Story Title: Gangster Princess
Reviewer: NorthMelon
Author: Terrachipzx

FIRST IMPRESSION

How effective was the title?

"Gangster Princess" doesn't really sound interesting to me. This is just my biased opinion since I'm not a huge fan of the word "gangster" itself so it didn't strike me as anything interesting. 
However, on a not-as-biased point of view, I like how "gangster" and "princess" kind of contradict each other and being put in one title has made this sound interesting in a way. 

Poster and BG layout? (Only if you have one. If you don't have one, you will not be assessed on it)

The poster and layout has set more of a gloomy mood for me. Well, not entirely gloomy but more of a feel like when you were to walk down an old, rugged street where all the gangs hang out. Like, that kind of unsafe, mysterious feeling. I don't know if that's what you were going for but that's what I'm getting out of it. 

Foreword and description: Did it draw me into wanting to read more?

It was actually quite interesting. I really liked how you hinted here and there and gave your readers a sneak peek into the story. I will say one thing though, credits and such should all be at the end of your foreword and not in your description. It kinda looks as if you randomly stuffed it there and as your readers are getting hooked with your description, the sudden credits are a little misleading. Also, you put there banners there as well so that kind of took my attention away when I first clicked into the page rather then averting my attention to your story poster and description.

STORY

How was the plot laid out?

There isn't a plot yet so far but I like how you were able to casually bring in the fact that Kaya was a gangster hiding as a celebrity fact. That was well done.

How was the pacing of the story? Was it draggy or was it rushed through? 

So far, it has been pretty good. But since you've only gotten one chapter and two prologues done, I can't really make any further comments.

Was the characterization consistent?

The characterization is consistent so far. But like I said, since it's still early in the story, Ican't make any judgements yet.

Was the story flow fluent? Was it choppy or was it smooth?

It's okay so far.

How did you organize your events? Was it in order or was it all over the place?

The organization is pretty good so far. Nothing confusing.

How effective was the ending of each chapter? Did it leave me wanting to read more?

Your endings are quite good. It left quite a cliffhanger for me so good job on your part.
 

MECHANICS

Grammar and Spelling?

I must say, your writing is actually pretty good. Your story is pretty well written. You do leave out some "s"'s once in a while and you mix up your tenses sometimes but they're all so minor. I must give you a hand. I haven't seen many with such good writing on AFF. Just look over your work and read aloud to yourself. It helps with revision. But other than that, well done! I am very picky with grammar normally but you have truly impressed me this time.

Use of Transition Words? (It helps with the flow from paragraph to paragraph so it doesn't seem choppy)

Very good. No problems here.

How did I like it overall? Further Comments?

I am honestly surprised as to how well written this story is. You have talent my friend. Besides that, I like your idea of how this celebrity is actually the daughter of a mafia leader. Your idea is very interesting and I would really like it if you continued it. I also like how you incorporated quite a bit of comedy in there. Great work!

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