I remember standing there, in the living room. I didn’t sit down like they asked me because I wanted to go to sleep as soon as possible. Sunggyu-hyung really must have been nervous, because usually when he asks us to do something, we’d better do it. But he didn’t insist and just threw another quick glance at Dongwoo-hyung. A few seconds of silence fluttered in the room where the seven of us were gathered – and silence was an unusual thing, really.

Then Dongwoo-hyung took our leader’s hand and the latter explained to us in a calm voice that still had lost all traces of the usual authority he was now used to talk to us with that they were going out, that they had been going out for a while. I didn’t listen to everything he said. I think none of us did, given the shocked faces of the others. For my part, my brain just started to lose track of the words Sunggyu-hyung was speaking and to analyze everything. I looked at their linked hands, the way our leader was gripping his boyfriend’s hand just a little too hard and the way Dongwoo-hyung still kept drawing reassuring circles with his thumb on the pale skin. Even Dongwoo-hyung’s usual smile wasn’t as bright as usual, ready to falter any second.

Looking back, I think I wasn’t that shocked that they were gay or that they were going out – we are bound to notice some changes when we are living together. No, I was more surprised that they actually told us. I know that they will never tell their parents, they will never be able to hold each other’s hand in public or let anyone know about their relationship. In the society in which we live, our parent’s generation would never understand and I know both of them would never want to disappoint their parents to that extent. Plus, there were the fans… The fans could never know. They spent their times shipping us together, imagining hidden relationships between closed doors, but make that come true and their smiles would immediately disappear, along with their support.

Sunggyu-hyung almost never cries in front of us. Or in front of anyone, really. I can count on my fingers the times I saw him cry, over all these years. But that day, faced with our silent astonishment, he broke down crying. I could understand why. Their love lived in a world where nobody could notice it, where no one would accept it. It was bound to be hidden, imprisoned between thick walls of caution. And, in their search for just a bit of support, just a bit of understanding and comfort, they had turned to us.

Because we aren’t the fans. We don’t expect them to be perfect, we don’t idealize them. They have their flaws that we know probably way too well, but we’re still there for them.

Because we aren’t their parents. We don’t have a plan for them, high expectations and underlying disappointment ready to come out at every opportunity. We’re all in the same boat anyway and, even when one of us makes a mistake, we keep sailing towards the same goal, all together.

Because we are the closest people we have to each other. Because we live together, we eat together, we work together. We smile and cry together. We love each other.

Because we are Infinite.

I don’t really remember when or how it happened, but I remember ending up crushed in a huge collective hug, full of a weird mix of giggles and sobs. I know I was the first to cross the distance between the couple and the spot where I was awkwardly standing. Maybe because I was the only one who didn’t sit down, maybe because the courage it must’ve taken for those two men I already admired so much to say those things shook something in me and brought up to the surface things I had vainly tried to bury.

I think I’d never seen Dongwoo-hyung’s smile so bright and Sunggyu-hyung’s eyes so puffy and red before that day.

It has been a few days now and I have been more silent than usual. I know the others have noticed, because Sunggyu-hyung came to me earlier today to ask me what was bothering me. I know he was scared that, in the end, I wasn’t okay with their relationship.

“Myung.”

I jump a little, torn away from my thoughts and turn to the door. Of course, it was Sungyeol. And given his face, he has something to ask me.

“Are you alright? You’ve been… kind of weird for a couple of days.”

I’m not really sure what to say. I haven’t decided what to do yet. But Sunggyu-hyung told me I was thinking too much, so I should probably listen to him. Hesitantly, I take a few steps towards my friend and hug him, hiding my face that I know is bright red in the crook of his neck. He seems taken aback. Of course, he is. I’ve been pushing him away every time he hugs me for a few months now. I never really understood why, but Sunggyu-hyung told me it was probably because I wasn’t accepting my feelings. He’s right, he’s always right.

I feel Sungyeol’s sigh more than I hear it, along with his hand tangling in my hair. Then a whisper. “I’ve missed you, Myung.”

Then I pull back a little and I feel in the little bit of pressure in my friend’s hands that he doesn’t want to let go, that he’s afraid I’ll change my mind and push him away again. But I pull back just enough to reach up and place my lips against his. When I look at him, his beautiful brown eyes are even wider than usual. I smile at the view and drop another peck on his lips before leaving him frozen in my room, as I make my way to Sunggyu-hyung’s one. I’ve got a story to tell.

And even though I’m far from been free and from being able to do all the things I’d like to do, I feel lighter than I’ve been in so long. I don’t care anymore about people’s opinions, judgments and expectations. I know people who will accept me no matter what.

Because we are Infinite.

~ Piou0102 ~

This story came to me yesterday, as I was uselessly trying to fall asleep. :p I hope you liked it, leave me a comment if you did! :)

Oh and sorry for posting less, but I'm really busy these days,. I'm looking for an internship and starting my master's thesis so, yeah... ^^"