THIRTEEN

Meet me today at 1 PM. Same place J

                                    Seunghoon

Jinwoo get up, blinking his sleepiness as he read the message again. He can’t believe it. Seunghoon is asking him out, Seunghoon who’s been avoiding him all this time. The one who’s not even sparing him a glance, the one who gave him a cold shoulder. Seunghoon who always acts like he’s okay with everything when they both know he’s not. The man he hurts betrayed and loved.

He feels someone sits beside him and sees his brother, looking at his phone. His brother looks at him with sad eyes.

“Are you going to meet him?” Jinwoo shrugged, he doesn’t really want to go but maybe it’s time for them to face everything.

“You better get your thoughts together before meeting him.” Sunggyu patted his back before going to the shower.

Jinwoo just stare at the ceiling, pondering why Seunghoon ask him out. It’s too sudden and maybe Seunghoon wants him back, maybe he wants to start over. Maybe just maybe they will be back again. He can’t help but still hope for a second chance because he knows deep inside him he still love Seunghoon. Seunghoon will always be his first love, first kiss, his first in everything.

He’s about to reply to Seunghoon when his phone rings, a message from Mino.

-Do you want to go out today?

                    -Sorry I already have plans J

          I heard your brother is there. Are you going somewhere?

-I’m meeting with Seunghoon.

Mino doesn’t reply and Jinwoo already expected the knock he heard after a minute. He opened the door and saw Mino panting so hard.

“Did you just run-”

“Why are you meeting with him?” Mino cut him, breathing still ragged.

“He asked me out?” Mino then pulled him in a bruising kissed, all teeth and tongue and Jinwoo tried to push him off but Mino is just stronger than him.

“Please hyung don’t.” Mino pleads, eyes reddening from the unshed tears.

“But Mino-”

“What if he wants you back? What if he wants you to start over?”

“Then let them.” A voice makes them pulled apart. Sunggyu is there standing at the bathroom door, looking at them.

“Are you Mino?” He asked with scrutinizing eyes to Mino, the latter nods, looking between the brothers.

“If they choose to be together again let them, learn to accept things and grow up.” He snaps before he dragged Jinwoo inside the bathroom.

Mino can’t come up with anything to say back. He was left there speechless. Why everybody wants Seunghoon and Jinwoo together? Why can’t they like him? Is what he does really unforgivable? But Jinwoo is happy with him? Isn’t he?

“What were you thinking? Why would you say to him that you’re going to meet Hoon?” Sunggyu asked Jinwoo once they entered the bathroom.

“Hyung it’s just that.” Jinwoo shrugs picking his towel to take a shower. He really need some time to think before he faces Seunghoon later.

“Do you love him?” Seunggyu asked.

On the other side

Seungyoon feels like he’s in a courtroom ready to confess his sin. The sin he made with the beautiful brother of the man sitting across him. He feels like he’s being skinned alive with the way Taehyun brother eyes him. He wants to introduce himself but he feels so small under those gaze and Taehyun not saying anything isn’t helping him.

Taehyun has called him saying that his brother wants to talk to him. His brother that just caught them making out yesterday.  He wants to say no but he wants to be official to Taehyun’s family so he mustered all his remaining confidence and now here they are sitting at one of the restaurant outside the school with Taehyun sitting beside him.

“So you’re Seungyoon?” Woohyun asked hands playing at the edge of the table, picking the fruit salad fork, spinning it.  Seungyoon has to swallow the lump on his throat before he nods.

“Hyung you’re frightening him.” Taehyun squeeze Seungyoon hand under the table. He can feel his hands sweating and he can’t help but laugh mentally because his always so confident boyfriend is now shivering from fear.

“Am I?” Woohyun quirks his eyebrow and Seungyoon release a ‘no’ with a nervous laugh.

“See?” Woohyun looks at his younger brother whose smiling so wide revealing all his gums. “So how long have you been dating?”

“Hyung I answered that last night.”

“I’m not talking to you.” The older glares at his brother and sickening smile at Seungyoon.

“It’s been three months.”

