Chapter 5
P.S. I love you (Part 1)Chinen and Umika were the only 2 out in her backyard in the late evening. the soothing breeze helped calm the tense nerves. Umika realised only later that mirai wasn't around. her absence meant silence as the two carried on their task without communicating. surprisingly they were able to coordinate their tasks pretty well. Umika smiled.
"what's up?" he asked when he saw that smile on her face. she wiped it off and shook her head in denial. "come, let me help you with this, it's heavy" he remarked after the break of the silence. When they're in closer proximity, side by side, shoulders touching, she felt the urge to tell him her feelings. what Ryosuke told her that day at the rooftop left her pondering for a while and she has set her mind to find the opportunity to confess. but now that she's finally at it, she couldn't find that absolute courage that she had. "Chinen..."
"hmm?" he murmured while his mind and actions were fixated on the task at hand. His focused expression makes him more mesmerizing to Umika, and that does not help to relieve her anxiety. "it's nothing..." she couldn't bring herself to take this chance. Shrugging off her thoughts, she refocused on her task, but unknown to her, Chinen has stopped his, and was looking intensely at her, bothered by her discontinuing conversation. he sat on the grass patch and forced her to sit down, facing him. "we need to talk... we have time, so I want to fix whatever is going wrong between us. if there's anything you are unhappy about me, can you please let me know. it has been bothering me, the way you are running away from me."
"why should it bother?"
"why shouldn't it bother? you're my friend."
"you have many friends, so I shouldn't make a big difference."
"that's nonsense. you are different from those friends I have."
"heh?" Umika was shocked by how the conversation progressed to a speed she couldn't catch up and becomes increasingly difficult to interpret. Chinen appeared distraught as though something else blurted out from his heart that he couldn't really explain. he regretted not putting thoughts into it and he ended up not knowing how to go forth from here. "how do I say it... you just don't compare yourself with the rest of my friends."
"why?" she appeared confused. Chinen began to vent his frustration and his words become even more incomprehensible. "because you are more important!" it was hard for Umika to process what he said without understanding. She especially did not want to misinterpret the message.
"you still don't understand, don't you?... frankly I don't too..." he sighed. he started to reveal more raw feelings, those he couldn't figure, and freakily these feelings of his was exactly how she felt the past weeks, "I don't like seeing you with other guys. I didnt mean to quarrel with you that day at the club but when I saw you with Hiro, I just got really peeved. I don't know the reason for my anger but it just happened."
She hesitated a while before responding to him whose face appeared dejected, "... Chinen, when I saw you with your friends at the festival, I felt really out of place. that's why I left, it's really not because I was angry with you. I don't know why but I feel like I don't fit in"
"that's not true at all. I'm sorry I made you feel that way. truce?" he held up his palms, hoping to get her hi5 for a ceasefire, but for some reason it never came. he began to feel disappointed, especially when it seemed as though she was distracted by her own deep thoughts. what he didnt know is her mind was flooded by the last thing Ryosuke told her at the rooftop. "go ahead and like him" Ryosuke's words rang in her head. her heart acted faster than her mind, by the time she recover from her trance, she found herself hugging him tightly. He was in deep shock that he froze on the spot. he did not reciprocate, neither did he push her away. When he could finally clear his throat, he asked politely, "are you okay?" then he gently patted her back and try to console her.
She pulled back herself from his chest, wiped away her random teardrops, and cheerfully asserted, "Daijoubu." Chinen looked doubtful of her answer, cause that was simply too erratic. Seeing his unconvinced expression written all over, she added with double happiness, "really, I'm fine~ anyway, lets go back, we can help the rest to dry their stuff" Chinen, albeit unsure what the intimidate contact was about, did as she said.
When she walk in the front, she said to herself that although an unreciprocated embrace, it effectively tugged her heartstrings. she clutched her heart, increasingly feeling that she's afloat. This was the first time, and she most certainly became addicted to it.
While she thought that things will be back to normality as their moment will interrupted by the other 2 companions. she was wrong. there was no one in her room anymore. even the artwork that Mirai and Ryosuke were working on is no longer there.
"there's a note," Chinen found on her desk. both crowd to see what was written and was appalled.
"Chinen, Umika,Mirai and I will be out at the park. we'll get the items dried before we leave. no worries! just continue with the rest of the tasks. See you back in school!(wink) Ryosuke."
"this Ryosuke, just dumped us with the remaining work. urgh" Chinen grumbled, conveniently forgetting that his friend turned up unwilling.
"it's okay. we can get it done too, right Chinen?" Umika gave the raging boy a pat and chuckled silently before looking at the list for the next item to do.
