If the welcoming of the new day was not already disappointing with the start of a new day with the first sight without him, the conversation at the table had made it more unbearable. Mirai sat with a deliberate shut ears as her family began discussing of the former student Yamada Ryosuke. They called him all sorts of names, but in Mirai's eyes, he was much more earnest in his life, earning his every cents to support himself and yet lived a 18 years of his life without any trouble. He didnt even mind working at a construction site when he could earn all his cash at a modelling firm in comfort. Certain members of her family instead seemed more like a pest, she thought. Mirai could withstand all horrid remarks about her day by day, but if it is untrue allegations and mockery of him, she did not allow it. 

"He didnt go to those illegal money lender. And so what his mother is working in that industry, he did not commit any wrong to deserve all the name-calling. He most certainly does not have dirty blood!" Mirai retaliated for the first time, surprisingly it wasnt for herself but for the seeking of justice of the other. 

"What do you think you're doing, Shida Mirai, speaking to us like that!" Her father sternly reprimanded her, with interjections from her sister, "Ah, that guy is the one she has a major crush on." Her parents appear surprise, then Mirai could see the mocking gazes that cheapened her love. Her sister had to infuriate her by explaining how absurd it sounded, "even without this scandal, he would not even take a second look at you, my little sister"

She couldnt take another second breathing the same air as her family. For once, she did not plan to give in. Instead she stomped right out of the door. She could hear her parents going ballistic from her unruly behaviour and dismiss from the neither harmonious dinner, and at the back of her ears, she heard the affirmation of a future she never thought possible, "DONT YOU DARE GO OUT WITH HIM. WE WILL NEVER APPROVE OF IT". If there's one thing she will not heed their advice, it was this. It was unnecessary of course as much as she tried to deceive herself. In a rush out, she was hit by the nausea. She regretted not even having a bite before leaving. She found a corner to sit, so as to reconcile everything that happened. Thoughts ran wild as to what could have happened to Ryosuke. She dialed his number, however no one picked. It was worrying. As soon as she had the urge to revisit his house in case he is there, she received a text message.

"Mirai,

thanks for yesterday. I wont be defeated so don't worry about me. I will meet up with you once i have settled the issue. It wouldnt be long. See you then.

Ryosuke"

She put down her phone and looked afar into the greenery as she become soaked in an air of uncertainty, and the unraveling of events became too unexpected, too heavy. She knows not what is in store for her in the future, all she knows is there is nothing she could do to help.

Luckily, she has got her friend who is always there for her. Once she reached school, she felt an immense support from Umika. The latter embraced her weak body and said to her ears, "where did you go yesterday, i was worried sick"

Mirai tightened her arms and rested her throbbing head on Umika's shoulders. She didnt say a word but deep down she felt relieved already that she's not alone. She hoped Umika understand that the non-sharing was simply because the issue was complex and it is largely issue that belong not to her but decide to take upon herself. It is a decision to bear the unnecessary pain. There will be no appreciation, no gratitude, no pity.

The 2 friends sat on the rooftop after school, watching their fellow schoolmates streaming out of the gate in cheerful chatters. 

"Mirai... Remember our imagination games we had in year 1? Wanna play it again, since we know by now the imagination partner we were thinking of that time."

It was a brave initiative, cause both their crushes they concealed that time were the ones that hurts them most now. Still, the imagination games could really paint a fallacy so consoling they never mind being fooled for a moment.

"Yours was obvious, it has been ryosuke..." Umika teased. Mirai blushed so she quickly diverted the attention back to umika.

"Yours was Chinen!"

"Ops, wrong," Umika giggled as she proudly proved the confident Mirai wrong. 

"How can it be? If it's not Chinen, then who?"

"It's takaki yuya senpai"

"Really?! I didnt see that coming, but he was like the predecessor of the popular dudes of our school."

"Yes! And when he swims, his abs are so captivating" Umika remarked without any reservations. Mirai broke out in laughter as she became tickled by umika's shameless confession. Umika joined the laughter and the mood became much lighter.

"Well, he graduated in the following year, and thats when you fell for Chinen." Mirai analysed and when she saw Umika blushed this time, she knew her analysis was right.

"Moving on... You remember how we used to imagine ourselves spending time with them, holding hands, embracing, or even them taking off their coat to warm us. The thought of being cuddled in their arms, getting to know their skin temperature, never fail to make us excited."

As Umika listed down, flashes of the isolated experiences with Ryosuke screened through her mind like a movie compiled of only the sweetest memories, and it was then she realised whatever she hoped for has all been fulfilled. In fact, it went a lot deeper, in that one night's interaction where she lost her first and put her on par with most high school girls. His body temperature, his gentle gestures, his soft gazes and electrifying smile were all vivid in her mind. Even if he hadnt liked her, these memories would stay and that alone convinced her that she should be contented.

"Mirai... Your deep thoughts mean...you are imagining again ne..." Umika chuckled. Mirai would wilfully argue but she neither deny nor clarify. She smiled lightly with her head lowered, "Chinen would never liked our conversation." 

"You mean his approval of Ryosuke as a crush. You dont have to care about him"

"Yes, i dont have to. Very much because no matter how much i do, he will never like me. I can never be anything more than a friend"

"Mirai..." Umika didnt know how else to console her as she doesnt have the heart to lie to her about her chances.

"Ja... Have you achieved most of your fantasies with Chinen yet?" Mirai braced a smile. It was however, Umika's turn to return a smile so awkward, mirai knew her friend was troubled, "Did something happen?"

