warning; swearing // typos

Jinyoung seemed to be so shocked from everything that he just heard. His brain went blank, limbs felt numb and his heart heavily clung in his chest. Without making any further movement, Jinyoung noticed how Mark’s eyes begun to water. He had his fists clenched in a tight matter that his knuckles were close to getting white. Jinyoung wanted to run towards him, hug him, tell him everything and explain all his reasons but something’s stopping him; a feeling that he can’t translate into words.

Mark just allowed a tear roll down his left eye. He wasn’t trying to make himself look strong but he doesn’t want to look weak either. He’s being true to his feelings. He’s being honest with himself and to Jinyoung. Taking few steps backward, he tried to speak with his face now wet with fresh tears. “Jinyoung-ah! Why do you have to keep it from me!?” he said, frustrated.

"Let me explain, Mark! We don’t have to talk this way! Let’s talk about this properly. Please!" Jinyoung requested as he made his best to mouth out the right words. He can’t argue with Mark in this condition. Jinyoung has this characteristic of being a total weakling whenever he gets involved in an emotional fight. He can’t take the pain of seeing Mark like this; worn out and breaking down because of him. "Mark, please stop crying!" he added, trembling.

The elder ignored Jinyoung’s plea and closed his eyes, hoping to find a tiny chip of strength that might give him enough stability, but all the strength happened to be out from him. Jinyoung became is strength and now that they’re sailing through a rough river; he can’t help but to feel terrified. “Jinyoung! Tell me, am I a bad person? Am I a bad partner? I feel so worthless! Why do you have to shoulder everything all by yourself?!” he exclaimed with a very heart-clenching voice. He was gripping tightly on the hem of his shirt.

"If it’s about Ken and his mom, Mark I just don’t want to mess things up! I don’t want to create a chaos! Everyone in your family values each member’s existence, no matter how wonderful or dreadful they may be. I’m afraid to destroy the bond that was strengthened by time and memories."

"And you’re okay with that? You’re fine with the fact that they step on your dignity and make you feel like ?! They’ve been firing out inhuman things to make your life miserable and yet you’re just allowing them to do it? And if this family splits, the blame is on them! Not on you!"

The younger stopped for a second. Mark was never this brave. He’s the type of person that keeps everything all by himself and cry it all out in one blow. His words were never this powerful. Jinyoung remained silent, letting all the words sink deep until he’s completely bleeding and dithering. “I endured it. I had to endure it all. For you. For us.”

The tension was getting worse when Jinyoung finally shed a tear. He’s completely losing this argument. His heart would probably paralyze his brain again. Mark wanted to hug him, tell him that it’s okay and he’ll stay beside the boy to help, but the anger was too overwhelming; he can’t think straight. “For us? You know how much I love you, Jinyoung! I love you so much that it feels so bad to know that you’re being dragged down and degraded by other people. It hurts me too! Every time Ken calls you useless and other names, I want to beat the hell out of him but I —”

The younger sighed. “See? You even did the same, Mark! You did your best to cope up with their because you don’t want to ruin your family! We’re doing the same thing, so why do you have to blame me like I was the only one who’s keeping all in? ” he wasn’t able to remain calm. He’s already tired of being the one who’s at fault all the time.

Mark turned around and kicked a leg of his bed. He was about to combust due to the unfortunate turnout of this conversation. Not facing Jinyoung, he allowed all his tears to fall down. “I can always do something to protect you! You know that. I may not be that brave before but now, I’m willing to risk everything for you. I want you to be happy, I want us to be happy!”

"Aren’t we happy?" Jinyoung asked, moving closer to Mark.

"We were happy. Those times when you’re very honest and open to me. When we still got enough time for each other. When I thought this entire set up will never be too complicated."

Jinyoung’s breathing became irregular. Why is Mark talking like he’s starting to regret everything? “Am I the only one who’s working, Mark? Both of us are too busy with our own jobs. You know how much support Youngjae’s dreams and goals. I want to let him have a bright future and the life that he deserves. Why can’t you understand?”

Mark glanced at him. “You are killing yourself, Jinyoung. Your brother talked to me. He was crying his heart out, telling that you’re having a hard time to deal with everything that’s going on.” he muttered. “I told you I can help Youngjae regarding his tuition and other stuff. I insisted but you kept on declining. You would rather work 24/7 and make your brother worried.”

