today. It’s your first time anyway. Let’s just see if you can still move later,” I chuckled. I took my keycard and locked the room.

 

We went down to the lobby and waited for the others to be ready. We then went and rented our skis. Moonyoung and Jaehyun have their own, while the rest of us rented out. There weren’t many people in the ski resort, probably because it wasn’t a weekend and the Christmas season is over. Dean and I went to the beginner slopes since it’s his first time and he still needs to know the basics. Ueno’s wife was also a beginner so they both went there too. The others went off on their own.

 

Dean quickly learned. After three of four tries he could do it bravely on his own, though he was cautious and kept a slow yet steady speed. He suggested we go on to the other slopes and so we did. Dean was able to adapt well when we migrated to the intermediate slopes. Still, he fell a great number of times but he had fun. When he said he was getting a hang of it, ambitious as he is, he pulled me to the advanced slopes. Moonyoung, Jaehyun, their girlfriends and Kyuhyun were there. He tried skiing down the slope and he fell drastically midway. We all laughed - all but perhaps Kyuhyun - but he stood up and continued til he reached the end of the slope.

 

“Good job!” I praised him.

 

He sighed. “Kye… I don’t feel so well,” he whispered.

 

“Huh? Is it because you fell? Don’t worry. It’s normal to fall,” I answered.

 

“No… I just a feel a bit... cold…”he replied.

 

“Well of course, it’s cold.” I laughed.

 

“It’s not that… Alright, let’s just go again. Maybe it was because of the fall,” he said.

 

We climbed the slope again. This time I skied down first. “Follow me, okay,” I told Dean and he simply nodded.

 

I skied down in a zigzag and I could see that Dean followed. But as we approached the end of the slope, I suddenly felt someone pull me down. I fell off, rolling down a few feet on the cold snow. A voice was suddenly beside me just two seconds after I hit the bottom.

 

“Kye! Kye! Are you alright?” The person said as he tried to lift my torso up.

 

I blinked twice to check if I wasn’t hallucinating. Kyuhyun was right beside me, looking dead worried. His arm was supporting me up.

 

“Y-y-yeah…” I whispered stuttering.

 

I looked around. Dean was a few feet away from me, sitting on the snow, holding his stomach. His face was pale. I immediately stood up and ran to him.

 

“Are you okay?” I asked.

 

“I’m sorry I pulled you down with me. I don’t know why I couldn’t stop…” he whispered.

 

“Does anything hurt? You don’t look too good,” I said.

 

“I feel dizzy… And my stomach…” he said.

 

I took the skis off his feet and helped him up. “Let’s get you back to your room,” I said. He nodded and followed obediently.

 

“Kyu, please return our skis for me,” I said, turning to the man who was left alone where he had knelt to help me. “Dean doesn’t feel too good so I’ll bring him to his room and let him rest for a bit.

 

Kyuhyun nodded and said something inaudible. His eyes… his eyes were empty.

 

I couldn’t do anything but ignore it and bring Dean back to his room. The man’s lips have grown white since we left the skiing area. As soon as we got in, he ran to the bathroom and threw up.

 

“Are you alright?” I asked thru the bathroom door.

 

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” he whispered weakly.

 

“Would you like me to call a doctor for you? Or we could go to a hospital…” I said.

 

He went out of the bathroom after washing his face. His lips were still pale. “No, thank you. I can handle it. Must be the lunch earlier…”

 

I sighed. “I’m sorry.”

 

“No, you don’t have to be sorry,” he chuckled and shook his head. “I’m the one who insisted on eating. Anyway, I just need to get it out of my system and I’ll be back in perfect shape. I promise.”

 

A light knock suddenly came from the door. I was surprised to see Kyuhyun peeking inside. “Is everything fine?” he asked.

 

“Everything will be, thank you,” Dean replied formally.

 

“Okay. I returned the skis like you told me to, Kye. Is there anything else I can help you with?” Kyuhyun asked. He was surprisingly being very nice – especially now that he’s around Dean.