"I'm so sleepy" Chinen yawned and laid on her bed with his arms spread wide. Umika was a little annoyed by the lazing boy so she proceeded to pull him out of bed, "don't sleep~ we still got so much to do..."
"just a while will do..." he continued to leave him eyes shut as he mentioned lethargically. knowing him for so long, she knew he can sleep easily but she never knew it would be this easy because he was almost instantly asleep. his head tilted slightly, and his breathing soft and peaceful. She was captivated by him, even his sleep was charming as it can be. She was particularly keen of his long lashes. She leaned towards him, intending to touch those lashes, but ended up brushing his bangs from his forehead, revealing his fresh face. he don't have the best complexion, but he has the kindest and sincere face. Umika was certain of that conviction she held. She saw his loose fingers, and was reminded of those nights she dreamt she held his hand. She slipped her hand into his and her grip was soft but firm. holding is one thing, removing it is another. the problem is she don't remember removing her hand from his, neither she remember another else. Was she in dreamland? or was in reality? she could no longer differentiate, just like she couldn't differentiate a friend and a crush.
*****
Mirai had absentmindedly followed Ryosuke to the park, where they began to lay out the artworks to dry. since he said that shocking intention for her to stay, she has not clarified what that had meant. she was hoping it reflected it's literal meaning but that facade was quickly destroyed.
"I wonder how is those two talking it out. they better not waste my intentions to fix that opportunity," Ryosuke asked himself but that was enough to have enlightened Mirai that she has misunderstood his words. frankly, misunderstood is the wrong word since there really wasn't much to misunderstand, he can't have said that it the meaning she thought of. Ryosuke will never say that to her with that intention. Her deep thoughts put her into a complete stop, until he had to ask, "is anything wrong?"
"ah no..."
"these two really need a push in the back or neither of them will move forward. it's frustrating just seeing them stationary like a woodblock."
"you know about Umika's feelings?" she stopped her work, turning to him and asking worriedly that she may have accidentally leaked Umika's secret.
"I knew. don't worry, I told her I won't say it no anyone. blurting it all out is against my principles."
"oh no no, I don't mean that. I'm not doubting you," she fumbled, tripping over the branches, on the grass. before she could gather her balance again, he blew her mind with another tricky questions. "why didnt you ask me why I sustained those injuries that night?" she was curious but she was not tempted to find out more. she wondered if this was a test to see how much a busybody she is since the last time he vented on her. "I shouldn't be asking. it's your privacy"
he appeared surprised, and concerned about her reply, then he sighed. "it's all because I was both hotheaded and sensitive that day. those guys, clearly dropouts from a neighboring school, about 4 of them, were talking about patronizing the ladies in Shinjuku for one night stand. I can't control my anger. I went head on with the four. obviously losing."
"senpai~ are you feeling better already?" she said with a frown. her first impression is that he is still far from recovery of his heart.
"if you're asking about my heart, I'm not. my injuries are alot better already. anyway talking about this, I really wanna say how thankful I was to you that day. if it wasn't because of you, I would have properly died back there. what I'm most grateful for which I didn't properly explain that day with all the mess, is you not sending me to the hospital. I hate hospitals so thanks for not sending me there. I appreciate your help tending to my wounds. it healed fast."
so Ryosuke was one of those who hates doctors and hospitals, she thought to herself. he most certainly did not look like one, as she scanned him briefly from bottom up.
"and..." he interrupted her silence, appealing for more time to explain other issues. he looked apologetic, and sounded so too. "I hope you forgive me for what happened in the teacher's office that day. I was again hot-headed and sensitive. I'm not angry with you and don't take what I said seriously. frankly, I'm not in the position to comment about you. I am the one who's totally messed up."
"huh? no that's not true. you are perfect. you're favored by so many people, people look up to you. you are independent, you are dependable, you are talented."
"exactly what I wanted people to see about me. I pretend to be that perfect person everyone looks up to. but if I shed this outer layer, what is left is the real me, a complete failure. I don't know what I want in life, I don't have a goal, neither do I have passion in anything. I am poor at my studies, and everytime I barely scrap through the promotional examinations, and I made it seems as though it's worth celebrating. now, that I know the truth behind my parents abandoning me, and who they are, it is only my intention to conceal it so no one who judge me nor discriminate me. I like the image I have created for myself, and I'm afraid of losing it cause that's all I have. that's the only confidence I've got."
Mirai was shocked at how Ryosuke appeared so imperfect for the first time. what she sees before her now is a simple guy who is lost in his own journey and needs guidance in life. more so, she wanted to know why he is revealing his real self to her - his fears, his lies and his disappointment.
"Isn't it tiring? to always have to put on a show for everyone?" she asked. she thought this was a tough question and he would need some time before answering her formally, or even give a non-reply. contrary to her belief, his answer came immediately as if the answer was intuitive.