"Because people might say that I’m just using you!"

"Why do you have to listen to those people? They know nothing about us!"

The room went to a total silence. Neither talked back.  Jinyoung felt so guilty but he can’t accept the fact that Mark’s raising his pride and not trying to understand his feelings. “If it’s my fault, then fine. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not telling the truth. I was so scared; I don’t want to make another problem that might affect your work. I know you’re going through tough times in Daegu and I don’t want you to worry about me. I love you, Mark.” he said and automatically launched himself towards Mark for a hug. As much as Mark wanted to hug him back, something’s pulling him back. He’s still in pain. He felt betrayed. Mark was close to giving in when another thought hit him hard.

"You had fun with Jaebum last night? You’re not answering my calls."

Jinyoung pulled away and stared at Mark. “What the hell are you saying?”

Mark rolled his eyes. “I saw you last night. You two went out of the club together. I wanted to pick you up and take you here for a talk but you looked so happy with him. I chose not to bother.” he sarcastically declared. “Are you that easy?”

The younger furrowed his brows. He had enough. Mark just called him ‘easy’, which made him feel like a random cheap person. “Come on! We just had a good talk after my shift!”

"And what was that all about? He told you that he’s still in love with you? That he wants you back?!"

"Damn it, Mark!" Jinyoung shouted in annoyance. How can Mark be so insensitive? "Do you really want to know?!" he dared and Mark gazed at him, sharply. "He offered a job in Japan. That’s all!"

Mark’s expression softened. His eyes watered again and his heart clenched even more. A random image of Jinyoung leaving him alone flashed in his mind, he can never let that happen. “Don’t tell me you’re leaving?!” he weakly replied.

Jinyoung wiped his own tears and balled his fist. “I was thinking about it since last night. But I think I have an answer now.”

And Jinyoung walked out of the room, leaving Mark in a state that’s truly terrified and hesitant. He felt too devastated and he knew that he was responsible for making it happen. He made Jinyoung cry. He crushed Jinyoung’s heart. He was dreadful just like Ken and his mother. Mark hated himself in an instant, he hated so much that he wanted to disappear in this world completely.

The next morning, Mark woke up with tons of beer bottles scattered all over his bed. His head was too heavy, but his heart was heavier. Slowly, he tried to think. Comprehending with all the minimal details and finally understanding that he became a stupid, insensitive guy that made his boyfriend cry. We drunk all the beer that his father bought for special occasions. He’s too broke inside. Nothing can fix him, aside from Jinyoung of course.

He reached for his phone and decided to call his lover but before he could do, his father went inside his room. “Mark, your grandpa was rushed in the hospital!”

They all arrived in the hospital where the old man was diagnosed.  Mark immediately ran towards the room and checked his grandfather’s condition. He was unconsciously lying on the hospital bed some instruments plucked in him. He looked too weak. Mark cried. “Grandpa, its me. Wake up!” he whispered, gripping tightly on his hand.

A doctor entered and alongside with Mark’s father. “Doc, what happened?” Mark asked as he nervously prepared himself for what he’s about to hear. “The cancer cells were —”

Mark was taken aback. “Cancer cells? What do you mean? Grandpa has cancer?!” Mark intrigued with a shaking voice. He can’t imagine that this is happening because in the first place, this shouldn’t be happening.

His father looked down. “Sorry Mark. We weren’t able to tell it earlier. You grandpa asked us not to tell you about it. We don’t want you to worry. He’s already battling out with lung cancer since you were in college.”

Mark can’t feel any weaker at that point. Yesterday, it was Jinyoung who kept the truth from him and now, it’s his own family. The world betrayed him, again.

"You don’t want me to worry? Dad, I feel so stupid right now! I don’t understand why people enjoy hiding matters from me. Am I not worthy to be here in this world? I have feelings too! Jinyoung did the same and now it’s too late to mend things up. You kept this very serious issue from me and when are you planning to tell me the truth? When he’s already critical? When he’s dying? When it’s already time to say goodbye?"

Before his father could respond, Mark stormed out of the room with a heavy heart.