 

“No, thank you,” I said. I turned to Dean. “You stay put and rest, alright? I’ll go to a drugstore and get you some medicine. I don’t think I have what you need in my first aid kit.”

 

“Alright, please take care,” Dean said. He stepped closer to hug me.

 

“I’ll come back as soon as I can.” I headed for the door where Kyuhyun stood with his face bleak.

 

“Wait,” Dean called. “Actually, Mr. Cho, will you please accompany Kyesin? I’m afraid she might get lost on her way. You may take my car.”

 

I looked warily at Dean. “I think I can manage,” I said.

 

He shook his head as he handed me the keys to his car. “I know you can. But it’s better safe than sorry,” he smiled with his pale chalky lips.

 

“Come on, Kye. We better get going. It’s getting dark now too,” Kyuhyun whispered.

 

“Mr. Cho, please take care of her. I’m putting my trust on you now. Please do not waste it,” Dean said gently but you know it was a strong warning.

 

Kyuhyun simply nodded his head, perhaps avoiding to get into an argument and lose his temper. He went out of the room and waited for me.

 

“I’ll see you in a bit. If you don’t feel well, please give me a call,” I said.

 

Dean nodded. “I will.”

 

I went out of the room and followed Kyuhyun outside to where Dean’s car was parked. I climbed on the passenger’s seat. He revved the engine on and took his phone out.

 

“What are you doing?” I asked.

 

“Looking for the nearest pharmacy,” he replied.

 

“Oh… actually… can you search if there’s a big pharmacy around here? One that sells international brands?” I asked.

 

He looked at me, his eyebrows knit together. “Don’t tell me your boyfriend is sensitive to Korean medicine too.”

 

“His stomach is very particular, okay? I can’t risk his life by giving him medicine his body is unfamiliar with,” I said. “There’s nothing wrong with Korean medicine. I think it’s great, actually, having taken some myself. But Dean’s a different case. His upbringing made his body very sensitive.”

 

Kyuhyun groaned and typed on his phone. After a few minutes, he put it down and drove off.

 

“You seem quite pleasant around him today,” I whispered as I looked out the window.

 

“I have to keep my promise, don’t I?” he answered. “Now that I’ve gotten to know him better, he’s honestly quite nice.”

 

“He is, isn’t he?” I smiled, glad that finally Kyuhyun isn’t being absurd.

 

“I can see why you would like him,” he whispered. “But I still think I’m better than him. You’ll see. I’ll prove it to you.”

 

I laughed. “Alright, then. Whatever you want.”

 

“I’m serious.” He said. “Anyway… thank you… for coming. Moonyoung really missed you. I don’t know if I can still take any more of his bugging if you didn’t meet.”

 

“Oh… I should be the one thanking you… I really miss them too.”

 

“By the way… I didn’t… I didn’t know we were skiing here…” he whispered. “Jaehyun picked the place…”

 

“Ah… I see…” I whispered looking far away. So he remembers… he remembers how special that ski resort is to me.

 

“I’m sorry…”

 

I shook my head. “It’s fine… You shouldn’t apologize… It’s not your fault”

 

I heard Kyuhyun breathe deeply and clear his throat. “I heard from Siwon hyung that you raised a lot from the charity dinner,” he said, changing the topic.

 

“Mhm… yeah, quite a lot. Thank you for your help.”

 

“Do you have any plans of having another one?” he asked.

 

“Not as of the moment but maybe in a few months… I’ll make sure to invite you and the other members once I have finalized the details,” I said.

 

“Alright, I’ll wait for the invite,” he said.

 

The car slowed down until it stopped in front of a drug store. “Please wait here. I will not take long.”

 

“Let me come with you,” he said.

 

I shook my head. “No, just stay here. I will be right back.”

 

I stepped out of the car and went straight to the drug store. “Hello, Ma’am. How may I help you?” The pharmacist said.

 

“Hi, one bottle of Pepto Bismol please,” I said.