“And you already defiled my brother?” Woohyun tries not to be so loud but it’s louder that he expected and the people around them give them a judging look.

“Hyung!” Taehyun eyes look threatening and Woohyun composed himself before turning back his attention to his brother’s boyfriend.

“So? Isn’t it too early for that?”

“Ahhmm--” Seungyoon bites his lips. How can he answer such question?

Woohyun is having a hard time to control his laugh. He can’t help but feel bad with what he’s doing. Taehyun asked him to scare his boyfriend. He said it’s just for fun and he can see that his brother is enjoying it too much.

“Do you love my brother?” He asked after a minute or two.

“Of course.” Seungyoon answered confidently looking at Taehyun with loving eyes.

“Will you marry him then?”

Seungyoon choked at the question. Marry? Isn’t it too early? They are just teens who are helplessly in love. They are too young to think about that.

“Isn’t it too early for that?”

“But I thought you love him?”

“I do but -”

“But?”

Taehyun burst out laughing he can’t contain it anymore. Seungyoon has been shaking and gripping his hand so tight it turns white. He also feels Seungyoon nudging his foot asking for help.

“What?” Seungyoon look at his boyfriend who’s laughing along with his brother.

“You’re so funny.” Taehyun mumbles between his laughs.

“What?”

Woohyun patted his shoulder, trying so hard to stop his laughs.

“It’s okay.” Woohyun said.

“What okay?” Seungyoon asked still dumbfounded at why the brothers just laugh all of a sudden when he’s having a mental breakdown from the older questions.

“You’re too stiff and nervous. Relax.” Taehyun said still giggling. He then pressed his lips to Seungyoon’s. Seungyoon jerked back he look at Woohyun who’s smiling at them.

“It’s okay. We already talked last night.” He said and Seungyoon kissed the pouting lips of his boyfriend.

“Just don’t hurt him or else.” Woohyun threatened, hands gripping the fork he’s using.

“I won’t. Promise.”

“Don’t promise. Welcome to the family” Woohyun said and he get back to his food. Not minding the couple in front of him that’s feeding each other.

“Are you sure about this?” Sunggyu asked as he led Jinwoo to the café where he will meet with Seunghoon. Jinwoo nods giving him an assuring smile. He already made his decision and he knows he can’t back out now. He made up his mind he just wish it’s the right thing.

He walks inside the café and saw Seunghoon sitting at their usual sit. His back facing him and he’s wearing Jinwoo’s favourite shirt of him.

“Hoo-”

“Baby” Seunghoon cuts him and he froze on his trail when he realized what Seunghoon just said. ‘Baby’ the one they used when they are dating.

“Ho-”

“Baby you’re late. I’ve been waiting for thirty minutes here.” He said guiding Jinwoo his seat.

“Hoon wh-” Seunghoon puts a finger on his lips and smile lovingly at him. He can tell that’s he’s faking the smile, that’s he’s trying his best because his smile doesn’t reach his ears. It’s not the sweet smile the other always gives him.

“Baby what do you want to do today? Should we go to the amusement park? You told me you want to have a date there one day. Why don’t we do that today?” and before Jinwoo process his words Seunghoon’s already dragging him outside the café.

They wait for the bus at the bus stop, hands intertwined together. Jinwoo can’t even utter a single word. Every time he tried to talk Seunghoon will stops him, its either he will change the topic or he will act like he’s hearing nothing.

They ride the bus in complete silence, Seunghoon’s head resting on his shoulder while his hands were playing with his fingers. It’s a perfectly normal thing for them to do but it feels so awkward right now for Jinwoo because he doesn’t get what he Seunghoon is playing. They are only four of them inside the bus, a two student sitting a three seat away from them.

He glances at the window watching as tall buildings and people passed by them. Seunghoon kissed his fingers one by one and he tries so hard not to pull it back.

“Do you miss me?” Seunghoon asked him but he doesn’t look away from their intertwined hands.

“I do.” He said eyes still watching the outside of the bus.

“It doesn’t sound sincere.” Seunghoon lets out a bitter laugh and Jinwoo looked at him.