The sun was now down as Jinyoung was preparing his luggage when Youngjae came in his room. “Hyung…” Youngjae said, standing near the doorframe. Jinyoung reached for the last piece of shirt located on his bed and carefully folded it to fit in the remaining space. He looked back and saw his brother. His eyes were red and quite puffy. Jinyoung sighed and asked him to sit on the bed. “Why are you crying?” He asked, a hand on top of his brother’s knee.

“I’m sorry, hyung. I’m sorry for everything.”

Jinyoung sat beside him and hugged him tight. “You don’t have to be sorry, Youngjae. Everything happens for a reason, remember? Maybe this is really how Mark and I’s story goes. Now, all I want you to do is to study hard. Make me proud, make mom and dad proud. Stop thinking too much, okay? I’m doing this because I love you and I want you to fulfil your dreams.”

Youngjae nodded slowly and embraced his brother back. He was so lucky to have a brother like Jinyoung. “Do you really have to leave?” he sadly asked. Youngjae just can’t digest the fact that his brother has to leave for him. No matter how he begged, he’s pretty sure that Jinyoung will still leave. Living away from his brother was one of the hardest things that Youngjae had to deal with throughout the years. The elder pinched his cheek. “Just imagine that I’m in Jinhae. That’s not too far from here, right? And besides, you have Yugyeom here with you! I will call you every day, I promise!” he used the jolliest voice the he can ever make to make his brother feel lighter. It was undeniably painful to leave all his friends and love ones behind, but after all he needs to be strong.

“I’ll talk to Jaebum hyung and tell him to take good care of you.”

“You’ll do that?”

“Of course!”

And they chuckled. At the middle of everything, Jinyoung thought of making the time stop even just for a while. He wanted to pause everything and reflect on himself. He wanted to remember every detail of his conversation with Youngjae. He wanted to turn back the time, badly, to make everything straight, to make everything right. His brother suddenly stopped laughing and beamed widely.

Abruptly, the door opened. Yugyeom stood there like he was chased by a ghost; scared and nervous. Jinyoung saw the trembling of his hands. He’s still on his school uniform with his bag still hanging around his shoulder. “Jinyoung hyung!” He called. “The president of the Tuan Corporation was rushed in the hospital this morning!”

Grandpa. His own voice echoed in his brain. His eyes shot wide and instantly grabbed a coat. Without any word, he ran out of the unit and took a cab towards the hospital. Every time the cab would stop due to traffic, he can’t help but to think of Mark. He’s sure that the boy was having a difficult time dealing with all that’s happening. Jinyoung was afraid; not for himself but for the Tuan Family, especially for Mark.

Half an hour and he’s finally inside the hospital. It’s been years since his last visit in this awful place.  The image of crying people, the footsteps of the nurses & doctors running from side to side, the sounds of the machines and apparatuses; it’s just heart clenching. Jinyoung went to the information desk and asked about Mr Tuan’s room. “Room 443.” The nurse said. Not wasting any time, Jinyoung dashed upstairs, preferring to use the stairs because he’ll surely shove everyone inside the elevator due to the tension bottled inside him.

His feet landed on the 4^th floor. He searched for the room and found it after minutes of roaming around. He knocked and after hearing a low ‘come in’, he entered. The first thing that he saw was the old man, still unconscious. A doctor was making some tests; taking a small amount of his blood. The doctor left after a few seconds. Not knowing how to react, Jinyoung stood there quietly. The room was cold and no one, aside from him and Mr.Tuan was inside.

He walked closer to the bed and held the old man’s hand. “Grandpa! It’s me, your Jinyoungie.” He whispered as he felt himself cry. He’s too weak when it comes to the people that he values. “Well, I wasn’t expecting to see you in this state. You were always smiling and fooling around when we’re together but now, it seems like life has a different plan. I know you can hear me, grandpa. Please stay strong!” he mumbled as he held tighter. Jinyoung left afterwards. He planned to go to a chapel and pray for the man’s health. He was walking quietly along the empty hallway when he saw a familiar figure at the other end. He was sitting on the floor, hugging his knees and obviously, crying.

Jinyoung went closer.  “Mark –?”