 

“Would you like the large size, Ma’am?”

 

“Yes, please.”

 

“That would be 10,000 won.”

 

I handed her the payment and she packed the medicine for me. I immediately went out of the pharmacy and found Kyuhyun going out of the car.

 

“Where are you going?” I asked.

 

“Oh? You’re done already? I’ve just parked the car,” he said.

 

“Yes,” I nodded. “I told you to just wait for me.” I climbed on the car.

 

Kyuhyun went back in and close the car door. He revved the engine on. He looked at the paper bag and then suddenly opened the door. “Wait here,” he said.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“Just listen to me and stay here, okay?” Kyuhyun got off the car and went inside the pharmacy. He went back to car after five minutes with a paper bag in his hand.

 

“What’s that?” I asked.

 

He handed it to me. I opened the paper bag and inside was a box with the label ‘oral rehydration salts’ written in big bold letters. “Electrolytes. He needs that.”

 

“Thanks…” I muttered. Kyuhyun looked at me and leaned closer.             “What…what…”

 

He reached over to my side and buckled my seatbelt. “The first thing you should do when you get in a car is to put your seatbelt on,” he said.

 

I looked at him as he sat straight. He put his seatbelt on and then slowly drove off back to the highway. He changed. He wasn’t the skinny jet black-haired man I once knew.  He grew older now. He grew healthier and more handsome. And at first, I thought his personality changed too.

 

But why am I starting to see the Kyuhyun I once knew now? The Kyuhyun who takes care of me in ways others couldn’t think of. The Kyuhyun who scolds me when I don’t take care of myself. The Kyuhyun I fell in love with. The Kyuhyun I wanted to end up with.

 

My Kyuhyun.

 

 

 

 

KYUHYUN

 

It hurts me to see the love of my life taking care of someone else. Many times I imagine myself being in his shoes – Dean’s… would Kyesin be worried for me the same way too? And during times like this is when I regret the most what I have done in the past.

 

We arrived back at the ski resort after a short while. Kyesin went straight to Dean’s room and I followed quietly behind. He didn’t look too good. He was pale and can barely stand up.

 

“How are you feeling?” Kyesin asked.

 

“Dizzy,” Dean answered with a faint smile.

 

“I bought Pepto Bismol,” she whispered. “Drink it.”

 

I help Dean sit up to take the medicine. “Thanks,” he muttered softly.

 

“Kyuhyun,” Kyesin said. “Go on and eat dinner with the others. You must be hungry.”

 

Why is she pushing me away?

 

I shook my head. “I’m fine. I’ll help you out here.”

 

“But—“

 

“She’s right,” Dean said in a soft voice. “but you should go too, Kyesin.”

 

“Dean…”

 

“I’ll be alright. Don’t worry about me,” he replied. “I feel better already.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yes,” he nodded. “Go ahead. You’ve been missing meals recently with your busy schedule, right?”

 

My eyes flew to her. I knew she looked thinner today than the last time I saw her. Kyesin avoided my eyes.

 

“Alright. Do you want anything to eat?” she asked.

 

Dean shook his head. “I don’t think I have any appetite just yet. But if I get hungry, I’ll order on my own.”

 

She nodded. “Okay. Call me if you need anything.” Kyesin went out of the room and followed silently behind.

 

“Kyuhyun-ssi,” Dean said.

 

I spun around. “Yes?”

 

“Please take care of her for me,” he said with a faint smile before lying back down and closing his eyes.

 

“I will, don’t worry.”

 

I went out of the room and Kyesin was waiting outside. We both headed to the elevator.

 

“Where are the others?” she asked.

 

“They’re at the lobby, waiting,” I replied. I looked at her but she avoided me again. “Did I do something wrong?” I asked.

 

“I know you’re going to scold me for missing meals again,” she said. “I think two people – my brother and Dean - are enough.”

 

“No, it’s not,” I shook my head. “We all just care for you and your health, Kye. If you keep this up, there’s going to be more than three people scolding you. I’m pretty sure Heechul hyung and Donghae hyung would.”