"yes. it is. that's why, I am actually jealous of Chinen. he doesnt have to pretend or fake any part of him. he is almost perfect. his study is good, teachers love him, he has parents who care for him, he has friends like you and Umika who genuinely treasures the friendship, and is popular among both girls and guys. in fact, it's not just him I'm jealous of. you too. I admire you"
"huh?" it sounded like another mistakable confession. it definitely sounds like professing of love. Earnestly and patiently waiting for his reply, it finally came after a delayed 3 Minutes. "you stay true to yourself. that's something I never get right. you are focused on what you need to do, and you just work towards it. you won't do things to please people. so whatever they think of you, you bravely face it rather than being a coward, averting them or even changing plans for them. I won't even be able to handle those judgmental gazes. I want to be likable so I pretend to be someone I'm not."
Mirai heard him, his heartfelt regrets. it sounded even more so like he wasn't contented with himself. Not to console him, but to state the truth, she clarified, "actually I'm not that admirable as you said. I yearn to one day be perfect too, I would pretend if I could but everything about my life is too far off. my parents hated to bring me into this world because I was the unplanned one, I was set to be a financial burden. I want to show them I'm not. I do my best in school and make deliberate efforts to stay invisible so that I can go through my school years without being implicated in any issues. but still, whatever I did are an eye soar to others. being the one who people hate, isn't tolerable at all, in fact it felt horrible. I will get tired"
"but you never cried. at least not in front of me. that to me is courage"
Mirai blushed the more he praised her, but fortunately it was too dark in the night for him to notice. He sat on the grass and laid down with his hands against his back. She wanted to console him but don't know how to do so. but subsequently it's more like she wanted to escape from the scene.
"maybe it's for the reasons I said that I felt more comfortable telling you all these. you're a good listener and I felt like I don't have to pretend in front of you too"
"because I'm worst?" Mirai sounded sensitive to his words. on the contrary, he realised his own insensitivity and immediately explained himself. "no no. I don't mean that. because you are focused on your own life and are not keen to interfere in someone else's like those gossip girls whose lives revolve around others. so I felt it's okay to share with you. and another reason is, I felt like you won't judge me. that's probably your strength, you do give off a very sincere vibe."
"senpai..." she felt honored by his remarks about her. nonetheless, she knows it does not mean she has a chance. it's mixed feelings she encounter.
"so about that day in the teacher's office, apology accepted?" Ryosuke seemed bothered, especially when he owed her a ton after listening to his rambles and saving him. She could sense that part of his concern and likewise felt apologetic, "... of course, I have also shouted at you then..." Suddenly Mirai recalled the exact words she spoken. for a while, she has shoved those reckless words aside, conveniently forgetting that she ever told him her feelings in a fit of a moment, everything that she has consciously tried to hide all the time since she set eyes on him.
"what?" he asked the dumbfounded her.
"..." hesitantly, she muffled her words that he could barely make out, "I... some ... some of the things I said back there was crazy, so please don't take it seriously. just forget about it, cause it doesn't make sense."
he appeared to be in deep thoughts, making her freak out even more that he may also recall that part of the heated conversation. "which part?" he asked after a pause. " it seemed all the parts were pretty sensible."
she heaved a sigh of relief as it sounded as though he did not absorb the unintended confession. "ahh... it's okay then." she cheered. Seeing her all in smiles and relief, he laughed. but when she looked at him, confused, he turned away and refocused on completing the last part of the task.
"and done!" he cheered and stretched his arms as he stood up. It relieved a bit of the body aches. She too did it, and at the same time, found herself distracted by his stretching. it was masculine and it was an action she always hope to see her boyfriend do. but until now, she never had a boyfriend so gradually she stopped dreaming. this time, she get to see her favourite guy doing it before her eyes, she couldn't stop herself from staring intensely at the curvature of his toned arms.
"is there a problem? your face is so ... red" he asked without much expression on his face.
"heh?!!!" she fumbled and almost fell on top of the artwork when she took several steps back from him.
"careful!" he grabbed her by her waist, and in a blink of an eye, they were almost only an inch apart. she could feel his minty fresh breath blown against the intersection between her eyes and nose, and his delicate yet firm grip around her waist. Their gazes interlocked, and she felt her heart pounding.
"Gomenasai!" she quickly pulled apart and break off that intimate moment which she felt was so inappropriate, yet it didnt seem to bother Ryosuke at all from the look on his face.