"Mirai... I really hope i could be more like you. I am not brave, instead i am timid. I fear, i am paranoid"

"About what?"

"He brought me to his university today, and he bumped into one of his and Ryosuke's junior school playmate. She's pretty. I realised that as he start his new phase in life, his wider exposure will eventually widen the gap between us."

"You have to trust Chinen. He isnt the kind that breaks girls' hearts. You know it."

"I know... But i cant help to feel uneasy. Mirai, i annoyed him today. We quarrelled."

Mirai sighed as she saw tears b in her eyes, "it's not the first time you two quarrelled. He will contact you soon, then you try to take a step back and give him your trust. Okay?"

Umika nodded. Mirai was happy that she managed to help cheer up Umika. Yet when it comes to her own problems, all she did was run from it. If she had long heeded Chinen's advice to stop liking Ryosuke, she wouldnt have stuck her head in so deep that now it feels she couldnt stop thinking about him.

Looking into the horizon, she saw nothing but a blank future. It was almost like a book that is awaiting the reader's continuation, yet she lack the ability to take up the pen and command it to write the story of her heart. She took a deep breathe and let herself soak in the tranquility in the air, while Umika leaned in the comfort zone of her supportive friend. 

That night, Mirai decided to take a long walk home. She needed time to reconcile her thoughts, to find the determination to let down that heavy self-imposed load that is taking a toll on her life, neglecting her friendships. 

"Chinen is right. I should stop my senseless infatuation... I... Heh?!" Just as she found that strength to fight the inertia, what she saw in front of her shocked her.

Her family is raising her voice at a guy. The guy was pushed and yet he did not retaliate.

"Ryosuke!!" Mirai dashed up and held him by his arm as she retaliated on behalf of him, "what are you doing?!!" She shouted back at her family who all acted barbaric and obnoxious. Ryosuke looked at Mirai in surprise as he never knew there was this side of her who did not simply kept silent but fought back. Her family felt likewise, and apparently furious, "exactly why you shouldnt even be hanging with people like him. You changed, Shida Mirai! Rude, rebellious!"

"I did not change...That should have been me all these years. I suppressed it cause i thought it cant get any worst. At least i've got a shelter above my head. That's how i kept going without being driven insane."

"You, ungrateful kid!" Her mother took a step out and gave mirai a tough slap, so hard she almost lost her balance if it is not for Ryosuke who caught her in his arms and secured her from shoulders. Her mother continued, "i gave birth to you so you better abide to our house rules!"

"I am not enslavened to the family! I was a mistake,but i am still your child! But none of you treated me as one! I never belonged to this family! You know what, i rather i was never born!" She cried.

This time, it was her father who raised her arms at her. Mirai knew that this will hurt real bad as being bitten by her father was not something new. It was less a slap but more a punch. So she flinched, eyes shut and braced for the impact. Yet another impact pulled her backwards, into warm comfort of a protective arms. She opened her eyes to see the concerned gaze of Ryosuke staring into her tear-bound eyes. His hand clutched hold of her father's, blocking the 'attack'.

"If there's any fault, it's mine. I shouldnt have come. I have taken in your kind reminders, and dont worry, i wont see her again. Please take all the anger on me, and forget what happened earlier." Ryosuke bowed fully and then gave a smile to her before turning his back and walking to the other side, into the darker path.

Mirai felt like the gaping silence was too much to bear, she felt that she was left in a vacuum, unable to absorb what had just fast forwarded in her eyes. She wasnt able to comprehend the sudden drop in the tension, and it would appear the rest of her family cant as well. Ryosuke has given the crisis and abrupt end that no one could promptly react. After a long pause, Mirai returned to her senses and ran after the lone boy. Again, she ignored the shoutings of her parents and disregarded all of which as the passing air.

"Ryosuke!" Without another word, she threw her arms around Ryosuke's waist from the back. She instantaneously felt the temperature from his back and felt that her tensed body is gradually relaxing. Just when she became so addicted to it that she turned speechless, ryosuke lightly released her arms and turned to face her.

He didnt immediately say anything. Instead he looked at her, then brought his hand to her swollen face and caressed it carefully . "It stings, does it?" He asked in his soft, mellow voice. She shook her head in denial, and he could almost readily tell that she was lying. She realised he had frozen in his position, cause for at least a minute, he just stared at her reddened spot. Then, he did something that left Mirai's heartbeat stop abruptly and supposedly numb the pain. 

A prolonged kiss on her cheek. Standing in the twilight, both damaged hearts sought solace in the mutual presence. Albeit the uncertainty of what beholds in the future, it was that little comfort that kept them going. In the nurturing arms of the man she loved, the injustice turned more bearable and the conflict of her hard life becomes forgotten. 

That moment was too short to enjoy. Before she knows it, he had pulled away, thought the interlocking gaze did not end. He looked at her, almost like there's alot to say, alot to convey. She thought nervously to herself, "It felt like as though he was about to confess. Frankly, the actions he had been displaying, it can easily be mistaken. Was he falling for me because of the companionship i offered through this difficult times?"
 
She realised she pinned her hopes too high and how ridiculous it has been to think that way when he broke the silence, "i am sorry it turned out this way... I wanted to tell you personally... that...." There was hesitation in his tone but she learnt her lesson not to hallucinate. "that i am grateful for all you've done for me during this tough period. I think i have managed to resolve the issue"

"Really?! How?" she was truly relieved for him, at the same time, curious.

