I was born deaf and had problems speaking because I couldn’t hear. And since our parents are best friends, we grew up and did everything together. You are my partner in crime, my best friend, my worst enemy, my communicator, my protector. You are practically my everything.

For the sake of me, you took up sign language with me so that we could communicate. And being the special girl, I was always bullied by those kids around the neighbourhood. Even though you are smaller in size than me, you would never fail to stand up and protect me from them. We stuck to each other like super glue every day, doing things together, sleeping together and we often had our baths together.

But when we started schooling, we had to be separated. I would be attending a special school, while you are going to the elementary school nearby. I remember when it was the first day of elementary school, we hugged each other and cried in the embrace. The hug was so tight and neither of us wanted to let go to the extent that our parents had to pull us away from each other.

You grew to become a beautiful lady and had many suitors. That long brown hair of yours that touches your waist, those fierce eyes and your body are what attracted them. I would see guys that are good looking sending you home after school every day and whenever I probed, you would always say that you rejected them. I always wondered why you would reject guys that are of such a high quality.

Even though we studied in different schools, we would never fail to spend the time after school and weekends together. We would be studying together, eating together, and watching movies together. No doubt I can’t hear what those people in the screen were talking about, but watching those movies with you felt so good.

We would always have a yearly trip to the countryside with our families and we enjoyed them every year. I have seen the brightest star at the fields where we would pitch our tents, and I have seen the most beautiful scenery by the cliff where we would hike. I have seen all of these without being too far away from you. We shared all of these moments together.

It was when you had to take your graduation trip that we needed to be separated for the longest time ever. We were both unwilling to separate again, which felt like a déjà vu. You were actually at a lost, you wanted to go to that destination, a place with a beach filled with white sands and an ocean park. You were obsessed with aquatic animals since we were young, so I know how much you wanted to go on the trip. But at the same time, you didn’t want to go because we would be separated for a week. Knowing how much you longed to go for the trip, I successfully persuaded you to go and told you that a week will pass very quickly. But who am I kidding? A week will feel like 10 years without you.

After you left, I cried every night thinking of you. And when you video-called on the first day, we both cried over the phone because we missed each other so much. Without you by my side, I wasn’t able to go out and have fun because I would face communication problems with the people. Without you by my side, I lost my communicator.

You were all smiles when you came back one week later. Seeing that bright smile of yours just told me that the persuasion and those tears paid off. I knew you had fun. With you back, we were stickier than ever. We spent every moment that we are awake together, and did sleepovers every day. We would spend time playing games or just reading or sleeping in, and you would share your story about your trip too.

From you, I knew how dolphins call out to somebody. From you, I knew how waves sounded like, and from you, I knew how the wind blows at the beach. I thought of these beautiful sounds that I wouldn’t be able to hear, but the only thing that I felt sad was that I can’t hear how beautiful your voice sounded like.

They said separation makes a stronger relationship, and when I lived a week without you, I found out how much I needed you and how important you are to me. And I actually realised something through this experience.

It was when you told me that you had a crush in your school that made me froze. You said that you feel something extraordinary when he spoke to you and through your friends, you realised that you had a crush on him. I have never felt so restless in my life before. I couldn’t sleep that night without thinking about you.

I spent that night thinking. I never wanted to learn speaking before because I couldn’t care less when people didn’t understand me. What was most important is that you are the one who could understand me and we didn’t need to speak in order to do so. Just by a nod of a head or a wink, you would know what I am thinking or how I am feeling. But hearing what you said earlier, makes me realise how much I wanted to talk to you.

If I had the chance to speak, the first words that I wanted to learn is actually “I love you”. Even though I have been very quiet, but I have never stopped loving you. Do I actually have to say it in order to prove it?

I am actually afraid. Afraid that I will not be able to say “I love you” to you before you go into the embrace of other people. Afraid that I would become just a childhood friend that you had. Afraid that I would lose you even before I could realise it.

With fear engraved in my heart, I became very serious about attending school. I begged my parents to sign me up for a speech course that is offered in my school. The course was very tedious and it took up most of my time with you. I started spending less time with you and you wondered why. You would always knock onto my door while you washed your face with tears and asked me to open up. But I couldn’t. I didn’t dare to face you because I was afraid of breaking down too. It was hard for me to ignore you when you are just a door away for me, but I persevered.

In school, I told my teacher to skip those simple words that I am required to learn and it took me ages to let her give me the green light to do so. I didn’t want to say anything other than “I love you” that was my motive for attending speech courses.

It has been 6 months since I last saw you. Through my parents, I heard that you eventually got together with your crush. It broke my heart so much to hear that. I was so near to reaching my goal, but you left me. I lost my goal and my motivation. I stopped attending classes and became more isolated from the society than ever.

You turned up at my doorstep 2 months later, with a tub of mango flavoured ice cream and a cup of mango smoothie in your hands. Those are your favourites and you would actually use your aegyo to beg me to buy for you every day. I guess he bought that for you this time. I didn’t want to open the door initially, still not over the heartbreak. But my hands didn’t listen to the brain and opened the door instead.

You suggested to watch a movie and have a sleepover together and since my parents were in the living room and they saw you, I was forced to agree because I wasn’t ready to spend the night with you. But I still did anyway.

We spent that night like the old times, watching a movie over ice cream and then went to my room to call the day off. You love to snuggle into my blankets, always snatching it away from me and tonight wasn’t an exception. You fell asleep the moment your head hit the pillows. I saw how your hair fell on our face as I was lying on your left side. I brushed it back to your ears and decided that I should probably speak one last time before I stopped doing this ever again.

“Ah-ah-ah-ie l-l-l-o-o-o-v-v-v-e-e-e y-y-y-y-o-o-u-u” I spoke with much difficulty and softly.

Little did I know that you weren’t sleeping, and your eyes shoot up. With the expression on your face, shock was an understatement. You the night light by the bed and started communicating in sign language.

“Did you just speak?!?!” those hands of yours moved very quickly.

I shook my head. And fidgeted under the blankets. Something I do whenever I lie.

“Then why are you fidgeting?” you flipped the blankets, exposing my pair of hands that are fighting against one another.

I froze.

The next moment, you cried. I was at a lost. I didn’t know what to do.

“Did you learn those words for my sake?” your hands went busy again and you sniffed because I saw your nose moving up and down.

I decided to stay quiet this time.

“So it is true then.” Your hands moved swiftly while tears are still falling.

You pointed to your own lips, and mouthed, “I love you too” slowly. I knew how to read lips, but wasn’t good at it. It took me 5 seconds to realise what you just said.

I froze.

The next thing I knew was that you were kissing me. Your lips tasted like strawberry, the flavour of your favourite lip gloss.

I pulled you away and signed, “What about your boyfriend?!”

“Oh him? I broke up with him a week after we started dating.” Your hands went busy for the last time before we kissed.  

A/N: this happens when you are trying to sleep at night while listening to your playlist. you ended up not sleeping/falling asleep but thinking of new fic ideas. this is something like a songfic, a chinese song in fact. and i didn't plan on writing till this far. i initially wanted to just stop at Amber's fear. the part that she started taking speech courses and so on are those that isn't in my original plan. and yessssss. this story is in Amber's perspective. i felt that she suited to be the main character in this fic, plus i have been writing in Krystal's POV all these while. as for the song that i was listening to that gave me the idea:

she is actually a good singer, but she can't do really well in live recently. probably because her songs that she chose are out of her vocal range. either too high notes or the transition between the high and low notes are very fast. hopefully she will improve though. i really like her since she became a singer. 

ohyes, this is actually my longest fic ever O_O