KYESIN

I could hear my phone ringing at a distance, so I opened my eyes and found myself in my apartment’s guest room. Why am I here? I tried to sit up, but was caught by a pale arm around my waist. I looked behind me and found Kyuhyun fast asleep on the same bed. Yesterday’s moments came back to me.

How did I end up here, on this bed? I’m sure I fell asleep on the sofa. So, how? Did he wake up and carry me here?

I slowly crawled out of his arms, careful not to wake him up. I went to my bedroom and answered my phone.

“Hello?”

“Hey hun, good morning!” Dean said on the other line.

“Good morning. What’s up?” I asked.

“Uhm… I’m picking you up in an hour…?” he said.

“Oh! Uh… yeah… that’s right. Sorry, I just woke up. I’ll get ready now,” I said.

He laughed. “Alright. See you in a few. Please make sure to pack your passport.”

“Okay, see you. Bye!” I breathed deeply before going in to the bathroom to get ready.

I sat beside the bed in the guest room where Kyuhyun lay fast asleep as I waited for Dean to arrive. He was laying on his side, his face was still full of worry. Without even thinking, my hand brushed his soft hair back. Kyuhyun shuffled and his lips turned up into a frown.

“Kyesin…” he whispered. “I love you… I’m sorry… please come back… Don’t leave me…”

“Shh…” I crooned, soothing him. “Go back to sleep.”

As I looked at him, I noticed his hand was clutching on to something near his chest. What was it? He was wearing a silver chain around his neck… A necklace? I slowly tried to open his hand.

Waves of shock flooded inside me. In his hand were two rings. But they weren’t just any rings. They were not worn as a fashion accessory. They were not sponsored by a certain company. Instead, they were our rings. The ones he bought for our 100th day. Our couple rings. Why would he still have these? Did he keep them all these years? Why would he keep them? And Why is he wearing them now, chained into a necklace?

There were so many questions flooding inside my head since yesterday… questions I want to ask Kyuhyun, and questions I would like him to answer honestly. But I can’t seem to find the right time.

I heard the doorbell ring so I stood up to answer it. Dean was by the door, with his wide and bright smile. “Hi hun,” he greeted before kissing my cheek.

“Hi,” I said back, welcoming him in.

“Are you all set?” he asked.

“Yes, I have my clothes in the luggage and my personal things in my bag,” I said.

“Great, I’ll bring your luggage,” he said.

“Wait… hun… before we leave, I have to tell you something,” I said. I didn’t want to hide anything from him anymore.

“What is it?” he asked.

“Promise me you’ll hear me out, okay?”

“Alright… Is it about him?”

I nodded. “He’s here…” I whispered.

Dean’s grip on my luggage tightened. “What do you mean he’s here?”

“He came by last night… he was so drunk, and I don’t think he knows what he’s doing half of the time… he said he just wanted to see me but I couldn’t let him drive home in that state… he couldn’t even walk straight… so I…” I said in a small voice.

“So you let him stay over?” he asked.

“Yes,” I nodded. Dean closed his eyes and breathed deeply. “But I swear, nothing happened between us! He slept in the guest room.”

“And where did you sleep?”

I pursed my lips. “On the sofa beside the bed… But really, nothing happened. We didn’t kiss, I promise. I don’t want to hide these things from you anymore, Dean. I want to be better with you.”

He sighed. “Where is he now?”

“Still asleep in the guest room,” I replied.

“I see… Will he be alright if we leave him alone?” he asked.

I nodded. “Yes, I think so.”

“Okay, let’s go. We have a plane to catch.” He grabbed my hand and my luggage with his other hand and we left my apartment.

“Are you angry?” I asked as we got in the car.

He shook his head. “Since you were very honest to me about it, I’m not anymore. Besides, I couldn’t blame any of you. He was drunk and out of his mind, and you were just concerned about his safety.”

“Still, I’m sorry,” I said.

He reached for my hand and kissed it as he drove. “Let’s just forget about it now, alright? I want this week away to be just about us.”

“Okay,” I nodded.

 

 

 

KYUHYUN

“They’re coming! They’re coming!” Shindong hyung said as he took his place behind the couch.

“Everybody get ready,” Leeteuk hyung said, waving everyone to keep quiet.

“Ya, shut the lights! Shut the lights!” Heechul hyung said.

Ryeowook stood up and switched the lights off quick before going back to the crouching behind the trash can. His body is so tiny he cannot be seen.

We waited for a few seconds. Everyone was quiet. And we rarely were. But we had to. We listened carefully to the sound of the footsteps coming closer and closer. We could hear them bickering.

“Yah, Bugsy is not ugly,” Siwon hyung said.