"I will let you know once I have fully cleared the debts." 

She returned an awkward smile in the midst of hiding that disappointment. He cupped her shoulder and said to her, "what happened just now shouldnt have happened. I dont want you to lose your family because of me. We arent the same. You have friends who care, you have a family who at least provide you a shelter, you have everything to lose. I have nothing to begin with and therefore nothing to lose. Mirai... Go back and apologise to those people. I am not gonna lie that they are not the best family one can wish for, but you dont wanna lose them. Trust me. It is better than not having any or one that gets you killed. I am the best example."

She couldnt keep her tears away as she heard how rational his words sounded. It was impossible to not to accept what he had said cause regardless how hurt she was from her family's cold treatment, they did not harm her or put her into a life and death situation. She has a roof above her head and three meals without fuss. Ryosuke, on the other hand, earns and lives for himself, alone. Her situation was not pitiful at all. Ashamed of her revealing weakness and burdensome feelings, she tried to hide from his gaze. It seemed he read her all. He pulled her into his arms and gave her a light squeeze while rubbing her back with his bare hands, comforting her like a loving partner.

This time when he pulled away, he was gazing at her, seriously; his tone was stern as he said, "go on back in. I'll wait for you outside until i see that you settled down in bed and switched off your roomlight."

"Ryosuke~" i said with sorrows. Parting was unbearable, for some reason, it was the uncertainty that made parting harder.

He was not about to give in to her plea. He hardened his heart and said assertively, "if you are not going to do so, then i'll go in with you. I'll apologise to them on your behalf. They can shout at me, ridicule me, or even beat the hell out of me,  i will summit to fate. It is my fault anyway... Come lets go!" Ryosuke pulled her towards her house. There was no choice but to shake his hands off, push him away as she took his first suggestion. The second was too inhumane. She could not possibly put him through her family's torment. She wiped away her tears and turned away from him and towards her nest. Ryosuke clenched his fist as he watched her walk further away from him and finally disappeared behind the door of her house. He waited, waited and waited, hoping that her parents will spare her agony and let the conflict and past. He was prepared to stomp in if he hears a commotion, but fortunately, he saw the light dimmed after 10 minutes. His fist loosened. He murmured softly to himself, "sorry, Mirai. I hope you'll understand..."

****

Hiro buried himself in work, pulled an all nighter and up till dawn, he did not get a wink of sleep. Yet he did not feel tired. He thought this was signs of a workaholic in making and he could entirely see himself as one. Juggling between modelling and acting has been fun, challenging, but at the same time, it could really get someone lost in the midst of the limelight and stardom. Sometimes, he could understand why Ryosuke would refrain this industry though he definitely is a natural when it comes to this industry.

Hiro paced down the quiet walkway of the modelling firm as he finished another photoshoot and has finally allowed himself to take a break. He was not about to eavesdrop but a certain conversation drew him into it immediately. He stood outside the conference room, listening closely to every word spoken. He knew these voices too well. 

"What business does our CEO has with Mizuo and Ryosuke?" He was in disbelief as the conversation got deeper. His heart dropped as he gradually comprehended what it was all about. He heard of the cause but it was the solution that he could not accept. He became immensely flustered when that certain someone helplessly propped up his mind. "If she finds out of this, she will be heartbroken..." He didn't know what else to do but he had that urgent urge to meet her, if not he will never be at ease. Even though he could not simmer down the anger for her, he could not also ignore her and let her get hurt. If it had not been obvious enough, it now is, that he has fallen deeply for her. Unfortunately, he also knew by now that it is a love that will have no reciprocal. Her heart has shut out everyone else and she too has hold on to the one person whom will make her love unfortunate, he thought. Bias or not, he could not shake off that uneasiness, and his uneasiness has proven right at this very moment he heard the shocking discussion. He wanted to get out of that spot immediately, but he was too late and had to face the awkward encounter.

"Niichan? I didnt know you are in today" mizuo said first. He turned to them with my usual self, trying my best not to give away my nervousness. He noticed Ryosuke looking different, not in appearance wise, but he appeared exhausted like he had not slept well, and his expression was heavy. He was distracted and in a daze.

"What's happening? I heard..." He decided to ask them directly. It is pointless to beat around the bush and make wild guess than to clear his doubts.

Mizuo interrupted as if she knew exactly what her brother was about to ask. She wore a radiant smile, in stark contrast with Ryosuke, and said, "the company signed on with Ryosuke and now he is officially one of us. And he will be joining our branch in United States as its first model starting next week"

"The change in decision, was because of the debts?" He asked Ryosuke who had remained silent even though the questions were about him. Consistently, he didn't answer. It however, struck Hiro that it probably wasnt simply an ignorance from his part, but his expression tells him that Ryosuke just have not come to accept his decision. 

"When will you be leaving?"

"He will depart for US the day after tomorrow" Mizuo replied fast.

Hiro felt perplexed for sure how this feels so rushed, "Why is it so urgent?" 

"Because the company needed to produce a..." Mizuo explained but was interrupted by Ryosuke, "there's no need to delay. I can leave anytime."

Hiro was still in doubts and was curious if he had even addressed his assets here, "You have settled the stuff here?"

"There's not much to settle. I have notified my rent lady and will return her my house keys when I leave. Everything else is settled," he answered with a poker face, completely without emotions.

