You said that you fell out of love with me, and wanted me to let you go. A relationship of 5 years that I had to give up. We were so happy in those 5 years that we have been together, so what was wrong?

Eventually, I allowed you to leave. And the very next day, you packed up and moved out of the home I called for 3 years. You took everything with you, except your drama’s DVDs that you left in the player. When I the TV, it played the drama that you were watching halfway before you fell asleep and I had to carry you back to our room so that you wouldn’t spend the next day with aches on your body due to sleeping on the sofa.

You loved watching movies in the theatres and never fail to watch the latest movies at the cinema at the corner of the road. Whenever I am late for the movie screening, you would be angry with me and I had to buy 10 mangoes in order to appease you. This time round, I bought a ticket for myself and I was actually on time for the first time in many years. I saw the crowd going into the theatre and tried to look for the familiar figure that I would always see who is waiting by the door for me. But then, I couldn’t find it anymore.

Whenever I am out working or hanging out with my friends, you never fail to send me text messages to ask for my updates or spamming my inbox with your complaints of being bored or there are no more mangoes left at home, begging me to buy more. As I felt the familiar vibration in my pocket, I fished out my phone, but the screen doesn’t show that cute face of yours or the name that you keyed into my phone to tell the whole world that you are my girlfriend. Instead, it was a message from a friend of mine asking to hangout. Even though I haven’t seen him in ages, but opening that text message and seeing that it isn’t from you made me so disappointed.

During common off days from work, we would be snuggling in each other arms on the sofa watching your favourite drama and when you are hungry, you would keep whispering to my ears and request that I cook your favourite beef meal for you. I would always refuse at first because it was at the of the episode whenever you do so. However, I would always give in eventually and have to find out what happened through your narration from the living room. Or whenever I started playing my games, you would always complain that I spend more time on games that on you, that jealousy of yours is so cute because you would thought that my games are my girlfriend instead of you. Without you and your noises, it suddenly felt quiet. Too quiet in fact.

I used to lead a quiet lifestyle before you came into my life, but now that you left, I am so not used to the silence that I once lived with. I’m not used to it and thus I am so scared of a quiet atmosphere now. I tried to visit clubs to avoid the fear, but it made me remind so much about you because you would always be by my side whenever we go to clubs. You are afraid of other girls trying to hit on me and would always chase them off with your death glare. Now that you aren’t with me, I would constantly think of you and your tactics to chase those girls off. Since clubs made me remind of you, I decided to stay away from it instead. So I went straight home and the TV the moment I got home so that it wouldn’t be so quiet that it scares me.

After you left and I became afraid of the silence, which is pretty serious. Whenever I am in the toilet taking my bath and I can’t hear the sound coming from the TV, the silence scares me. Then I started wearing headphones while showering and pretend that music is playing through that unconnected device. I tried to keep myself as busy as possible because the moment I stop, I would think about you. What will you be doing now? Are you thinking of me? Or have you started a new life without me? Or are you regretting breaking up with me? Or maybe, just maybe, you are facing the same problem as me? Trying to get used to life without you.

You are a fangirl. Even though I dislike the fact that there is someone else in your heart other than me. Whenever I voiced that out, you would comfort me by saying that I am the one and only that you would love. And through the entertainment news that I found out, your favourite singer is releasing a new album. For the first time ever in my life, I bought the album. The songs in the album sounded good. No wonder you like that singer. I have heard of his songs before because you would play it through the loudspeakers whenever you are surfing the net. This album didn’t disappoint, in fact, it is the best album he had ever released. But the songs that he sang pierced through my heart whenever I hear the lyrics. Every line that he sings tells me what to do with you. He sang that I should have treated you better. He sang that I should have spoilt you. I did all of those but you still leave. And finally, he sang that I should give you up. But for this… I actually can’t do it…

I hoped that the alarm within me wouldn’t stop ringing. So that I would wake up to the reality and accept the fact that you aren’t with me right now. I feel like waiting for you to come back to me instead, but you can’t depend on perseverance for love.

If I try to win you back, you would probably feel sadder instead, because by then, you would probably be like a bird that is trapped in a cage, losing the freedom to do anything. And as my friend said, love can also mean letting the one you loved most go, because loving someone doesn’t mean that you have to stay together forever.

I guess I really am afraid of the silence. Because even if I don’t want to leave the house that we shared, I forced myself to. I would go to crowded places or your favourite karaoke place. And when I am there, I would always choose the songs that you always choose whenever you are there, including that duet that you would force me to sing with you so that you could show your aegyo to me, something that you would only show whenever we are here. But now that I chose this song on my own will, you are not the one singing together with me.

I would always recall that whenever you are cooking lunch, you would always sing very loudly in the kitchen, waking me up when I try to sleep in. and when I tried to focus on the TV, watching the primetime news, you love to squeeze in with me no matter how small the single-seat sofa is. It is after you left then I realised how much I love you, but you are not here with me already.

I am to blame for not treasuring you who loved me so much, even though you would always nag at me, annoy me, forcing me to do things I didn’t like. Because now that you left, I regretted for not treasuring such a great girl like you. 

A/N: i was like.. bored... so bored today. i searched for what to write and tried to write a songfic that my friend suggested, but i couldn't get anything out from this small brain of mine.... =.= it was until i was bathing at 3 am then i knew which song to choose for a songfic...... so here i am, typing this out at around 4 am in my dining room....... it's 5 now.... so imma head to bed. i need to be awake early tomorrow because another friend of mine wants to see JiChangWook... he's in Singapore and is gonna hold a event... 

and uhhhh sorry it didnt end in fluff or anything that you expected to be sweet because it's the nature of the song. and yeap, it's another Chinese song hehehehe. enjoy! and uhm... goodnight!