ONE:

LET ME CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP

Hanbin isn’t stupid, he knows there’s something wrong with him and he just can’t pinpoint what it is. At first he doesn’t really notice it, the way his mood changes in a speed of light, how he enjoys the food he doesn’t usually eat, and how he’s gaining weight. Even the members noticed it before he can but during those times Hanbin would just shrug it off, saying that he’s fine and there’s nothing to worry about.

He doesn’t notice it at all, really, but not until he experienced vomiting every morning-- sometimes in the afternoon-- for a week straight that Hanbin decided to call his mother just to make sure nothing’s wrong with him and that he’s not dying. He would’ve gone to the hospital himself but this time, it felt like he needed his mother’s assurance that everything’s going to be okay.

So on a Saturday morning, he’s in a clinic with his mother waiting for his name to be called. Hanbin’s mother decided to leave Hanbyul in the care of his Aunt who lives nearby because Hanbyul might get sick if she ever comes to the clinic.

Since Hanbin is an idol, although not officially, his mother decided they should go to their family doctor instead to be safe and to prevent any future problem. Hanbin walked inside the clinic with a nervous gaze, there weren’t a lot of patients waiting for their doctors but it didn’t make him any less nervous. He sat on one of the seats in the waiting area while his mother went to confirm their appointment at the reception area. Hanbin couldn’t help the jitters as he tap his foot on the floor impatiently. He never liked visiting the doctors, you’ll never know what information you’ll end up with after. His mother sat beside him as she explained that his doctor was still tending to a patient. They did come a bit earlier than the appointed time.

“Kim Hanbin?” A nurse called. Hanbin and his mother stood up and the nurse led them to one of the rooms. Hanbin can’t help but feel nervous, there’s a lot of possibilities. What if he’s dying? Or something of the sort and Hanbin hopes he isn’t because he still has a lot of dreams, he wanted to have a family, grow old and all that jazz. Hanbin’s mother grabbed his hand to assure him that everything’s alright and somehow Hanbin felt a bit better.

“Good morning.” The doctor, Hwang Jiyoon, exclaimed. She’s a woman in her 30s, looking quite younger than her age. Her hair is short and she has a charming eye smile that makes her patients at ease. She had been his mother’s friend ever since he was young so she wasn’t an unfamiliar face. Hanbin smiled timidly at her and the doctor and his mother exchanged greetings before finally asking Hanbin what’s wrong.

“So you’ve been vomiting, and it says here that you’ve gained weight…” She stated, looking at the file in her hands. 

“Do you often feel dizzy? Cravings, mood swings?” she asked and Hanbin nodded, telling her how he had been craving foods he doesn’t usually like eating. She wrote a few things on the file that he can’t really see and then stood up,

“Okay, I think we need to get your blood checked and…” Dr. Hwang stood up and showed him a cup she got on one of the drawers. “I want you to pee on the cup. Don’t worry, you’re fine I just wanted to make sure if my assumption is correct.” She explained.

Hanbin got more nervous, if that’s still possible. Having your urine checked means there’s a possibility that something might be really wrong with him and he doesn’t know if he would want to hear what it is. But he doesn’t really have much of a choice since he had to do it to find out why he hadn’t been feeling well the past few days. So he did what he was asked to do, he also had his blood checked which he would get the results of the next week. When Hanbin got back inside Dr. Hwang’s room, she and his mom were talking seriously and Hanbin gulped, wanting to get out of the clinic and just curl up in his bed.

“The blood test will be out next week and someone from the clinic will contact you once the results are out.” She started, she looked at Hanbin and smiled. “I had an assumption about what's happening so I had to check. We took your urine sample and had a pregnancy test. It’s not a 100% accurate since there still a huge possibility that you aren’t even if it turns out positive so we’ll--”

“Wait... wait, pregnancy test?” Hanbin interrupted, he can’t believe what he was hearing. Why would he be pregnant? He was the unbeatable single man, he had never been in a relationship. It doesn’t make sense. Make it make sense.

“You had the symptoms of someone who could be pregnant, that’s why I asked for a urine sample. It did come out positive but we’ll have to wait for the blood test to be sure or if you want I could schedule you for an ultrasound now so we can be 100% sure that you are.” Dr. Hwang said, rather brightly and Hanbin wanted to tear the smile off her face because he isn’t pregnant and he can’t be pregnant, that’s ridiculous.

“Is this a prank?” Hanbin asked, trying to tell himself that what she’s saying isn’t true. He couldn’t quite grasp the idea of him being pregnant. His mother looked at him, biting her lips out of worry and reaching for his hand,

“Hanbin, I know what you’re feeling but…” Hanbin blocked out whatever his mother was telling him. There are a lot of things running in his mind. What would happen now? To IKON? What would the others say? Most importantly, will CEO Yang be okay with this?

“I… I’m sorry but I…” Ha