 

She chuckled and then sighed. “You’re probably right.”

 

“Eat a lot later, alright?”

 

“Yes, sir,” she said while chuckling. We alight the elevator and went to the lobby where everybody is waiting.

 

“How’s Dean?” Moonyoung asked her.

 

“He said he’ll be fine. He’s pretty sensitive to the foods he eats,” she said.

 

“Oh! I’m sorry. We shouldn’t have eaten in that restaurant,” he replied.

 

Kyesin shook her head. “Oh no, don’t apologize. We all had no idea it would affect him.”

 

“But-“Moonyoung tried to stay but I stopped him by squeezing his hand.

 

“Shall we eat dinner?” I said, changing the topic.

 

Ueno nodded his head. “Their dining hall is serving roast beef in the buffet.”

 

“Roast beef?!” Jaehyun exclaimed. “Let’s go!!!”

 

We all headed for the dining hall to eat. “Kyuhyun,” Moonyoung whispered.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I’m really guilty,” he said.

 

“Don’t worry about it too much, Young. He’s doing better now. He and Kye both don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable over it either,” I replied.

 

“What do you think I should do?” he asked.

 

“Honestly, Young, they won’t hold grudges on you for that,” I told him. He sighed in defeat.

 

Kyesin looked behind and smiled at Moonyoung. “Young. It’s really not a problem. He gets an upset stomach all the time… even from expensive restaurants.”

 

“I’m really sorry, Kye. I’ll apologize to Dean too.”

 

“He grew up with either his family cook’s food, or from high end restaurants in LA. He’s still getting used to Korean food. There are a very limited list of restaurants we can actually eat, and we’re actually trying a lot so we can add more to that list. So please, don’t worry about it,” she assured him.

 

We sat around in around a long table. It was clear to me that Jaehyun and the others plotted against me and sat next to each other so that Kyesin has nowhere else to sit but beside me. She did ever so gracefully; she accepted her fate as it is.

 

As Ueno said, they were serving roast beef in the buffet and it was delicious. Kyesin bonded well with everyone – especially with the girls. As expected, they immediately grew fond of her. We ate and shared stories and laughed together just like how we were before.

 

“Oh? Kyuhyun oppa?” I suddenly hear someone say behind me. I turned around to have a look.

 

“Park Kiseo?” Moonyoung said.

 

“Yes it’s me. It’s been quite a while, isn’t it?” she said.

 

“What are you doing here?” Moonyoung asked.

 

“My friends from the company I work at decided to take a trip,” she said with a smile. “Kyuhyun oppa, you still remember me, don’t you?”

 

“Of course. You were in the Math club, right?” I said.

 

She clapped her hands. “Oh you remembered! So, uhm… every table is occupied now…”

 

“Oh why don’t you sit with us? We can just move and squeeze together,” Moonyoung said.

 

“Is it really fine? Thank you!” she said, her hand on my shoulder.

 

Her three friends came over, pulling chairs to the table.

 

Kyesin suddenly stood up. “You can take my place. I’ll go check on Dean.”

 

“Kye wait,” I said and reached for her hand.

 

“I need to check on Dean,” she said without looking at me.

 

“Kye!” I pulled her.

 

“You stay and have fun with them,” she told me before pulling her hand away.

 

“Oppa, may I sit here beside you?” Park Kiseo asked.

 

“oh… yeah… sure.”

 

I sit back down but I couldn’t stop thinking about Kyesin. She was absolutely fine a few moments ago but once Park Kiseo and her friends came, her mood changed. She obviously didn’t want to be around them.

 

I quickly finished the food on my plate and stood up. “I’m sorry. I need to go. I have something important to do,” I said.

 

“Kyu—“

 

“Oh right. We’ll see you tomorrow! Good luck!” Ueno said, cutting Park Kiseo off before she could say anything else. Luckily he understands.