“Yeah, right. Everyone in the team agrees,” Hyukjae hyung said. “Right, Mimi?”

“Hey, leave me out of this,” he laughed.

“Come on, Siwon. Just admit it.”

“Nope. My Bugsy is very cute. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

And then, the door unlocked.

“SURPRISE!” We jumped out. Kangin and Donghae popped out confetti towards the 3 men.

Hyukjae hyung’s smile was wide – so wide that his gums showed. Siwon hyung’s dimples were showing and Zhou Mi hyung’s sunshine smile filled the room.

“Wah, you guys. So that’s why you sent us all out for a schedule that was ‘cancelled’!” Hyukjae hyung said.

“I knew there was something weird going on,” Siwon said.

I took the big cake with lighted candles to them as we all sang Happy Birthday. The three made a wish and blew their candles. And now, the party starts.

To be honest, it is quite rare for all members to be together in one room. Most often than not, it only happens when we have concerts like Super Show or SMTOWN. We’re all busy with personal schedules to find a time when we’re all free is a miracle.

I look around. Everyone looks happy. The three birthday boys, the hyungs, Henry, the managers… This little party is somewhat an ‘escape’ from our daily lives – the life of recording schedules, of paparazzi, of sasasengs. In here, we can just be ourselves and not worry about what others think.

But while everybody is having fun, here I am, lamenting deep inside the events that transpired a week ago. I don’t know why I got so drunk and I don’t know why I decided to go to Kyesin’s place but I did. I do not remember most of what happened that night. But I do remember crying… begging for her to take me back. I shudder at the memory of letting her see how vulnerable I am right now. That night, all I wanted was to be with her again. That’s all I’m asking.

We haven’t had contact since. I woke up the next day on an empty bed in her apartment with my head pounding. She, thoughtful as ever, left me a note saying that she made me ramyun, as well as aspirin for the headache, and left it at the countertop.

I haven’t heard from her since. She didn’t tell me where she was going, or that she was leaving as a matter of fact. I don’t want to ask any of the hyungs, afraid that they’ll judge me more. But I miss her… and I want to see her… and I want to talk to her and apologize for the mess that night.

“Kyu! Can you pass me the lettuce, please?” Donghae hyung asked.

“Here you go, hyung,” I said, passing the plate to him.

“WAIT! WAIT! Let’s take a picture first!!!” Yesung hyung squealed, standing up.

“No! No! Just do an IG Live!” Heechul hyung said.

“Why don’t we all go on IG live?” Leeteuk hyung laughed.

I rolled my eyes. “Can’t we all just eat in peace?”

“Not until we say grace,” Siwon smiled at me.

“I already said grace,” I grumbled. “Hyung, I’m starving!”

“Well, it’s not your birthday, Kyuhyun. So it up,” Hyukjae hyung stuck a tongue teasingly at me.

“Okay, okay. Everybody say, ‘Thank you, Siwon!’” Yesung hyung said as he held out his phone to take a pic of all of us.

“HEY!” Siwon complained. “I thought this was supposed to be a joint birthday celebration!” He then chuckled. Knowing hyung for years, he couldn’t resist us members.

“Don’t worry, I’ll pitch in,” Zhou Mi smiled his sunshine smile at Siwon.

“One, two, three!” Yesung hyung announced before snapping the photo.

“One more!” Hyukjae hyung said.

“Okay. Okay. One more. One… Two… Three!”

“Finally! We can eat!” I said, taking the tongs to put the meat on the grill.

“So, Kyu...” Siwon hyung said, starting a conversation. “How have you been?”

“You know, same old same old.” I said. “Still in variety hows and recording songs every now and then. I actually have a musical in the works now, but it isn’t final yet. Oh… I also continue writing my dissertation when I have free time.”

“Oh really? Don’t you need an analyst for your paper? Why don’t you ask Kyesin to help you?” He said in his usual slang of mixing Korean and English with a smirk on his face.

I glared at him a little. “If only it isn’t your birthday today then I would’ve wacked you right now.”

He laughed. “You’re too sensitive when it comes to her! But honestly, how are you two? Still hate her?”

I sighed. “You know I never could.”

He smiled. “Finally realized that, huh?”

“Yeah,” I chuckled bitterly as I put in some wrapped meat in my mouth. “The hard way.”

“So… what now?” he asked. “Trying to win her back?”

“That’s the plan…” I sighed. “Even though it’s not working out well… It’s hard, since she has a very protective worthless boyfriend.”

“’Worthless’?” Siwon hyung laughed.

“He doesn’t know a single thing about her!” I complained, popping another wrapped meat in my mouth.

“He doesn’t know how to take care of her! He’s not worthy to be her boyfriend if he doesn’t know a single thing about her likes, her medical conditions, her routines!”