"Have you told the rest?" 

"Not yet. I will personally tell them after today once I have settled the contract formal."

"Are you gonna tell her too?" Hiro hinted. Ryosuke looked up at him, indicating that he understood exactly what he meant. However it still took him a while before he gave a subtle nod, so subtle it almost felt like he ignored his question. He brushed past Hiro, leaving the lingering awkwardness in the air until Mizuo walked right after and proposed, "lets have lunch together, since we are all here" she clinged onto her brother arm with one hand and her ex-lover's with another. Hiro cant help but think that mizuo was trying to reconcile with Ryosuke and their time alone for 2 years in a foreign land would be the best catalyst the reconciliation. 

Hiro never knew the unsettling feeling until he finally become faced with it. That fear was real when he saw the one girl he did not wish was here at this time, moment and place. He could see the same surprise look on Ryosuke's face. Yet that surprise was absent from Mizuo and that was the instance he began to doubt this coincidence. He didnt wait for anyone to speak, he took the first leap towards Mirai and grabbed her hand, hoping to get her out of the impending cruelty.

"Come with me" he said sternly with no intention to budge. She was already weak by then, so she would naturally follow, but unfortunately there was an opposing force holding her back "Mirai... Since you're here, it saves the trouble for Ryosuke to make another trip to tell you the good news" 

Hiro took another glance at Ryosuke, and all he could gather from his expression was complexity. There was clearly a mix of frustration (at who, is indiscernible), sadness (for who, is indiscernible too), helplessness and despair. Mirai's expression was terrible. She was pale, frail and possibly holding on her tears in nervousness as though she already knew what this was about. The silence was filled by the consolidated thumping of hearts, it was deafening. 

"Ryosuke?..." Mizuo looked to him and seeing his hesitation, she took the initiative, "... Anyway, what Ryosuke wants to say is that he has signed on and would be flying off to United States the day after tomorrow..."

It is written all over her face that her heart has been painfully stabbed. It was however not the overwhelming sadness that indicated so, it was the holding back. Hiro saw her gulped down her emotions and asked softly, "the contract award helped to settle the debt?"

She was genuinely worried for him even up to this point, anyone could tell. It makes it hard to watch on. Hiro wanted to carry her away if he could, to bring her to escape this agonising scene and the self-inflicted damage she is incurring to herself. Yet she appeared strong.

When Ryosuke nodded, she continued to ask, "the two of you are going together?" Her question came unexpectedly direct, like she has decided to go all out to verify her guesses. Hiro couldn't comprehend her anymore. What was she feeling when she asked this, what was she expecting the answer to be? Was she pretending that none of this mattered that's why she could ask so casually? Hiro stole a glance at Ryosuke, to see if he felt the same way as him. It was slightly pleasing to see Ryosuke projecting a subtly troubled look that hinted his urge to leave this confrontation. As usual, Mizuo rushed to answer, leaving Ryosuke unable to control the situation.

"Yes, i am going with him. We will both be working together over at US. I'll take good care of him as we always watch out for each other. Well, it shouldn't be a cause of your worry anyway, right." She tightened her arms around his, overtly claiming her deserving possession. Her underlying message brutally reminded her of her non-relationship with Ryosuke. Hiro knew that she has died by the time she returned a weak, "right." She lowered her head and said as though her concern was shameful, "i think i will not interrupt you guys. I shall go off first." 

"Mirai~" hiro said under his breathe as she walked off, initially in a normal speed, then she sped up and eventually running. However, it was not only himself who uttered her name, he heard Ryosuke's too. Nevertheless, he was the only one who ran after. He cared no more for the insensitive brat in his eyes, and go after what his heart wants. He loves her, and he will not allow her to cry alone. He will not allow her to be suffering alone, even if her heart is not with him.

It didnt take him very long to catch up with her. In fact, his long legs compared to hers, help him alot. He pulled her, regretfully in a more forceful way, that she almost collided into his arms. She appeared in shock.

"mirai, are you okay?" He asked her with eyes looking right into her eyes. Albeit with such intimidating glance, she lied, "why would i not be okay? I am perfectly fine."

"About Ryosuke's plans?" He cornered her with his persistent questions.

"I am happy for him, arent you? We should be. He should have been in this industry, even though he said he hates to use his face; he is working in the world that hebis made for. Then he managed to live abroad and settle the debts so easily. It deserves a celebration cause he averted the crisis and seized the opportunity." She said, agitatedly. Hiro knew what she said was all ironic, and it was an expression of her frustration for his decision which she accepted that she had no rights in. He expected her to breakdown, and she did. 

"He doesn't even wanna do it! He has to force himself to do what he didnt want to! He has save the mother who did not even want to acknowledge him. Why is everything going against him?!" She muffled her words with her bellowed gaze, but Hiro could clearly hear it. He did not symapthise her, instead it was a feeling of anger that exploded before her.

"Up till this point, all you think of is him?! He doesn't deserve your tears nor your concern! You are the one getting hurt!" He unknowingly raised his voice at her.

She defended, "no! Who am i to get hurt?! I am just worried for him!"

"As what, a friend?! Or his girlfriend?! He obviously take you for granted while you give him all the sincerity!"

"Dont say anymore! He is my friend, so i just wanted to make sure he is okay" She cupped her ears but there is no way she could block out the voices. So he continued, "lie! If he is just your friend, you wont be crying like this! Stop lying to yourself. You like him, if that so difficult to admit?!!" unknowingly he felt warm tears trickling down his eyes. 