"are you gonna continuing standing? it's probably going to take a while before all these paint dries up..." he asked. she realised while she was in a trance, yet again, he has already taken a seat at the bench beside the laid out artwork, leaving her alone standing like a frozen mannequin. except that this mannequin is not pretty. if it wasn't because it was awkward standing alone, she would not dare take a seat beside him cause she fears her heart will explode with proximity or she'll do or say ridiculous things around him when she's out of mind. she secretly took a deep breathe, prepared to be as alert as possible. on the contrary, Ryosuke is all relaxed, leaned against the bench with his head rested nicely at the backrest, his eyes tightly shut and his arms folded. Despite her alertness, his sleeping posture was gradually drawing her attention, eyes fixated on him as though just looking at him silently was therapeutic.
"Mirai~" she was almost startled when he called her in his 'sleep'.
"ne?" she turned away, although she knew he couldn't have seen her blush or her captivated expression with his eyes closed.
"I'm bumping into you quite a bit recently. it's funny how we have been in the same school for three years and I haven't really noticed you around my last year."
"that's because I've always been hiding from you," she thought silently in her mind. She continues to look at him as he fell asleep, with thoughts flooding her mind. "is it okay we continue to be like this? can I be your friend? that's all I want if it's not too much to ask. I honestly wished I could be the one who fill in the gaping hole left in your heart by the parents who left you behind. I know it's not me. I hope time will stop now, so that I can silently watch over you...." she sighed as she turned to the stars hung high above, then back at his peaceful sleep, greeting in her gentle heart "oyasumi Ryosuke." and a genuine smile of happiness crept up on her face.
It wasn't until the next morning, that Ryosuke opened his eyes after a deep sleep. he can't believe he could sleep so soundly since the past weeks he has been suffering from insomnia because of his unsettling heart from the truth of his birth. He was more surprised to see the other to be suffering from an even more severe insomnia.
"Mirai! did you not sleep the entire night?!! you look horrible!" he saw his eyebags and tired look, as though it had been a rough night for her. She was too shagged after her emotional struggle the entire night, that she did not bother if she protected her image in front of him anymore. since she was convinced she was not pretty to start with, being uglier wouldn't matter to him, she felt.
"I can't sleep" she said lethargically and she dragged her body up. Ryosuke took a while to absorb that look of exhaustion on Mirai cause no girls have looked so shagged in front of him before. almost always, they are in thick make-up. As he thought of this, he drew a stark contrast between most girls and Mirai, that the latter didn't really care about how she appear in front of others and how others think of her. He felt amused, at the same time, felt more ascertained of his admiration for her - her persistence of staying true to herself.
He grabbed most of the dried up artwork from her and walked back to Umika's house. there wasn't much conversation, mostly because Mirai was too tired to think. it was only when they reached the outside of Umika's house that she saw Chinen stomping out of her house.
"Oi Chinen!!!" Ryosuke tried to stop him to understand what had happen but he shrug it off without even the slightest explanation.
"you'll be able to handle these? if not, I'll carry it upstairs then I'll go after him" Ryosuke sounded worried after seeing the always cheerful Chinen in such anger.
"I can handle it, don't worry. I'll check on Umika too"
"Great. I hope she's alright" Mirai felt Ryosuke's concern for Umika too, and even if it's for a split second, Mirai did feel jealous of her friend. He handed over the stuff and rushed towards Chinen.
"Senpai!" Mirai shouted before he turned into the corner of the next street.
"ne?" he turned around looking worriedly at her as though she was in some sort of trouble. Instead, he was surprised when Mirai gave a very cheerful smile with a thumbs up. "you can do it, senpai! if you try, I'm sure you can pass your graduation exams easily!"
Ryosuke felt heartened by her genuine well-wishes. it was rarely he felt that way since alot of people around him were pretentious. He returned a thumbs up and a smile and said, " I will do my best~ thank you Mirai!" and he dashed off to find his friend.
"you're welcome" she said to herself, since it never made it to his ears. She quickly recovered from the episode with Ryosuke and moved on to the friend who needed her help. Rushed upstairs she saw Umika sitting in a corner of her room, crying bitterly.
"what wrong, Umika? don't cry... you can tell me, ne?" Mirai rushed to her and pulled her into her arms. Mirai rubbed her back to console her while the latter struggled to recount the cause of their unhappiness.
