He tossed and turned, suffocating with the non-existent heaviness in the room that was downing on him, in the middle of the dark silent night. He could feel it in his veins; this night everything bad was going to happen all over again. That horrible nauseating thoughts were flooding his mind, yet he tried to fight it off, like he had been doing countlessly before. He was getting better, he wanted to get better. Therefore, he won’t give in to the darkness this time. Not this time… please.

You think you can ran away from me?

It was hopeless.

Dongwan covered his ears in misery. ‘What do you want?’

What do I want? What do YOU want. Redemption? What a joke HAHAHAH!!

‘LEAVE ME ALONE.’

Filthy imbecile. You don’t deserve to live. I’m sorry for that good man. What mistake he had made to meet someone as dirty as KIM DONGWAN.

‘Not true.’ Dongwan braved himself.

The devil scoffed at him. You are so confident of him. Wait until he knew your little dirty secret~

‘I believe in Minwoo..’

Imagine his look at you the way Eric does after..

“I BELIEVE IN MINWOO!!”

                Dongwan jumped out from his bed and ran to the bathroom. He stopped in front of the mirror over the sink and hurriedly opened the hidden shelves. He didn’t need to search as his eyes landed directly on the only hope to kill the devil. With trembling hands, he pounced on the two bottle of different narcotics that would dull his senses in seconds.

Wanna get rid of me? Right! Downed all the cursed pills and sleep forever! That would be easier than your pathetic existence. Do it!

                If the world could be that easy too. Dongwan thought of how many times he tried to kill himself but everytime, his mother’s sweet face flashed upon his eyes and like a strong grip on his hand, halted him before anything bad happened. He had promised to never make his mother cry again, at least that was the smallest wish he wanted fulfil.

What are you waiting for, annoying little trash? Just kill yourself!

                Dongwan grabbed the bottles so hard his knuckles turned white as he mentally tried to fight off the devil. Alas, he was losing the battle.

You are a killer anyway.. remember that one innocent little girl?

The devil’s sinister voice rung deep in his mind.

                Helpless, the wicked scene played over in his mind and all the painful memories subsequently came to torture his senses, he was living those nightmare all over again. His own pleading thought was drowned and lost amongst the sea of horror… .. .

Dongwan.. Kim Dongwan..

“Kim Dongwan, hello??”

                The familiar calling of his name snapped him back into reality. Dongwan didn’t realized of when he had the phone in his hand and Minwoo’s name was displayed on it. He looked around in the dim to see his room was wrecked, most probably due to his own wrath when he lost his mind.

                “Dongwan! Are you okay? Answer me!”

                “Minwoo..” his voice cracked when he finally spoke.

                “Why’d you call? Did anything happened?”

Silence.

                “Are you at home?”

Another silence.

                “You better say something or you’re really gonna get it.”

Only silence from the exhausted man.

Somehow, Minwoo’s voice was strangely comforting.. then, there was a beep. Minwoo had disconnected the call.

                There he goes ruining another relationship he could possibly have. All his relationships before had been ruined like this too. All because of his repulsive broken self.

                Dongwan had no energy to move from his current spot in the corner of the room. His back rested against the wall and he curled his knees to his chest, in hope the barrier could separate him from the hate of the world. Yet, his hatred for himself was far more agonizing to bear.

Ding!

Dongwan was surprised to hear his own doorbell. Whoever could have come?

Ding! Ding!

Dongwan’s body still refused to move.

He heard someone was keying in the password to his door and the door opened.

                “Dongwan! Are you there? Sorry for disturbing I’m coming in.” It was Minwoo’s voice.

                The house was dark except from the light from the bathroom, and the sound of water from the sink disrupting the silence.

“Eyy why didn’t you turned off the water..” Dongwan heard the footsteps headed to the bathroom.

“Yah! The bathroom is flooded, pabo!” The faucet was turned off.

                Then, Minwoo’s head popped out from behind the wall. He was alarmed when saw the messy condition of the room and then spotted tiny Dongwan at the corner. He could tell that Dongwan had been crying. Something was obviously wrong, thus Minwoo approached the crumpled man carefully.

“What are you doing there, Dongwan-ah? Why are you not sleeping? Its 2am.” Minwoo spoke calmly. “Sorry I broke in. The other day I saw your password so I’ve memorized it just in case. Sorry.”

                Dongwan knew. He had intentionally let Minwoo saw it.

                Minwoo tensed at the sight of two particular bottles at Dongwan’s feet. He immediately picked those bottles up and inspected their fillings, relieved that the bottles still contained a lot of the hazardous pills. Whatever happened, Minwoo was glad he drove his all the way to meet Dongwan after that worrisome phone call.

                Minwoo rubbed Dongwan’s shoulder gently. “Did you take your meds yet? Want me to get some water for it?”

                Dongwan snickered behind his shadowy face. “You must think I’m pathetic.”

                That word pained Minwoo’s heart. Not because it was directed to him but because of what that beautiful man thought of himself. What damages had he suffered to be broken like that? How he wish that man would share his pain, but he was afraid if he insisted too much that broken man would distance himself further.

                Minwoo kneeled down and hugged Dongwan so earnest that he hoped the other would knew how genuine he feels towards him.

“No. I think you are very strong for enduring all of this by yourself, all this time.”

“Thank you for being alive.”

                Dongwan broke down and wept in his angel’s comforting embrace.

“Are you okay, now? Want me to make something to eat?” Minwoo spoke when Dongwan finally had calmed down. Dongwan shook his head.

“Then let’s take your meds and go to sleep. Have you taken your meds, Dongwan-ah?” Minwoo was worried if Dongwan would overdosed if he take more.

“I.. I don’t remember.”

                Minwoo contemplated for a moment. “Never mind. I’m here, you don’t need that meds. Come.”

                They carefully made their way through the disastrous scene and Minwoo tucked Dongwan in his bed. Dongwan thought Minwoo was going but the man climbed the other side and lied down beside him. Their eyes met and Minwoo smiled sweetly.

                “You are not going home?” Dongwan asked.

                “Will you let me stay? It’s late.”

                Dongwan felt guilty of the trouble he gave Minwoo that night. “I’m sorry.”

                “Why? I’ve told you I want to help. So don’t apologize.”

                Dongwan’s eyes began to well again. “Minwoo.. eventually you will hate me.”

                “Hmm really? I don’t know about that but right now I only feel love for the man in front of me.” Minwoo give him another sweet smile. “Now sleep. We’ll talk more later.”

                Minwoo hugged Dongwan, hoping his warm body would sooth the troubled man to sleep. Dongwan scooted closer and buried his face in Minwoo’s chest, the calming scent slowly drifting his conscious away.

…

Dongwan woke up. He looked around to see his trashed room but no Minwoo to be found. A wave of disappointment set in, he might have been hallucinating because of the drugs; all that happened last night might not be real. Minwoo didn’t come to save him.

                It didn’t matter anyway.

                Dongwan found his phone to see the time, then he saw a message from Minwoo.

‘Dongwan-aah <3 Feeling better? Sorry I need to go because of work and you are too cute sleeping I don’t wanna wake you up. I’ve cooked something so make sure you eat. Thanks for the food^^ When you're free come to the studio ok~’

                Dongwan felt so good and decided it's okay to lie longer in his bed, hugging his blanket as if it was Minwoo.