Yoseob’s POV

 “August 6, 2009. Sunny.

 Dear diary,

                   I’M BACK! DID YOU MISS ME? I was actually hoping for a yes. But.. Nevermind ._.

The Japan showcase was successful! Pluses, Doojoon and Junhyung got to rap! Junhyung hyung. How weird. Writing hyung twice is wasting my pen ink. Aish! Anyway, he said it was like he gone back to those XING days. I’m pretty sure I wrote that down before. Sometime last year.. Oh well, I’ll waste more pen ink and repeat it. He was in XING previously with U-KISS’s Kevin and he was called Popping Dragon. How cool right? At least he got to debut once...

Sorry I digressed. I just wanted to tell you that the audition results will be out tomorrow. When I passed by the conference room earlier, I heard them debating about putting Dongwoon into a boy band. I knew it. He plays piano better than I do. I knew he was going to beat me to it. Now, another friend is gonna debut before me. I believe you can understand how sour I felt.”

“August 7, 2009. Sunny.

 RAWRRRRRR! GUESS WHAT PAL!?!?! I PASSED THE AUDITIONS!!!! I’M IN A 6 MEMBER BOY BAND WITH THE GUYS PLUS KIKI PLUS DONG WOON! AND WE'RE GONNA HAVE A DORM! FINALLY A PROPER SLEEPING PLACE TO CALL MINE!!!!!!!! CUBE’S CEO CAME DOWN AND TOLD ME US PERSONALLY! ARE YOU EXCITED? COS I AM! IT’S CELEBRATION TIME! BE RIGHT BACK!!!! :DDDDDDDDDD”

“August 8, 2009. Sunny.

Dear diary,

           I had a blast yesterday. Hope you were happy for me too, like how Daniel was. I could have sworn he nearly fainted when he received my call this morning. Hong papa says practice starts once our new song is completed. Until then, we’ll have a break. We'll get to enjoy and get used to one another in the new dorm.”

I looked at the wallpaper on my phone screen and smiled sweetly. “It won’t be long now. Wait for me.”

Just then, I received a text.

From: Hyunseung

Hong papa says we’ll be on MTV B2ST. It’s a documentary :D

From: Yoseob

But hyung, are you okay?

From: Hyunseung

Why?

From: Yoseob

Wouldn’t it remind you of BB documentary?

From: Yoseob

Well, it’s all in the past. You have us now. CHEER UP! :DDD

So it’s not a break afterall. The tedious journey starts all over again, I guess.

“August 18, 2009. Windy.

Dear diary,

           We moved. The new dorm wasn’t awesome, but it’s nice. Nicer than sleeping in the practice rooms and saunas right? The thought of it gives me shivers.

Today, I saw her on TV. She was singing ‘Letter to You’. But she wasn’t alone. It was a duet with Eunhyuk.. When I saw her, I was smiling. When Eunhyuk came out, I got fidgety. Their hands touch. Somewhere in mid-. And I didn’t like it. I don’t know why.

I always liked her as a fan. But something just doesn’t feel right. And I don’t know why anymore. We’ve got a singing and dancing mission for the past and this week and the deadline is coming soon. I want to win. You should really know me, pal. I hated losing. Ever since I was young. Well in your case, ever since I started writing on you. Taking into account that I changed diaries.. Back to the point. I really should be brainstorming ideas for that latest mission instead of worrying about my idol touching another guy’s hand.

I think too much. That’s what all the guys said.”

“Seobbie, time for dinner!”

“Who made dinner?”

“I did. Why?” Doojoon asked suspiciously.

“Nothing.” I shrugged. “As long as it’s not Hyunseung, it’s cool,” I mumbled to myself.

“August 23, 2009. Windy.

Dear diary,

           Today was the pilot broadcast of MTV B2ST documentary. It was exciting. It showed our Japanese showcase and auditions. But our parts were skipped. Probably because we were shown a lot already, during Kiki’s showcase. Only Dongwoon’s audition parts was shown. I was sad. Momentarily ):

And did I mention that Doojoon is our leader? I guessed he is because he’s the oldest and seemingly the most responsible amongst us. I hope he won’t do stuff to make me strike those sentences off. Hmm..

The documentary basically reminded me of how I spent my time for the past one and a half weeks. We had lessons with a foreign teacher. He was really good and taught me many things I have not learnt before. The interview reminded me of my past. Where there were a lot of events that happened and tore my heart into pieces. It’s too personal to write it down. I’m afraid someone would see it. I’d rather keep it all in my heart.

To make matters worse, I couldn’t say I was tired. Saying it aloud would only make people think that I’m weak and useless. I didn’t want pity from others and I didn’t want my parents and elder sister to worry about me. So I chose the easy way out – to hide in my blankets and bawl my eyes out. But now is the time for me to shine. And I will.

Actually what people don't know is that i always look at her photos when i'm feeling sad and demoralised nowadays. Well, maybe ever since her 'Missing Child' debut? I don't know why i do it, but it sort of makes me happy, looking at her smile. Shhh. Only U and I [A/N: Hidden meaning LOL *wink wink*] know this. Even Yojin and Daniel doesn't know. We'll keep it as a secret, shall we?”

{Did you know? Yojin is the maternal cousin of Yoseob,

who's rumoured to be his girlfriend, and they're really close.}