March 29 2004, 22:36, Sunday

We bowed to the audience as Yunho ended the thank you speech. Many people are watching. Families, friends, fans...

Our song, "Hug" just won us our first music award show. We're probably crying more than we did last time when we debuted, but who could care about that right now.

As we're walking back to our seats, Junsu jumps on to my right arm and Yoochun on my left, both of them hugging me tightly. Yunho and Changmin are hugging each other with one of Yunho's arm over Yoochun's. All of us are smiling and crying, enjoying the moment, but even then I couldn't help but look at those two.

You look so perfect...standing next to each other. Hey, it's always been like that hasn't it? Me, Junsu and Yoochun together, and you both in your own world. It's always like that.

Yoochun let's go and goes over to cling on to Changmin. I glance at Yunho.

Tell me...

He saw me and smiled, reaching over to try and hug me as well.

Why does it hurt for me to watch you two?

I smile back and let myself be wrapped in his embrace.

Even though I'm not even supposed to feel this way.

"We won our first music award, Jae..." he whispered.

Even though, you're not even together.

"I know, we did."

I can't help but feel envious.

"JAEEE!!!" 

My bestfriend...

I hugged Changmin as he hung tightly, wrapping both Yunho and I in his arms.

...and my first love.

I'm only being delusional and stupid, but can you really blame me for thinking like this? 

I can't help if I don't want to see the two people dearest to me being together. I'm really selfish aren't I? I'm a horrible friend.

But hey, if you're happy, then I should be happy too, right? 

If so, then why do I feel the opposite?