The blinding light from the sun shines over them like a blanket. Their eyes fluttered open and the first thing that greeted them was each other. It wasn't surprise or shock they felt in that immediate moment. It was this fuzzy feeling in their hearts, almost like the feeling of butterflies fluttering around them. Their interlocking fingers did not add anxiety but a magical connection of calmness and protection. However, with time, their brain reacted like a collision of 2 planets. They sprung out from the bed they both occupied and all the other natural feelings of confusion and shock took over. They stare at each other with eyes widdened and heart pounding. Umika's face was red as tomato."Sorry... I fell asleep. I don't know how we both ended up on the bed... erm.. we should be able to finish all this by morning. You go wash up first, ne... I'll continue first" Chinen said awkwardly. It was natural that they should have stay clear of each other until they fully awakens, cause needless to say, they felt entirely messed up."nothing happened, right?" Umika asked with her voice trembling."what should happen?" Chinen asked with raised brows."you and I... over the night, alone... we didn't do 'it' right?"Chinen chuckled, but not in his usual way. There was sarcasm in his laughter."what sort of person do you think I am?! I won't do it to you, especially!""what do you mean by that? Are you mocking me?!" it was for some reason, they both felt heated.Umika was fuming as his statements were offensive as it could be. And as much as she hopes to deny, she felt that he spoke the truth of his heart that he has no affection for her, or see no womanhood in her to attract him. No man would lie in face of such situation. That was his answer."GET OUT! I DON'T WANNA SEE YOU, YOU JERK!" she burst out in tears and anger. She thought he would retaliate or at least ask for reasons for her change of behaviour. Instead, he agreed with her approach and replied in the same tone as she did "FINE WITH ME! YOU'RE BEING RIDICULOUS.""YOU'RE TOO!" She threw a pillow at him just at about the same time he slammed the door behind him. The pillow crashed on the door, creating a deafening bang along with the slamming.
"It is probably just a misunderstanding, Umika. Let me talk to him," Mirai felt like recently she was so engrossed with her own feelings that she did not notice that her best friend is in a much critical situation, struggling by herself to make sense of her relationship with Chinen.
"forget it, Mirai. I know my position. Chinen will see nothing in me. I am gonna give up, I really can't take the pain anymore." She cried harder in Mirai's embrace. In normal circumstances, Mirai would talk her out of the idea. But today, she felt that Umika meant what she said. She saw the Umika already filling up with sadness and depression, and she could tell that she is determined to end the helpless struggle. Mirai felt like she is no longer in the position to advice Umika, cause she herself is in a much more deceptional situation, where she is constantly immersed in her own dreamland which sees a make-believe ending of her and Ryosuke. Umika was at least stronger, that even though she and Chinen is a more possible pair, she choose to be realistic about the status quo. Mirai felt ashamed of herself, for hoping for something which is not hers, dreaming for something that will never belong to her. There's no wrong in dreaming - but that infatuation becomes toxic when delusions take over. Mirai could not deny that the impossbilities have become possibilites, in her mind these days. That was a sign of the poisoning of her heart.
***
Mirai POV
Basically the following week was too good to be true. I felt like my encouragement to Ryosuke really worked. well, it could really be my hopeless imagination that I was the sole architect of his motivation to study. I saw him at break time at all the quiet areas of the school that I occupied often, studying. he obviously didnt know those places were where I would hide from public eyes and be invisible, so I kept it as it is, standing at a corner, observing him without him noticing. remembering about what he said of his high regard of his image, he probably chose all these places so that others don't see him as a nerd of sort or maybe he simply didnt want to be disturbed. either way, i don't wanna disturb him cause he truly appeared like he did not want to be disturbed. silently watching him by the sides was good enough for me.
the only time I couldn't help myself was that Friday, when I was assigned by my homeroom teacher to help close the library for the day, and I saw him so tired that he fell asleep with his head nesting on his arms folded on the table. it was already late at night that day when I came to close the library. I already missed the official closing hours of the library when i rushed from the dramaclub after helping Umika with the last minute preparations for her musical premiere next weekend. I expected there was no one inside by now. the clock showed 9PM when I reached. if it wasn't for a tiny light source from one corner of the library which was almost completely in darkness, I would have assumed there wasn't anyone.
I couldn't see clearly with all the library lights off. so I hollered to whoever it was still inside to evacuate from the library so that I could close it. that person did not reply. I could see the silhouette of the person but that's almost all that I saw. I walked closer, with slight shivers that it may be an apparition. fortunately, it's not.
"Ryosuke senpai?" I mumbled with my eyes widened as I saw him. From a small gap from his folded arms on the table, I could see his face of fatigue. I struggled at first whether or not to wake him up, but in the end, I decided not to. it's too heartless to wake up an exhausted guy. Mirai remembered the knitted scarf he put on her that night she fell asleep in the park, and wanted to return it to him by doing likewise for him. but when i looked in her bag, I realised i did not bring it today. I took off my jacket and placed it over him. I would have stayed behind and watch over him, but frankly I did not have the courage to go through another night beside him. I would fall deeper into an unsalvagable position. I took a deep breathe and set my determination to walk out of the library. I have decided to stay somewhere near the library so that the moment he wakes up and leaves, I can quickly lock the door before sensei comes and see that I had left the library open the entire night.