Siwon hyung chuckled. “Oh, Kyuhyun. I missed this.”

“Missed what?”

“Seeing you all riled up because of Kyesin. This is how you were too, before… when you’re jealous…”

“Me? Jealous? When was I jealous then?”

“When were you NOT jealous?” Siwon laughed aloud. “You get jealous of her classmates! You don’t like it when she has group works outside class, or if she gets partnered with a guy.”

“Don’t forget how he got jealous of me,” Henry suddenly chimed in, cheeks full of food.

“oh right!” Siwon laughed again. “That was epic!”

But he was right. I did get jealous… a lot.

“And I think at one point, he got jealous of me too,” Heechul hyung was suddenly beside me. “If I didn’t smack him hard in the head, then he would’ve gone berserk on me too!”

Henry laughed. “That’s so, true!”

“Shut up,” I grumbled.

“Oh by the way, Kyu…” Heechul said.

“Hmm?”

“Donghae invited her,” he told me nonchalantly.

My eyes snapped to Donghae who held his hands up in defense almost instantly. “Hey, it wasn’t just me. I’m sure Hyuk wanted her here too!”

Hyukjae hyung scowled at Donghae hyung before speaking up. “Kyu, she’s not just yours. She’s our friend too. And we all miss her.”

Donghae hyung then spoke up in defense of Hyukjae, as always. “Besides, we’re not sure if she’s coming. She’s coming home from her week long trip with Dean in China. She needs to relax, too.”

All eyes grew wide as they glared at Donghae hyung. Meanwhile I, frozen, tried to reprocess what he had said.

“In China? The two of them? Together?” I asked in a whisper, like something was caught in my throat.

“Good going, Donghae,” Kangin scolded.

“You knew? All of you? How?”

Eyes pointed to Heechul hyung who was nonchalantly eating his samgyupsal. He sighed as he looked at me. “She told me when I invited her to this party, alright?”

“And why did you not tell me?” I asked.

“Because this is how exactly you would act!” he answered.

“Alright, alright! You two, enough!” Siwon said. “This is a celebration.”

And just then, the doorbell rang. Speak of the devil… and my angel. I slumped to my seat. Here it goes… Here comes hell.

“Kye!!!” Henry rushed to the corridor.

“Hey,” she chuckled. Her bright smile already filled the room. In her hands were three bags and a bottle of wine. “Happy Birthday!” She handed the bags to Zhou Mi.

“You just got back?” Heechul hyung asked while taking the bottle of wine from her.

“Yeah, went straight from the airport,” she said.

“So… how was China?” Henry asked with a smirk.

“T’was good! Hangege and I met up too,” she said, setting a plate of food for herself.

“Really? How is he?” Heechul hyung asked.

“He’s doing well. He told me to ask you to call him when you’re free,” she smiled.

“Besides that, how was China?” Hyukjae hyung asked.

She knitted her brows, confused. “Pretty good? There was a lot of walking and eating.”

Kangin hyung pulled a chair in front of her. “No, Kyesin. Listen carefully. How. Was. China?” he asked then winked.

I couldn’t take it anymore. If they’re going to talk about her life in front of me then I’d rather not hear it. “I’ll be in my room,” I whispered to Siwon hyung. I stood up from the couch and went to my room.

I lay on my bed and decided to turn on the projector to watch and distract myself. I didn’t want to hear anything from them tonight.

It was about 2 hours of me watching Harry Potter when I heard a knock on the door. I wondered who it could be. Perhaps, it was Siwon hyung, knowing how considerate he is but wished it was Kyesin.

“Ne?” I called out.

The door opened slightly. My heart was beating rapidly. A woman with long wavy brown hair and fair skin peeked shyly. “Can we talk for a bit?” she asked.

I sat up and turned off the projector. “Y-y-yeah…” I stuttered.

“You’ve always been such a big fan of Harry Potter,” she chuckled uneasily as she sat on a chair by the foot of my bed.

“Kye… about last time… I’m sorry…” I began. Better to start now than dwell in an awkward silence.

“You drank a lot that night… Do you even remember what you were saying?” she said.

I shook my head. “Everything was a blur.”

She nodded her head and looked down at your hands. “You said something about sasaengs…” My body froze. I did? How could I let that slide? “What do you know about that?”

“I don’t want to tell you,” I answered. I didn’t want her to know.

She pursed her lips. “Did that have anything to do with our break up?”

“Maybe… I don’t know. I honestly don’t.”

“Just tell me, please,” she pleaded with watery eyes.

I sighed. “Kye, please I don’t want to talk about it now.”

She bit her lip. “I was thinking… whether I’m getting in the way between you and your hyungs…” she said. “I mean, look at this situation. You should be out there with them. I shouldn’t have come.”

