03:19AM

Jerking, I sat up straight on the bed. Coughing out my lungs was not the greatest way to wake up, especially in the middle of the night. I looked around to see if I had woken anyone up. Thankfully, they all seemed to be fast asleep. 

I tried not make any noise as I carefully made my way to the kitchen, making sure that no one else was disturbed because of me. 

I grabbed myself a bottle of water and tried to calm my burning throat. It's not the first time it's happened, but it doesn't make it any less painful. 

Ah, it's still burning. I hope it doesn't interfere with my singing, that wouldn't go too well.

Pfft, who am I kidding. It's not as if they care. 

Well, maybe the members but not anyone else. 

...would Yunho care? 

Groaning, I slammed my head on the table: not too loud since I didn't want to wake the others with my noisiness.  Even at a time like this I'm thinking about him. 

Wow, I really am pathetic. Good job, Jaejoong. 

Whipped.

Zip it.

I leaned my head on the table and sighed. 

I swear to god—

The sound of footsteps reached my ears, almost giving me a near heart attack. Panicking, I nearly tripped over my feet trying to put the water bottle back in the fridge. 

. I accidentally dropped a food container in the middle of the process. Clumsy Jaejoong makes an appearance.

I winced at myself. Great, my efforts in trying to be quiet was fruitless. 

I could see the person's shadow coming closer. 

Oh god, if it's the manager I'm dead-

"Jae?" A confused voice asked.

Of all people. 

"Oh, Yunho. It's you." I ignored the way he'd called me by my nickname. 

God, fate or whatever it is. Why must you play with me like this? I was a good kid, I never did any crimes, what did I do in my past life to deserve such cruelty-

"What are you doing so late at this hour?"'

Stop cutting me off you rude little . That was like the third time. Also, that bed hair. This man is out to kill me, I'm sure of it.

"I was thirsty, and my throat was a bit itchy. It was irritating me." Technically, it's not a complete lie. But I still felt bad about not telling him the entire truth. 

Yunho looked at me weirdly almost as if he were concerned, before he walked in and sat next to the table. He gestured for me to sit as well, so of course I followed. As always.

Once I sat down, he asked. "Is there something you're not telling me, Jae?" Again with that damned nickname. Oh, if only you knew.

Play it cool, Jaejoong, play it cool. You've got this. 

"If there was anything I'd tell you. You know that." I smiled at him, hoping it would be convincing enough. 

And it was. 

He tilted his head to one side, resting his cheek on his palm. Seriously how does one look so good all the time? He just woke up for 's sake, he's not supposed to look like a Greek god. And those eyes. . He's not human. 

No matter how many years pass by, I can never get over how stunningly good he looks. In fact, I could write a whole book about his face if I had the patience.

Meanwhile I'm pretty sure I look like a homeless creep, with my long hair sticking out in all directions, my eye bags not making things any better. 

"Are you sure? You can tell me anything, you know that right?" 

Yes, but it doesn't mean I can say everything that I've been keeping in for so long up till now. No, those were thoughts that should be kept to myself. No one needed to know. Not even Yunho. 

"I know." I replied, ending the conversation there.

How I wish I could tell you. 

I sighed to myself. Funny how you can never return these feelings of mine. 

How do you know that? You can't be sure if you never told-

Shut it. Besides, he'll have someone to look after him anyway. 
 
My lips quirked up a bit, thinking of a certain brown haired boy. 

A few minutes passed without either of us speaking or even making any move to speak. I could feel him staring.

Not that stare again. Please, stop. Why do you do this to me?

Heat began to creep up my cheeks as I played with my fingers, trying to distract myself and look anywhere except the man sitting in front of me. 

"Let's go back to sleep." I looked up to see Yunho -still staring- smiling a little. He had his palm open, watching me expectantly. It took me a while to realize he was offering his hand, I willed the blush to go away as I reached out and placed my hand in his.

"Yeah, let's go." 

This is bad this is bad this is bad, .

Outside, I looked calm, cool and totally nonchalant. On the inside? I may as well be dead. 

Alarms rang in my head over and over, but soon I was able to ignore them as I allowed myself to enjoy the moment. How often did these things happen anyway? Fanservice didn't count. Also, there's a rare chance I can have moments like this in the future. Who knows if this might be the last?

I closed my eyes and let myself be lead back to the room, ignoring the sting in my eyes as tears threatened to escape, and relishing how the other's thumb was -consciously or unconsciously I don't know- rubbing gently over my own.