"are you going to leave me behind?" the voice from behind startled me, that I stopped in my path. I turned around to see Ryosuke fully awakened, but with his eyes still red from the fatigue. He packed his stuff and walked towards me. He pulled the jacket I left on him over my head, and gave my head a little pat. "Let's go..,"he said. I was confused. Was he asking me to follow him? It can't be delusions since there was no one around me. What was he thinking when he said so? does it have a deeper meaning? I guess not. It's me thinking too much.
I rushed up, without anything in my mind. Was that recklessness? Perhaps and perhaps not. Was there still that hope I held? I think yes, despite Umika's own encounter as a vivid reminder to self. But at the same time, nothing would happen, I am sure. It's not a guess, it's a certainty.
"You look so tired? why don't you sleep properly?" she asked after trailing behind him for a while.
"I'm working hard. Exams are only a few days away," he said while yawning. "you know what, whenever I close my eyes now, all I see are numbers after numbers. It is freaky" I couldn't hold my laughter when he passed the humorous remark. He laughed heartily alongside me. There was no boundary between us at that moment.
"more than the numbers, I was more scared of the female monster...pestering me to the hellzone"
"...heh?" that female monster he is implying, isn't me right? I hoped not. Was I a nuisance again? He probably saw my paranoia, cause in the next instance, he clarified, "it's not you, of course... how could it be you when you didnt even wake me up just now..." he chuckled, but frown almost immediately when his phone rang. He looked at the caller records, his face collapsed. "arhx... again?!" He picked up his call with annoyance.
"whats up now?" I heard him say on the phone. even though he turned around with his back facing me as he spoke on the phone, I could hear his frustration from the tone. "I told you I am studying. I don't have time to accompany you. Can't you wait until next week when my exams are over?" There was a pause of silence, then he sighed "alright. I will come over now to cook for you okay?" He hanged up the phone without saying a goodbye. He turned to me in a look as if he was seeking some consoling.
"Girlfriends are really a pain. Mizuo is sick, so I am going over to her house. Sorry Mirai, I can't walk you back when I caused you to go back so late." Was that what he intended to do? to walk me home?! As much as I felt delighted by it, it is not happening.
"It's okay, you don't have to walk me back"
"I would insist if Mizuo didnt call. Her house is the other way, so I'll go from her. You take care, alright" he pat my head the second time and turned away.
"chotto matte," I didnt know what has gotten into me, I had to ask that burning question in my mind. I looked at him for a while, then mustered my guts to ask. "can i have your number please." He paused. He stopped smiling. I scared him with more proactiveness. It must be.
'ah, gomenasai...I am just thinking I will need it sometime...I...ah don't mind me."
He chuckled.
"heh?"
"I thought you have already gotten my number from Chinen. and silly, why are you so worried, I am not going to be angry just cause you ask for my number right. pass me your phone." I struggled to take out my phone and he grabbed it from me right away, then next instance, he took me by my shoulders and pulled me closer. With his arms around me, I could feel his warmth radiating all over my body, and *SNAP, he took a photo of us both with a press of a button on my iphone. I blankly saw him keyed in something in my phone then returned me. "here. i trust that you wont abuse my number," he spoke to me sternly.
"heh?" i fumbled.
"kidding... text me when you are home." he said with smiles and I was too slow to even say goodbye, cause by the time my soul came back, he was gone.
I slouched in discouragement on my way back. I would have spent my time smiling to myself stupidly over all his kind offers, but the creepy footsteps behind me sent chills down my spine such that I have to make my way home as fast as possible without distractions. Was I being paranoid about someone following me? I was literally brisk walking home and was in cold sweat by the time I reach.
"AHHHHHH" I screamed when a hand laid on my shoulders.
"Are you crazy?!" a middle aged man shouted. I turned around, and relieved when I saw it was my father behind all along.
"if I don't know, I thought you are running from me."
"Sorry, otousan" my father was clearly annoyed as he stomped into the house before me, carrying the loads on his hand. I felt immensely apologetic as he must have wanted me to help him with the load, but i conveniently ignore his plea with my hastening pace. Sigh, again I missed the chance to please at least someone in the household, and yet disappoint the one person in the family who was somewhat neutral to my situation - my dad.
***
Ryosuke rubbed his eyes, yawning every now and then as he cooked up a pot of porridge for Mizuo who was lying down on her sofa. At first, he did suspect that she was lying in order for him to spend time with her, but turned out, she did look somewhat pale. He held the pipping hot porridge in a small bowl and brought it to her. He sat beside her and asked, "are you feeling better?"
