FIGHT FOR WHAT YOU FEEL
I already went home late last night because it took me a while to regain myself sitting down outside Yonghwa's unit. I can't even stand there.

When i arrived at our house, Mama Anne welcomed me quickly

"Juhyun, why are you just now? I was so worried about you" i just look at her then pass by her and went to my room. I heard her following me "ddal. Are you still angry at me? Please can you listen to me first?" She sat on my bed and sat beside me

"I don't want to talk to you, what i knew is already enough"

"Enough?? Juhyun you don't know everything! You don't know what happened so please, don't be angry to me with a thing you don't know the whole story" she grab my hand "please Juhyun, listen to me"

I didn't speak. Maybe i really need to know Mama Anne's side. Yes, I'm angry, but on the other side, i really really miss her and that miss added more to the pain i'm feeling

I felt Mama Anne took a deep breathe and started to explain everything to me

"My family is just poor that time. My parents are working on WooSung's family, Yonghwa's dad. My dad was their driver, My mother was just theie helper. We're living in their house that time so, i met Yonghwa's dad. We're playing everyday, so we became friends. He also introduce me to his friends when they went to their house. Your dad and Haneul..."

I look at her "m-my mom?"

"Yes, your mom. We grew up together. We became bestfriends because they accept me though we're not as rich as they are. But as days go by, my feelings are going closer to your Dad. And i also knew that he loves me too. We're almost got together but My Father got to an accident. Our hospital bill grew, we can't pay that so we asked help to Woosung's family. But my dad still didn't saved, he died and their family payed his memorial. When they're already asking for the payment, we can't pay them, we don't have enough money. But i was shocked to what payment they want..."

I felt Mama Anne's body was shaking and her tears are going to drop anytime

"They want me to marry Woosung. That's when i knew that he already love me since before. I was crying that time. I don't want but i can't do anything. I was forced to left your Dad though i really love him. But what really hurts, is to see him hurting while i can't do anything" Mama Anne's tears dropped and i didn't avoid to cry also

I know the feeling of that. To see the Man you love, hurting while you can't do anything. You feel like you're a useless person

"I'm still thankful because HaNeul was there. She didn't left your Dad though he's already brushing her away. But eventually, he already love her. They got married and i'm invited to their wedding"

A tear drop in her right eye

"It's like my world explode into pieces when i saw that because i already love your Dad in a long time, i still love your Dad. Yes i know that time he love HaNeul but it hurts Ddal. It hurts so much. At the same time, i felt relieve also that he's not hurting already. After they got married, they went abroad first so we didn't have communication. I forced myself to five my love to WooSung but i can't do it. I live pretending to be happy even though infact, my sadness are eating me. Thankfully, Yonghwa came to my life. I really thought before, i will not have a child because i'm having difficulites in pregnancy. Yongnhwa is my Miracle. In 10 years i am with Woosung, Yonghwa only the person who made me happy. But the day came when i have to Left him. WooSung knew that i'm still inlove with your Dad, so he hurt me. I'm always having a wound in my body because of assaulting me. It reached to the point that i can't handle it anymore so i warned to filed a case to him. I learned to stand up by myself. 10 years of sadness, it's already enough payment to our debt. I wanted to bring Yonghwa with me but i didn't had a chace to get him. I also know that i will not give him what he wants and needs"

Mama Anne covered her face

"It's so hurt to be away to Yonghwa. Ddal, if only you know. There isn't a day i didn't think of him. I tried to go to him but WooSung caught me. He warned me that if i went to Him , he will hurt Yonghwa so i went away. Your Dad and I met again in an unexpected place. That's when i knew that HaNeul died so He brought me to her grave. We became friends again but my feelings for him didn't change. There's still my love for him but it seems Your Dad still really love HaNeul"

Mama Anne put her arms to me

"But i'm hiding my feelings since long time ago, i told him everything, that until now he's still the one i love. I didn't love someone excpet only him. He told me that It's already too late for Us. He don't have feelings for me anymore. But after two years, he learned to love me again and i stood up as your Mother. I promised to myself, also to your Mom's grave that i will take care of you like my real children. I will love you like how i love Yonghwa"

She cupped my face

"Ddal, please forgive me if i didn't tell it to you. But believe me, i didn't want to left Yonghwa. Everyday i'm looking at him faraway. I'm so eager to be with him. Forgive me Ddal.. Forgive me"

I can't almost speak from what i just heard. I hugged Mama Anne

"Sorry Mama... Sorry"

We're both crying while hugging. I didn't expected that this is what she experience. I thought my feeling is already hurt. But it's nothing compared to what hurt she was feeling from her past. 

