Everything goes back to how it used to be. The constant lunches, extended coffee to dinner, and hanging out together on the weekends. But beside that, nothing really changes.

Kim Taeyeon is still my friend and I’m still just her friend.

Although I admit, she’s opening up more to me. She becomes more talkative and attentive towards me. But..... weeks after our ‘confession’, I become a little bit restless. I mean, her hand, her lips, her whole damn body is right in front of me, taunting me, but sadly I can’t touch it. I can’t call her my girlfriend, I can’t say that I love he-

Damn it. I love her?!  

Sigh.

We’re not even a thing yet, but I’m already in love with her.   

“FANY-AH!”

A hand grabs mine and pulls me back, a mili-second after that, a car whooshing right in front of me, honking loudly.

Did I just space out in the middle of the road?! Well, more like in the beginning of a zebra cross, but still....  

“Hey, you okay?”

I turn my head to meet a pair of worried eyes looking back at me. Kim Taeyeon’s cute gentle eyes, that is. We were on our way to this restaurant for lunch a little bit further from our building but still in walking distance. How could I space out and daydream about her when she’s right beside me?!  

“Ye-yeah, just spaced out a lil bit. Thank you for pulling” I just realize Kim Taeyeon is holding my hand tightly, “me b-back.” So I blush and (of course) stutter.

“Are you sure you okay? You were about to cross the street when it’s still red.”

“I am. Sorry for that. I just didn’t really aware of my surrounding.”

She huffs, “You should.”

Suddenly she lifts our joined hands into my eye level with all seriousness in the world, “I’m not letting go until we cross the street.”

Don’t EVER let go. Hold it. Take it, Kim Taeyeon. Do whatever you want with my hand.

Before I can react respond (my heart beats faster, my cheeks blushing, my stomach flips), the light turns green.

“It’s green. Come on.” And she drags me across the street.

I wish the street stretched until Busan because she instantly lets go of my hand once we have crossed the street.        

It’s unfortunate, but my whole body still buzzes and I follow her to our destination while remembering how smooth and soft her hand feels on mine.

*

The next day, I loaded my brain with location of good restaurants further away from our buildings but still in walking distance. I even conclude one specific restaurant where we have to cross many streets to get to. So when Taeyeon asks where me where we want to have lunch, I already know where I want.

Taeyeon: Hey, where do you want to eat today?

Me: Let’s go to 91 Noodles! My colleague said the noodles there is so delicious.

None of my colleagues ever mention that restaurant, but white lies never hurt anybody.  

Taeyeon: I’ve heard about that restaurant too. But isn’t it a little bit too far?

Me: No, it’s only 20 minutes by foot, Tae.

Taeyeon: It’ll take too long. We don’t have that much time for our lunch break, Miyoung.

Shoot! I didn’t think about our limited time for lunch. I’m so bummed out.

Me: Oh, you’re right :( 

Taeyeon: Tell you what, let’s go there for dinner. We can eat somewhere closer for lunch. Okay?  

My mood has gone up again.

Me: Okay! See you soon~

Taeyeon: See ya.

We went somewhere close for lunch and turned out, Taeyeon had a meeting right after, so the lunch was cut short. But we’re still going to that 91 Noodles for dinner, so I’m not complaining.

I’m literally counting down the hours until office hour is over. I already tidy my table and pack my stuff half an hour before the time to go. I’m that excited. My cellphone buzzes just when I’m about to put it inside my bag.

Taeyeon: You still want to go that 91 Noodles?

Me: Yes. You don’t wanna?

Taeyeon: I do. But should we take our cars to go there? So we don’t have to go back and forth.

Oh, man. Now what should I say?    

Tiffany: No, leave it. I feel like walking tonight.

Nonchalant at its best, right? Or did I sound too commanding? Damn, I should’ve asked if she’s okay with walking or not.

Taeyeon: Alrighty then. I’ll see you later, Miss Hwang.

Me: See you later, Miss Kim.

I smile widely and exhale. Oh, Taeyeon, how I wish you were mine already.

*

I stare at the red light intently. Her hand is inches from mine and I could just grab it, but my nerves hunt me down. What if she yanks her hand off? What if she doesn’t want to hold hands with me? All these stupid what ifs questions are popping on my mind, but once the light turns green, I decide to throw cautions to the wind. I spent an entire night searching for restaurants and all day hoping for this moment. Grow a backbone, Hwang Miyoung!  

I grab her hand and start to walk. I can feel her eyes on me in an instance, but I choose to look straight ahead, trying to calm my erratic heartbeat.

The zebra cross is not that long, so I have to let go of her hand once we cross it. But I don’t need to fret because there’s more street to cross before we arrive at 91 Noodles.

I’m loosening my hold, but strangely, I feel her tighten her grip instead. I turn my head to look at her, but this time she’s the one who’s looking straight ahead.

Does she? Oh my goodness, she doesn’t want to let go of my hand. Kim Taeyeon is holding my hand and she doesn’t want to let go.

I hold her hand properly again and this time I feel her squeeze my hand. I squeeze her hand back and she squeezes it again. I don’t know why she did it again, so I squeeze back once more.

Suddenly she laughs, stops walking, and turns to me.

“We should just do an arm wrestling at this rate.”

I started laughing with her and we held hands until we reach the restaurant.