She shook her head with a cutesy pout. He sighed, not sure to be glad that she could still care about getting his interest or be worried. "which part is hurting?" she pointed to her heart, and immediately he gave her a light beating on his head. She giggled, then coughed in agony.
"sounds like your throat is hurting. let me check if you have fever" he held her by her shoulders and let his free hand on her forehead to fill her temperature. She is burning. "you are having fever, lady. come, eat this porridge and you can take your medicine."
"wow, now that you can't really speak with that sore throat, it's quite quiet ne." he teased, getting a slap on his lap by her.He wrapped her cozily in his arms then fed after mouth of that porridge he cooked, blowing away the heat before feeding her. He kinda liked her this way, a lot more genuine. Her rare vulnerability gave him the chance to properly care for her. He looked at her struggling to swallow her saliva, he felt apologetic he hasnt been spending much time with her, except quarreling everytime they meet. He fed her the medicines and held her up to her bedroom. When he tugged her in bed, and gave her a light kiss on her forehead before bidding farewell, she pulled him back. Losing his balance, he fell beside her on the bed.
"Mizuo?" she pulled herself on top of him, and occupied his lips with her arms pressed against his chest. He lifted her head away from him and said, "not today. you are sick."
"it's okay..." she forced the 2 words out from her burning throat. She ignored his decision and forced herself through his wet cavern of his mouth, carassing the sides of his face as they engaged in a passionate kiss. Just when Ryosuke did not have the determination to reject her offer anymore, someone else broke their moment.
"spare Ryosuke. he has an exam coming, you dont want him to fall sick, do you..."
"niichan?" Mizuo sprung up from on top of Ryosuke, "itai" realising it was too abrupt for her aching body. Ryosuke tidied the few buttons which Mizuo removed from his top then greeted Hiro who stood at the door in a stern face. "I'll your boyfriend out, and I'll take over his role to take care of you... so fret not... I'll be back"
"niichan~" Mizuo protested but to no avail. Hiro led Ryosuke downstairs to the ground level and walked him out. The latter was prepared for some lecturing. "can't believe you let her have her way"
"she's always very persistent, you know that..."
"well, she's sick. It can't be that hard. Unless you are aroused yourself."
"that's natural right?" Ryosuke didn't feel like arguing with Hiro, "anyway, she's having fever and sore throat. She finished a bowl of the porridge I cooked and ate those medicines"
"wow, you got her to eat those hateful medicines that she never ever would even if the whole family force her"
"well, she did not even resist. That's my charm, ne. bye!" Ryosuke smirked, and then left Hiro without even saying anymore. Ryosuke's phone beeped when he was taking a slow walk back to his house.
"Hello Ryosuke senpai,
I'm Mirai. I've reached home already.
Actually, I want to tell you something I never dared to tell you face-to-face.
Thank you for being my friend.
See you back in school"
He let out a genuine smile at her innocence, and how friendship to her is precious.
***
It was Wednesday, the day of examinations for the graudating classes. The seniors streamed into school early morning, most wearing an obvious eyebags and still buried in their books, scambling to absorb the last bit of information as if their brains are not already overloaded. Some were just busy with getting their well-wishes from their juniors, or rather their little girlfriends. Standing at one corner with Umika, we finally saw Chinen walking through the gates. "Aren't you gonna at least wish him good luck?" I asked Umika who seemed to be deliberating hard. I intended to give her a push to reconcile with Chinen every since that unhappy episode back at her house, but after a short hesitation, she decided otherwise with a tone of determined stance. "no. it's not necessary. there's more than enough wishes those people can give him" she looked towards where Chinen was, surrounded by juniors from dramaclub as well as those junior girls who obviously have a crush on him. "I've already sent him a text in the morning. that is all im gonna do. besides, look, his hands are filled with charms, bentos, herbal teas, there's nothing he is short of... Great, he is looking this way... I'm off" Umika heartlessly walked away. Frankly, I admire how Umika is so determined in shaking off all the other feelings she has for Chinen, it should have been difficult. But it didn't seem like she it is affecting her. Maybe I am thinking too much.
"Chinen, she... she is rushing somewhere... " Mirai tried to find an excuse so that things wouldn't go worst that it actually is. But helpless I was cause he saw through my efforts. "don't bother. I know she's avoiding me."
"ja... lets not think about this for now, ne. Chinen, good luck," we gave each other a friendship hug and a smile finally crept up his face. I felt happy that I could at least make someone happy.My eyes became distracted by something else, behind Chinen. He walked in, buried in a book on his hand. He was wearing a black rim specs which I never saw him in before. He must have been wearing contact lenses all these while. It gives off a studious vibe, and a different kind of charm. But a few days of not seeing him, he has become skinnier. Has he been eating well? still not sleeping well?