She fell on her two knees and cried with her hands buried within her palms covering her face. He cleared his throat and settled his own agitated emotions and squat down to her level. "He only breaks your heart. I dont understand why you would fall for him and put yourself through this unnecessary pain."

Mirai continued crying as she heard what he said. "Mirai..." He took both her wrists and pulled them away, then waited until she was willing to look him in the eyes. Even though the tears has clouded her view, his kindness, his concern for her, his sensitivity was clearly conveyed. He never released her hands. He said with a soft, mellow voice that articulate his heartfelt words, "i love you Mirai..."

"Hiro..." She was taken aback although Chinen has already hinted to her. Having hear it from him, cleared many of the previous unexplained doubts from his reaction to things. He interrupted her, "i don't expect you to love me back, or accept my love. In fact, i know that i can never overtake Ryosuke's position in your heart. But im not going to deny my feelings for you."

"B-but why me?"

"There's all reasons and if i really have to pinpoint for you, then it's your beautiful character... I will not comment on Ryosuke, but my point is, if you like him, then dont run away from it. You make your own destiny, so if you're just gonna accept the way things are now, then you will not stand a chance. There's no point crying alone, or venting your anger to yourself, no one takes pity. Fight for your own love, Mirai. Even if it fails, you tried."

"How? I..."

"If you keep thinking that you wont stand a chance even if you try, then you will fail... Tell yourself that you can. Go to him and tell him how you really feel about his decision to leave this country for another. Tell him what you think about his new job."

"What if he doesnt care about what I think?"

"Then accept it. That's the outcome. If you hadnt tried it, this outcome would have simply came earlier. You have got nothing to lose, Mirai. Dont leave in regrets."

".... Hiro... Sorry," she apologised and that apology came as frank as it can be, signalling to him that it is undoubtedly an end to his unreciprocated love. His heart cringed in pain, yet he hid it so she couldn't tell.

"I understand... But, Mirai... Can i ask you one question?"

She wiped the fragments of tears and listened attentively as soon as she sensed that heaviness in his tone.

"If Ryosuke is not in the picture, would i stand a chance?"

She gave it a long thought, and he didnt mind it at all, because it shows that she bothered about his feelings, his presence did matter to her such that she did not want to hurt that delicate relationship. He was pleased even though at the end, she gave a no answer.

He smiled graciously and said, "at least it's not a straight no." He then picked up his phone and made an unexpected call, that left her both fearful and surprised. 

"Mizuo, where are you now?"

She watched his expression closely but couldn't decipher what transcended in the conversation. All he replied later was, "stay there. I'll meet you." When he hung up the call, mirai was more confused than ever. The revelation in itself was however, immensely heartwarming.

"He should be alone at his house now. Mizuo wont be able to interrupt him now, so ask all you need. He hasn't technically said anything to you, most of what conveyed was through Mizuo's crude mouth. Give yourself one more chance, give him a chance too..."

"You really think...." She still hesitated. However, he pushed her by her shoulders from behind and urged her, "i think you should go right now. Gambatte!" He watched her as she journeyed away from his sight. He reminded her not to turn back, not for superstitious sake, but because he didnt want her to see his forlorn expression, bearing the heavy load of regrets for sending his crush to where her heart resides. By doing so, he has sent his own into the grave, buried and unable to recover. He felt himself suffocate from the tightening heartstrings that he would not be surprised it will snap. He cupped his mouth and cried silently, away from public eyes, pounding upon his chest as he loses the first girl he likes, despite being in many relationships. He never knew how true love pains, until now when he experienced one. 

*****

Ryosuke sat on the elevated grass patch overlooking the narrow stretch of shallow lake, with his leg stretched out and his arms behind his head. He stared at the night sky, as he reconsolidated his messy thoughts. His high EQ should have allowed him to keep his calm and composition, however this time, it seemed he was losing control of himself. He couldnt even fully understand himself anymore. Mirai's disappointed and hurt expression back there, has flashed through his mind like a broken tape recorded, and everytime it did, he felt like he could literally tear his heart apart. He has never felt this troubled, in fact he has never felt that way for any girl. He couldnt discern the meaning behind what he was feeling initially, but now he is determined to figure it out. For hours, he just laid there and think, reminiscing those few interactions of bittersweetness they had. It wasnt just the memories of that forbidden night in the library, it was also those short walks and seemingly the casual conversations where they shared the deepest of selves. The time he walked her home from the flasher, the time he flared up at her over Hiro which until now, he couldnt comprehend his absurd behaviour. He was not usually so hot-tempered, seldom losing his cool over others' business, yet it happened around her. Those tears she shed from the watery eyes, remained most vivid in his memories, alongside the smile, that is definitely not the prettiest, but undoubtedly the most innocent and carefree. He frowned with the heaviest heart taking a toll on him, making him almost instantly exhausted. Especially after the unhappy interaction with Mizuo.

....

Ryosuke saw Mirai running to a distant, and instinctively wanted to go after her. Mizuo grabbed his arm, just like the last time at the drama club, and said, "it's better for her to accept how things are. Best chance to entangle yourself from the irritant "

Ryosuke saw a hidden smirk on her face. Immediately, he shoved her grip away in disgust. He raised his voice, "why is she here?!" He shouted in his fiercest tone, scaring her literally.

"I... I d-dont know?"

