"We should meet up to exchange gifts." 

Junmyeon had called Sana via FaceTime on a whim one evening. They hadn't talked verbally for a while and he missed the sound of her voice as well as seeing her smile. However, when he had called he had been met with a tense small smile and straight face. It was Christmas Eve and he knew she had a heavy schedule for the next couple weeks but he selfishly needed to see her. If he had to climb her window he would. He was hoping that the next several programs they'd been attending would allow them the chance.

"I don't think that will be possible," she cringed, "I have a lot of schedules." 

"I know," he sighed, "but I'd take five minutes if that's all you could give. Besides, it's our first Christmas and your birthday is coming up. I won't be able to celebrate it with you because we have the KBS song festival. Maybe we can sneakily meet up."

"Maybe." Sana murmured. 

Junmyeon didn't want to overthink the situation but something was telling him that Sana did not want to see him. The entire conversation her eyes had not once looked toward the camera or even the screen. They flickered everywhere and she was more fidgety then normal. He didn't want to press it but her tone had been enough for him. 

"Sana... is something wrong?" He searched her face through the screen, his voice softer and cautious. "You don't seem like you want to see me." 

She looked off screen, to what he wasn't sure, biting her lip. He heard her sigh before she looked back towards him. "Everything is fine. I do want to see you. It's just really hard right now. We'll meet up at the festival if we can. I'm really tired though..." She finished with a murmur. Her words felt like they held a double meaning. 

"Oh." Junmyeon disappointedly mustered a fake smile, "Sorry, I know you must be exhausted. I'll let you go.... I love you." He looked at her hopefully. 

She finally looked to the screen, looking more exhausted then when the call began, "I love you." She responded.

He felt relieved to hear the words from . For a second, he hadn't been sure if she would reply. 

"Rest well Sana." He said finally. 

"Junmyeon," her voice stopped him, his thumb hovering over the "end call" button. She looked misty eyed as she looked at him. "I'm sorry." Was all she said before the call ended. 

He wanted to call back. He wanted to ask what she was sorry for. What was wrong? What could he do to help? 

He knew it wasn't just exhaustion making her distant. Something else was bothering her and he was certain it was him. He wasn't sure what it was but he knew. 

He just hoped they could work through it. 

~*~

"Are you meeting with Sana today?" Baekhyun asked in the car. They were on their way to the KBS Song Festival and Junmyeon held Sana's gifts carefully in his lap. 

He had texted her at midnight to congratulate her and had received a simple thank you and smile emoticon. He'd been pleased to have gotten just that despite the almost essay like message he had sent her. She was as distant as when they'd last spoken but he was determined to show her that he wasn't going to change. He was always going to be there for her. 

"I plan to." He replied. He knew that the building would be more packed then usual with all the groups and staff and extra security but he was hopeful. They'd made it work before, they could make it work again. 

They arrived early for rehearsal and were mostly stuck in their dressing room until the show was set to start. There was so many people in the hallways that they kept their door shut. If Sana passed by, he wasn't sure. She had yet to respond to his messages so he figured she must have been busy rehearsing.  

Suddenly his phone beeped as he received a notification. 

[TWICE] 샤샤

He knew without a doubt that it was her, so he quickly clicked on the notification to watch. She looked more livelier then when they had last spoke, though her eyes still held a sadness he could only detect due to his experience with people hiding their pain. 

It pained him that she was hiding something from him. He so desperately wanted to ask her but he knew that she would come to him when she was ready. For now he would wait patiently, watching her from afar. 

He could tell her feelings were genuine as she thanked fans for their messages and she spoke briefly about the snow that morning. It was short with only two other member appearances. The reason for her lack of response to his messages was also clearly due to her lack of privacy as she sat surrounded by her managers.  They'd have to meet when the show started, when everything was hectic and too busy to notice the two of them sneak away. 

He watched until the end and sat back satisfied for having gotten to see her. 

He looked towards the door wondering how close she was. Was she across the hall? Next door? Perhaps her room was across theirs? 

Wherever she was, he would see her soon. 

~*~

Sana stared at the messages on her phone. Unable to bring herself to respond to them. 

Sighing, she laid the phone down.

Her stomach growled from her skipped meals. She hadn't had an appetite recently and was skipping meals. She was also more tired then usual. Usually she was one of the more high spirited members but lately she hadn't managed to bring her usual energy. Any energy she had was used to force her smiles, laughter and charms. 

Chaeyoung said she was depressed. Nayeon claimed she was just heartbroken and it would take time for her to heal. 

She knew it was both. 

She'd never been in a relationship where she'd loved the other person like she did Junmyeon. Her heart hurt at the thought of him. His voice made her want to cry when he called. And his smile made her want to throw away everything she'd worked so hard for. 

Sometime before the new year she'd have to end it. She didn't want to see him. She knew if she did, she would have to do it. They said the sooner she did it, the faster it would be for her to recover. 

But she couldn't do it today. Her birthday of all days. She'd let herself have this one more day. 

Not wanting to waste it, she picked up her phone. 

SN: I'm free right now

His response was almost immediate.

JM: Let's meet at the emergency stairs. 