"Oi Mirai" Chinen shook me out of my trance.
"heh?"
"he's with Mizuo, so stop dreaming..." he was right, when I look back at him, I saw Mizuo already claiming possession of him. I sighed, as I kept the temple charm I got for him into my skirt pocket. Maybe I was being too overconfident. Depite how much closer we've got, I am still no where close to being someone who can simply offer him a charm. it would have shocked him if I had given him.
The happy face of Mizuo is stuck in my head, but more than that, the words he said of his admiration for my courage rang in my head like a broken recorder. Sat in my classroom, I hear the first bell, an indication that candidates of the graduation examinations are to proceed into the examination hall. That bell did not only got the candidates fumbling, it was almost like a call out for me. It was as though I found my courage to do exactly what I wanted to. What he thought of me, does not matter. I do not expect that he reciprocate my goodwill, but that was my well-wishes for him, there's nothing wrong of that. Even if people didn't like what I do, it is still a good luck charm for a new-found friend.
I dashed across the corridor towards the examination hall, bumping into many people who were loitoring around. Then when I got closer to the hall, I could feel the mood got more tense. Students were barely talking, some were frantically looking through their books for something that slipped off their minds, some were already streaming in. I hope sincerely that he hasn't went into the hall. There was simply too many people around, I could not locate him. It doesn't help when he isn't very tall. When I was about to give up, I saw him keeping his notes, preparing to head inside with his friends around him.
I didn't have time to think, so I rushed forward and called out, "Ryosuke senpai~" It wasn't very loud, but it was clearly loud enough for him and his friends to hear. His guy friends turned to me with a look of amusement. I would think that some of them did not know me at all (which was good), but there were some who knew I was an outcast, from their mocking gossips around Ryosuke. I realised then that I made him lose face. So without doing what I set out to do, without walking towards them, I turned back and ran in the opposite direction.
A firm grip on my shoulders held me back. I apologetically turned around when I heard his voice saying, "you came to look for me isn't it? then why are you running off, before telling me what you came all the way for?"
It's a simple 2 lines, but it clearly implied my cowardice. Ryosuke, can you not tell my concerns for causing you embarrassement?
"it's okay..." I insisted. However, it seemed that whatever denial I do in explanation for running all the way to the out-of-bounds hall and running back, does not make sense at all. "don't be ridiculous. I am already here, so what's up that you have to look for me so urgently?"
"I..." i surrender. I took out the charm hidden in my pocket and stuffed it in his hand and enclosed his fingers over it. with our hands placed on top of each other, I told him a brief "good luck, Ryosuke" without any honorifics, and made an escape from the possible erupting awkwardness. I saw him, turning his back to walk back to the hall. I didn't manage to see his expression. Disappointed, I drag my feet back to class, seeing no need to run anymore since he has moved on. I was wrong.
"Thank you Mirai!" He turned back and exclaimed with a gorgeous smile, then ran back to the hall. My heart was ablaze with passion. Whatever repercussions from removing my invisibility cloak in front of his friends, I care not for now. He saw me, and he is thankful for what I did, that is all I need to know for now.
*****
That same afternoon, Umika was facing Hiro, nervously, in a room with only her, him and Mirai sitting at the opposite end watching them as an audience.
"is this your first time?" Hiro asked as he saw Umika's unsettling reaction. It was embarrassing to admit that it is, especially when she is already senior high third year. Mirai could clearly resonate with what Umika was feeling. The former could only nod, subtly.
"I see. ah don't worry about it. I'll be careful. We'll do once, and we'll leave it to the actual day for the final one"
"no no, i think we need more practice." Umika is afraid the lack of experience will cause her to bring down the entire musical. That kiss of eternity is important, and any mistakes for that cannot be atoned by an apology. There will be many guests that day, she really cannot afford to ruin it. She didn't wanna ruin it for Hiro who is already on his path as a professional.
"it's alright, I'll guide you. so we really don't need so many practice for this. leave it to me... let's just do once now, so that you can get used to it. I don't want you to be in shock that day, cause it would show all over your face.
"okay' Umika closed her eyes and prepared herself for that moment his lips crash into hers. Mirai was feeling utterly nervous for her, her heart beating crazily as though it was her who is about to be kissed.
when Hiro was less than an inch apart from Umika, both her and even Mirai were secretly counting down. 3...2....1.... Mirai made sure she capture all of that with her eyes so that she can recount to the nervous Umika, but just then... "Chotto Matte!" Chinen dashed in and rudely grabbed Umika by her wrist. Despite her demand for explanation for the sudden intrusion, he disregard everything and pulled her out of the room. That leaves Hiro and Mirai looking at each other with their minds blank. "nande?" they asked each other in unison.
****
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