He laughed in a sarcastic way then responded crudely, "dont know?! You are surely the only one who knows~ stop lying Mizuo. You called her here, you are the only other person who knows i am coming here and signing the contract. What exactly are you trying to proof to her?!!!"

"THAT SHE DOES NOT STAND A CHANCE!" She went hysteric. She threw tantrums, she shouted aloud. 

"You're ridiculous! If you find joy in bullying her, then you really make me sick." He walked away, though she persisted.

"Yamada Ryosuke! You like her, dont you! She is the reason you broke up with me. I've said it once, i'll say it again! If not, you wont be so concerned, you will definitely flare up at me!" She attempted to grab him back, but he turned back with a affirmed glare that strikes her so bad that she had goosebumps.

"I remind you one last time, just in case you have amnesia or something. We have broken up, and so what i do, who i like, who i wanna be with is none of your business. You are no more than a colleague who's going on a extended overseas assignment with me. Stop trying to meddle in my affairs. I am grateful for your help in this, but that's about all. I am not planning to make it up to you by rekindling our love. You know me well - I absolutely do not return to the same girl twice. I am not gonna pursue what you did today, but if you ever try to hurt any of the people around me, i am not gonna be forgiving to you."

"Ryosuke!!!" She desperately called out to him, but he stomped off without turning back to her. He was furious beyond words, and once the rage subsided, it was the apologetic feelings that overwhelmed him.

.....

There's probably no way to make it up to her. Furthermore, the story Mizuo said, was almost 95 percent accurate, although it was poorly presented. Would it be better for her if he left things the way it is now. At least he cant hurt her again if he did not meet her to explain. He didnt know how long he has been in a daze until he got a shock from Chinen who is still completely clueless about his friend's plans. 

"Oi. What are you day dreaming about?" He pressed on Ryosuke's shoulders then took a spot beside him on the grass patch. "It's been such long time since we met up here."

"Exactly. This area hasnt changed much. It's really reminiscing ne. I still remembered we always come here after a football game, and we will lie down here with our legs and arms spread out so that we can dry ourselves" Ryosuke did as he said, Chinen followed suit. They stare into the sky with feeling sentimental, especially Ryosuke. Chinen tilted his head to Ryosuke and asked, "why are you so sentimental today?"

"Im good at it right?" He boasted, leaving Chinen in laughters. "Well, if you want to, you can easily be that sentimental prince"

"It'll be hard to maintain that image though. I think your sunshine prince character is the source of my jealousy though. You are the natural."

"You are weird today, Ryosuke. What's with the kind and flattering words."

"What do you mean. I am always kind okay" Ryosuke laughed. 

"It's good that you ask me out today. Or i probably will go insane." Chinen's words led him to notice something different about Chinen. He appeared just as down as he is suppressing.

"Whats the matter this time? Ah, Chinen Yuri, you are always looking for me only when you need someone to talk to. Our friendship has turned out that way... So disappointing" he teased. Chinen obviously fumbled, trying to explain the statement that made him appear rather selfish.

"I'm just kidding. So what's up?" He asked. He felt it amusing what initially set out to be a one sided conversation of him revealing his sudden plans to Chinen, becomes a consultation session for Chinen instead. "Ah, it must be girl problem?"

"I brought her to Tokyo University to take alook. It all seemed fine until i bumped into our childhood friend ohgo suzuka. You remember her?"

"Ah... Her. She's quite a fashionista many years ago. How is she now?"

"Pretty and as cheerful as before. It will be interesting for the three of us to meet up and have fun like before." Chinen said excitedly.

"Yes, definitely fun... So what happened?" Ryosuke was less bothered about the childhood friend who he did not have fond memories of. 

"She is angry just cause i never introduced to her. She's so childish!" The excitement turned frustration, Chinen continued venting when he didnt hear any response from Ryosuke. 

"Ryosuke~ are you listening?" He finally stopped venting to seek his friend's attention. 

"...you really don't know girls. You are good at everything, but when it comes to girls, you are really screwed"

"I get it. Just tell me whats wrong and how i can fix it"

"... I'm not gonna tell you."

"HEH?!! Yamada Ryosuke! Stop playing with me already," Chinen sat up and grumbled. 

"I am not here to tell you everytime something happens to your relationship. It's between you and her, so fix it yourself. I'll give you one warning though, if you continue to be insensitive about her feelings, then you will lose her."

"Where are you going? That's all you have to advise me? " Chinen asked as Ryosuke stood up and brushed away any grasses that may have stick on. 

"Hai. Tell you what, tomorrow we meet at her home at 3pm. I'll give you two a present, that is gonna help your situation a bit."

"Huh?"

"Send me her address and her phone number. I'll drop her a message" he said while walking away, waving. He smirked as he heard Chinen whining from behind. Shortly he received the message, and he muttered to himself, "brace yourself Chinen."

He returned home and went on to take a warm bath. As he let the water run down from the shower to his hair and his body, he hoped that it could take away his troubles. He brushed his wet hair to the back then shut his eyes to rest. It was only for a while that his short relaxation got interrupted. He was irritated. He donned his loose clothes then covered his towel over his moist hair. As he wiped his hair, he went to attend to the doorbell that rang only once. He found it strange that one ring so he was slightly doubtful of who it would be. Mizuo? He thought as he pressed on the nape of his neck and grumbled at the untimely disturbance. when he did open, he was taken aback so badly that he could not bring back his senses immediately.