 

I went up to the hotel and knocked on Kyesin’s door. But there wasn’t any answer. Maybe she’s still in Dean’s room? I went there and knocked.

 

“Oh, it’s you, Kyuhyun-ssi,” Dean said.

 

“I’m sorry to disturb you, but is Kyesin still with you? I need to talk to her,” I said.

 

“Kyesin? She hasn’t come here after you came down for dinner,” he said. “Did she say she was coming?”

 

I nodded. “She said she was going to check on you.”

 

“She didn’t come here though…”

 

“Let me call her,” he muttered as he dialed her number. But she didn’t answer.

 

I sighed. Where could she be? “Alright. Thank you. Please go back to resting.”

 

“Are you going to look for her?” he asked.

 

“Yes,” I nodded. “I have to. She… she often gets into trouble.”

 

“Then please contact me if you’ve found her or if there are any complications,” he said.  I took my phone out and we exchanged numbers.

 

I went back down to the lobby and checked if she went to the restroom – but she wasn’t. She wasn’t in any part of the hotel at all. Maybe she left? I checked the parking lot but all our cars were still parked. I sighed. Where is she?

 

And then, an idea came to mind. Yes… she must be there. I ran back to my room, took my other coat and then ran immediately back down. It was freezing outside but I had to come and find her. I went to that one place I think Kyesin would be at.

 

And I was right. I saw her there, sitting by the skating rink. It was just like before – when we first met. She was sitting with her feet up and her head on her knees. Even though it was dark, I knew she was not alright. Her hazel eyes did not have the spark that made her glow.

 

I slowly made my way towards her and sat beside her. I placed my coat around her.

 

“I’m not cold,” she whispered.

 

“I’ll still put it on you no matter what you say,” I told her.

 

She sighed and wore it. “Thanks.”

 

“I didn’t know we were going here,” I whispered. “It was Jaehyun who picked the place.”

 

“It’s fine,” she said.

 

“Your boyfriend is looking for you too,” I said.

 

“I’ll visit him later.”

 

“Do you still remember? This—“

 

“This was where you first talked to me… the very spot,” she whispered. “For some reason I found myself coming here to think.” I could hear from her voice that she was sad. I just want to comfort her right now… make her happy. I know I can easily do it before, but things have changed. I breathed deeply, took her hand and pulled her down the bleachers. Might as well give it a try. “Kyuhyun, what are you doing? Where are you taking me?” she asked as she tugged her hand.

 

“I can’t stand seeing you like this,” I said.

 

I scooped her up and carried her over barricade of the ice skating rink. “Kyuhyun! Put me down! What are you doing?”

 

I chuckled. “Cheering you up,” I answered, jumping over the barricade.

 

“This is illegal, Kyuhyun,” she said. “You seem to have a habit of trespassing, do you realize that?”

 

“I know. Makes it more exciting, doesn’t it?” I laughed as I took her hand.

 

“No!”

 

“Come on,” I chuckled. “It is a bit fun, admit it.” I slid on the ice, pulling her behind me.

 

“I’m not bailing you out if ever we get caught, alright?” she chuckled.

 

“Haha. How cruel.” I pulled her along as we slid on the ice with just our regular shoes. She smiled a bit, liking the feeling of the cold breeze her skin. I stopped and sat right in the middle of the rink. She sat down beside me.

 

Sometimes, all she needs is someone to be with. And that’s what I’m trying to do now – just be with her and support her in her down times. She has always felt alone. With her real parents passed away, and when she moved to Korea to study, Kyesin barely has anyone she can rely on.

 

“Are you cold?” I whispered as she stared at the sky.

 

She shook her head. “Not really. It’s bearable.”

 

“Is it okay if I hug you?” I asked.

 

She looked at me apologetically. “Kyuhyun…”

 

“Okay. I get it. I’m sorry,” I said.

 

“Can’t we just be friends, for now?” she asked. “It’s hard… sorting out my feelings for you… if you keep doing these.”

 

“I’m sorry…”

 

“You’re starting to feel like the Kyuhyun I once knew…” she whispered.

