You are the sister that I always wanted, but never had.

Our parents are really really best friends, which makes us best friends as well.

We do things together while I was young and you being the older one, watched over me.

But the catch? You are 10 years my senior, and I totally don’t see this relationship as a platonic one.

And up to this day, as I enter my adulthood, there has never been a day where I question my love for you. And as I grow older, questions like “can the person you love most hurt you?” never fails to haunt me.

I don’t even know what to feel now. Betrayed? Sad? Lonely? I don’t know.

For as I grow through my childhood, we didn’t play together like playmates, we weren’t even like a sister relationship, we were more like a guardian-ward relationship. You took responsibility of my well-being when our parents aren’t around. We didn’t grow up together, but rather, you saw me grow up instead.

We had other playmates with us when I was younger. But being the youngest in the group, I was usually taken care of by the older ones, minimising the play between us. Sometimes it is a good thing. I get to be pampered by all of you. But most of the time, I hate this.

Throughout my growing years, I wasn’t able to participate in many activities that you all do and I hate myself for that. I can’t be with the person I love most.

When I was in my teens, you asked if there are any guys that I like or have a crush on. I merely answered “no one” while staring at those eyes of yours. It is not an indication that I am not lying, because my answer was actually “no one but you.” in which I kept the last two words in my mind.

You met with some problems at work recently, and whenever I probed, you would just go “you wouldn’t understand” to me. I’m 25 for goodness sake! Why wouldn’t I know what is happening? Why am I still being treated as the kid I was back then? Am I really just a kid in your eyes? So does that mean that our relationship stays this way? Can’t we be just more than that?

I have tried asking you out for some food in order to cheer you up. Something that you really enjoy whenever you are free. Café hopping. All I got was a “read” word beside my message bubble, which got me really disappointed.

I was scrolling on my Instagram feed on a regular day at home when I came across Ailee’s Instagram. She is one of our or rather, one of my childhood playmates who turns out to be way older than me as well, but she is younger than you. The picture showed an ice cream waffle and a location check-in at where she is at.

“No big deal” I thought. “It is just a regular food photo you always see on Instagram.” I thought further.

I continued scrolling on my feed and it didn’t take many scrolls to find your post as well. It showed a picture of another ice cream waffle and the same location check-in as Ailee.

“Weird” I thought.

“They probably just went to the same location by chance.” I thought again.

I shared this with Sulli, someone who knew the both of them, because of how I always brought her along to the gatherings we had. She is one of my classmates, and my best buddy.

“Isn’t it a coincidence that the both of them went to the same café?” I asked.

“Krystal, you didn’t know?” she asked.

“Didn’t know what?” I frowned.

“They were together at the point of time. Henry and the others asked them out so they probably ate together as well.”

“Oh really…” I said, trying not to sound disappointed that my friends gathered without me knowing, and worst is that I wasn’t being asked out by them as well, something that I should have gotten used to it, but probably never will especially when it comes to her.

As I return home that night, I couldn’t hide my feelings any longer. The hurt that I feel, and the rejection that is just right in front of me, felt all too familiar again.

“Why is it that when I asked her out, all I got was an indirect rejection, and when she was asked out by the others, she could agree to it readily?” I asked myself out loud as I hugged my knees and let the tears flow freely across my face. 

A/N: seen a lot of angsty fanfics recently because of Krystal and a certain guy, and trust me, i really wanted to write fluff with a happy ending. but something came up yesterday and i lost the mood too do so, resulting in this chapter. i promise you all that i will write the fluff that i intended to, just that it would take longer than expected. 

note: this chapter is absolutely NOT in relation to the recent kaistal news. it is just a personal rant of mine which i decided to write it into a chapter.