Out of all the oneshots I've written so far, this one is my favorite one. Enjoy! :)

Sunggyu knew exactly when it started; he could remember every single detail of that day. They were in a club, getting drunk on the excitation of another win and the relief of finished promotions. They were tired and proud and the burning taste of soju down their throats was helping neither of the two. But, that night, they had all the rights to be proud and they had borne with the tiredness for long, exhausting weeks, so it could wait just a little bit more. That was probably why the manager let them order drink after drink and didn't stop them; because he knew too well everything they had to put up with to get where they were now. Even Sunggyu danced that night. He was obviously not much of a dancer, but he still did, wrapped up in the intoxicating music and loud energy of the club. He danced too close to some people, yet too far to raise any doubts or cause any scandal. Because he was Kim Sunggyu, leader of Infinite, and if there was someone out of the seven of them who had to stay at least a tiny bit conscious and keep everyone else grounded, that was him. So, his gaze scanning the crowded room and finding the faces of his friends lost in the moment, a feeling he knew too well made its way into his heart.

He wished he could let go. He wished he could do something stupid and irresponsible for once. He craved for that feeling of forbidden and irresponsible. But he was an adult and he had to do what people were expecting him to do — be the leader. So, instead of grabbing the waist of the y stranger next to him and pulling him way too close like he had been wanting to do for the last ten minutes, he looked at him once more before making his way through the sea of dancing bodies and went to the counter to order another drink. He gulped it down and, after a few seconds, frowned upon the realization that he had drunk too much or not enough — his head was buzzing annoyingly at the cheap music escaping the big speakers. He had drunk enough for the buzzing to be there, but not enough to drown it. That was the state he hated the most, but resisted the urge to take another shot. Instead, he went to the bathroom and splashed some cold water on his face.

When he came out of the smelly room, he was greeted by the sight of his best friend leaning his back against the wall of the small, dirty hallway.

"Woohyun-ah, what are you doing here? Are you feeling sick?" He was suddenly worried. Maybe he shouldn't have let his friends drink so much. He remembered the last time Woohyun had been sick because of the alcohol, and he shuddered at the memory of having to wash the kitchen floor after that.

But the other shot him his usual big smile and he knew he was alright. "No, I was looking for you, hyung. You look a little preoccupied since earlier so I thought you could use a friend."

The leader rolled his eyes in that exaggerated way that always made the younger laugh. "Of course, I'm preoccupied! You're all drinking so much I'm afraid I'll have to wash the dorm once again tonight!" They both laughed and Sunggyu ruffled in the younger's hair. "Don't worry, Woohyun-ah. Just go and have fun."

But instead of nodding and storming off like Sunggyu thought he would do, Woohyun just stared at him in silence. "You should really try to let go and have fun for once, hyung."

The elder shot him a small smile in which the younger could probably see the tiredness. "I'm the leader, Woohyun-ah. I can't just... let go."

Then Woohyun took a hold of his wrist and pulled him towards the end of the hallway, where he turned left in a quieter part. "It's not that you can't let go, it’s just that you refuse to. But we'll do something about that." Looking back, Sunggyu thought he should have probably run at that instant. But he didn't and then it was too late.

Because a second later, Woohyun was pushing him against the gaudy red wall, kissing his leader. The latter froze completely for a few seconds and, ignoring the burning feeling in his stomach, pushed him away harshly as soon as he remembered how to move. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!" He tried to sound mad, but he sounded more lost than anything else.

The younger didn't seem impressed by the outburst though. He smirked and got closer again, passing his arms around the taller man's waist so that he couldn't push him away, and whispered in his ear things Sunggyu couldn't bring himself to disagree with. "Come on, hyung. I know you want it. That feeling, the feeling of doing something you know you shouldn't. And I'm your band mate and your best friend and on the other side of this wall there is a crowd of people who would literally sell us for money if we give them the chance. This is what you want. Probably even more than that — it's what you need. So just stop thinking. Later, we can blame it on the alcohol, on the tiredness, on anything you want. But just for tonight, just let go."

So that was exactly what Sunggyu did. He let go, in between the cold, damp wall and Woohyun's hot kisses on his lips and maddening bites on his neck. He let go, his arms unconsciously reaching to lock in the younger's hair and his legs automatically circling the other's waist when he felt electric hands on his thighs. And it was all like the alcohol he had drunk – too much yet not enough.