The guy looked up and his guess was right; it was his boyfriend. Mark was startled. He wasn’t expecting to see Jinyoung in the first place. He was just sitting there, fully drained. Jinyoung took the initiative and lowered himself to hug Mark. The embrace was so tight, enough to make Mark feel that he’s still living. He loudly mourned on Jinyoung’s shoulder while the younger rubbed his back and kissed his head.

Mark is in pain but Jinyoung’s care lessens all the weight that he’s carrying. It’s like he found a person to share it with. For a few minutes, Jinyoung was just there, embracing Mark and allowing the boy to release all his sorrow. Mark’s arms were around his slender waist, holding him securely as his tears land on Jinyoung’s clothed shoulder. Jinyoung ruffled Mark’s hair and nuzzled onto it. “Everything’s going to be fine, Mark.”

"I’m scared. I don’t know what to do." Mark whispered between his sobs. He was clutching so tight on Jinyoung to prevent himself from falling apart. He can feel that his soul is starting to lose its motivation to live. Jinyoung kissed his temple and wiped his tears away. "You have to be strong."

Jinyoung helped Mark to stand up and they headed back to his grandfather’s room. They sat on a couch with their hands tightly clasped. Mark seemed to calm down a bit; his crying became lighter and his breathing was close to its normal rate again. He glanced at Jinyoung who was absentmindedly starting at the window. “Nyoung…” he said. The younger was drawn from his deep thoughts. He looked at Mark with a very blank expression.

"About yesterday, I’m really sorry. I was so stressed for the past few weeks. The pressure, the workload, the longing, everything is eating me up. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just hated the fact that you have to keep those issues from me. But now, I understand." he explained, wrapping an arm around Jinyoung to pull him closer and making his head rest on his shoulder.

Jinyoung shook his head and completely leaned on Mark. “I know. But let’s not talk about this now. Mark, you have to be brave.” Jinyoung adviced.

Mark nodded. “I’m so tired.”

"You better rest now." Jinyoung said, taking a small pillow and passing it to Mark. The elder took the pillow and placed it behind his head. "Stay with me, Nyoung." he begged as he saw his lover wearing his coat. Jinyoung just smiled and lay back on Mark’s shoulder. "Don’t go to Japan. Don’t leave me, please." the elder softly spoke while kissing Jinyoung’s forehead over and over again.

The younger was close to crying, he’s just trying his best to hold it back. He shouldn’t be obvious. “Sleep now, Mark” he ordered, snaking an arm around Mark’s body. “I love you.” he added with a trembling voice.

Mark cupped his cheeks and crashed their lips together. The kiss was filled with different feelings; it’s all that both them greatly needed. It was sweet and delicate at first but Jinyoung was no longer able to control himself. Their lips messily met each other and it immediately turned out to be a heated one. Jinyoung wanted to savor every moment of it. He wants to keep the feeling of Mark’s lips on top of his, Mark’s hands between his thighs and their hearts beating as one.

"I love you so much, Jinyoung."

And Mark decided to drift into slumber with Jinyoung resting on his shoulder.

Hours passed by, Mark woke up with his father sitting on the other side on the hospital room. His grandfather was still unconscious, but he heard that he’s getting a little bit better. He glanced at his side after realizing that the weight beside him was now gone. Jinyoung was no longer there. Maybe he went home already. He told himself. But he was having a different feeling. There’s something wrong. Mark reached for his phone and dialled Jinyoung’s number. Too bad, the line was busy. He tried again but he was rewarded with the same beeps.

The door opened, Jackson came in. He just got back from a seminar in Taiwan. He went straight to Mark’s dad. He asked a couple if questions before talking to Mark who’s obviously zoned out. “Dude —?”

"Yeah? "

"I saw Jinyoung at the airport. He’s with a guy."

And never in this world did Mark imagine that this would happen. It feels like he was pulled in a dark hole; his bones where getting weak, his breathing frequently stops and his heart was feeling all the types of pain that it could feel.

How can an angel hurt him this much?

An: hey guys~~ since I’ve been feeling quite down for the past days, this update turned out to be too angsty huhuhu sorry ^^v but I promise to lessen the level of angst in the coming chaps hehe. The lost brother will be revealed in the next chapter hehehehe leave your guess below J feel free to share your thoughts about this!! Till next time! Stay safe! Love y’all ♥☺