“No…” I blurted out almost too quickly. “I mean… they want you here.”

“Do you want me here? In all honesty, I’m the most dispensable here. I don’t like seeing you and your hyungs fighting or being distant. So I’m thinking of moving back to London,” she said.

“Did that… that guy put you up to this?” I asked.

Kye paused for a while before answering. “It’s not just his decision, okay? I thought a lot about it too.”

“And you’re happy? You’re happy about it?” I asked, my voice getting a little louder.

She sighed. “I’m happy now.”

“Kyesin, I know you more than he does. And I know how awful you are at lying,” I said.

“But I am,” she insisted.

“Kyesin… You can say that all you want but your eyes can never lie.”

She bit her lip again. “Funny… that’s what Heechul oppa said before telling me to go here.”

I stood up then sat at the foot of my bed, facing her. “Don’t leave, please. I won’t act as if I’m selfless anymore. I won’t pretend anymore. I need you here, Kyesin.”

Her watery eyes stared back at me. “Kyuhyun… do you know I feel like crying whenever I see you?” My heart sank. How much has she been hurting? “But not seeing you… not knowing how you’re doing… it hurts me more somehow.” I took her in my arms as she sobbed in my chest. “So I don’t know, Kyu. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know what to choose. I don’t know what to feel. I don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong anymore.”

“Hey…” I crooned, brushing her hair. “It’ll be fine. Just take a breath. Just cry it out. I’m sorry for being one of the reasons why you’re crying.”

She chuckled. “More like the biggest reason,” she corrected.

“Great, thanks,” I chuckled bitterly, putting my head on top of hers.

I let her calm down in my arms, quietly thinking how much I missed having her here. Kyesin buried her face closer like she always did. “You smell good… as always,” she whispered. She pushed me away gently before wiping her eyes. “Oh… sorry… I’m a mess.”

I cup her face between my hands and tilted it up. “I’m a bigger mess than you are, believe me.” She chuckled, hearing that remark. I wiped her a tear with my thumb. “How could you still look so pretty after crying?” She rolled her eyes at me. “I love you.” I placed my lips on her forehead. Kye looked at me - unsurprised but rather searching… searching for meaning… searching for the truth… searching for feelings. “I love you,” I repeated before reaching over for her lips.

“No,” she whispered and gently pushed me away. “Please, don’t.”

I clenched my jaw, closed my eyes and breathed through my nose. “Is it because of him?” I asked.

“Kyuhyun… you and I both know what we have isn’t normal,” she replied.

“Look me in the eye and tell me the truth. Did you two… do it?” I asked.

She rolled her eyes at me and stood up. “What’s it to you? Why do you care if we had or not?” she said.

“What’s it to me? Have you forgotten the promise we made?”

“The hell, Kyuhyun? That was years ago! And we were young… and honestly too naïve,” she replied.

“Do you love him?” I asked.

“That’s none of your business. I went here so that we could be friends. Do you know how hard our relationship is making for your hyungs?”

“I’m sorry… I won’t ask you to choose me over him even though I wished you would… but at least see me as an option still.”

She looked at me, and chuckled bitterly. “Honestly, Kyuhyun. When have I ever said you weren’t?” she sighed again. “I should go now. It’s late.”

“Alright… Can you try avoiding Chul hyung? He’s going to kill me if he sees you like that,” I said in a joke.

She chuckled and headed for the door. She turned the knob and paused. “You know… I never took you out of my options list,” she said in a whisper. She looked back to face me and with a soft but sad smile, she said. “Goodbye, Kyuhyun.”

I sighed, slumping back on my bed. What now?

“What did you do?!” Heechul hyung suddenly barged in. “You made her cry again!” He jumped on my bed.

“Hyung… it seems as if everything I do… it just drives her further away,” I sighed, putting my arm over my eyes.

“They didn’t, by the way… if you were wondering,” he whispered. “Kyesin… she’s not like that.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. “She told you?” I asked to be sure.

“She doesn’t need to. She doesn’t like going into things when her heart is not fully in it. But Kkyukkyu…” he said. “You know I love you both, right? And I want you both to be happy… But right now it’s honestly very hard to achieve that.”

I turned to my side to face Heechul. “Hyung… I think you know her better than I do now… what would make her happy?”

“Honestly? It’s seeing you happy and successful,” he chuckled darkly. “I know, right? She has always been like that. She always put you first.”

“What an idiot.”

“How about you? What would make you happy? Heechul hyung asked.

I didn’t need to speak a word. He already knew the answer to that.

Her.

 

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Hello everyone! Thank you for reading!
What do you think about this chapter? Kindly comment your thoughts below!

WIll try to update again soon!! :)