“I really do miss yo-” before he completes his words he hears his phone ring. He picked his phone in his pocket but before he opens the message Seunghoon grabs it and he turn his head to get it back but Seunghoon just kissed him. He froze when he feel the familiar lips tracing his own.

Seunghoon tilted his head, opening his eyes as he reads the message. It’s from Mino.

          Where are you right now? Please leave him now. Don’t talk to him.

He deleted it before he breaks the kiss. He gives it back to Jinwoo. Jinwoo opens it but found nothing.  He looked at Seunghoon who goes back at resting his head to his shoulder.

“Why do you delete it?” He asked and Seunghoon just hums his response.

“Seunghoon”

“Baby, Call me baby.” Seunghoon said eyes locked on him.

“But-” Seunghoon pecks him.

“Please call me baby.” He pleads face buried on Jinwoo’s shoulder.

“Baby” he whispers and he can feel Seunghoon smile.

They arrived at the amusement park and Jinwoo forgot everything running on his mind. Seunghoon called him baby every second and Jinwoo feel so guilty. Seunghoon is obviously trying his hardest to make this day special but he just can’t play along. He awkwardly calls him baby because the other just won’t respond every time he called him by his name.

Seunghoon buys him a deer headband and he buys himself a lion one. They walk around wearing that, hands swinging in between their body. He wants to ride some scary rides but he knows Seunghoon is such a scaredy-cat so he doesn’t force it. But Seunghoon drags him to the haunted house and protected him even though he can feel his body shaking.

They also eat a lot, as in a lot. Seunghoon buys him every food he locks eyes with. He can’t digest all of them but Seunghoon just keep on shoving them to him so he’s really full when they went back to the campus.

They sat at the bench outside the dorm, panting as Jinwoo forced them to walk because he just ate a lot.

“That was fun.” Seunghoon said hand wraps around Jinwoo’s shoulder.

“Seunghoon”

“Ssshhhh” Seunghoon turns Jinwoo’s head to face him and capture his lips. Jinwoo kissed him back but it’s not the same anymore. It doesn’t feel the same; the old Jinwoo will kiss him with his heart not just with his lips.

Jinwoo pulled back eyes already tearing up.

“Do you love him?” Seunghoon asked the same question his brother asked him this morning and he knows he should give the same answer.

“I do.” He said eyes looking everywhere except to Seunghoon’s.

“Are you happy with him?” Seunghoon cups Jinwoo’s face making him look him in the eye.

“Yes.” Jinwoo answer gnawing in his bottom lips.

“He came to me yesterday, asking for me to clear everything between us so he can have you.”

“He did that?”

“He really loves you.” Seunghoon said bitterly, fighting back the tears that are ready to fall.

“You know what I’m still mad at you.” He continues as he let go of Jinwoo, sitting straight next to him, playing in the hems of his shirt.

“I still love you so much and its killing me not being by your side. It’s killing me every time I see you together. It’s killing me that you’re smiling and laughing with him because that should be me. It should be me making you happy not him. I should be the one helping you get up when you drop your grades. I should be the one cheering on you every time you swim. I should be the one taking care of you when you are sick. I should be the one giving you strength, holding you, touching you, feeling you, kissing you, and making love to you. I should be the one you love not him. But how can I be that one when you choose him, when it’s so clear that you love him. I can’t help but be mad at you. Why do you have to be so weak? Why can’t you fight? Why you let him ruined us? But then I get mad at myself. Why I didn’t stop you? Why I let you even though I know it from the start. Why I didn’t fight for you? Why I let you go when I know I’m the one you love. When I know that you will go back to me once I told you that it’s okay. Why?”

Seunghoon tears falls as he said those words and Jinwoo wipes it. He hugs Seunghoon wanting to comfort him. He wants to say a lot but he can’t. He knows he will only hurt him more if he says a word.

“I’m sorry Seunghoon. I’m so sorry. It’s not your fault.” Jinwoo said between his sobs.

“I guess this is the end of our love story” he said before he stood up walking away from crying Jinwoo.

i'm sorry :(