Sana stood, grabbing the bag which hid Junmyeons Christmas gift. She looked towards her managers and gave them whatever excuse she could think of to leave. She didn't care if they believed her, they already knew. They let her go with a warning that she be careful. She nodded stiffly before leaving, the bag clutched tightly to her body. She passed by familiar faces, bowing and greeting members of groups she'd befriended. The hallway to the emergency stairs was luckily empty. Reaching the door to the stairs, she slowly opened it, peeking inside as she did.

He was already there. 

He leaned up against the wall, arms crossed and his face brightening at the sight of her as she entered. 

She quickly entered, closing the door softly behind her. 

Then she was finally in front of him. After avoiding him for weeks, they were face to face. He gave her a cautious smile and she felt guilty for not having been subtle in her avoidance. He was probably suspicious of her and she hoped he wouldn't press her about it. 

"Happy birthday." He greeted.

Sana blushed, choking down her urge to cry, "Thank you." She replied quietly. 

"I've missed you." He says softly. 

Sana ducks her head, "I've missed you too." She shakily replies. Tears are too close to falling. This isn't going as smoothly as she wished. Looking him in the eye was just too difficult. 

She tightened her grip on the bag as the stairwell fell silent. 

When the silence dragged on, she slowly looked up to see his expression. He looked back at her sadly. 

"You're gonna break up with me aren't you?" There were tears in his eyes but his voice was steady, as if he had prepared himself for it. 

That was Sana's breaking point. 

~*~

Junmyeon doesn't know how but he knew. He'd known for a while but he'd been too much in denial to believe it. But standing in front of her after such a long time, he knew. 

She couldn't look him in the eye and she didn't greet him with her usual smile or hug. She'd been distancing herself for weeks. And it seemed like it had everything to do with him. 

He hadn't planned on bringing it up, wanting to spend as much time with her as he could. But he also wanted her to deny it. Prove him wrong. Tell him that he was wrong and that his paranoia had jumped to conclusions yet again. 

His words, however; were met with a soft cry. 

He clenched his fists as he listened to her try to stifle her cry. The bag in her hands had dropped to the floor as she hid her face.

Her cries held the confirmation to his fears. 

His voice was hoarse as he spoke, "I'm right, aren't I?" 

She looked at him, red faced and tear stained. Still, she was beautiful. 

"I'm sorry." Her voice cracked as she cried, "I'm sorry." 

He couldn't handle it anymore. He walked forward and caught her small body which seemed to collapse as he neared. He held her tightly as she cried, choking back his own cries. He knew it would be the last time.

"Don't cry." He murmured, "You're too beautiful to cry." 

"They gave me until the end of the year. They told me to break your heart. I can't do it. I can't." She sobbed. "I just wanted to spend one more day with you." She buried her face into his shoulder, "I don't want to let you go." 

He stiffened at her words.

So they'd been caught. 

Relief and heartbreak washed over him at the realization. Relief that she still felt love for him. Heartbreak because he knew he had to let her go. 

"I can't do it." She softly cried.

He gently rubbed her back, knowing that his next words would be the nail in the coffin. "You have to." He spoke steadily, all his strength going into getting each word out, "We have to end things. You can't risk your career. I can't let you ruin it." 

Her hands tightened on his coat as she cried. He knew they both would need to head back soon but he didn't have the strength to push her away. Not when it was the last time. 

"W-we can l-lie. I'll tell them I broke it off. I'll delete your number. We'll be more careful." She pleaded desperately. 

Junmyeon wanted to say yes more then anything. He wanted to be selfish. They could do it with a lot of work, just like they had before but more carefully. But the logical part of him knew it wouldn't end well. They'd risked so much already. It would only get harder from here on out if they continued the way they did. And with each day that passed he loved her more and more. He was sure to slip up eventually. It'd ruin her career and he couldn't let that happen. Even if at the moment she claimed to not care, he knew her emotions were speaking falsely. 

"You know we can't do that." He said thickly, "We've been lucky for too long. It was bound to run out sooner or later. We were lucky it was just your managers." 

"I don't think I can stop loving you." She softly whimpered. 

He cupped her face, "And I can't stop loving you either. But we both know this is where it has to stop. I'll always be here for you."

"Stop." Sana snapped, sensing his goodbye already. 

He continued anyways, "Your career is just starting, soon you'll be too busy to even remember me. That's okay though. I won't mind." 

"I won't." She said through clenched teeth. "I won't forget you." 

He smiled softly at her stubbornness. "Don't worry about me either. I'll miss you painfully but I'll be okay as long as you're happy. That's all that matters." He couldn't stop the one lone tear from slipping as he spoke, "If this is the last time that we speak, I want you to know that our time together has made me happier then I ever imagined I'd ever be. I was content with my life before you came around but you came into my life like a comet. Bright and clear against a starry night. And now you'll disappear from my view. Minatozaki Sana, it was a pleasure to love you." 

She wiped at his tears with her thumbs before leaning up and placing one final kiss on his lips. It was slow and bittersweet as tears streamed down both their faces. They held each other tightly for one last time.

"Kim Junmyeon," Sana cried as they broke apart, "You were my first love. I will never forget the happiness I felt in your presence. I have many regrets but loving you will never be one of them. Thank you for loving me. And I'm sorry that it must end this way. I..." Her eyes searched his as she paused. He knew very well what she intended to say but they both could not muster the words. 

"Goodbye."