 

“Isn’t that a good thing? Isn’t that what you want?”

 

“No it isn’t!” she said, her voice started to crack.

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because with you like this, I’d keep running back to you and that’s hurting Dean.” She was starting to cry.

 

“Do you love him?” I asked.

 

“I will… I will learn to… I have to… I want to…”

 

“It doesn’t matter if you have chosen him over me now. I will give it my all to change your mind,” I said in a whisper.

 

I saw her clench her fists. “I… I…”

 

“Say it,” I said. “I’ll take it well. I promise.”

 

She shook her head and stood up. “I’m sorry, I can’t.” She slid away, climbing over the barricade out of the rink.

 

“Wait!”  I called, chasing after her. I caught her arm. “Tell me, Kye. Say it to me. Say everything you want to tell me. The good. The bad. Everything. I deserve it.”

 

She bit her lip as she tried to keep the tears from falling. “Kyuhyun…”

 

“I’ll take it. I promise. So tell me.”

 

“Kyuhyun… I… I… I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!” she sobbed before throwing herself to my chest.

 

I embraced her tight as she cried on me. I felt how hurt she was. I felt her frustration, her confusion…She was shaking as she sobbed hysterically.

 

“I hate you! I hate how I can let you simply hold my hand. I hate how you’re able to easily cheer me up when I feel down. I hate how my heart melts when you sing. I hate how you make me feel jealous even though I do not have the right to be. I hate how you make me want to cheat on my boyfriend. I hate how selfish I’m becoming because of you. I hate it.” She looked up at me with her watery eyes. “I hate that I love you so much.”

 

I didn’t know what came into my mind but the only thing I knew I had to do was to kiss her. I cupped her face in one of my hands and softly pressed my lips against hers. And I felt her surrender completely under my touch. She let her lips betray her brain. She let her hands crawl to my neck and pull me closer. She let be invaded by my tongue. And she liked it.

 

“I love you too,” I whispered. Now I get what Heechul hyung was trying to tell me before. Hate is another form of love. I pulled her back to the bleachers and carried her on my lap. She hid her face on my neck and I brushed her hair to calm her down. “Take your time. I will wait,” I told her. “I promise you, I will.”

 

“I hate how good this feels,” she whispered.

 

I chuckled. “I know… But we should head back now.”

 

She shook her head. “I want to stay here a little while more.”

 

“In my arms, you mean?”

 

“Yes, in your arms.”

 

“Aren’t you cold?”

 

She shook her head. “You’ve always felt warm to me.”

 

I wasn’t sure how long we stayed out, but Kyesin fell asleep, hugging me tight. I scooped her up and stood up.

 

“Huh?” she muttered, waking up.

 

“Shh…” I crooned. “Go back to sleep. I’ll bring you to your room. Where’s your key?”

 

“No…” she whispered, hugging me tighter.

 

“We’ll both freeze to death if we stay here longer,” I chuckled as I carried her back to the hotel. “So go back to sleep. We’ll be there in a few.”

 

“Okay,” she said.

 

I went up to our hotel rooms and found Dean standing beside Kyesin’s room. He angrily walked towards me. “Give her to me,” he said in a low voice.

 

“She’s asleep,” I said.

 

“I know that! I told you to call me once you found her!”

 

“Keep your voice down. You’ll wake her up,” I scolded.

 

“Just give her to me,” he said.

 

I breathed deeply and carefully placed Kyesin in his arms. Kyesin grumbled.  “Shhh,” I hushed. “It’s alright. He’s got you.” I took the key from her pocket and opened her room. Dean placed her on the bed as I stood and watched from the door. He took her shoes and socks off and covered her with the blanket.

 

“Good night, hun,” he whispered before heading out. “You. We need to talk,” he told me.

 

“You’re leaving her just like that?” I asked.

 

“Please get out now,” he gritted. I ignored him and went towards Kyesin who was fast asleep. “Don’t touch her!” I folded the blanket off a bit and slid my hand behind her. Dean caught my hand. “Get off her! Now!”

