February 8 2004, 04:20, Sunday

Great.

I'm awake at four in the morning and I can't get back to sleep now. Since the others were still sleeping, I decided to head to the kitchen and drink something, so here I am. Face-first on the dining table. As much I want to go back to sleep, I can't. So I'll just stay here till it's time to go. 

As always, my thoughts are directed straight towards yesterday's story. 

I'm seriously starting to wonder whether I really am in love with Yunho or not. Because when you find out something like that, you're supposed to feel something right? Like hurt? That didn't happen to me, which is exactly why I'm questioning my feelings now.

I guess that after hearing about him and Minnie's relationship, my brain kind of accepted the fact that Yunho won't ever have feelings for me the same way I have for him since then. Okay, so Yoochun did say that it was just a rumor. Doesn't mean there's no possibility of it being true.

Also, it's really difficult to act like I don't really care about anything even though I actually do. Before, it would've been a piece of cake, but now I can't even tell a lie without having to think twice. I know you probably think that I should just go and tell Yunho. But I can't. Especially not now when I just found out that he likes my best friend. (Alright alright, we're still not sure if it's true or not, but still...by the way did that sound familiar? No? Okay.)

Maybe I should just get rid of these feelings and forget about Yunho. Not literally, just forget the fact that love him-

Do you?

Oh, how I hate that tiny little voice in my head.

Anyway, maybe I can just forget about all these things and continue my life as if I was never in love with him. I didn't ask to fall for him. I never wanted to either. Hey, if it took a few seconds (or days) for me to fall in love, it shouldn't take too long for me to fall out of love, right? I've never really had experience with this before so I don't know, people always say it's hard to forget about someone once you become attached to them. 

I can understand that if it was Changmin and I, but for Yunho it can't be too hard, can it?