The next day, they didn't talk about it.

And it became a constant chase, an addicting game. The only implicit rule that was clear was that they never talked about it afterwards. Life went on as usual, but with that coat of secrets covering the two of them, invisible to the others’ eyes. And Sunggyu loved it. He loved the feeling of letting go, of letting the other manipulate him, both mentally and physically. He loved it so much that one day, when no one was at the dorm and they were both tipsy on wine, he let Woohyun take him to his room and let the younger drown him in that feeling that was so wrong yet so intoxicating and vital. He let him bend him to the point he feared he might break.

And the next morning, when he woke up alone and in a cold bed, he really thought he was going to break. That was the time the feeling he loved so much started to transform into something bitter and dark. That was the time he realized Woohyun had started to get more distant, as if precisely drawing the line of their relationship that was anything but that. Because, to keep the balance they had acquired over the years, if he was so warm and close to his leader during those moments, then he had to keep a larger distance the rest of the time.

And Sunggyu knew that. He also knew that, even though what they had wasn't exactly purely physical, it existed only because Sunggyu needed to let go and Woohyun liked to , make him drop his leader's façade and assert his influence on him. Woohyun liked to control and Sunggyu liked to let him do it. But even when the bitterness started to seep in, he didn't stop it. The events of that night repeated a couple of weeks later and many more times after that. But, with every one of these nights, Sunggyu was more hurt when he woke up on his own and Woohyun was farther away.

It took Sunggyu several months to realize that he wasn't happy with the situation anymore. The younger didn't seem to have any problem maintaining that wrong, irresponsible relationship, but he did. Somehow, the excitement was still there, the tingling feeling of doing something against the rules every time Woohyun cornered him somewhere and he still loved to drown in the other's rough kisses and touches. However, the next morning, it all seemed vain, empty and lonely. They used to be best friends, yet they almost didn't talk anymore. He no longer had to reprimand the younger about being too greasy towards him or too clingy, hugging him all the time, because he had simply stopped all of that. And Sunggyu wasn't sure the intoxicating feeling of his kisses was worth losing someone he treasured so much.

He realized that one morning, in between the hot, dreamy night he had with Woohyun and the crude, harsh reality of the daylight. That morning, he grabbed a pen and a sheet of paper and, tears filling his small, tired eyes, he started to lay his feelings on the paper as if his sanity depended on it, because it most probably did.

A week later, the song was written, composed and recorded. So he went straight to Woohyun's room when he got back from the company, pushed him away when he tried to push him down on his bed and looked at him in the eye without saying a word as he dropped a flash drive on his desk and went out.

You wonder how much you can bend me before I break

While I am left wondering how much more I can take

You call me out, all hungry eyes and your hands busy

I look up, cold walls and warm, the way you look at me

I’m not supposed to be an addict

And you’re not supposed to be a drug

So why do we consume each other bit by bit?

I love it but want it gone

Danger and secrecy

Complete bliss and misery

I love it but want it gone

I’ll the poison out

Don’t say you regret it now

I love it but want it gone

You never let me breathe, push me out then pull me in

I can’t protest, you’re everywhere, I’m suffocating

You tuck me in, but you’re never here to wake me up

Ironic how I can no longer feel your warm hugs

I’m not supposed to be an addict

And you’re not supposed to be a drug

So why do you keep on breaking me bit by bit?

I love it but want it gone

Danger and secrecy

Complete bliss and misery

I love it but want it gone

I’ll the poison out

Don’t say you regret it now

I love it but want it gone

I love it but want it gone

Anger and jealousy

Loneliness and agony

I love it but want it gone

I’ll throw all of you out

Don’t say you regret it now

I love you but want you gone

You wonder how much you can bend me before I break

Blood is seeping through the wound

So won’t you just stop it now?

~ Piou0102 ~

So yeah, as I said before, this one is probably my favorite one so far. :) Somehow, I wrote the song before the story, because I had that angsty, sad feeling, and I'm really glad I managed to match the two...

I'm thinking of maybe making a sequel for this one? But I don't know, tell me if you'd like one. ^^

As always, I really hope you liked it and leave me a prompt if you have any idea! :)