****
Mirai POV

He froze. His bath towel hung around his neck, hair moist from the bath he obviously just came out from. His fresh face and image gave him a boy-next-door look, and the scent from his bath permeate the surrounding air, almost like he dunk himself into scented perfume. The white v-shaped tee and his loose Bermudas were casual but goes well with him too. I instantly forgot how cold and exhausted i was.

"Mirai? How long have you been outside? You are shivering," he asked me in a concerned tone, much different from his ignorance earlier in the day. I tried to speak, but for some reason i could not. No voice came out. 

"Come in first..." He stepped aside and ushered me in. Did he noticed my embarrassing retardation? He must have. The instance i stepped in, my heart sank. I was welcomed by an empty, hollow apartment. 

"You are done packing?" I asked the obvious. 

"Very much. I don't have much things to begin with. Fortunately, I'm a minimalist" he said casually while preparing a cup of hot chocolate from the kitchen. It's aroma is strong enough to be smell even when i was sitting in the living room. However, the scent wasn't much help for distracting me from the fact that everything about him leaving is real. There's no way he would change his mind for me, definitely not me.

"Here. It'll warm you up." He handed me the drink and I sipped on it slowly. The hot drink ran down my throat and it gradually warm up my freezing body and seemingly calmed my tense nerves too. I was engrossed in my drink as an excuse to kill the awkwardness and my loss of words, and that was how long he sat beside me, looking at me. When I refocused, our eyes met. I felt a static current penetrate me in that instance I found his perplexed glance. "About today. I'm sorry I didn't manage to tell you properly. I said I will tell you when everything is more or less settled, but it didnt expect it to be revealed it to you in this way."

He gave me an opportunity to broach the topic. Just when he was lowered his head, i mustered my courage with a deep breathe and asked, "are you happy the way things are?"

He carefully deliberated then answered. He laughed, "kamisama must be laughing at me right now. Cause I rejected the easy route it presented, and now he offered me the last chance to rethink my options. Come to think of it, it is an easy job for me and it allowed me to settle such an enormous debt. It kills many birds with one stone. So I should be happy" he was smiling so brightly that his eyes couldn't be seen except two lines of lashes. I was certain it isn't forced. I am disappointed beyond speech. It is as what I thought, any last struggle is futile. My words are frivolous and unnecessary cause reality is set.

Suddenly, he sat closer, then his arms guided me to face him. His fingers traced my swollen eyes. I would have guessed that he saw through my feelings and realised i had cried. "Then, I'll ask, do you think i should take up this offer?"

This question I most feared. How should i answer. Should i succumb to my selfish desires and project my own selfish wish? "If you're happy, then you should take up the offer..." I lied.

He cupped my face sternly and asked, "i am asking what you think. The keyword here is you, shida mirai"

"It doesn't matter how I think right?" I didn't mean to argue but I couldn't understand the rationale for asking my opinions when it didnt matter.

"That's up to me to decide whether it matters. Right now, i want to hear what you really think? I haven't asked anyone about it, so I appreciate if you give me your opinions on this?"

"... I thought you weren't gonna be happy about it. Cause you wanna earn with your own two hands, and not merely your appearance right? That was what you said. .." I was losing track of what i want to convey. Almost like my words are so self-contradictory, partly because i dont know what i hope to achieve at the end. He looked at me patiently, waiting for my elaboration, but I really dont know what he was hoping to hear. "But it is really quite a crisis-turned-opportunity isn't it. Like you rightly put it, you get to clear the enormous  debts for your mother, which i doubt if it was others our age, the debts will be impossible to be repaid. You get to work overseas which most dream off but will never get that opportunity, and you get to excel in the talent that only a minority has. You are really the person most will aspire to be. So i think, you should take up that offer and not let it slip past again." He stared at me for a long time, and i wonder what it meant. His eyes was deep with emotions i couldnt decipher or perhaps i simply did not understand him well enough. That was the root of Chinen's concern isnt it, that i did not understand him well to put my stakes all into this unreciprocated love. As true as Chinen's claims are, Ryosuke has never had any long relationships. He has also confidently portrayed himself as someone who will never be serious in love, perhaps because of the hurt his broken family has caused unto him. to him, love is hopeless. I can never be that one person strong enough to relight that faith in love and enlightened him on this beautiful gift kamisama has given humans. I should let go, and the circumstances is telling me so too.

"If that's how you think, then I appreciate your advice. It is in sync with mine, and that's great..." He said, but I couldn't feel that relief or glad-ness in his tone, even though his words sounded so. But whatever the complex tone was, it turned more stern afterwards, "it's already so late.i insist you stay over at my house tonight or it'll be too dangerous to go home now" I was immediately reminded of the night we spent together, and I thought of it happening a second time, this round in circles the comfort of his bedroom.

"Heh?!!" I said while he has already leaped from his seat and stood with his back facing. It seemed as though he could get wait to get out of my sight.

"I have arranged to meet my friends before I leave this country. I won't be home so don't worry" 

i wasn't frightened to spend the night with him, but it would seem that my overreaction has given him that false impression which is slightly insulting for him. That explains his angst. He walked to his room and closed the door. I was alone to reconcile my thoughts. Silence. My heart however was thumping hard. The quietness has hastened my breathing and also my reflection. It struck me why i was here if i have earlier forgotten.

I stood outside the door to his room, nervously, entwining my fingers with my skirt, the same feeling i remembered when we became one that night. When the door swung open, he was already in a denim top and black jeans. His dark brown hair nicely brushed with his bangs falling nicely sideways above his brows. 