 

“If you don’t want me doing it, then do it yourself!” I said.

 

“Do what?!”

 

“Unclasp her bra and remove her pants,” I said in a low voice.

 

“What? Are you crazy? Get off her – now!” He said, pulling me.

 

“Listen to me! She has severe asthma. She has to sleep in temperatures no lower than fifteen degrees and no higher than thirty degrees. She can’t sleep properly if her body is constricted, so you have to loosen up her bra and make sure she’s not wearing any tight clothes.  She’s that sensitive and you should know that,” I scolded. “So are you going to do it, or are you going to let her suffer as she sleep?!”

 

Dean looked at me angrily. He closed his eyes and pinched his temples. “Fine. You do it. I don’t think I can touch her that way yet. But don’t do or touch anything else!”

 

I sighed and unclasped her bra. I her skinny jeans and took them off. Her fair legs were staring back at me. “Please get a pair of shorts in her luggage... as well as a pair of socks.”

 

“Her bag is locked,” he said.

 

“How many numbers?” I asked.

 

“Three,” he replied.

 

“Put in 3-0-3,” I instructed.

 

He put in the code and the bag popped right open. He then handed me the clothes. “How did you know her passcode?”

 

“it’s her birthday,” I replied. “Take the socks and put it on her.”

 

“Oh… alright.”

 

I put her shorts on her and then covered her with a blanket. I brushed her hair back. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you enough then, so I want to tell it to you now whenever I can: I love you. Good night and rest well.”

 

I stood up and headed outside. Dean followed me behind, shutting the lights before he went out. “Mr. Cho,” he called.

 

I breathed deeply and turned around. “What?”

 

“I think you may have crossed a lot of lines today,” he said.

 

“I don’t think that you’re in the right place to say that,” I said.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I looked for her and comforted her and she needed me. Ask her when she wakes up.”

 

“I’m her boyfriend. I’ll see it as how it is,” he said.

 

“I don’t even know how you could even call yourself that,” I said. “You don’t know her at all!”

 

“Just because you’ve been with her longer than I have doesn’t make you better than me,” he said.

 

“You should know those stuff. You should know what she likes and what she doesn’t. You should know how to take care of her. You should know her habits and her routines. You should know how to take care of her. It’s your responsibility!”

 

I walked away from him, angry… frustrated… How and why would Kyesin pick him over me?!

 

“I’m keeping her away,” he said in a firm voice. “I warned you before, Mister Cho.”

 

My feet abruptly stopped. My hands clenched into a fist. I was so angry I wanted to punch him… but that wasn’t the right thing to do now. I spun around. “Do what you want, but you can’t stop her from coming to me. And you can’t stop me from going after her.” He looked at me furiously. I walked back to my room and opened the door. “Make sure to get her some hot chocolate tomorrow morning when she wakes up,” I said before shutting the door behind me.

 

Kyesin deserves better. I’m not letting her end up with him.

 

 

 

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HEY EVERYBODY! I'M BACK!!!

I think?

Sorry for the super duper looooooooooooooooooong hiatus. I've been very busy with life, with school and now with work so I haven't had the time to write anything at all. (I'll tell all of you about it in a blog post soon!) But I promise, I'll try to update more often now! 

Thank you all for reading. Please do upvote if you liked it and COMMENT YOUR THOUGHTS BELOW! I miss you all and I hope I can post again soon!

 

-EVERYBODY HERE'S A GOOD SONG-

The song I'm recommending this week is Kyuhyun's If You. It's part of Best HIT's OST. This song is probably one of my favorites simply because Kyuhyun's singing style is different. He uses a soft, almost whisper-type of voice, that just soothes you and is perfect for this kind of OST. His runs and falsettos are to die for. I've been listening to this song everyday since it has been released and I am still not tired of it. ♥ 

PS: Brace yourself before listening to it for the first time. The first second alone may blow you away.