I also told Mama Anne, what happen to Yonghwa when she left. Also about that Mafia and the contract. And also my feelings for him

"mama sorry. I hurt yonghwa though i know what he's going through. Sorry, sorry..."

"Eeii! Don't be sorry. I know that you did that because you don't want Yonghwa to be in danger. I'm glad.." She touched my face "because he met you. Though i left him, there's a woman came to his life to make him happy. Thank you, juhyun"

"But i hurt him.."

"You love him right??" I nod "then do the right thing"

After Mama Anne said that, she stood up and kiss me in the forehead. Then she left my room

I lay on my bed and i look at the ceiling

Do the right thing?!

But what is the right??

The next day, i woke up early. I didn't slept properly last night. I'm glad the pain on my heart lessen when i heard the truth.

I hope Yonghwa will know this. I want to talk to him but i know he will just brush me off again.

I took a bath and wear my uniform then fixed my things on my bag. I was about to go out when i notice myself in the mirror

Why am I still fix like this?? I'm not the Seohyun that they make-over just to make Yonghwa love me. I'm the Seohyun that Yonghwa loves.

I smiled then i drop my bag. I tied my hair into a knot then i removed my contact lenses then wore my thick eyeglasses again. I also changed my uniform and wore my old uniform which is big to me and my skirt is a little long. I removed my high heeled shoes then wore my flat shoes. And lastly, I moved my school things in my old backpack

I look at myself again in the mirror

This is SeoHyun. This is me

I went out of our house and go to school

Do the right thing

For now, it's not yet clear to me hif what i should do, but i know what to do first.

When i arrived at school. I search for Yoona first. Exactly i saw her sitting in a bench in the field of our school. I run to her

"Yoonaaaa!!" She look at me

"Oh, seohyun-ah"

"Yoona..." 

I get out the notebook where the contract has written the. Hand it to her. "I love Yonghwa. I broke the rule. I will accept the punishment" i told her while i'm looking seriously to her

Yoona get the notebook from me then smiled at me "come here beside me.."

I sat beside Yoona "i just realize it all now Yoona. I'm stupid. Why did i let the 10 Steps finishes before i realize my feelings. Yoona please punish me. I don't care what's that punishment but please, i need to pay for all i did"

"Seohyun.." She hold my hands "you we're punished a long time already"

"H-huh? What do you mean? I don't understand Yoona.."

She placed my hand on my heart "The pain you're feeling, that's the Severe punishment. The hurt you're feeling, the agony, and your tears that's the consequence of falling in love with the Casanova. Though you don't realize it in yourself that you love him, once your heart beat, automatic that's your punishment."

"Y-Yoona.. It's so hard"

"Listen, Seohyun. If we're hurt. We need to do something to make that hurt gone. It's okay to cry, but it doesn't mean that will be our only weapon. Sometimes we need to find a better weapon for us to fight the pain. And in finding thise weapon" She stood up and went infront of me then put the notebook in my hand

"You need to open your eyes. Sometimes the answer is right infront of you" she tap my shoulder "i need to go. I'll leave now Seohyun" after that, she left already

What does she mean by that?? Is there any other way? What should i do??

Sometimes the answer is right thing is infront of you..

Ughhh i'm confused!!

In so much annoyed, i threw the notebook in the field. Then it suddenly aired, i get the notebook. But when i got it.

There's something written on the next page where the contract has written

I read

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_

But in order to surpass the punishment and for the contract to be void

... You should fight for what you feel

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_

Fight for what you feel

Fight for what you feel

Fight for what you feel

Fight for what you feel

While i'm walking going to my classroom, i kept thinking about it

I should fight for what i feel?? Is that the solusyon? Is That the only way??

I know that it's not only that. I can still back out, i can avoid Yonghwa, i can just forgot what has happened. I can make decision of what i want to happen

But i want to happen is to be with Yonghwa

And i know, my decision is hard

But is it mean that i will give up now? Should i stop?

Yes, maybe this is the right thing to do. I should fight for what i feel. But The problem is....

... I don't know how