"Something wrong?" He asked. I must have been staring a little too long. Time around him always seemed to be warped that it becomes hard to distinguish reality from my usual daydream. 

With my trembling hands, I reveal the one thing i have hoped to give him, the one thing i hope could accompany him for the trip, or perhaps selfishly hope that he would remember me for a long time when he is away. I want it to keep him cozy when he is cold, make him feel less lonely. I have taken his that night he kept me warm at the park with his scarf, I want to do likewise. My foolish ideas of my own importance but i was at least his confidant.

"Here, have this" he looked at me blankly as he received it. I hope he remembered the one I took, but it is okay if he doesnt. He only need to remember this moment. I will safekeep his. It's a fair exchange, it is at least something from him I can keep with me while he is not around. 

"Farewell gift" i bring myself to say it. He opened it up and wrapped it around his neck, "you knitted this yourself? It's so soft and cuddly," he removed the woollen scarf right after and continued to analyse it while waiting for my answer.

"Yes. Do you like it? United States has 4 seasons too. It'll keep you warm" i lowered my gazes, afraid he didnt like it. 

"I like it so much. maroon is a nice colour and it'll definitely keep me warm. Thanks so much, but..."

My heart stopped when i heard the 'but'. Did he read my ulterior motive of tying him back? He couldn't have, i concealed it well and deep.

"You cant have prepared this today right since you only know of the plans today? When did you do this?" He asked out of curiosity. That was relieving.

"I prepared it for your birthday. B-but i didnt give it out." 

He chuckled, "you really do love me, ne."

"Heh?!" I was taken aback by his frank confrontation of my feelings. It was in my interpretation, a clear acknowledgement of my feelings for him. First time, and i was already going insane with my exploding heart. 

"Really glad to receive it, from my biggest fan... I'll bring it along with me right now, and i will bring it along wherever i go, ne. Thank you." He brushed past me after a refreshing smile. I was frozen. That whiz of perfume from him wasn't the reason, it was the urge to do something else. I was fighting that urge, resisting the thoughts so badly. When i hear the key clanging, that urge burnt terribly. It was like i was suddenly possessed, that i leaped forward, ran towards him. I threw myself on his back, my arms wrapped around him, unwilling to let go. The citrusy scent penetrate my nose like an addictive drug that makes me crave for more. I tightened my grip around him, and soon my tears have drenched his shoulders where i have nested my head against. He didnt move an inch, he allowed me to cry my heart out. It seemed as though he knew what my answer really was, and because he couldn't undo his plans, he preferred not to fluff out lies. I appreciate that he stayed stationary, so still, i could hear his heartbeat. It's that same rhythmic thump, the same temperature, numbing the pain in my heart. Was i dreaming, was I overthinking, i felt him whimper, i hear him sniffing. He cant be hurting. Impossible. Nevertheless, i hope time could stop, the world stop spinning, cause in this time and space, we are good.

Unfortunately, time runs, youth depletes, life shortens, the best memories will eventually end and become history. I was all alone in the comfort of only his lingering scents and the 4 bare walls. Feelings run wild, fear multiples. That's reality.

****

On the other side, a storm was brewing. The siblings fought relentlessly to defend their own points. Hiro grabbed his sister by her arm, refusing to let her go, "dont you leave! I am not done with you. You deliberately call her there to tell her all those nasty stuff."

"Those nasty stuff are fact! Why are you just like Ryosuke? Can't you understand that I'm doing everyone a favour by explaining the situation since it appears so difficult for any of you to say. Who is she to warrant such concern from the two of you.!"

"You call that a favour?! You ruined her."

"Niichan! Why don't you ever think in my shoes. I'm your sister and you don't even try to look after me. Do you realise I really love Ryosuke?! There are many people saying things behind my back, saying I'm a for snatching him away, ostracising me, laughing at me and ridiculing me when i lost him. I dont mind that all, cause I really love him. Others can misunderstand me, but you're my brother, i expect you to understand me, or at least make an effort to. Since from the beginning, you dislike him and so you gave him a bad attitude."

"I am trying to understand you," he softened his tone, trying to pull her back to him, and if he can, cradle her sobbing sister in his arms. He regretted for raising his voice. He regretted for venting his own frustration on her. However, it felt like all is too late.

"No you did not!" She shook his hands away. "You like Mirai, so you want to protect her. I'm not stopping you, but you dont stop me from protecting Ryosuke too!"

"Protect him?"

"Mirai is not suited for him. Her family will despise him especially after the truth about his family background was revealed. I saw with my own eyes how they just insulted him in public, right outside their house. Ryosuke already don't have a family to call his own, i dont allow her family to humiliate him and further make him more unfortunate."

Hiro was stunned by the unexpectedly rationale side of his sister's argument. Albeit she might have done it the wrong way, it seemed her intentions was as innocent as protecting her own love. He has not only misunderstood her, he has let her down once again. A complexity of feelings hit him. His sister, the one he owed so much to, and his crush, the one who he never got into her heart. He sighed as he failed both. He failed to protect them.

"Gomenasai Mizuo.... Gomenasai Mirai..."

*** 

Sorry for the late update.I hope you enjoy this chapter. It's a pretty angsty one. I hope to hear from you^^ If you have not watched the Yamashi FMV of this fanfic, do click here too:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inPBGPedaxQ