Dongwan did his best to carry the huge pink teddy bear on the back of his small lean frame. He was on his way to surprise his girlfriend for her birthday. The appearance of a small boy smiling gladly to himself with the giant plush cutely hanging on his back could not help but attracted everyone’s attention on the street. While waiting impatiently for the traffic light to turn red, he felt someone tapped his shoulder. “Excuse me, boy. I’m from a recruitment agency. Could you spare some time for me?” His mother had told him to be careful of strangers, especially the ones who offered something suspicious. But his curiosity naturally got the better of him and he found himself was following the man who brought him to a large building. Seemed like the man did not lie to him.

            They continued their discussion in a small room. The man he followed earlier had passed him over to another man, who looked like the manager of that place. Dongwan listened attentively while the other explained to him what an idol group was about. He had heard of it before because his girlfriend and former schoolmates were going all and about on the idol group craze, but he did not interested even slightly. The manager asked him if he could sing, Dongwan gave him a live demonstration instead. The manager seemed satisfied with his talent but hesitated Dongwan did not sure if he want to be an idol. He hated idols who poised gracefully and fake their smile in front of the camera. He could not imagined himself being one of them and he hated the fact he could see through their façade. Besides, he just quitted from a rock band two months ago. How could he turned his dream 180 degree around? Maybe this path was just not for him thus he settled to continue his study like other normal peers. Most of his friends were doing well in university, while he was falling behind chasing empty dream.

            The man beside Dongwan kept persuading him and resorted to show Dongwan a video of the current idol-in-making. Dongwan watched them sang and danced, he could not deny that the boys in the video looked very cool and very handsome as well. He imagined himself dancing like them and realized he would looked stupid; dancing was never in his list. While he was contemplating, someone knocked the door and came in.

            “Manager-hyung, this is our recording from yesterday,” said the boy with a doll-like face. Dongwan could not stop staring at the boy; he could not decide if he was a boy or a girl at first but the voice gave him out. Even his voice was attractive to a male like Dongwan.

            “Oh Hyesung! You came at the right time. This is Kim Dongwan, your new member,” the manager smiled slyly at Dongwan. Dongwan was surprised and wave both hands frantically, “No no! I need time to think first. Thank you for having me but I should go home now.” Dongwan shook the man and the boy called Hyesung’s hands and hurriedly made his way out.

            He was busy thinking while his legs walked towards the main entrance. Suddenly, he heard his named was called. “Kim Dongwan-shi! Wait!” Hyesung was running after him while struggling with the huge pink teddy bear. “Oh my god- Sorry for troubling you,” Dongwan said apologetically and lifted the giant plush off Hyesung. The boy spoke shyly, “It’s ok. So.. I’ll be seeing you soon?” Hyesung looked at Dongwan with expectant hopeful eyes. “Hmm... Maybe?” Dongwan flashed his gullible but endearing smile and took his leave, leaving the boy watching him walked out of the building.

.....................

            Dongwan sent a message to his girlfriend saying sorry he could not come. He was not in the mood. The teddy could wait for tomorrow because his head was in a mess and he needed time alone. Before he could retreat to his bedroom, his mother gave him an envelope with a beaming smile and hugged him. It was the long awaited admission letter to a university; his application was finally accepted. Hours passed and it was one in the morning, but his mind still bothered him. Finally, he gave up. Idol was never his dream. He rolled to his side and cried himself to sleep as he convinced himself to let go his dream as it painfully slipped away through his fingers.